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JOSH WAS LOSING HIS temper even as he struggled to keep a neutral expression. Derek laughed until his eyes watered. At least the others were trying to keep their amusement hidden. The entire group had been lounging around the house, waiting for Josh to arrive and give them the latest update on Charlie. Anne and Steven were still at the hospital, and Spencer and Emily were taking a turn during the afternoon.
“So now you and Charlie are getting married? Can I assume this means I no longer have permission to date her?” asked Derek.
“Shut up, Derek.”
Grace was grinning as she hugged him. “Congratulations, Josh. I guess this means we’re not going to be related after all.”
“It’s about time you listened to me,” said Olivia. “I told you from the beginning—”
“Yes okay. I know,” Josh cut her off.
“But wait... Does this mean I can ask Olivia out?” Derek winked.
“Sure,” Olivia answered.
“Yesterday you told me you were thinking about marrying Charlie,” Josh fumed.
“I’m just a good actor. And it was all part of the master plan.”
“What master plan?” asked Josh with growing irritation.
“Yeah. What master plan?” asked Brad.
Grace signaled Derek, shaking her head and zipping her lips.
“Grace,” said Josh. “You seem to be in on this plan. Care to share?”
Brad furrowed his brows. “Grace, you promised me...”
“Don’t act so innocent, Brad. You were doing your part, too,” Emily said. “You were just more subtle about it.”
“What master plan?” Josh bellowed.
“Poor Josh!” Hannah chuckled. “You see, we all knew you were in love with Charlie, but you couldn’t see it or wouldn’t admit it. All we did was help you realize the truth.”
“And what about Charlie? Did you manipulate her, too?”
“Only a little bit,” said Emily. “We only had to convince her Olivia wasn’t in love with you, which was the truth.”
Josh felt a little nauseous. This was why Charlie had offered to marry him. They’d manipulated her to feel sorry for him. He’d hoped there was a little more affection behind her motives. Now he knew she truly only wanted to help him adopt the kids.
“I’m going to take a shower.” He needed to be alone, to nurse his depression.
“Don’t be mad,” said Olivia. “We all just wanted things to work out for you and Charlie. And they did. Right?”
“Right,” he murmured, retreating to his room.
*****
“HEY SISTER.”
“Why are you here? You’re missing skiing.” Charlie saw her sister fighting against tears. Spencer had a comforting hand on her shoulder.
“No one felt like going today.”
“I’m sorry. I guess I kind of ruined the trip.”
“You’re kidding, right?” Spencer’s arched his brows. “You think we’d have had a better trip if Jace had been killed?”
“To be honest, I don’t remember the accident. And I feel guilty and frustrated.”
“You don’t remember anything? Not even when you were yelling at Jace to move out of the way?” asked Spencer. “And you don’t remember the snowboarder taking the jump?”
“It’s a total blank.”
“That’s probably a good thing,” said Emily. “Because it was pretty terrifying to watch. But suffice it to say, no one feels like skiing today. We’re just hanging out and watching movies and letting the two-year-olds entertain us.”
“So what’s this I hear about you and Josh getting married?” asked Spencer.
“That’s right,” said Charlie. “We love each other, and we’re getting married.”
“Are you sure you’re in love with him? This isn’t because the girls manipulated you and—”
“Spencer,” Emily cut him off. “That’s enough...”
“What? I think she has a right to know.”
“A right to know what?” Charlie’s heart was racing.
“It’s nothing, Charlie. He’s making a big deal out of nothing.”
“If it’s nothing, then tell her,” said Spencer.
“Yes, tell me.”
Emily sighed. “We all knew—”
“Not all,” Spencer corrected. “Leave me out of this.”
“As I was saying,” Emily continued. “We knew you and Josh were in love but neither of you would admit it. So, all we did was help y’all figure it out.”
“How?” Dread settled on her chest like a heavy weight.
