Have you ever woken up on a soft bed in a room full of roses?
I think it must be the best feeling possible. Stretching out languidly on the sheets, I enjoy the freshly-rested feeling in my bones and muscles. I know I didn’t move around very much yesterday, but it was the most moving around I’ve done since the accident. Of course, the most draining part of my day was the proposal.
Did that really happen? Or did I just dream it?
A heavy object slips around my waist, and I am startled to look down and see a large, tanned arm wrapped around my body. I immediately stiffen in shock.
“Boyfriend?” I ask nervously.
“Good morning,” he responds sleepily. “Do you like the mattress? I had it delivered when I saw how squeaky and hard the old one was. I also got Egyptian cotton sheets.”
“It’s really lovely,” I tell him softly, staring down at his arm with anxiety. This may be normal for him, and we might have slept beside each other dozens of times; but I have never woken up in bed with a man beside me. At least, not that I remember. It takes me a moment to gather my bearings and remember my manners. "Thanks for doing all this work to set up the cabin. It's really cozy and inviting."
"I was hoping you'd like it," he says with a yawn, pulling me closer. "After spending so much time in the hospital, I really wanted you to stay somewhere that felt like home."
"It does feel like home," I tell him softly, looking around at the roses. I can feel the effort that he’s put into making this little cabin special. I just wished I didn’t feel like there was something a little off about this whole situation.
“What’s wrong?” Liam asks me, nuzzling his face against my shoulder.
"Nothing," I lie awkwardly. I don't know why, but I feel like it would be uncool to admit that I'm uncomfortable with being close to someone I'm supposed to love. Someone that I supposedly have lived with for months. But I am not the same girl who lived with him. In my head, I am 21 year old Helen who has little to no experience with guys. I only know how to be friends with them. I've had a few kiddie boyfriends, but nothing like this. I have never dated a real man.
What if I do something wrong? What if I scare him away? For God’s sake, he wants me to be his wife! Did Future Helen change into some kind of perfect and mature woman that guys would want to marry? Did she learn to cook or something? I can't do any wifely duties. I have never even done my own laundry. Does Liam know that? Or did I somehow change once I got the ability to see?
What if the girl Liam loves is a girl I once became, but a girl that I will never be again? We can't be sure that I will ever regain my memories. While I am contemplating this, Liam somehow manages to snuggle even closer, plastering his body against my back and entangling his leg with mine.
"Mmm," he says softly as he places a kiss against my neck. "It's only been a few days, but I really missed having you in my arms. Sleeping in that motel room alone was torture. Knowing you were just across the street, and that you didn't even know who I was? If it weren’t for Snowball’s puppy-cuddles, I would have gone crazy."
"The hospital bed was really uncomfortable, too," I add nervously. "But to be honest... I didn't even remember what it was like to sleep beside you."
"It's just right," he tells me, running his hand over my side, from my waist to my thigh. "I never want to be away from you again, Helen. It makes me feel so incomplete."
I wish I could feel all of his romantic sentiments. I wish I could return them wholeheartedly and really enjoy this moment.
It just feels so new. It feels like I'm being tricked or pressured into being part of an ancient relationship that never included me. I feel like I am playing pinch hitter for this other Helen. It's like that version of me died, and I am being forced to accept a massive inheritance of all the wealth and love she earned over the course of her lifetime. At this moment, it seems like she has only left me good things, but I know that cannot be: at some point, I will be expected to take over all her responsibilities and her debts as well.
I wish I knew what those were.
"Are you hungry?" Liam asks me.
Realizing that my stomach has been growling, I am anxious to seize this way out. "I'm famished," I say honestly. "I could go for a big steak and an even bigger glass of wine."
"I've got some meat I can cook over the barbeque in the back," Liam says as he reluctantly pulls away from our embrace and drags himself out of bed.
When he stretches, I find myself staring at the well-defined muscles in his naked back with a slack jaw. I have never seen a male torso before, and I can't force myself to look away. Liam is clad in only a pair of loose-fitting paints, and the sight of his physique stirs a different kind of appetite in my lower abdomen. I am a little startled at my body's response to him, but pleased that these parts are working at all. At least I know that I can't be that brain damaged if I can still manage to feel arousal.
I guess there's hope for me yet.
Liam turns back to me with a smile. "I'll try to whip something up fast. I know you haven't eaten real food in a while, and you could use a good meal."
"I certainly could, Boyfriend."
When Liam leaves the room, I collapse against the bed and wrap my arms around my middle. I feel like I have been holding my breath to try and conceal my feelings. I can't believe that my body would hum to life like this over just the sight of him. Is it some kind of conditioning? Does my body remember him even if I've forgotten?
Turning to the side, I grab a pillow and hug it against me tightly, wrapping my legs around the soft, plump rectangle. Without even meaning to, I find myself squeezing the pillow between my thighs to try to relieve some of the tension that seems to be gathering in my body. Maybe my father is wrong: the real question is not whether I can trust Liam and his intentions.
The bigger issue is whether I can trust myself. If that man really tried to put his hands on me, I don't think I would be capable of logical thinking. Even the tiny touches we’ve shared at the hospital and since we arrived here at the cabin have managed to set me on fire.
I have not seen many men since I have been able to see. There was Owen, my father, a few doctors, and the liquor store clerk. None of them seemed to have any effect on me other than piquing my curiosity at the various shapes and heights of human beings. But Liam? He’s perfect. He's dangerous. I am sure that a carnivorous lion stretching on the savannah would seem more harmless than my boyfriend.
What have I gotten myself into?
The sight of his body causes me much more brain damage than any car accident ever could.