11

Admiral Hassan was able to meet with me later that evening. It hadn’t occurred to me that people would scramble to rearrange their schedules on my account.

“You’re the heir, ma’am,” Stasia reminded me with a smile as she deftly looped my hair into a massive braid. “Of course they’re going to do what works best for you.”

I’d changed from the white silk dress I’d worn to see Mother into a dark blue sari. The slubbed fabric had a slight sheen to it. The pants and choli were black and the whole thing was far more comfortable than my earlier dress.

I waved off Stasia’s attempt to put jewelry on me. This outfit was the best I could find to mimic the naval uniforms and I wasn’t about to ruin it by jingling every time I moved.

“Highness, the admiral is here.” Emmory’s voice was soft over our private comm line. I let Stasia have one more moment to fuss over my outfit before I headed into the main room.

“Your Imperial Highness.” Admiral Hassan was several inches shorter than me but not at all intimidated by it. The dark-haired and dark-skinned woman saluted me, her uniform immaculate, and I felt a strange pang of jealousy as I nodded at her in return.

I’d wanted to join the Navy for as long as I could remember. My father’s Saito bloodline had granted him entrance into the Naval Academy, and his marriage to the heir furthered his career in ways Indranan society never would have allowed otherwise.

He was a brilliant strategist, my father, and it was because of him that we’d taken as much territory in the war with the Saxons as we did. After his death it was all we could do to hold back the Saxon tide until the peace treaty was signed.

“Allow me to introduce my aide—Commander Cole Hamprasade.”

“Admiral. Commander.” I returned the nod. “Have a seat, won’t you? Would you like something to drink?”

“I’m fine, thank you. I thought Commander Hamprasade could meet with your chamberlain. There are several important briefings I think you should attend, with the empress’s permission.”

“Of course.”

“We’ll be in my office, ma’am. Call if you need anything,” Alba said.

Hassan smiled tentatively a moment after Alba left. “Welcome home, Your Highness. I was relieved to hear you were uninjured in the attack this morning.”

“Join the club.” I jerked a thumb at Emmory as I sat down and picked up the cup of chai that always seemed to appear when I needed it. Stasia had figured out my dislike of coffee with surprising speed. “Thankfully Emmory is on the ball. So, Admiral, I don’t need a detailed breakdown of what we’re looking at just yet. How about you just hit the highlights on the state of our military?”

Hassan blinked at me and I felt a little sorry for her. No doubt she was used to Cire’s quiet demeanor. My sister had had a fine knack for politics, but where military matters were concerned, I think she’d been more willing to let others handle it.

“Admiral, is my sister’s husband still in the capital?”

She blinked again, but recovered more quickly this time. “He left, Your Highness, with Admiral Shul’s fleet. Just this morning. We offered him bereavement leave, but Shul’s fleet is going to the Saxon border and Major Bristol felt it would be better for the empire for him to do his duty.”

“My nephews?” Cire had had two boys, one older and one younger than Atmikha. I didn’t know what kind of reaction I was going to get from them. They might not want to see me.

“Laabh recently graduated from the Academy and was posted on his first ship. I am considering transferring him to my ship, Your Highness, so he can stay in-system and be close to his brother.”

“Where is Taran?” Laabh had just turned twenty-two if my records were correct and his younger brother was only eight.

“With Leena Surakesh, ma’am.”

I nodded. My older nephew had married into the Surakesh family less than a year ago. It wasn’t common practice for Leena to take Taran in, but I was grateful for her kindness. “Give me a chance to talk with Laabh, Admiral? I’ll see how he feels about it.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“All right, back to the issue at hand.” I leaned forward, resting my forearms on my knees and watching Hassan closely. “How is Indrana’s military?”

“We are stable, ma’am. Recent budget cutbacks and concerns over the last five years have cut into our research and development as well as some of our operational capabilities.”

“What kind of cutbacks?”

Admiral Hassan named a figure that made me whistle. “It hasn’t affected our ability to carry out our mission, ma’am,” she hastened to add.

I heard the unspoken “yet” at the end of her sentence. “Tension with the Saxon Kingdom?”