“We didn’t do much, really. I mean, Olivia had already decided she wasn’t going to marry Josh, but we finally got him to accept the idea. Honestly, I think when you risked your life to save Jace, and he knew he could have lost you, that’s when he realized he was still in love with you.”
Charlie knew it wasn’t true. She’d hoped he might still have some feelings for her, but Emily had just confirmed what she already suspected. Josh felt obligated to her because she’d saved Jace’s life. And she knew he was grateful she was going to help him adopt Chloe and Jace. But could feelings of obligation and gratitude ever grow into love? Probably not.
*****
JOSH HAD A BIG PROBLEM. How could he assure Charlie he would always love her—that no scars or weaknesses would change anything—without telling her he was already in love with her. He’d been trying to demonstrate his feelings for her. He’d stayed with her at the hospital as much as possible. He’d helped her to eat and brush her teeth. He’d told her repeatedly how much he appreciated her risking her life for Jace. He’d explained how he could never repay her. He’d explained how her scars would be small and would only remind him of her amazing sacrifice. But nothing he’d said or done had seemed to lift her spirits.
Brad and Olivia were keeping a close watch on their stoic patient during the three-hour flight to New York. So far, Josh hadn’t found an opportunity to speak to her alone. She practiced her breathing exercises without complaint, but he could tell she wasn’t happy. What if she was having second thoughts about the marriage?
He had no choice but to confess the truth. That he loved her. That he’d never stopped loving her. That he would always love her. She might be angry with him for asking Olivia to marry him while he was still in love with Charlie. She might despise him for attempting to use her friend. But her security and happiness was the most important thing. He would tell her the truth... the moment the right opportunity presented itself.
*
THE DRONING JET ENGINES mirrored the groans in her soul. Charlie was depressed. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t seem to pull herself out of it. She should be happy. She was out of the CCU and on her way home. She was marrying the man she loved. She loved Chloe and Jace, and couldn’t wait to be their mother. Josh treated her with incredible care and respect. He’d promised to try to love her.
But she realized he might never have any feelings for her beyond esteem and admiration. She tried to imagine her marriage, longing for love from the man who’d always be a constant reminder of what she couldn’t have. Could her love and relationship with Chloe and Jace make up for the lack of love from Josh?
Only four days had passed since the accident, but her recovery seemed incredibly slow. She tried to use as little pain medication as possible and despised herself for still needing it. And every time Josh was nice to her, it only made her heart ache more. He obviously felt so much guilt over her supposed sacrifice he might even pretend to love her. And how would she ever know whether it was real or not.
Additionally, she knew everyone had misinterpreted the accident on the ski slope. She’d tried over and over again, but couldn’t remember anything akin to what had been reported to her. She was not only upset Josh felt obligated to her, but also positive his adulation was undeserved.
Olivia seemed to find too much pleasure in her role as Charlie’s nurse on the plane. “So how do you feel?” She checked her blood pressure for the umpteenth time.
“I feel absurd. My blood pressure is fine. Everyone is making too big of a deal out of things. I’m fine, and my blood pressure isn’t going to suddenly shoot up.”
“Well, if you start bleeding internally, it might suddenly drop off. But I’m asking about your pain level. What is it on a scale of one to ten?”
“A two, I guess.”
Olivia raised her brows. “Two being a high level of pain or not much pain?”
“Not much pain.”
“And why do I think you’re lying to me?” Olivia asked.
“I don’t need any more pain medicine.”
“Charlie, it’s only been four days since the accident and surgery. It’s okay to still need pain medication.”
“I don’t need it.”
“Is this because you think your hero status will suffer if you take pain medication?” she teased.
“I’m not a hero! You weren’t even there.”
“Maybe not, but Derek told me what happened, and he was there.”
“Well, I was closer. And I say it was just an accident.”
“What’s the argument about?” asked Brad as he entered the makeshift hospital room occupying the bedroom on Steven’s private jet. “Are you upsetting our patient?”
