| |
––––––––
JOSH DIDN’T REMEMBER running up the hill. He found himself kneeling over Charlie, who was lying unmoving on her back where she had landed in the snow, just short of where Jace sat, still stunned.
“Charlie? Baby? Are you hurt?” She was staring up at him, her expression full of pain, breathing shallowly.
Brad was standing behind him. “Josh? What’s her status?”
Josh couldn’t think. He panicked. He was going to lose her. He was going to lose Charlie.
“Josh! What’s her status?” Brad grabbed Josh’s shoulders and shoved him out of the way. “Get a grip, man. Go around to her head.” Josh moved obediently to kneel at Charlie’s head. He was vaguely aware of the tears streaming from his eyes, causing her face to swim in his vision.
“Charlie? Where does it hurt?” Brad asked.
Her voice was so quiet Brad had to put his ear by her mouth to hear her. “Jace? Is Jace...”
“Jace is fine. He’s not hurt. Charlie, I need you to tell me where it hurts.”
“My... chest... hurts... so bad... can’t breath... arm hurts.”
Brad told Spencer, “In my backpack. Pocket knife. Bottom outside zipper pocket.”
“Charlie? Does your head hurt? Or your neck?”
“No,” she whimpered.
“Can someone call nine-one-one?”
“Done. Ski patrol is on the way.” Gherring was on his cell phone.
Brad took the proffered knife from Spencer and carefully cut away Charlie’s sleeve where it was shredded by the snowboard, opening her jacket to peel it back. Josh saw blood. Too much blood. She was losing too much blood. He felt nauseous like a first-year medical student.
“Josh!” Brad’s tone was harsh. “Snap out of it. Charlie needs you. Get the brachial artery, and stop the bleeding.”
Josh took a deep breath. Charlie needed him. He clamped his hand on the brachial artery, and she moaned. His head began to clear as he watched Brad press gently on her ribs, eliciting a whimper of pain.
“Charlie?” said Brad. “Can you take a deep breath for me?”
She gave a barely perceptible shake of her head in response, crying out as he pressed on her chest.
“Did you see that?” Josh exclaimed, as he felt the blood drain from his face. “Flail chest. Here on the left side.”
Brad nodded, pulled off his jacket and rolled it up to press against her side where the ribs were fractured. This time there was no response when he applied pressure to her fractured ribs.
“Charlie! Charlie!” said Brad. “Can you hear me?” When he looked at Josh, his face was grave. “She’s out. Watch her. Make sure she doesn’t stop breathing.”
“Right,” Josh nodded. “She may be bleeding internally.”
“Most likely,” said Brad. “But nothing we can do here.”
“Spinal injuries?” asked Josh.
“No way to know for sure,” said Brad. “We’ll have to brace her just in case.” He looked up from Charlie. “Did someone check on the snowboarder?”
“He says his leg hurts,” called Emily. “But he’s sitting up, so I guess his back is okay.”
Josh shot a furious glare at the young man, sitting in the snow near Jace, moaning in pain.
“Josh...” Brad spoke in a warning voice. “Stay focused here. You just worry about Charlie.”
“He killed her!” Josh couldn’t control his anger. He couldn’t control anything.
“She’s not dead,” Brad hissed. “You’re scaring everyone.”
“She needs an IV. We’ll never get her to a hospital in time.”
“Shut up, Josh!” Brad turned to Steven who was still on line with the nine-one-one operator. “Tell them we need an IV set up stat, normal saline. Anne, do you know her blood type?”
Anne was sobbing, her face buried in Steven’s jacket. She shook her head. “I’m s-so s-sorry. I d-don’t know.”
“It doesn’t matter. It’s okay,” said Brad.
“Brad! I don’t see her breathing!”
“Check for a pulse,” Brad ordered as he lifted her chin to give her two breaths.
“I can’t feel a pulse! She’s lost too much blood—she’s not going to make it!” Josh could hear the roar of the snowmobile pulling the litter toward them.
“Shut up, Josh. She’s going to make it,” Brad said, moving to do chest compressions.
“You’ll lacerate her organs.” Josh protested, but followed Brad’s lead, shifting to breathe into her mouth, while Brad gave chest compressions.
“They’re already lacerated,” said Brad. “We don’t have a choice. You know that.”
“I know. I know. Oh please, God. I know.” Josh replied, before breathing into her mouth again, tasting the salt of his tears on her skin.
“The hospital is close,” Brad said. “Really close. And they deal with trauma all the time.”
“It’s small.” Josh knew there was no way they could save her when she’d lost this much blood.
