Will took a shower while the coffee perked, hoping it might prepare him for his chat with Rose. One way or another, for the past ten years he’d known that eventually this day would come.
He sat down across from her, hands warming on the mug of fresh coffee, leaning forward to inhale the bracing aroma.
Rose wasted no time. “You have to tell her.”
While her words brooked no argument, he disagreed, knowing exactly who she referred to.
“With all due respect, Rose, I can’t do that.” He shook his head. Sure it was pride, but he simply could not handle the thought of Annie pitying him. Or worse, what if she decided to stay at the ranch because of the Huntington’s? Deep inside he died a little at that thought.
“I’ve never pushed you. I’ve let you handle this your own way, in your own time. All I’ve done is pray. Pray the good Lord would give you wisdom. I think ten years is plenty long to wait on the Lord, don’t you?”
“Ma’am?” Will didn’t have much to say to that.
Rose continued, obviously not needing an answer. “There are a few things you need to know before you completely shut the door.” She removed her glasses and wiped a trace of moisture from her eyes.
“Rose,” Will said softly. He could not stand for her to be upset.
She closed her eyes for a moment. “Listen. Hear me through.”
He nodded, sighing.
“Your father’s life was a prison of his own making, Will. He refused to allow anyone to know about the Huntington’s. Time and again he refused the very medication which could have at least helped him. He refused to let anyone in, not even you and I. At the end his life was shortened, not expanded, by his stubborn pride.
“Don’t get me wrong. I understand Huntington’s as well as you do. I researched it plenty during those years. There was no test for Huntington’s while your father was alive, but that’s no excuse. I know the final result would have been the same. But things could have been much different day to day, if he would have just bent a little.”
She took a steadying breath. “Pride is a dangerous thing, Will. Because he barely allowed treatment for any of his symptoms, Bill gave in to the disease. He lost hope right from the start.”
There was nothing Will could say to Rose. She was absolutely right.
“You were six when he hired me. At that time the tremors and the memory problems had already begun. Once your momma left him, I fell in love with your daddy for the man he was. Even Huntington’s could never take those memories away from me.” She sipped the coffee he’d poured for her. “Aside from his pride, your father was a kind and generous man with a sense of humor like none other. Except maybe his son.”
Her tender smile pierced Will’s heart and he realized the depth of Rose O’Shea’s love for his father. “Rose, Rose. I had no idea.” He reached out to clasp her hands. “Why didn’t I know? Was I that oblivious back then?”
Rose laughed. “Love isn’t always about hugging and kissing and such. Sometimes it’s simply the pure connection of two souls, two hearts and two minds.”
He paused and considered her words. “I’m sorry, Rose.”
“Don’t be. As I said, I have my memories. Your father loved me. He told me many times. I had the confidence of at least knowing that. But he wouldn’t hear of us getting married. Refused to do that to me, he said. In fact, more than once he told me I should leave.” She paused and stared out the window into the dark morning. “Fortunately, Sullivans don’t have a leg up on the O’Sheas when it comes to stubbornness. I flat out refused to leave.”
Will gave a half smile. All these years he’d wondered what kept Rose at the ranch. He’d known it was love, known she loved him like a son, but he never suspected she loved his father as well.
Rose O’Shea could have been Rose Sullivan if his father had married her. As he held her hands and looked deep in her eyes, it sank in. While he understood his father’s decision he regretted the loss. He already loved Rose as a mother. She deserved his father’s name.
“I can understand why, Rose. He loved you and he wanted to spare you.”
“Spare me? Will, was I going anywhere? Love doesn’t run when there’s trouble. Love is forever.”
“Rose, my own mother ran.”
“That was her loss,” she answered, refusing, as she always had, to utter a negative thing about his mother. Instead she flipped through her Bible. Her finger slid down the page that she’d turned to, finally stopping. “First Corinthians thirteen—love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” She closed her Bible. “And love never fails.”
Will hung his head against what he knew she was going to say.
