I entered the hotel bar and saw Maddox sitting alone. It was a strange image, a very powerful man sitting alone by the window with a glass of water in front of him. The man never drank…at least not in public.
I walked through the sea of empty tables until I reached the small table up against the window. The Tuscan Rose was more overrun with shady characters than it had ever been, and if Sofia could see it, she would turn pale as milk.
I sat across from him and watched him look out the window. He seemed to be observing a group of girls walking by, holding bags of designer clothes as they ambled off together. His eyes studied them closely, like a cat stalking prey. His intentions didn’t seem sexual…they didn’t seem anything.
We hadn’t spoken since the night he’d saved my life. After that happened, I worked on my own projects and took care of business from a distance. His kindness pushed me further away than his evilness ever did.
The waitress came over and brought me a glass of scotch before she disappeared.
Maddox slowly turned his gaze on me, his expression deflated. His shoulders slumped with fatigue, and he seemed to be in a solemn mood. He wore his heart on his sleeve, and his emotions were very theatrical. When he was mad, he was really mad. When he was happy, he practically giggled. And right now, he seemed down.
I refused to ask him about his feelings. That implied I cared…and I didn’t. “I need to leave for a few weeks.”
After I spoke the words, Maddox gave me his full attention. He looked at me with crystal-blue eyes, eyes so bright they made the sky look black. Whenever he stared at me, he always seemed mesmerized, like he’d never really looked at me before. “Where?”
I hated answering to anyone. I wasn’t going to start now. “Doesn’t matter.”
Maddox grabbed his water and took a drink. Instead of taking a sip like most people, he chugged half of it, like he’d just run a marathon. He set it down again with a heavy thud. “It matters to me.”
“Personal reasons. Leave it at that.”
“If it’s personal, then you confide it to me. That’s what friends do, right?”
If only I had the audacity to grab a butter knife and shank it up his rib cage. “I’ll confide in you when you confide in me.” He never shared anything with me, not that I ever asked. I’d made the statement just to prove a point and get him to leave it alone.
“Alright.” He rested his elbows on the table and leaned forward, regarding me like a lover instead of a partner. “You killed your father, right?”
The blood slowly drained from my face.
“I killed my mother.”
I didn’t ask for the details because I assumed they were disturbing. There was an innate creepiness in the air around us, like his mother’s wounded spirit had entered the room to haunt him. But evil couldn’t be haunted.
“I feel so much closer to you now.” He said the words matter-of-factly, but there was a slight hint of threat to his tone. “Now, will you answer me?”
Out of principle, I refused to.
“I assume you intend to spend your vacation time with your new son in Rome. I suppose that’s fine. If something comes up, I’ll let you know.”
I shouldn’t be surprised he knew that information, but I still felt violated by it. This man knew everything about me. He probably kept tabs on me when I was off the clock. Every time I visited Sofia, he knew about it. He probably even knew I fucked her too.
He tapped his fingers against the table as if he were playing a song. But the music was chaotic and unpredictable. If anything, it just sounded like noise. Is that what he heard inside his brain every day? Noise?
“Aren’t you going to thank me for saving your life?”
“I don’t understand why you did.”
His fingers stopped drumming. “I think it’s obvious. And I would hope you would do the same for me.”
I couldn’t stop myself from shaking my head.
“When are you going to leave the past behind you? Hades, it’s time to move on. We’re partners now.”
“No, I’m a hostage.”
Maddox smiled like it was impossible to take me seriously. “You should look up the meaning of hostage because you clearly don’t understand it. None of your rights have been revoked. You are paid handsomely. And you are protected.”
He made it sound like I’d won the lottery. “Why did you save me?”
He cocked his head slightly.
“Why?”
His eyes narrowed.
“Answer me.”
He leaned forward again and dropped his voice to a whisper. “Would you rather me not save you?”
“Yes.”
He slowly leaned back, his body sagging with devastation. The pain entered his eyes, and it was the first time he actually seemed wounded. Up until that point, he’d seemed invincible. But something about my words hit him right in the heart.