“She won’t take pain medication, and she thinks she didn’t sacrifice herself for Jace,” Olivia answered, smiling at Charlie as if she were indulging a small child. “So I’ll leave you to handle our stubborn friend.”
Brad got out a syringe and loaded it, preparing to inject into Charlie’s IV.
“Wait! What is that? I told Olivia I don’t need any more pain medication.”
Brad ignored her, continuing to inject the syringe. “Your blood pressure and heart rate are elevated, a certain sign you’re in pain, even if you’re too stubborn to tell us. Now I know you must feel better—I saw your muscles relax.”
“Yes, but I don’t want to get addicted to pain meds.” Her tongue became a piece of rubber.
“Stop worrying. We won’t let that happen. And about the other thing you said... There were seven of us watching the whole episode, not counting you and Jace. We all saw what happened. And you don’t even remember.”
“That’s just it. I would know if that was really what happened. I would remember making the decision. That’s why I know it was only an accident.”
Brad shook his head. “Charlie, what difference does it make to you anyway? Why do you insist on arguing about it?”
“Because I don’t deserve this stupid praise I’m getting. And more importantly, because... If I talk to you, will you promise to keep it to yourself? Like doctor/patient confidentiality?”
“Yes, I promise.” He grinned. “Unless you’re planning to kill someone.”
She couldn’t meet his eyes. “It’s important because Josh feels obligated to me. He’s acting different. Completely different from before the accident.”
Brad placed a gentle hand on hers. “He loves you, Charlie. It took him almost losing you to realize it. That’s why he acts differently now.”
“That’s not it.” Tears welled in her eyes. “I’ve seen how he looks at me. How guilty he looks.”
“He should feel guilty,” said Brad. “He was planning to marry someone else when he was in love with you.”
“Or he’s trying to act the way he thinks he’s supposed to act with someone who saved his nephew’s life.”
“Charlie...”
“And he gives me this pitying look when he can tell I’m in pain. That’s why I don’t want him to know.”
“Charlie, you’re being unreasonable. Maybe he loves you and doesn’t want to see you hurting.”
“Brad, remember your promise, not to repeat this to anyone...” she warned, glancing toward the door to be certain no one was listening. “I know he’s not really in love with me. We talked about it when I woke up from surgery.”
Brad was shaking his head. “Charlie, you must have been out of it from the drugs. You misunderstood.”
“No. He told me he wasn’t going to marry Olivia, and I offered to marry him so he could still adopt Chloe. And he agreed to pretend we were in love.”
Brad scrunched up his face, trying to make sense of her words. “Are you saying he said he didn’t love you? That he would just pretend to love you?”
“Yes, but we both agreed to work on the marriage so we would eventually grow to love each other. We were serious about the commitment.”
“Charlie, you are seriously screwed up if you believe that.”
“What? You don’t think we can grow to love each other?”
“No, Charlie, I think you’re already in love.”
Salty drops ran down her face. “I know I am, but he isn’t. And I don’t want his pity or gratitude. This whole accident thing has ruined everything.”
“Please don’t cry. I hate it when women cry. I can’t even be mad at you for being ridiculous when you’re crying.”
“I’m s-sorry.” His words opened the floodgates. “It s-seems like I c-cry all the t-time now.”
“It’s probably a side effect of your pain meds.” Brad patted her hand. “But seriously, Charlie. What would he have to do to prove he loves you?”
“For starters, he’d have to stop being so nice all the time.”
Brad rolled his eyes around. “Do you women have a rulebook or something? I mean... Is there someplace where this stuff is written down? Something we men can refer to? Because that doesn’t make any sense to me at all.”
“It makes perfect sense. When you love someone, you respect them instead of pitying them. So you’re willing to fight and argue with them. Right now he treats me the same way he would treat one of his dying patients.” A thought suddenly occurred. “Am I actually dying, and no one has told me? Because I would be so mad—”
“No, Charlie. You’re not likely to die now. But you really did come close. That’s the only reason he’s been handling you with kid gloves.” His face brightened. “In fact, I bet you could get him riled up enough to argue with you, now. Maybe then you won’t be so suspicious.”