“Don’t do this to Annie. At the very least tell her about the Huntington’s. Don’t you dare let her leave this ranch thinking you never cared enough to tell her the truth. Never cared, period. Because that’s exactly what she believes.”
“Wouldn’t it be best that way? Not to have her hope she can change things?”
“You aren’t going to make her stop loving you.”
“She loves me?” He blinked, afraid to believe the words could be true, terrified of the answer at the same time. “Are you sure?”
“Well, of course, any fool can see that. At least let her know why you won’t return her love.”
“But I do love her.”
Will paused, surprised at what had so naturally slipped from his lips.
“I do love her,” he repeated softly.
Suddenly everything became clear. This was what kept him awake all night.
The inability to deny his love for Annie Harris. Fear of letting her love him back.
Rose smiled. “First time you realized it, huh?”
He nodded, shaken by the admission.
“I remember when I realized I loved your father. It left me speechless. I had no intention of falling in love. Especially at my age.” She laughed, then shook her head.
Falling in love?
Yeah, he had fallen. And he was still falling.
Will swallowed hard, running his hands through his damp hair. He clenched his fists against the emotion that slammed into him.
How had it happened? He’d guarded his heart for so long. Who else but Annie could have snuck past his defenses?
“I’m begging you not to repeat your father’s mistake. You are his son, but I believe you are also wiser with your years, Will.”
“I’m not so sure.” He gripped the mug, feeling unsteady.
The only thing he knew for certain was that he loved Annie and he was confused. “Rose, nothing has changed about Huntington’s. It’s ten years later but there still isn’t a cure. I read about it constantly, hoping something will change. But it’s the same words over and over. Sure, great, I take a test. Fifty percent chance of being negative. What about the other fifty percent? What did I read somewhere? That it still equals one hundred percent Huntington’s.”
“Will, you could die tomorrow. You could die next week. Your days are numbered of the Lord, not of Will Sullivan. Good night. Stop and think about it. We could have lost Annie in Africa.”
He shuddered, knowing she was right and yet unable to let go.
“You’re all backward. You’re figuring each day as a death sentence instead of a gift.”
“Rose, it’s enough for me to carry this burden. I can’t… won’t…give it to Annie.”
“Will, Will, you listen, but your ears are closed. The burden is the Lord’s. Annie has more substance than you and I both. She can handle this.”
He nodded numbly, his strength to argue fading fast.
Rose reached out to touch his arm. “What is faith, Will?”
His glance connected with hers and he wanted so much to be able to see things her way, but he couldn’t get past the pain of his father’s last days and his own fear of tomorrow.
Rose gave him a sweet smile. “You have to let go before you can take the first step.”
He thought he had made peace with the Huntington’s. He thought he was walking with the Lord on this. Wasn’t he?
“Can you at least tell Annie?” she persisted.
Will covered her hand with his and released a breath. “All right. Yes. You’re right. She deserves that much.” He paused and looked Rose in the eye. “But it won’t change anything.”
“We’ll see.” She closed her Bible. “When are you going to tell her?”
“When I have to.”
Rose chuckled. “There you go. Spoken like a true Sullivan.”
Will finished his chores and showered. He ducked his head into Annie’s room. “Annie?” Her bed was made and her trunk was open. Packed but open. A thread of panic ran through him.
She was leaving already? Had he run out of time already?
Will headed Okie out of the yard, into the fields and toward the peach orchards.
Rose was right. Annie at least deserved to know about the Huntington’s. She was a part of their family and it was plain wrong for her to be on the outside.
Good thing she was at the orchard. It was probably the only private spot on the ranch. Lately he felt as if he was surrounded by people. There was noise everywhere he went except the corners of the ranch.
Picking up speed, he nudged the mare into a canter, praying he’d find the right words by the time he reached the orchard.
She’d parked the Jeep under an elm tree in the shade. Will brought Okie to a halt. He pulled the reins into his left hand, dropped the stirrups, and gently vaulted off the horse. Glancing around, he still didn’t see Annie, so he tied the leather reins to the Jeep’s fender.