“It doesn’t matter what size it is. They’re good with trauma. And they’re good surgeons. Some of the best.”
“I’ll take care of her myself,” Josh muttered.
“You can’t. And even if you were on staff here, you’re in no emotional state to take care of her. You just forgot her breaths.”
Josh attempted to concentrate on Charlie’s CPR as the ski patrol worked on transporting her to the litter to carry her down the mountain.
“I’ve got to keep this CPR going on the way down,” said Brad. “I’ll have to ride with her.”
When the ski patrol started to protest, Brad said, “I’m a physician, and I’m telling you unless you want that young man over there charged with manslaughter, I have to ride with her.”
The men paled at his statement, but made no more protest. “And I want the emergency physician on the phone by the time we get to the base.”
Brad turned to Josh. “Get your stuff, buddy. You’ve got to ski down if you want to be in the ambulance.”
Josh was staring at the bloodstained snow where Charlie had been lying. “Josh!” yelled Brad. “We’re going!”
Josh suddenly realized Jace was still sitting in the snow, crying. Emily was holding him, trying to comfort him, even as she cried her own tears.
“Hurry, Josh. We’ll come as soon as we can. We’ll bring Jace. Just go!” Steven waved him away.
With one last look at the crimson blemish marring the slope, Josh hurried down the hill to retrieve his skis and race after Charlie, fearing in his heart she was truly gone forever.
*****
“WHAT’S THE real prognosis,” Steven asked Brad, pulling him to the side as he emerged from the emergency room doors into the waiting room with an angry Josh in tow.
“She’s critical. I’ll be honest—we won’t know until she gets out of surgery. She’s lost a lot of blood, and we don’t know how much internal damage she has. The x-ray showed hemothorax. That’s when there’s blood in the chest cavity. So they put in a chest tube and drained a lot of blood. We can’t be certain where all the blood’s coming from. One lung is torn, for sure. But the way it looks, we suspect her descending aorta has a nick, although there may be other internal lacerations as well. So they’re keeping her blood pressure low to keep pressure off the aorta until it’s repaired.”
Brad rubbed his head, feeling an ache coming on. “But at least her heart’s beating again. It appears her arm has a deep laceration and her ribs were shattered, but hopefully no other bones. She’s got an entire section of ribs broken, so her breathing isn’t working right. It’s called flail chest. That part of her chest wall doesn’t expand and contract when she breathes. In fact, it moves in the opposite direction. But they’re going to fix that during surgery.”
“What about him?” Steven indicated Josh with his eyes. He was pacing like a caged animal in front of the locked doors blocking him from Charlie.
“He’s ticked because they threw him out. I know he’s worried out of his mind, but he’s making everyone crazy. He’s not on staff here, but he’s trying to tell everyone what to do, like he would back in New York. To be honest, they probably would’ve let me stay in there, but I came out because they needed to get rid of Josh.”
Steven gripped his arm. “Thank you. Thanks you for saving her.”
“I hope that’s what we’ve done. Right now, it’s still touch and go.” He sighed, spying his wife and her sisters, sitting with Anne, Emily, Derek, and Spencer. “I guess I need to go give Grace a hug. I’m not really prepared to answer questions yet.”
“What should I tell Anne?”
“I think we should dwell on the positive. Her heart was beating on its own. That’s the only thing we know for sure.”
Grace stood as Brad approached and fell into his arms, her tears wetting his shirt. He hugged her tightly, whispering comforting words.
“Is she gonna make it?” Grace croaked out.
Brad avoided eye contact, “We’re very hopeful.”
“Brad!” Grace whispered in alarm. “That’s all you can say?”
“Please don’t ask me right now, okay?”
Grace buried her face in his chest, sobbing.
“Grace... Baby,” he whispered in her ear. “You’re going to scare Anne and Emily. You need to buck up and smile like I gave you really good news. Okay?” She nodded, trying to force a smile onto her teary face.
Emily approached them with tear-tracks staining her face. “Josh looks really upset. Does that mean it’s bad?”
“No, Josh is upset because he’s used to being able to control everything. This time, it’s out of his hands, and he’s going crazy. I’m tempted to make him take a sedative.” He watched as Josh patrolled the doorway with haunted eyes.
*
STEVEN DID HIS BEST to reassure Anne with the slim bit of optimistic news Brad imparted, deliberately ignoring the negative aspects. With that task out of the way, he steeled himself to confront Josh. He found his target pacing in front of the emergency room doors.
“Come on, Josh. Let’s take a walk.”
“I can’t. They might come out while I’m gone.”