He rose from his chair and didn’t look at me again. He slowly moved through the tables and exited the restaurant. He didn’t come back for me. And a moment later, I saw him walk past the windows, his hands in his front pockets…like he was just another person on the street.
I stood on her front doorstep and waited for her to come to the entryway. I was in jeans and a t-shirt, surprised summer had come so soon. Last summer, I married Sofia. That felt like a lifetime ago. I still remembered the way she looked in her wedding dress… I remembered taking it off when we came home.
My marriage didn’t last long, but it was happy for its duration.
Sofia opened the door wearing a blue dress that fit her comfortably. Her hair was thick and curled, and even though she looked beautiful, she clearly looked distressed. Her stomach was considerably bigger than the last time I saw her. “Hey…”
Maybe when she looked in the mirror, she saw a large pregnant woman who wasn’t the least bit arousing, but I saw something completely different. I saw a woman doing the sexiest thing in the world…giving birth to a son.
When she’d made a comment about me being with strippers and whores, it offended me because she didn’t understand the depth of my feelings. Maybe they were thinner than she was, but they certainly weren’t as pretty. Being with them would just make me lonely and depressed. This long venture into celibacy wasn’t a good solution, but I didn’t know what else to do.
I couldn’t be with anyone else.
She opened the door wider, and she stepped aside. “Come in.”
I moved inside, but I hoped I wouldn’t run into her mother. The last time I saw her, it was awkward. I suspected an awkward conversation was about to follow, but when I stepped inside the house, it seemed quiet. Now that I was with Sofia, I didn’t know what to do. It felt strange to go to her bedroom, but it felt odd to leave the house when she was so obviously uncomfortable. I stayed quiet and let her decide.
“Where are your bags?”
“I already checked in to the hotel.”
Her eyes slowly fell with sadness. “Oh…”
I didn’t want to repeat what happened last time. It had felt good in the moment, but afterward, I’d felt like shit. I was sure she felt the same way.
“You want to go to dinner?”
She stared at me blankly like she hadn’t heard a word I said. “I don’t want you staying at the hotel.”
I’d hoped this argument wouldn’t come up, but she seemed adamant about having it. “I think it’s more appropriate.”
“I don’t want appropriate. I want you beside me every night so you can feel your son kick and move. And I want to make sure we’re together when he comes. When my water breaks, I want you there for that. I don’t want to be sleeping alone when the biggest event of my life happens.”
I watched the emotion in her eyes and felt powerless to resist it. She didn’t just want me for sex. She wanted us to be a family before the third member arrived. But there was no way I could sleep beside her without taking off my clothes and making love to her between the sheets.
It sounded like a nice picture…until I had to go home and be alone.
“So, you can stay here, or I can stay there. What’s it gonna be?”
When she got like this, I knew there was no arguing. Besides, I didn’t want to upset her when she was already so big, she was about to blow. I wanted her to be calm and relaxed, and if I was what made her calm, then so be it. “Alright.”
She visibly relaxed.
“But what about your mom?”
“What about her?”
“You don’t think that’s awkward?”
“I don’t care if it’s awkward. She lives with me, I don’t live with her. So, she can deal with it.”
I’d prefer if we had more privacy, but Sofia probably would be more comfortable here than at the hotel, so I dropped my reservations. “Alright. I’ll get my stuff, and I’ll be back.”
“Good.” She walked to the front door and opened it again. “Hurry.”
With my bag over my shoulder, I returned to the front door with hesitation in my veins. I knew I shouldn’t do this, but I couldn’t walk away either. When I got sucked into this beautiful connection again, it would just make it a million times harder to go back to my broken life. A few weeks of bliss would pass quickly, and then I would be back with Maddox, sitting across from him and trying to understand who he really was. That was my life now. This was just a glimpse…a dream of what I could have if things were different.
If I were a better man.
The door opened, and Sofia stood there, her eyes immediately going to my bag to make sure I’d followed directions. When it was clear I’d obeyed, she stepped aside and let me in.
I entered her large home and noticed all the old furniture that used to be in her house back in Florence before we got married. It was a nice place, just a little closer to the street than I would prefer. But it was near her work and a good school, so it was a nice spot for Andrew.