He walked up and down the rows until finally spotting her denim-clad legs on a ladder in the middle of the last row of peach trees.
“Need some help?” he called.
“What did you have in mind? Eating or picking?”
“Either one.”
She continued to pick the fruit, not stopping to glance down, but placing each ripe peach in a bushel balanced on the top seat of the ladder.
“These peaches are more than ready,” he remarked idly, removing his gloves and reaching up to examine the fuzzy fruit that dangled on the branches. “Going to be busy this week, aren’t we?”
“Lots of pies for you,” she said.
“For me or for Ryan?” he asked.
“You’re jealous Rose’s sharing pies with Ryan?”
“You bet I am.”
Annie laughed and the sound warmed him.
“You want to hand me that bushel?” he asked.
Eyes averted, she stepped down a rung and slid the basket from the top of the ladder. Her hands brushed his as she eased the load to his arms.
He stumbled back, dazed by the simple touch of her hand.
“Careful,” Annie said. “Don’t fall.”
“Too late for that,” he answered. “I’m already a goner.”
She looked at him curiously. “What?”
“Nothing.”
He lifted the bushel of fragrant fruit into the back of the Jeep. There was already a small basket of blackberries loaded. “I see you found the last of the blackberries.”
“Not many.”
“Enough for a couple pies, though, isn’t it?” he said, popping a few of the rich berries into his mouth.
“Unless someone eats them all first.”
Will glanced at her hands. “Are you talking about you or me?”
Red-faced, she tucked her berry-stained hands into her pockets. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Will chuckled. “You’re done picking?”
“For today.”
Folding up the ladder, he arranged it onto the back of the Jeep, securing it with a length of rope. He turned to face her. “So do you mind clearing up something for me?”
“What would that be?” she asked, suspicion etching her face.
“When are you leaving?”
“I haven’t decided yet. There are two slots open, and it depends on how fast I can get everything tied up.”
“Then why is your trunk packed?”
“I never unpacked it.”
“What? Why not?”
“I knew that Sullivan Ranch was only a stop on the way.”
“On the way to what?”
She shrugged. “Whatever the Lord has planned for me.”
“I see.”
“You didn’t come all the way out here to try to convince me I shouldn’t go to Mexico, did you?”
“Me? Naw.”
“Then maybe you’re here to try to get me to hurry up and leave?”
“Annie, you know better. But I did want to apologize, if you’ll let me.”
She frowned. “Apologize for what?”
“Oh, I’ve got a whole list, if you’ve got a few minutes.”
“You think a whole list is going to take a few minutes?”
“You going somewhere?”
“Eventually,” she said.
Will narrowed his eyes.
“I’ve got some water bottles in the cooler in the front seat. Want one?” she asked.
Taking off his Stetson, he nodded and moved to a grassy spot in the shade. He let his riding gloves drop to the ground.
Tossing a bottle to him, Annie drank from hers, all the while watching him, her expression wary.
“Pull up a chair,” Will said, settling on the grass.
She complied. Legs folded, she leaned back on her hands.
“I need to talk to you about my father.”
Her eyes grew round.
“Annie, I’ve never really explained to you what happened. I’ve never told anyone for that matter. Except Rose.”
“You don’t have to do this, Will.”
“I do. I’ve already wasted enough time.” He plucked at the grass, wondering where to begin. A hot breeze blew past, ruffling Annie’s hair.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
He nodded. “I told you my dad did die of pneumonia, but what I didn’t say is that it was a complication of his disease.”
Annie said nothing, simply waited on him.
Will cleared his throat and unscrewed the cap of the water bottle, taking a long swig. “The other thing I never told you is that my father had Huntington’s chorea, Huntington’s disease. Whatever you want to call it.”
“Dear Lord,” she gasped, sitting up straight. Her gaze remained fixed on him. Confusion and pain moved across her face. But never once what he’d feared most. Pity.