Steven pulled him toward the outside door. “They just went into surgery—it will take a while. You and I need to have a talk.”
Josh moved like a zombie, unaware of his surroundings. Steven handed him his coat, and he slipped it on and zipped it up against the chilly wind.
“What’s going on in your head?” Steven watched him squeeze his eyes tight as if he couldn’t stand to think.
“She may never wake up.” The words tore from his mouth with a torrent of anguish. “I’ll never get to talk to her. I won’t get to tell her... anything.”
Steven put a hand on his shoulder. “She will wake up.”
“You don’t know that.” His voice cracked. “We don’t even know what’s going on in surgery.”
“When you don’t have control, you’ve got to have faith. That’s your job right now. That’s what you can do for Charlie. You have to believe she’ll be okay. You have to pray. You can’t fix this yourself.” Steven could tell his words had hit their mark when Josh’s shoulders slumped.
“You’re right—I feel so helpless. I did an emergency medicine residency because I wanted the ability to fix people... to save lives. I still remember the first person who died in my care. I’d done everything I knew to do, but I couldn’t save him. I was so angry. And frustrated. But eventually I learned to accept I wasn’t God, that I couldn’t fix everything.”
Josh paused, before boring into Steven with angst-ridden eyes. “But it’s different with Charlie.”
“Because you love her?”
He nodded, dropping his gaze.
“Look Josh, I believe she’ll make it—I really do. But you’ve got another problem right now. You’ve got a scared little nephew in there who needs you. And he thinks this is his fault.”
“It’s not Jace’s fault. Why would he think that?”
“All he knows is Charlie did this to save him, and you haven’t spoken to him since it happened.”
“But I don’t blame him for this. I blame that idiot snowboarder who took a blind jump without bothering to check the landing below. It was totally irresponsible.”
“Look, I know you’ve got a lot to deal with right now, but you’ve got to talk to Jace. He’s really suffering and afraid. And if the worst happens and Charlie doesn’t make it, he’s going to have an even bigger load of guilt. You’ve got to help him.”
“But what if I screw this up? I don’t know what to say? I’ve only been a father for less than two weeks. And I’m really afraid she won’t live. He’s gonna know. I can’t hide it.”
“Do you love Jace?”
“Of course I do. I may not have known him for a long time, but I love him.” Josh sounded almost offended at the question.
“Then I think it’s time you said that to Jace,” said Steven. “Kids need to see it and hear it.”
“Okay... okay, I’ll tell him.”
As he turned to go inside, Steven caught his arm, “And Josh, the same goes for women. They have to see it and hear it. I don’t know what you’re planning to do about Charlie and Olivia, but—”
“I know what I’m going to do.” His voice didn’t waver as he spoke. “I’m not marrying Olivia—even if it means I lose Chloe. And if Charlie wakes up, I’m hoping she’ll marry me. But if she turns me down, I’ll wait and try to make her change her mind. And I’ll keep trying until she marries me... or someone else.”
Steven smiled and clapped him on the shoulder. “That’s the Josh I know. I’m really proud of you. She may take some convincing, especially since you swore you were in love with Olivia. But I think she’ll come around eventually. And this way, you won’t have to talk her into marrying you by January.”
*
JOSH FOUND JACE SITTING in the corner of the waiting room next to Emily and Spencer. “Mind if I talk to you for a second?”
At Jace’s nod, he slipped into the seat beside him. “Would it be okay if you sat in my lap? I’m kind of scared, and I could use a hug.”
Jace almost flew into his lap, throwing his arms around Josh and sobbing against his chest. Josh couldn’t hold back another round of tears. When he felt the shaking in Jace’s body subsiding, he said, “I need to tell you something. Okay?”
“Okay,” Jace answered in a small voice.
“I need to tell you I love you. I almost lost you today. If that snowboard had hit your head, I would never have had the chance to say it.”
“But Charlie would be okay, instead of me.”
“I don’t want Charlie to be okay instead of you. I want both of you to be okay. You know, Charlie risked her life for you today because she loves you, too.”
“B-but wh-what if sh-she dies?” Jace sobbed out the words.
“Oh, Jace... It would be so awful if Charlie died. But Papa Steven just told me our job is to believe she’s going to be okay. So that’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to believe, and we’re going to pray. Okay?” He let his own tears stream down his face, without bothering to wipe them off.
“I’m s-sorry I f-fell and I w-wouldn’t let Charlie h-help me up. Th-that’s why I w-was in the w-way.”