Sofia shut the door behind me then faced me. “Thank you.”
She had no idea what I was about to put myself through. If she really understood the depth of this torture, she would never ask such a thing. I’d never considered telling her the truth about the gypsy and the curse. It seemed too ridiculous. But sometimes, I wanted to cave…and hope she would believe me.
Just when we were about to take the stairs, Maria appeared in the hallway. Her eyes moved quickly, spotting the bag in my hand and the tense expression on my face. A smile immediately emerged, and she moved toward me with genuine affection in her eyes. She was always kind to me, even a little clingy, so I knew her enthusiasm was real. “Hades, it’s so nice to see you.” She moved into my chest and hugged me, held me the way a mother held a child. There was a tight squeeze, and when she pulled away, that smile was still there. “I hope you’ll be staying with us for a while.”
She’d annoyed me in the past because she smothered me with her attention, but seeing her was actually nice…made me feel less lonely. “I’ll be here until Andrew gets here. Don’t want to miss anything.”
Her eyes softened. “You’re going to be a good father.” She squeezed my arm before she excused herself.
Sofia watched her go before she turned back to me.
I knew we were having a son together, but it hit me hard that we were having a baby. I was about to be a father. I was about to be in charge of a whole other being. It wasn’t just a son, but a boy who would be named after me.
Now, I felt so ashamed that I’d ever taken out the revolver.
What kind of man was I?
Sofia studied my gaze. “Are you okay?”
Not in the least. Just a few weeks ago, I’d considered suicide. But if I didn’t take that way out, what choice did I have? I would be tortured every day until I was lucky enough to leave this earth. I wanted to be there for my son always…but could I?
“Hades?”
My eyes flicked back to hers. “Yeah…just excited for Andrew.”
The last time I was in her bedroom, we were naked and doing what we did best. I hadn’t had the opportunity to appreciate her bedroom, to notice her things in the space. There were paintings on the wall and a couple necklaces on the dresser. I carried my bag inside and put it on the armchair near the window.
Sofia came in behind me. She was in a loose dress with her hair done and her stomach stuck out so far that nothing she wore could hide it. “Are you hungry? I can make you something.”
I’d skipped dinner, but I wasn’t hungry. “You never have to make me anything.” I looked out the window and admired the nighttime view before I turned around and faced her again. “I should be taking care of you.”
Her hand moved over her stomach as her eyes softened. “This is the man that I miss…”
Things had been heated between us. Resentment bottled into rage. I never truly forgave her for leaving me, even though it was the right thing to do. I probably would’ve continued to be angry with her…until she put her lips on mine and forced me to buckle. “Don’t expect me to be this way all the time.”
“Why not?”
Because I was a bitter, angry, and sad man. “Because things change.”
She held my gaze for a long time, the frustration slowly coming to the surface. Her hand slid from her belly and returned to her side. “Some things never change.”
I didn’t want to warn her of the things to come. This was the last time we would be together like this. Once Andrew was here, we would move on with our lives. We would drift apart. She’d fall in love with someone else…and I’d spend my nights with women I would quickly forget. This was the last time I would feel truly alive, the last time I’d want to be alive. I appreciated her faith in me, but it was misplaced. “I’m gonna get in the shower.”
She seemed taken aback by the change in subject, but she didn’t protest. “There are already fresh towels in there. Let me know if you need anything.” She drifted away to give me privacy.
I got under the warm water and let the day’s travel wash away. The smell of her shampoo and soaps was identical to her scent. I admired her loofa, the bar of soap she used on her perfect body, and even the razor she used to shave her sexy legs. To anyone else, they were just items that sat in the shower. But to me, they reminded me of what I lost. I used to see these things every day of my life. They were a part of marital bliss, sharing my space with hers.
Now all those things were gone.
My shower consisted of shampoo and body wash. That was it. Back to a simple bachelor life.
I took the longest shower of my life, letting the warm water drip down my body and wash away the stress and pain. When I returned to the bedroom, the most beautiful woman in the world would be waiting for me. But it was just a mirage, an oasis in a desert. It wasn’t real. It was temporary. Everything that would happen at night would quickly turn to old memories.