“How? What would he argue about?”
“I don’t know,” he said, scratching his head. “He really loves his apartment. Maybe you could insist he needed to get a different one.”
“I’ve never actually been to his apartment.”
“He loves his job in the ER. You could suggest he needed to change to something where he wouldn’t ever be on call. You know, something like dermatology. Something impossible, where he’d have to apply and do a whole new residency.”
“Okay, I’ll try. But I doubt it’ll work.” Her temporary enthusiasm was lost as her gloomy shroud returned. “Thanks for listening, Brad. And I’m counting on you to keep this conversation confidential.”
Brad replied with an irritated grunt.
Josh had a perfect opportunity to speak to Charlie, to tell her the truth, while she was alone in the bedroom suite of the private jet. He steeled his nerves and crept into the room.
“Hey... How are you feeling?” he asked.
“I feel great.”
His heart clenched. He could tell she was still lying about her pain, and he couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t be honest with him.
“Uhmm... We need to talk,” Josh said.
“Yeah. I do need to tell you something.” He noticed her eyes were darting around, and she wouldn’t quite look at him. “I think I... I uhmm... remember the accident.”
“Really?”
“Yes, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t throw myself in front of Jace, like you thought. I think I just tripped.”
“Yes, you did. You jumped sideways in front of the snowboard. Everyone saw you.”
“No. It was just an accidental fall. I’m sure of it.”
“Why are you saying this?”
“I’m just being honest.”
“I know what I saw, and everyone else saw it too.” Why would she deny what she’d done? Her actions only inspired him to be as selfless with her as she’d been with Jace. As always, Charlie inspired him to be a better person.
“You misinterpreted things. I was trying to get him to move, but I didn’t do anything heroic—it was an accident. You don’t owe me anything, and neither does Jace. I mean... I love Jace, and I’m glad he’s okay, but...”
“You’re wrong,” Josh said, as he felt himself losing his tight control. “I do owe you. I owe you everything.” He banged his hand down on the bedside table. “You’re the reason I’m getting to adopt Chloe and Jace, and you’re the reason Jace is alive.”
She gave a heavy sigh, and he saw a glimpse of pain before an impassive mask fell over her face. “I’ve been thinking, I’m not sure I like you being in emergency medicine. There are too many times you’d be on call. So I thought you might switch over to something different. Something like say... dermatology.”
“Dermatology!” he snapped. “Are you kidding me?” She was asking him to abandon the career he loved after completing a four-year residency and working his way up in the hospital. He’d have to start a brand new residency. What’s more, he wasn’t even interested in dermatology. He glared her direction and saw her expression, wide-eyed and hopeful. How could he disappoint her? If this was what it took to make her happy, he at least had to be willing to try.
“I’ll be honest. I’m not crazy about the idea. But if it’s really what you want, I’ll check into residency programs in New York.”
He saw the hope die in her eyes. “That’s okay—I think the ER is fine. Whatever you want is fine.”
“But I thought you wanted—”
“Never mind.” She turned her head away. “I think I want to go back to sleep.”
“But we haven’t really talked.”
She closed her eyes and refused to respond.
He’d have to wait for another opportunity to tell her he already loved her.
*****
“WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO to get out of here?” Charlie complained. “It’s almost Christmas and I still have shopping to do.”
“I know how much you hate it. I think you get that from me.” Her mom’s grin was infectious.
“But Steven got you out of the hospital and hired Connie Marshall as a home nurse. I’m still stuck in here.” She heard the whine in her voice, but she couldn’t stop herself.
“There’s a chance they’ll release you today,” said Anne. “But I think Josh likes having you here where he can run up and check on you.”
“Well I don’t like it. If they don’t release me, I swear I’m going to get dressed and walk out and take the subway home.”
“Oh my.” Charlie heard someone chuckling from the doorway. “We can’t have you taking the subway home.” Her doctor, Sherri Evans, approached her bed. “Is it so terrible in here?”