“My grandfather was adopted.” He fiddled with the label on the bottle, peeling the paper as he spoke. “My dad is the first one I know of who has developed the disease. I’ve talked to the doctors and read all the literature. Bottom line never changes.” He rubbed a hand over his mouth. “I, uh, I can count on a fifty-fifty chance of carrying the gene for Huntington’s.”
He paused, collecting his thoughts.
“So that’s why you have a card from a neurologist in the Jeep.”
“You saw that? Well, yeah. Dr. Nolan. He was my father’s doctor, too.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“My mother divorced my dad when he started having symptoms. She couldn’t handle a sick husband. It’s always been safer not to tell anyone.”
“I’m not like your mother.”
“I know. And I’m sorry I never told you.” Relief washed over him.
“Why did you feel the need to carry this by yourself all this time?”
“Rose calls it Sullivan stubbornness.” He shrugged.
“I guess she nailed you, did she?”
A half smile escaped from his lips at her words.
“Haven’t they isolated the gene?” Annie asked.
“Yeah. I can be tested. A test will tell me if I carry the gene. If I do I will develop Huntington’s. When and how severe is a question that no one can answer. Up until now I just haven’t seen the point in looking for trouble.”
“I see.”
“Annie, there’s something else.”
She raised a brow.
He took a deep breath. “About that night.”
A long silence ensued.
“Consider it forgotten.” She turned her head away in a gesture of dismissal. “It was just a kiss.”
“No,” he said, his voice getting louder. “I can’t forget about it. That’s the problem. I wish I could.”
He heard her small gasp and when she turned back toward him, her face was a mixture of stunned surprise at his outburst.
Fact was, even he was a little surprised at his outburst. When she began to blink over and over again he began to worry.
Now it was his turn to ask. “You okay?”
Annie opened her hands and closed them.
“I don’t know what to do about it, Annie.”
“I can see how this might be a real problem for you, Will.” She took a deep breath. “I never meant to be part of anything that would, well, that could threaten the ranch.”
“Who told you that?”
“I overheard Margaret. I wasn’t eavesdropping, I was just there.”
Will gritted his teeth for a moment, angry that Margaret had cause Annie pain. “No. You don’t get it. I don’t want to forget it. That kiss meant something to me. It meant everything to me.”
He stared up through the dense branches of the elm tree searching for the right words. “Look, I wasn’t going to say anything. Rose insisted I tell you.”
“You wouldn’t have?” Eyes sparking, her voice jumped an octave and her cheekbones became splotchy and red with emotion.
Uh-oh. There was no mistaking the signs now.
Mad.
Annie was mad as all get-out.
“No. After what I told you about my dad, you have to see that I have more than a chance of Huntington’s. What kind of thing is that to lay on you?”
“Let me get this straight. You’re telling me all this because Rose made you?”
“Well, yeah, basically.”
“So if not for Rose, you would have let me go again. Never told me—anything?”
“I wouldn’t have told you because I care for you.”
“Please.”
His head snapped back at her sarcasm. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me,” she continued. “Tell me, Will, I’m curious. What did the Lord have to say on the subject?”
“Leave the Lord out of this. He and I have an understanding.”
“Oh, I bet you do. You run the show. The Will show.”
Will stared at her. What was going on? He never in a million years expected this turn in the conversation.
“Hold on here, just a minute.” He rolled to his knees and stood. Pacing back and forth, he tried to figure out exactly what had just transpired. He glanced down at where she still sat on the grass.
“Annie, why are you leaving?”
“Because I did overhear your conversation with Margaret, and I won’t do anything to threaten Sullivan Ranch. Besides, it’s time to get on with my life.”
“Margaret was barking up the wrong tree.” He met Annie’s dark eyes, straight on. “Do you have feelings for me?”
“Feelings?” In a heartbeat her lower lip began to tremble and a hot tear slipped from the corner of her eye.
“Awe, what are you doing? Anne E. doesn’t cry.”
“I am not crying.” She swiped at her face with the back of her hand.
Will knelt down in front of her. “I am so lousy at this stuff. Jones never would have made you cry.”
“I don’t love Ryan. I love you, Will.”