Maybe I should tell her how hard this was for me…so she would let me leave.
But I didn’t want to go either.
After my shower, I stepped out of the bathroom in a new pair of boxers. Sofia was in bed, reading a book on her large stomach. She was in a nightgown with her makeup gone. It was just the way it used to be…like we were married again.
There was a small table near her balcony doors, and on the surface was a plate of dinner along with a small vase of flowers. The food was covered with clear plastic, and the steam from the food was fogging the covering. It was chicken with rice and vegetables, probably her mother’s cooking, but touching nonetheless.
Fuck, I missed being married.
Even though I wasn’t that hungry, I sat at the table and ate the food she’d placed there for me. I should look out the window and admire the view, but my eyes kept shifting to the woman in bed. To any other man, she was just some pregnant woman reading a book. But to me, she was the most desirable woman on the planet. From her dark hair to her beautiful fair skin, she was perfect. She had a faint glow that radiated from the boy inside of her. Her full lips were softer than a cloud, and they fit in her perfect face like God put them there himself. I absentmindedly ate my food while I studied every single aspect of her face, committing it to memory as if I didn’t already have a million pictures of her on my phone, pictures that I stared at in my darkest hours. I could be sitting in the back seat of a car waiting for our enemies to arrive, and my phone would be pulled out with my favorite picture on the screen. The sight of her face gave me a reason to keep going…even if she would never be mine again.
She must have finally noticed my stare, because she turned my way.
Ordinarily, I wouldn’t have averted my gaze because I didn’t give a shit if I was caught. But now, it seemed inappropriate, to stare at her like a man stupidly in love with his woman. She wasn’t mine anymore…and she wouldn’t be again.
She set her book on her lap. “How’s your dinner?”
I finished chewing before I answered. “Good.” I couldn’t really taste the food because I wasn’t paying attention. I never appreciated my meals anyway, because they were flooded with scotch.
“My mom’s not a bad cook, huh?”
I shrugged. “She won’t take Helena’s job, but she’s good.”
Sofia chuckled. “I miss that woman. My mom tried to cook like her…doesn’t work.”
“You want her?”
Sofia’s eyebrows rose off her face. “What?” she asked with a laugh.
“Well, you can have her if you want her.” Sofia could have anything that she wanted.
“I’d love that, but she’s yours. I’ll find my own Helena.”
We’d been divorced for months, but comments like that still killed me. Still ripped open old wounds. My hand ached like I’d just gripped a pen too tightly and signed our divorce papers. My heart bled the same as the night she told me she was going to leave. I was stuck in a time vortex. Months passed for everyone else, but for me, everything stayed the same. I couldn’t bed another woman because it felt like I was cheating on my wife.
Even though I didn’t have a wife.
So I was jerking off like a fucking teenager.
I’d killed my father and committed other horrendous crimes…but did I deserve this?
I finished my plate and left the dishes behind. I continued to sit in the chair because I knew what would happen the second I got into bed. I dreamed about that moment, but I also dreaded it. “I can take these dishes downstairs and wash them.”
“Nonsense. I’ll carry them downstairs next time I go down.”
“No, I will.” I stacked the dishes and covered them with my linen napkin so it wouldn’t make the bedroom smell like room service in a hotel. I rose to my feet and walked to my side of the bed. My phone was placed on the nightstand, along with my watch. It was just the way I had it at home. My watch used to be tucked into my dresser because I chose a new one every day, but since Sofia gave that one to me, I didn’t have the heart to ever change it. I still remembered the moment she gave it to me so vividly. In that instant, my life changed forever. I got everything I ever wanted, and I was happy. I wasn’t happy anymore, but I continued to wear it…because the memory was strong enough to lift my sorrow sometimes. I wasn’t sure I would be able to wear it once she remarried. Knowing she’d told another man she loved him would just make it too difficult.
“Are you alright?”
I didn’t realize I’d been staring at the nightstand for over a minute now. I couldn’t live in the moment with her because I was constantly dragged into the past and the future. I turned to her then finally got into bed without answering her question. I turned off the bedside lamp and let the room descend into darkness.