“Yes. Please let me out.”
“I can probably release you today if you won’t be alone. I know you’re engaged to Dr. Branson. Will you be going home with him?”
Charlie felt her face redden, but her Mom saved her from explaining. “She’ll be coming home with us for now. I’m not working for the next two weeks, so I can keep an eye on her.”
“I start law school on January eighth,” said Charlie.
“That’s pretty quick.” Dr. Evans checked Charlie’s incisions. “You seem to be healing well on the outside, but don’t let that fool you. You’ve got a lot more healing to do internally.” She looked up and smiled. “Okay, I’ll sign your release papers.”
“Thank you!” Charlie wanted to leap from the bed, but she knew better than to make any jerky movements that might cause a flash of pain.
“When is the wedding?” Dr. Evans asked.
“Soon—we’re not doing a big ceremony.”
“That sounds like Josh. He’s lucky he found someone who thinks like he does. He’s very excited—he talks about you all the time.”
“He does?” She couldn’t hide the surprise in her voice.
“Yes. And he smiles all the time now. He used to be a bit grouchy. So we’re all really grateful to you.”
“Yeah, he’s grateful, too.”
Dr. Evans arched her eyebrow high. “You don’t seem too excited. Are you worried because of your injuries?”
“I’m excited about the wedding, but I’m anxious to get out of here.” She forced her lips into an upward curve.
“Well, in that case, you should be in a really good mood now. We’ll send someone up with a wheelchair when you’re ready to go. You’re not allowed to walk out of here.”
“I don’t know how much rest you’re going to get with the boys in the apartment. They’re going to be so excited you’re staying with us.” Anne was already calling to make arrangements for a ride home.
“I think I’d be fine on my own,” she muttered.
“We’re going to do everything they say so you don’t risk any setbacks,” Anne reasoned.
“I’m sorry, Mom. You’re right, but I’m used to being independent.”
“Well, you might as well get used to losing your independence. I guess you’ll be married in a month, unless you’ve decided to back out of it.” She paused, and the air felt thick with emotion. “You don’t have to go through with it if you’re not ready.”
“No. I’m ready to get married. I’m not changing my mind.”
“Well, I have to agree with Dr. Evans. You don’t seem very enthusiastic.”
“It’s because I don’t like being an invalid.”
“Are you sure that’s all?”
“That’s all. I promise.”
Three quick raps sounded on the door and Olivia appeared. “Hey! I hear you’re getting out today.”
“Yep,” said Charlie. “Just got my walking papers.”
“I’m going to check on the car.” Anne slipped out the door.
“Stay in bed for now. I’ll pack up your things for you.” Olivia emptied the closet, placing the clothes in her bag. “Why aren’t you wearing an engagement ring yet?”
“I hadn’t even thought about it.”
“Well, he’s already got a whopper he made me wear when we talked to the ad litem. I’m surprised he hasn’t tried to give it to you yet.”
She didn’t really want to wear the ring he bought for Olivia, but she wouldn’t complain. Why worry about a ring if your husband doesn’t love you. “He’s been really busy since we got back. I’m sure he hasn’t thought about it.”
“Well, what are you getting him for Christmas?”
“I have no idea. I’ve been stuck in this prison, and I haven’t had time to do any Christmas shopping.” Charlie felt panicky as she considered the daunting task.
“Well, I’m going to take you shopping tomorrow... In a wheelchair.”
“I’m not going shopping in a wheelchair.”
“You know good and well you won’t be able to go any other way, and there are only two days before Christmas. You don’t have time to order online.”
“Ugh! I hate shopping. And I hate shopping in crowds. And I’m going to hate being stared at in a wheelchair.”
“Lucky for you, you’re going shopping with me. Because I love shopping. And I love shopping in crowds at Christmas. And I’m going to look so hot no one will even notice you in the wheelchair.”
Charlie chortled. “Ow! Stop making me laugh—it hurts!”