“Trade disagreements mostly and the occasional small skirmish on border worlds they lost in the war. King Trace seems the cautious sort. I think he wants to keep the peace. Lately it’s gotten worse, though.”

“Do you think the Saxons are responsible for my sisters’ deaths? Mother claimed the Upjas responsible had already been found and punished but I’m having a hard time finding any arrests or legal action in the system.”

Hassan froze, swallowed, and then answered me with extreme care. “I can’t say for sure, Your Highness. I would recommend speaking to Caspel Ganej, Director of Galactic Imperial Security. He would know better.”

Translation: My mother had interfered, and if I wanted answers, I was going to have to either go to her or find someone else.

“Yes, Alba mentioned Fenna had retired. I’m surprised they named a man to the position.”

Hassan smiled. “Your sister talked your empress-mother into appointing him after Fenna’s retirement, ma’am. Caspel is good at his job.”

“Interesting.” I settled back against my couch with my cup cradled in my palms. Hassan mirrored my posture, yet somehow kept her military bearing. She studied me with her brown eyes and just the slightest hint of a smile on her narrow face.

I smiled back. “Are you loyal to the throne, Admiral?”

The admiral, to her credit, didn’t even blink.

“I am, Highness. To the death and after if necessary.”

I gave her a nod and leaned forward to set my cup down on the table. “It’s obvious even to an idiot that things are circling the drain around here. I’m not an idiot.”

“Of course not, ma’am. Am I correct in assuming you don’t believe the princesses’ deaths were accidents or terrorism?”

“Terrorism, yes. Just not the kind the palace announced. The Upjas are the easy answer. Until I have a chance to talk to them, they’re nothing more than one more name on the list.”

“You’re in contact with the rebellion?” Hassan arched a dark eyebrow.

“I am not,” I replied carefully. At least I hadn’t been since I’d gotten home. I knew I was treading very closely to the edge of treason, a treason the admiral would be forced to report if I wasn’t careful. “We don’t know yet who’s behind this, Admiral. I need to know if you’re going to be on my side when this explodes.”

Hassan steepled her fingers. “If I say no?”

I let a smile flicker to the surface. Emmory didn’t move, but Admiral Hassan inhaled. I watched her tense like a karegosh spotted by a panther. “There’ll be an unfortunate attack tonight. Another assassination attempt on the heir. I’ll survive, of course, thanks to the sacrifice of a very brave naval officer.”

I’d talked this over with Emmory before the meeting. He hadn’t liked the idea of threatening an officer who was possibly loyal to the crown, but in the end had seen my reasoning for it.

Hassan didn’t react, didn’t move a muscle, and kept her hands well in view.

“I wondered how true the rumors were, Highness.”

“Gunrunner,” I replied, spreading my arms wide and smiling. “Someone killed my sisters. My mother is dying. I don’t have a good temper at the best of times, Admiral, and all this is straining my limits.”

“You ran away from your duty.”

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Emmory stiffen.

Picking up my cup, I took a sip out of it to hide my smile. The admiral was willing to play hardball. I liked her.

“I did,” I admitted, not willing to tell her the truth just yet. “I wasn’t interested in spending the rest of my life being useless and playing dress-up at social functions. I was only the second daughter, Admiral, not fit for much besides a backup, and an unwanted one at that. Cire was supposed to be empress, not me.” It was as good as I could do without sounding like a whiner, but from the expressionless look on Hassan’s face, my explanation wasn’t worth the effort.

“The day you ran away, Highness, I met with the empress.” A strange look of sympathy crossed the older woman’s face. “She was concerned for her second daughter. Afraid you couldn’t see your place in the empire, because she had let her emotions overrule her reason.”

I choked back the bark of laughter at Hassan’s words. My own reply chilled the room. “My mother never let emotions get in the way of her duty, Admiral. That was one of her major issues with me.”

“The empress was afraid her actions had prevented you from seeing what good you could bring to the empire. She regretted forbidding you from joining the Academy and asked me if I would sponsor your entrance. Take you under my wing, so to speak.”

I almost dropped my glass in my lap. “The Naval Academy? But she’d—”

Hassan’s smile was almost kind. “The empress was trying to protect you, but she realized it was strangling the life out of you. You have a great talent for the military side of things, Highness. You always did have a better grasp of how to keep the empire safe than your sisters did. Princess Cire was too kind for her own good, if you’ll forgive my bluntness.”