“No, Jace. It wasn’t your fault—it was just a crazy accident. And we can’t have you feeling all guilty about something that wasn’t your fault. Charlie would hate that. Anyway, she was so proud of you for being independent. She told me she loved the way you insisted on getting up without any help.”
“But I don’t w-want her to d-die.”
“She won’t. Okay? She won’t die—I won’t let her.” Josh hugged him tight, wondering how he was going to keep his promise, hating his helplessness all the more.
*****
AN ETERNITY PASSED before the doors opened and the surgeon came out, calling for the Best family. The entire group rushed to surround him. Anne was holding Steven’s hand, and he grimaced at the force of her squeeze.
“Sorry,” she whispered.
She tried to understand what the doctor was saying to Brad. She caught a few important words, “critical, but stable.” Only then did she realize she’d been holding her breath. Tears of relief flowed down her cheeks. She’d been more afraid than she’d admitted out loud, feeling the need to be strong for Emily.
“She was really lucky this happened with an emergency physician around. Otherwise I doubt she would have survived long enough to get to the emergency room. But if the aorta had been totally transected, there’s nothing any of us could have done. As it is, we’ve given her five pints of blood.”
“What’s the extent of damage to the other organs?” Josh asked.
The doctor directed his answer to Brad. “As I was saying... she lost a lot of blood. Some of that blood came from her aorta, and some from her other lacerations. We had to remove her spleen. And of course, we already knew her lung was damaged. Her overall prognosis is good, but the next twenty-four hours will be critical.”
“When can we see her?” asked Anne.
“She’ll be in Critical Care, so we only let immediate family in, one or two at a time.”
“We’re her parents, and this is her sister and brother-in-law.”
“That’s fine. You can just tell the nurse in CCU. But not all at once.”
“I need to see her,” Josh choked out.
The doctor glared at him, eyes like flint. “I’m sorry, Dr. Branson. You must realize we can’t give you privileges at this hospital. As long as she’s in CCU, visitors will be restricted to immediate family.”
Purple blood vessels stood out on the side of Josh’s forehead. He took a step toward the surgeon, but Brad put a restraining hand on his arm.
“He’s her fiancé,” said Brad.
“Fiancé? Really?” He narrowed his eyes at Josh, who hesitated, but then nodded his head.
Anne heard Derek chuckling behind her, and turned to shush him, kicking her foot playfully in his direction.
“Fine. You can see her,” the doctor replied in a brusque tone, glaring at Josh. “But you’re not looking at her records!”
When Josh turned around, Anne thought she’d never seen his face quite so red. No one spoke, but some of the group were biting back smiles.
“What?” He marched across the room and escaped outside.
“He’s marrying Charlie now,” said Olivia. “I guess this means I’m officially off the hook.”
*****
“I’M SORRY, SIR...” The nurse clicked off the computer screen.
“Dr. Branson,” Josh corrected.
“I know. I’m sorry Dr. Branson. I can’t let you see it.”
“Sally? Was that your name? Sally, I won’t do anything. I just need to take a quick look.”
“I’m sorry, but Dr. Garrett gave me strict instructions not to show you her records.”
“That’s ridiculous! I just want to see her blood counts and review the medications. I’m not telling anyone what to actually prescribe.”
“I’m sorry...” she said, her face white as she backed from the room.
“I’ll take it from here,” said a voice in the hallway.
“Thank you Dr. Sommers.” Her tense face relaxed as she fled the room, retreating to her station.
“Hello, I don’t think we’ve met,” said a tall, gray-haired man, with a smile that crinkled around his eyes. He stuck out his hand. “I’m Dr. Sommers. Ted Sommers.”
“Dr. Branson.” Josh shook his hand, watching him with wary eyes.
“Yes,” he chuckled. “I know who you are. You made quite a scene this afternoon, as I understand it.” He looked at his watch. “Or, I guess that was yesterday afternoon, since it’s one a.m.”
“I was only trying to—”
“I know, Dr. Branson. I know you’re only trying to help. And I’ve been in your shoes before. I know exactly how you feel.” His tone was gentle and kind.
“I doubt it,” Josh muttered.
“Come now. Surely, you don’t think you’re the only man who ever thought he was losing the woman he loved? And it’s even worse in our profession, because we somehow think we’re ultimately responsible.”
Dr. Sommers walked over to Charlie’s bed, where she was lying unconscious. “I can see why you love her, and I haven’t even met her yet. Is she as beautiful inside as out?”
Josh gazed at her face, unmarred by the accident. Except for the nasal cannula, she could have been resting at home in bed. Like sleeping beauty. “Yes, she is. She threw herself in front of an irresponsible snowboarder to save my nephew’s life.”