“You do?” His heart soared then crash-landed. “That’s what I was afraid of.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “What are we going to do about this situation?”
She sniffed again.
“Now what are you crying for?” he asked, getting more and more nervous by the second.
“I am not crying!”
“Well, you’re looking mighty emotional to me.”
“What do you expect? I tell you I love you and then you ask me what we’re going to do about it, as though it was the worst thing that ever happened to you.”
“No. Trust me, this isn’t nearly close to the worst thing that ever happened to me.”
Annie’s face screwed up in surprise and confusion.
“That’s not what I meant. Ah, Annie,” he sighed, smoothing her mane of dark hair back with his hands. “Only the Lord knows how much I love you.”
She lifted her face to his, hope lighting up her eyes.
Will placed a small kiss on each of her brows.
He leaned closer. When his lips touched hers for a tender kiss, the world rocked in its orbit. Putting her away from him, he took a deep breath. “I suppose if I had the genetic testing, then maybe we could talk about the future.”
Annie sucked in a gulp of air. “Will Sullivan, you just don’t get it, do you?”
“What did I do now?”
This time it was Annie who stood, hands on hips. “My love for you is not based on the results of a test.”
“That’s easy to say, but I saw what happened to my father. I watched my mother walk away.”
“Did you leave him? Did Rose leave?”
“No, of course not.”
“I love you. Think about what that means.”
“No need to get bent out of shape here. I’m only thinking of you.”
“You’re giving me an out.”
“Well, yeah.” He gestured with his hands.
“I don’t want an out. I want unconditional love from you and I want it forever. Those are my only terms. Nonnegotiable.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I don’t want you tested.”
Will stared, unable to comprehend. Those were the last words he expected from Annie.
“I’m a nurse, Will. I understand Huntington’s. I understand the implications for the future.”
He eased from his haunches and stood. “Do you understand that it means putting someone I care about through the possible torture of watching me die a little every single day?”
“I understand all of that. I told you once you’re an all-or-nothing guy. Well, maybe you need to realize I’m an all-or-nothing woman. I don’t want to be offered marriage based on any test results. I want you to ask me to marry you because you know that I am God’s best for you—because you love me and can’t live without me. Period.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Why?”
“Annie, I can’t offer you marriage when I don’t know what my future holds.”
“Does anyone know what the future holds?”
He paced back and forth across the grass. “You know what I mean.”
“Are you willing to let me go through the torture of dying a little every day because I can’t be with the man I love?”
“Now you’re twisting my words around.”
“Am I?”
Will kicked the ground. “What about children?”
“Children? Oh, for goodness’ sake. What about them? Do you have to have all your i’s dotted now? My love for you is not based on having children.”
“I love you, Annie. It scares me how fast and how hard this love for you has hit me. But marriage? That’s something else.”
Finger pointed, she walked up to him and poked him in the chest. “Will Sullivan. It’s time to admit you’re afraid. Time to admit it and make yourself vulnerable to what God wants for you.”
“That’s not the issue here. I said I’d take the test, didn’t I?”
“This isn’t about having the courage to take a test. It’s about having the faith to give yourself to God. Until you can accept His unconditional love, you won’t be able to accept mine.”
“That’s a bag of nails.”
“Excuse me?”
“Annie—”
“No.” She turned away and crossed her arms over her chest, obviously unwilling to hear more. “As far as I can see I’m right back where I started. In love with a man who doesn’t return my feelings. Mexico is sounding better and better.”
“Forget Mexico.”
She glared at him.
“Annie—”
“When you’re ready to give up control, when you’re ready for my love without your terms and conditions, let me know.” She dug in her pocket and pulled out keys. “The one thing you aren’t getting through your thick cowboy head is that I love you. I always will.”
He couldn’t believe this was happening. “But—”
“But nothing. What you have done is sentence us both to life without love because of your stubborn Sullivan pride.” She crossed to the Jeep. “I can see it’s a darn good thing I didn’t unpack.”