She closed her book and set it on her nightstand before she got comfortable beside me. She didn’t reach out and touch me, keeping her hands to herself.
I lay on my back with my hands on my stomach, my blood running hot because I knew she was right beside me. In a nightdress with her long hair falling to my fingertips, she represented the strongest kind of temptation. She was practically a sack of a billion euro…and I forced myself not to take it.
“Come here,” she whispered in the darkness. She beckoned to me with the beautiful sound of her voice. It was intoxicating in tone and affection.
I tried to resist as long as I could, but I knew how this would end. What was the point in fighting? I turned on my side and faced her, getting a jolt of pain when I saw how beautiful she was with her cheek to the pillow. With her hair flowing around her, she looked angelic.
Her dress was pulled up to her chest so her belly was visible. The swell of her stomach was so enticing, the way her natural arch deepened because her weight distribution had changed. There were stretch marks below her belly button, but even those were sexy. “Touch me.”
I hadn’t felt my son as much as I would’ve liked. Being apart for months had denied me the luxury. I couldn’t resist the offer now, so I placed my hand over her large stomach and noticed the distinct hardness, the vibration of life underneath my palm. It was a riveting experience, but it also made hair stand up on the back of my neck, made me so hard that my boxers barely fit. I couldn’t explain my powerful attraction. She’d been my wife when she was petite, curvy, and fitting into a size zero with no struggle. She was a million times sexier like this, with this belly sticking out from her frame. The words left my lips entirely on their own. “You are so sexy, baby…” I stared at my large palm as it rested on top of her. I was a big man, but even my large hand couldn’t cover her entirely. My eyes drifted back to hers to see her reaction to my bold confession.
She used to be so confident, but now she was timid with self-doubt. She dropped her gaze for an instant because she didn’t have the fire to hold my look. “I have stretch marks now. I’ll probably always have them.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“My skin isn’t perfect anymore.”
“I think it is perfect. Now you have scars, and scars are sexy. Men go to war, and they’re proud of the permanent changes to their bodies. Women like men who’ve seen challenges, who’ve survived scary things.” My fingers gently rubbed her stomach. “You’re going to do the most difficult thing a human can do…give life. Of course, your body won’t be the same, but it’ll be better. You’ll have battle scars…and that’s so sexy.” No guy would ever lose his arousal at the sight of her, at least, a real man wouldn’t. Maybe I felt differently because she was giving birth to my son—and that was the sexiest thing she could do.
She lifted her gaze to meet mine again, this time less afraid. “You always know what to say…”
“I’m not saying anything. I’m telling you the truth. You are…” My words left my mouth and my brain when I felt a distinct movement under my palm. There was a definite vibration under the skin, a jolt of activity that was coming from inside her. My eyes returned to her belly and I became very still because I wasn’t sure what I’d felt, but I was prepared to feel it again.
She placed her hand on top of mine and guided me to the exact location where Andrew was moving. She was used to the way he moved, the way he lived inside of her. “Hades, meet your son.”
Sofia had an extra room across the hall, so I used it as an office during the day. I sat there with my laptop open so I could manage projects at the bank while I was away. Damien was in town, so he could handle things in my stead. I didn’t have to ask permission to leave…like I did with Maddox.
I spoke to Damien on the phone about a couple things. I hadn’t figured out what to do about our jointly owned business. We both had too much at stake, and neither one of us wanted to be bought out. At the end of the day, we both liked our jobs. That forced us to work together and play nice.
“How long are you going to be gone?” Damien asked.
“Probably two weeks.”
“Well, alright. I’ll handle all the meetings. How’s Sofia?”
“Uncomfortable. She’s pretty big.”
“Well, tell her I said hi and congratulations.”
“I will.” I hung up.
A few minutes later, Sofia walked inside. She wore a short floral dress with her hair styled prettily. She waddled into the room and came to my side. “You’ve been working all day.”