I shoved to my feet, startling both Hassan and Emmory, and threw up a hand before Emmory could open his mouth. I needed to move—it was that or scream.

All this time. All my life I’d thought staying away was the only chance I’d have to live my own life. Now I was finding out that my timing was as shitty as my judgment. No fucking wonder Mother had let me go in the end.

Military service was traditional among the noble families, and as the second daughter I’d been well prepared to follow my father into the Imperial Navy.

When he died, everything fell apart. I did everything I could think of to make her proud of me, to show her I was capable enough to handle the Academy. She shot me down, and more than anything, I had to admit that was the reason I hadn’t come home when the trail went cold. There wasn’t anything left for me here because she’d taken the only thing that still connected me to Father. Now I find out that she’d changed her mind?

In a flash, a whole other life played itself out before my eyes. I saw myself standing straight and tall in the same uniform Admiral Hassan wore, commanding respect from nobles and troops alike. I saw myself in a better position to protect my sisters, to protect the empire from the worms wrapped around her heart.

“‘There is neither this world nor the world beyond nor happiness for the one who doubts.’” Emmory’s quoting of the Gita broke me out of my daze. The words shattered the life that never existed and I blinked away tears before I turned to face my BodyGuard.

“We’ve been down this road already. It’s over and done, Highness. There is no changing it, and you are just as well suited for the task at hand as that other you would have been,” he continued.

“Why did Mother let me go?” I couldn’t stop the desperate whisper from slipping out. “She didn’t say a word about it. If she’d told Ven, he could have had Portis tell me. I could have come home. My whole life could have been different.”

“You are not the only one, Highness.” Emmory’s reply was gentle, almost startlingly so. “We all live with such a burden.”

I dragged my hands through my hair, disturbing Stasia’s carefully constructed hairdo, and turned back to the fireplace. Admiral Hassan was on her feet.

“Your Highness, it wasn’t my intention to upset you.” There was genuine regret in Hassan’s brown eyes.

“No, your intention was to discover if I’d known that little gem before I left.” An unwilling smile made its appearance on my face and Hassan paled a bit. I ignored it, and settled back into my seat. “You have your answer, Admiral. Do I get mine?”

Hassan started to say something else, thought better of it, and folded her hands in front of her with a sharp nod.

“Good,” I said. “Let’s get to work then.”

Face it, Haili, you’d rather have been a gunrunner anyway. Portis’s voice echoed in the back of my head.

With an almost imperceptible exhale, I let go of the life I could have had as Admiral Hassan steered the conversation toward the Saxon Alliance’s military strength and our own current R and D projects.

By the end of the hour, my brain swam with names and numbers and locations; even with the help of my smati, I was hard-pressed to keep track of it all.

“Please call me if you have any questions, Your Highness.” Hassan passed over the tablet and dipped her head. “I’m available at any hour.”

“Thank you. I’ll read through the files.”

Hassan bowed lower, came up, and nodded at Emmory with sharp military precision and headed for the door. My Ekam didn’t move and I cast him a curious look as I headed toward the window.

A quick, brutal storm had swept through as the sun set, dropping no snow but leaving the temperature just above freezing. We’d probably get snow before the hour was out.

The dolphins in the bay jumped and played, unaffected by the cold. Had we been closer, we could have heard them singing. It was a sweet song, another thing that separated them from their Earth-born cousins. Not a series of clicks, whistles, and sounds too high-pitched for human ears to hear, but a song like a chorus of angels. I used to love going to the beach with my father. Getting out of the palace was always a treat, and after his death I clung to the memory of those conversations.

Dad and I walked on the beach, hand in hand, our BodyGuards trailing after us like silent shadows. “Your mother is going to need all our help, Haili,” he said, staring out at the waves. His dark green eyes were hidden behind mirrored sunglasses, but I could feel the tension in the hand that was wrapped around mine.

I tried not to sigh, not to have the next words out of my mouth sound sullen, but judging from the slight smile on Father’s face, I only partially succeeded. “It’s boring.”