“She seems to be an amazing girl. And I can see you love her very much.” He picked up the laptop computer. “Now, if you’d like, we’ll sit on the couch together and review her chart. I haven’t gotten to read it yet.”
“I thought Dr. Garrett said—”
“Yes, yes,” He waved his hand about. “Dr. Garrett doesn’t want you to see her records. But I’ve been doing this a long time, and I’m not as insecure or as easily offended as Dr. Garrett.” He smiled again. “Besides, I have a feeling no one could be more motivated to save this young woman’s life than you, Dr. Branson.”
“It’s Josh.” He sat down beside the older doctor as he felt the tension ease in his chest. “Thank you so much, Dr. Sommers.”
“It’s Ted.”
After scrutinizing every word, Josh sat back and sighed, almost disappointed. “It’s exactly what I would have prescribed.”
Ted chuckled. “That doesn’t mean you’re not useful, here. You have an even more important role than being her doctor. You’re her reason to live. When is the wedding?”
Josh felt his face burning. “If I confess something, will you promise not to throw me out?”
“Go right ahead. If I hadn’t gotten into medical school, I was going to be a priest.”
“I haven’t actually asked her yet.”
“I see. But you’ve talked about it, right?”
“Uhmm... It’s complicated.”
“But you do plan to marry her?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Well, at least she knows you love her, even if you haven’t said the ‘M’ word. Right?”
“Uhmm... It’s complicated. You see, I told her I loved her two years ago, but she didn’t believe me.”
Ted sat back, plainly bemused. “Let me get this straight. Two years ago you told her you loved her, and she clearly didn’t believe you? And you haven’t told her again since then?”
“No, but I told her I’d be waiting for her if she changed her mind about me. And I’ve been trying to be the kind of man who deserves her.”
His eyebrows flew up. “So for two years...”
“She was living in another state. That’s why I didn’t push her.”
“I would say you’ve taken ‘not pushing her’ to a new extreme,” he remarked drolly.
Josh dropped his face into his hands. “I know. I know it was stupid. And then yesterday, I almost lost her...”
“So what’s holding you back now? Is she in love with someone else?”
“No, it’s not that. There was a complication. I thought I had a responsibility that would keep us apart. But now I know she’s more important.”
“And so, when she wakes up, you’re planning to tell her? Is that why you’re so nervous?”
Josh nodded his head, struggling to find a drop of saliva to wet his cottony mouth.
Ted chuckled. “Even the greatest of men is brought to his knees in the face of love.”
“You’re so right. It’s awful. I’m way more nervous than when I took my board exams.”
“Okay, I’ll make a deal with you. I won’t tell anyone you’re not her fiancé yet, if you won’t frighten my nurses anymore.”
“I wasn’t trying to scare her.”
“I know. But you need to look in the mirror. You’re pretty terrifying with that scowl you have on. You’re going to scare poor Charlotte to death when she finally wakes up.”
*****
“IS THAT HIM?” WHISPERED the young nurse in the doorway, staring with huge round eyes at Josh. He’d fallen asleep sitting beside Charlie, slumped forward with his head on her bed, his arm draped across her. “He doesn’t look scary.”
“Well, he was really scary at first, but he’s been nicer since Dr. Sommers talked to him,” the older nurse replied. “It’s kind of sweet, actually. They’re engaged. And the story is she risked her life to save some little boy. She got hit by a snowboard.”
“He looks cute,” said the girl, peeking in the doorway. She could just make out his face. “What color are his eyes?”
“They’re green. And yes, he’s really cute. But didn’t you hear me? They’re engaged.”
“Yes, but I’ve got a little window of time while she’s asleep.”
“Eva!” said the older woman, with obvious shock and disapproval.
“Sally, you’re so gullible. I’m just teasing. I think it’s very romantic. He’s been there all night?”
“He hasn’t left her side. Refused to even sleep on the couch.”
“What about the girl... Let’s see...” She looked at the chart. “Charlotte? How are her vitals? Anything unexpected?”
“Dr. Garrett said she should’ve woken up by now, but Dr. Sommers isn’t too worried about it. So far, her vitals have been good. As soon as she wakes up though, she’s going to be in pain. You’ll need to set her up on the PCA.”
“Okay. Hopefully, he’ll need me for something while I’m on shift.” Eva made a dreamy face. “Dr. and Mrs. Eva Branson—it has such a nice ring to it.”
This time Sally laughed with her as they exited the room. Neither one noticed Charlie’s eyes as they fluttered open.