My eyes started at her ankles and drifted up her legs until I stared at her stomach for a couple seconds. I’d been sleeping beside her for a few nights, my hand on her stomach as I drifted off to sleep. It was the most comfortable I’d been in months, just feeling my son inside her. Sometimes, he woke me up when he kicked, but I didn’t mind the interruption at all. I’d assumed we would be sleeping together, but that was all we did…sleep. It was what I preferred, but I was disappointed by it.
Maybe Sofia knew sex was a bad idea. Maybe it was too emotional for her last time, made her miss me so much it was painful. She’d whispered how much she loved me and wouldn’t let me go until the next morning. Maybe she didn’t want to put herself through that either.
I closed my laptop. “Taking care of stuff at the bank.”
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah. Just bureaucratic stuff.”
“If you’re free, would you want to see Andrew’s room?”
The room where he would grow, cry, and sleep? The room I would never get to see again? I wouldn’t be there for the diaper changes and the nighttime feedings. I would never get to keep my son for a couple weeks in Florence. My relationship would always take place from a distance. “Yes.”
She took me down the hall, and we stepped into the baby’s room. It was painted blue like the sky, and there was a gray crib against the wall. There were already diapers piled on the dresser and so many toys he wouldn’t know what to play with first. I stepped into the center of the room and looked around, feeling a million emotions at once.
Then I noticed a picture frame on the dresser.
It was a picture of me.
I stood in a suit and leaned against a balcony. It was a candid shot, and I must’ve been talking to somebody because I was smiling. It was clearly taken on our wedding day, but my bride was nowhere visible. I stared for a long time, feeling touched and scarred at the same time.
Sofia followed my gaze. “I know you won’t be here as much as you’d like, so I want Andrew to be able to see you whenever he wants.”
I felt a million emotions at once. I wanted to burst into tears, but I also wanted to demolish that whole room. I felt like a ghost observing someone else live my life. I felt like I was watching my life before my death. This wasn’t a punishment; it was a crime. I didn’t deserve this regardless of the things I’d done. This life should be mine, but after my son was born, I would be back to the shadows…back to the prison.
I no longer had control of my body. My feet moved on their own, and I was in the throes of an emotional breakdown. I gave her no explanation before I stormed out and left the house. If I stayed, I would say things I regretted. If I stayed, she would watch me collapse and combust.
I barely made it to the street corner before I burst into tears.
I ended up in a bar close by. Scotch was the only friend I’d had throughout the years, so now I leaned on it more than I ever had before. There were people everywhere, but I felt alone. The free drinks sent my way were disregarded, and I stared into my glass as I calmed myself down.
Sofia gave me space and didn’t call me. It’d been hours since I stormed off and disappeared. I just needed a break from the suffocation, from the reminder of all the things I couldn’t have.
Sometimes I wish I didn’t love her.
My phone lit up with a text message. Heard you were in the city. Wanna get a drink?
It was my brother Ash, and I quickly deduced Sofia had reached out to him. I’m already having a drink.
Then have another.
I texted him the bar and waited for him to show up.
Fifteen minutes later, he sat on the stool beside me and ordered a gin and tonic. He stared straight ahead and didn’t say anything for a while. The nice thing about my brother was that he didn’t immediately interrogate me.
It was nice because I’d never been much of a talker.
“Sofia told me you could use a friend.”
No, I could use a wife. I could use a son. I kept drinking and sat quietly.
“You want to talk about it?”
I shook my head.
“Alright.” He sat there quietly with me…just being with me.
“What exactly did she say?”
“That you left the house abruptly and were upset. Didn’t say much else.”
Why didn’t she come after me herself? Not that I wanted her to…
“I know this is hard for you, man. You’re entitled to be upset.”
I never said otherwise.
“You should tell her how you feel.”
I slowly turned to him, my eyebrow raised. “What good would that do?”
He shrugged. “It won’t change anything. But it might make you feel better…get all the shit off your chest. She used to be the person you confided everything to. Just ’cause she’s no longer your wife doesn’t mean you can’t still do that.”
I shook my head slightly. “I’m not her problem anymore.”
“If she didn’t love you, she wouldn’t have called me. And as long as she still loves you, you’ll always be her problem.”