“It’s necessary.”

“Why can’t I go to the War Room with you? I’d rather know what the damned Sax are trying to pull.”

One of Father’s dark eyebrows winged up and he laughed. “Oh, my brilliant little soldier.” Dropping to a knee, he scooped me into a hug, his arms closing fiercely around me. He released me, holding on to my shoulders as he pulled back. “No more cursing though, okay? You’re only twelve and your mother would kill me if she knew you were doing that.”

“If she bothered to pay attention.”

“Haili.” Father slid his sunglasses off and cupped my face in his hands. “You’re right about the Saxons. They’re up to something. Your mother is under a lot of pressure to keep us all safe. Let’s help her out with that, okay? Like good soldiers?”

“Yes, sir.” I hung my head, watching my toes as I dug them into the gray sand. Father laughed again, but the strains of tension woven through his amusement were now evident to me, and when I launched myself into his arms, I clung to him with all my strength.

“Could we go down to the water?” The question slipped from me, and Emmory’s reflection jerked in surprise. All my attempts to get a reaction, and he was surprised by a request inspired by a stupid childhood memory—that figured.

“Highness, it wouldn’t be safe.”

“What’s safe? Cooped up in a cage?” I hoped my smile softened the teeth in my voice. “You know I’m not going to stand for it. I’ve spent a large chunk of my life with people trying to kill me, Emmory. The only difference between my life there and the one here is that I’m not armed right now. Which is something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”

“It’s safer for everyone if you aren’t armed.”

“Please.” The word was followed by snorted laughter. “You’re not believing the stories about me, Ekam?” I couldn’t resist the tease.

“You just threatened to kill the head of Home Fleet if she wasn’t loyal to the throne.” He gave me a look I was fast beginning to recognize: one mixed between frustration and amusement. “Highness, I know which ones are stories and which ones are truth. That makes it worse somehow.”

“Yes, but then you know I’m a hell of a shot, and despite rumors to the contrary, I have very good control of my temper.”

“It’s against protocol,” he said and my heart sank. “But I’ll think about it.”

I resisted the urge to hug him, settling instead for a beaming smile Emmory did not return.

My smile faded, and I glanced out the window once more. “Who killed my sisters, Emmory?”

“Highness, we’ve been home less than a day. I will need a little more time.”

“I want to see any information you have.”

His expression didn’t change. “You have enough on your plate.”

“Emmory, don’t try to tell me what to do. I want that information and I’ll have it with or without your help. They were my sisters, I have the right.”

Emmory dipped his head, his face still unreadable. I wished I could crack my BodyGuard open and figure him out, but I doubted even that would give me the answers I wanted. I pushed away from the windowsill with a sigh.

“I’d like to go to temple and visit my sisters, Ekam.”

I didn’t change clothes or mess with makeup for this trip. It wasn’t required after the first visit and I wasn’t in much of a mood to go through the fuss of a ceremony.

Shift change for my BodyGuards had been hours ago, but Emmory hadn’t quite settled on the members of my other teams so I was escorted to the temple by Willimet and Kisah.

The two women provided a study in polar opposites. Where Kisah was tall and blond, Willimet was tiny and dark. They both greeted me easily with smiles and quick bows.

The third member of their team, Rama, was younger than both of them. He bowed his dark, curly head as I came out of the room. “Your Highness.”

I smiled and resisted—only barely—the urge to pat his head. “Good evening, Rama.”

“Rama, stay on the door. You two are with us.” Emmory gestured down the hallway. Willimet took the lead and Kisah fell into step behind us.

If Nal had been by my side instead of Emmory, we’d look like a proper princess and her escorts.

Do you want to be proper, Hail, really? Thankfully my follow-up thought quashed the spike of guilt. I wasn’t ever going to be proper and I didn’t care about the gender of my BodyGuards.

“Fuck this place.” The words hissed out of my mouth before I could stop them and there was an audible inhale from behind me.

“Highness?”

“Nothing.” I cleared my throat and picked up my stride, forcing poor Willimet into a jog to stay ahead of me. People scrambled from my path so quickly I barely caught their rushed greetings.

Those are your people you’re trampling in your temper.