Untying the reins from the bumper, she handed them to him and calmly got into the Jeep. The engine roared followed by a loud scraping noise as the reverse gear jammed.
Will grimaced. “Uh, that’s Third, not Reverse.”
“Thank you,” Annie said, smiling sweetly, her eyes sparking with unleashed anger. She shoved the clutch into Reverse.
Annie started counting as she watched the green trees of the orchard from the Jeep’s rearview mirror. Will had paced back and forth half a dozen times and now appeared to be talking to Okie.
“One,” she said aloud. “Lord, he needs to be talking to You, not that silly horse.”
She checked the mirror again and slowed down the Jeep, shoving it into second gear. There was no use getting ahead of herself. Men were slower at things than women. She let the vehicle coast a bit.
Shaking his head, Will jammed on his hat. In the next moment he tightened the cinch on the horse, mounted and now sat in the saddle under the peach trees, apparently thinking.
“Two,” she said. “What’s there to think about? That cowboy is running out of time.” She put her foot on the gas. “And I am running out of sweet patience. I’ll be crossing the border into Mexico before he figures it out he really loves me.”
A moment later Will, astride Okie, was next to the Jeep motioning for her to stop.
“I can’t hear you,” she called.
“Pull over,” he hollered, irritation rising in his voice.
“What?”
“I said pull over, Annie.”
“Three,” she announced, slowing down to a stop and jerking up the parking brake.
“What did you say?”
“I said three.”
“You were counting?” His blue eyes widened with realization.
“You bet I was. That was close. You almost ran out of time.”
He removed his hat and scratched his head, then set the hat on the back of his head. “I swear I will never figure women out.”
“You don’t need to. Just concentrate on me. I’ll keep you busy for the next hundred years or so.”
He swung off Okie, walked over to the Jeep and, hands on the roof, stared at her for several moments.
Finally he leaned into the vehicle, and for the longest moment his gaze simply met hers.
“I’m scared, Annie.”
“I know, Will. I know.” She blinked back the moisture pricking at her eyes.
“No, Annie. I don’t think you do. I’m not just scared. I’m terrified.”
“I do understand, because that’s exactly how I feel. Terrified you’re going to give up on us.”
“You know, I always thought my greatest fear was the Huntington’s.” He released a ragged breath as though her confession had freed him. “I was wrong. Seeing you drive off, I realized that you leaving again is my greatest fear.”
“Will,” Annie breathed.
“I realized I have prayed every day for the past two years for you to come back. Oh, not your kind of prayer, but prayers nonetheless.”
“He heard you. He always hears you.”
“I guess so.”
“And the past six weeks all I’ve done is pray for a way to make you stay. Apparently all I had to do was love you.”
She smiled, biting back the emotions pouring into her heart.
“We’ll do it your way, Annie,” he said, his voice husky.
“No, Will, we do it God’s way. We turn it all over to Him. Day by day, moment by moment. For the rest of our lives.”
He nodded solemnly, his eyes bright.
“When it’s time, then you’ll take the test. But it won’t change our love, because we are forever.”
“Forever,” he repeated the words with reverence, his lips a gentle caress against hers. “I never thought forever was something I’d hold in my hands.”
She smiled tenderly at this man she loved so much.
“You are so beautiful,” he said.
Annie felt the heat rise in her cheeks.
“What was that verse about love, the one that Rose talks about?”
“Love never fails.”
He nodded. “I love you, Annie.”
This time she kissed him with all the love she’d been saving for God’s best. Annie gasped at the sweet beauty of his lips on hers.
Finally and much to her regret he released her.
“Now that is what we should be doing, instead of arguing.”
“Not until after the wedding.”
Will grinned. “Does this mean you’re going to keep helping me with the ranch? ’Cause you know, between us, I’m thinking we’re going to turn that ranch into our legacy.”
“You’ll have to hire me full-time, you know.”
“So you’re not going to Mexico?”
“Maybe for a honeymoon?” she countered.
Will’s eyes lit up and he smiled. “As long as we always come home to Sullivan Ranch.”