I walked into her bedroom late at night. It was almost eleven in the evening when I arrived back at the house. I was hoping she would be asleep, but I also knew she would be sitting up waiting for me, a book in her lap.
When I walked in the door, that was exactly what she was doing.
She shut the book and put it on her nightstand before she got out of bed. In the same nightdress she wore every night, she looked so damn pretty. Made me hate her even more. “Are you okay?”
Scotch was on my breath, and I was in a sour mood. I hated her because I loved her. And the more I loved her, the more I hated her. “I fucking hate this. We’ve been apart almost as long as we were married, but I somehow love you more now than I did then.”
She turned still on the spot, listening to me with emotion in her eyes.
“I haven’t fucked anyone else because I’m still in love with you. I dream of you, I miss you. And walking into Andrew’s room only reminds me of what I’m missing, what I can never have.”
A thin film of moisture developed in her eyes. “I know…”
“I’m happy we’re having this baby. If I’m going to have kids with anyone, I want it to be with you. But I also want to be a family. I want to come home to you every day. I want Andrew to piss all over me when I’m changing his diaper. I want all that stupid bullshit that most men hate. I assumed this time apart would weaken my heart, but it’s only made it stronger.”
Two tears escaped her eyes and dripped down her face.
“I fucking hate this…”
She wiped away the tear tracks on her cheeks with her fingertips. “I hate it too. I can’t picture myself being with anyone else but you. Antonio asked me out, and I just couldn’t imagine myself going out with him…or anyone else. When I talk about you, I always call you my husband, even though you aren’t anymore. I know this is hard for you. I just want you to know it’s hard for me too.”
It’d never be as hard for her as it was for me. I was stuck with Maddox…and I’d never escape.
“Hades, I love you so much.”
I closed my eyes because I regretted my outburst. If I’d kept my emotions in check, this conversation wouldn’t be happening. It wasn’t helping either one of us. Only making it a million times worse. I liked knowing she was still in love with me…but I also hated it at the same time.
Now I didn’t know what to do. I could leave and wait until Andrew was born, but all the emotions were already on the table. I was already hurting, and I couldn’t hurt more. It didn’t matter what I did next because the end result would be exactly the same.
Sofia crossed the distance between us and moved into me. When her hands went to the crooks of my elbows, I knew what would come next. But this time, I didn’t want to fight it. This time, I needed it.
She cupped the back of my head, her fingers moving into my hair, and she pulled my face to hers and kissed me. She instantly took a breath when our mouths combined. The electricity burned her just the way it burned me.
My hand wrapped around her waist, and one hand dug into the back of her hair. I tugged her flush against me, feeling our son between us as I kissed her with all the feeling in my heart. I released all my longing, all the aches and pains in my chest, and I threw myself into her.
She clung to me just as hard, crushing our lips together as she kissed me with more passion than she ever had. Her tongue moved into my mouth, and she found mine before they danced together.
I pulled her nightdress over her head and continued to kiss her without skipping a beat. My hands moved to her thong and yanked it down so I could grab her cheek with one hand and squeeze. This woman could be mine for a little longer before I had to let her go forever. When she’d left me, I didn’t really have the opportunity to treasure her. Everything happened so fast, and we were both too upset to appreciate our final moments together. But now we were ready to say goodbye, to have this final chance.
She pulled my shirt over my head and got me undressed, barely pulling her lips away from mine long enough to take a breath. She tugged my boxers over my hips and got me down to my skin before she guided me to the bed. She was the one who shoved me back.
I lay back on the bed and propped myself up on my elbows. The sight before me was so erotic, I forgot to breathe. Both of my hands formed fists, and my entire body turned just as hard as my dick as I watched Sofia move on top of me. She straddled my hips and widened her thighs so she could sit on my dick and slowly lower herself until only my balls were free.
I closed my eyes and moaned because it was almost too much to take. Her belly, her tits, everything was so perfect. I lay there as if restrained and watched her bounce up and down and ride my dick just the way she used to. I was too weak to do anything but enjoy it, to let my broken soul escape my chest and wrap around hers. “I love you, baby.”
She moved up and down and rolled her hips, her eyes on mine. “I love you too…”