I came to such an abrupt halt that Kisah crashed into me and Emmory took several steps before he realized I wasn’t right beside him. The old man who’d just bowed out of my way looked up with something very close to terror on his face.

“Forgive me my haste, grandfather.” I hoped my smile eased his nerves. “What is your name?”

“Garuda, Your Highness.” He glanced at my BodyGuards, but smiled in return.

“That is an honorable name. It’s a great pleasure to meet you, Garuda.”

“My mother had high hopes, Your Highness. Sadly, I only spent my life in the kitchens.”

“We all need to eat. There are less honorable pursuits.”

“Truly spoken, Your Highness.” He bowed. “I shouldn’t keep you.”

“Have a good evening.”

“You as well, Your Highness. May the gods keep you.”

I nodded and headed down the corridor again, this time taking care to smile and speak to the few people I encountered along my way.

The temple was silent when I entered. The wire wrapped around my heart tightened again at the sight of my sisters and niece, their illusions still lying silently above the bank of flickering candles.

You were expecting them to wake up? The voice in my head bit hard. Get you out of this mess maybe? Or maybe you should grow up, Hail, and realize that this isn’t a dream and there’s work to do.

This time I was able to hold my cursing back and instead knelt wordlessly at the altar. I stayed there, silent, until my feet went numb and the candle flames blurred. I stayed there, frozen in grief, some kind of strange penance for running away in the first place.

If I’d stayed. If only I’d stayed, maybe they’d all still be alive.

“Announce yourselves.” Emmory’s order jerked me out of my guilt and I stumbled to my feet with Willimet’s help.

Father Westinkar emerged from the shadows, two young women behind him. “With my apologies, Ekam. We didn’t mean to startle you.”

“This is the family temple, priest.”

“Yes, however my office is open to all. I was counseling this couple. Go on, children.” He sent the pair off and bowed, looking straight at me as he did. “Some need the quiet voice. Especially those with unquiet hearts.”

“Emmory.” His name was an exhale as I grabbed for his arm. “Tefiz used to say that to me.”

“Be at peace, Ekam. I am ever the empire’s loyal servant.” Father Westinkar didn’t say anything else, just disappeared around the massive columns to his rooms at the back of the temple.

I started to follow him.

“Highness.”

“I have to know. Call off Zin and whoever else is running this way. Father Westinkar would never hurt me in a million years.”

“I am not worried about one old priest—”

“Good,” I interrupted him. “Let’s go then.” My heart was hammering in my chest, but I headed into the shadows.

Golden light spilled from the doorway of the priest’s office and living quarters. I followed it like a beacon. Part of me hoping I wasn’t giving Emmory a reason to say “I told you so.”

The two women, older than the ones who’d been in the hallway, turned from the fire as I came through the door. Tefiz hadn’t changed at all. Her hair still black as the sea at night and her diminutive figure still imposing through sheer force of will. The woman at her side wasn’t her wife, but Fenna Britlen. The former head of the GIS had gray streaks in her red curls and more laugh lines around her blue eyes.

“Highness.” Both women kept their hands visible as they dropped to a knee.

I was only dimly aware of the sound that clawed itself from my throat as I crossed the room and wrapped Tefiz in a hug. “Dead. I thought you were dead.”

“Almost, Ata.” She squeezed me once and then urged me to my feet. I dragged her up with me. Cupping my face, Tefiz shook her head. “I never thought I’d see the day. I’ll bet that hair is driving your empress-mother wild.”

“Probably.” I laughed. “Nothing to be done about it. Ofa?”

Tefiz shook her head. “Dead in the wreck, Highness. I almost followed her.” She made a curious gesture of interlocked fingers I’d only ever seen her make once before. In the car after my father died.

I sank into the soft red chair by the heating grate and took the cup the priest pressed into my hands.

“We will be outside if you need us, Highness.” Emmory, in a move so shocking I nearly dropped my cup, closed the door behind him and left me alone with Tefiz.

“Drink up, Highness. I suspect you need it.”

I was expecting tea, or coffee, anything but the sharp sting of brandy. It kicked me in the back of the throat, and when I got done struggling for breath, I looked up to find Tefiz smiling at me with a mischievous twinkle in her dark eyes.