“It’s about time you got out of this grumpy mood. A few broken bones, a busted aorta, and a lost spleen, and you get all crabby and petulant.”
“Don’t forget the hole in my lungs. But that’s not it. The problem is I didn’t get to finish my ski trip.” She chuckled. “And I’m not kidding about that. I’m really mad I only got half a day on my board.”
“Well, you don’t have time to brood about it. We’ve got places to go, people to see, sales to hit, and sweets to eat.”
*****
“SO WHAT ARE YOU GETTING Charlie for Christmas?” Brad asked Josh as they donned their lab coats.
“I’ve got it covered,” Josh said, proudly. “I’m giving her an engagement ring.”
“When did you have time to go ring shopping?”
“Luckily, I already had one. And it’s a beauty!”
“Josh. You’re kidding me, right? You’re going to give her the same ring you gave Olivia?”
“Well... yes. But technically, I didn’t actually give it to Olivia, because she turned it down. She only wore it for an hour while we talked to the ad litem.”
“And you already know what kind of ring she wants?”
“It’s a big diamond. What else matters?”
“Believe me, all women have very specific ideas of what they want in an engagement ring. But don’t take my word for it. Ask Charlie. Or if you want to surprise her, ask Emily. She probably knows what Charlie wants.”
“I can’t do that by Christmas. Now I’ll have to think of something else.” He should have known he couldn’t use the same ring for Charlie. Of course he needed to make her feel special.
“You know what I think would make her really happy?” asked Brad.
“What?” he asked eagerly.
“I think she’d like to be absolutely certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, you’re in love with her.”
“I’m pretty sure she knows—I’ve done everything I could think of to show her what she means to me.” A note of bitterness crept into his voice. “I’m the one who’d like to have that as a Christmas present.”
“But you’ve told her you love her?”
“Well... It’s complicated.”
“Have you had any arguments?”
“No, but we’ve come close. Sometimes she comes up with really crazy ideas. But you know, I always give in rather than argue. And after I give in, she does too. We never argue for very long. So, I guess we’re doing well in the communication area.”
Brad made a huffing sound. “Why do you give in? That’s not like you.”
“Yeah, but... Listen. I’ll tell you something, but don’t tell anyone. Especially Grace.”
“Okay.”
Why did Brad sound so reluctant?
“You see... Well... You know I’m in love with Charlie. I’ve admitted it. But she’s only marrying me because she loves Jace and Chloe, so I can’t afford to have an argument with her. She might change her mind about getting married.”
Brad’s expression was pained. “Josh. Has anyone ever told you, you’re an idiot?”
“Only Olivia, and I certainly didn’t appreciate it.”
“Don’t you think it’s possible she’s already in love with you? Isn’t it possible she’s unsure of your feelings? And isn’t it possible, since you’re acting so considerate and always giving in rather than being yourself, you’re making her doubt your motivation?”
“No. When she really falls in love with me, I’ll be able to tell.”
“Really? And how is that?”
“I’ll be able to see it in her eyes.” He spoke the words with more confidence than he felt, praying they were true. “And I’m hoping it’ll happen before we get married. But don’t worry—I’ll know.”
*****
“HOW WAS WORK TODAY?” asked Grace.
Brad groaned. “It was awful, and I really want to tell you about it, but I can’t, because I promised I wouldn’t. And for once, I actually wish I could help you meddle a little.”
“Really?” Grace asked, her voice rising with her eyebrows. “But you can’t tell me anything?”
“No, I’m sworn to secrecy.”
“We can get around that.” She waved off his words with her hand. “Why don’t you tell me a hypothetical story, using hypothetical names?”
“That seems a bit dishonest.”
“But if you want my help...”
“Okay, but if you figure it out from my hypothetical story, you still can’t repeat it to anyone. I don’t want it getting back to them.”
“Getting back to who?”
“To uhmm... our hypothetical friends, Cherry and Jess.”
Grace grinned. “Go on...”