“The Father keeps some good stuff on hand.”

“I’ll say. What are you doing here?”

“You’re in danger, Highness.”

This time my laughter was humorless. “Someone’s tried to kill me twice in the last few days. I’m pretty aware of the danger. I’m also pretty sure we can handle it.”

“Don’t underestimate these people, Highness. They have spent your lifetime putting into action a plan to tear this empire down to its foundations. They have nearly wiped out your family. They managed to kill almost all the loyal BodyGuards. They have made the people frightened—not only of what’s out there but of the very people they should be looking to for guidance.” She pointed a finger at me.

“Knowing who these people are would help.”

“Hai, if I knew that, we’d be talking with your sister.” Tefiz made the gesture again and looked at the floor. “I’ve failed you. I’ve failed your family. I failed my wife. The only thing keeping me going right now is the thought of revenge.”

“I’m still alive.” I came up out of my chair and grabbed her by the wrists. “You didn’t fail me.”

“I can’t recognize a single thing about you,” Tefiz whispered. Sadness was heavy in her eyes. “I let you go into the blackness of space alone. The Haili I knew may as well be dead.”

Of all the ways I’d imagined this reunion would go, this had not been on the list. “Maybe she is,” I said, releasing her and moving back to my chair. “Bugger me, maybe the Tefiz I knew died in the wreck, because I never thought I’d hear her give up so easily. I’m not an uncertain eighteen-year-old anymore.”

“You weren’t uncertain then either,” she said. “Determined, rash, intelligent, but not uncertain.”

“And you didn’t let me go into space alone. You and Ofa sent Portis with me. I can’t ever thank you enough for that.” The ache in my chest grew and I rubbed a hand over the spot. A smile ghosted across Tefiz’s face as she echoed the gesture.

“I’m glad my instincts were right on that at least.”

“I wish things could go back to the way they were.” I wasn’t even sure if I meant back to my gunrunning or back to my childhood.

“It’s over and done. The gods had a different plan for you.”

“You already know I stopped believing in the gods the day my father died.” I shook my head before Tefiz could protest. “That hasn’t changed in twenty years, except maybe I’ve grown even more bitter on the subject.”

“Whatever rot this is, Ata, it goes deeper than any of us fear and has consequences more terrible than any of us can guess. It’s no exaggeration to say you are the last hope of the Indranan Empire.”

“I’m a gunrunner, Tefiz, not an empress.”

“I am no politician, just a cast-off BodyGuard. However, I would hazard a guess that what Indrana needs right now is someone who can be more than an empress.” She pushed out of her chair. “I suspect your Ekam is getting restless and I need to get out of here before someone spots me.”

“You’re not staying?”

Tefiz smiled. “I was relieved of duty, Highness, and I’m supposed to be dead, remember? I think there’s quite enough for people to chatter about without tossing me into the mix. We’ll stay in touch through Fenna. I’m sure she gave your Ekam all the information we have on the bastards who did this—admittedly it’s not much, but maybe you can find something new.”

“Did anyone tell Mother why I left? Or does she really think I ran away?”

Tefiz blinked and shook her head. “I don’t think anyone told her, Highness. Ofa thought it best. Ven didn’t agree but I don’t know why he didn’t overrule her and tell the empress anyway. Maybe he thought with her illness it wouldn’t matter.”

I hugged her tight. “Everything has changed, but I’m still me and I missed you.”

She hugged me back. “I missed you, too, Ata. Watch your back and try not to give that Ekam of yours as much trouble as you used to give me.”

I nodded, too choked up to reply, and slipped out of the room. Emmory and Fenna turned, their conversation coming to an abrupt end.

“Fenna, it is good to see you again.” I took her hand and squeezed it. “Did you fill Emmory in on the reasons for my disappearing act?”

“I did, Highness. Did you get caught up with your friend?”

“Yes. You should go. I’ll speak with you both later.”

Fenna and Father Westinkar bowed. I tapped Emmory on the arm and headed back down the hallway where Willimet and Kisah waited. Neither of them gave any indication they’d heard anything out of the ordinary, but I was starting to see danger everywhere.