I polish off the last of my burger with a contented sigh. It is messy and scrumptious, and there is delectable sauce all over my fingers. This is infinitely better than any of the hospital food I’ve been forced to stuff down my throat over the past few days.
And the best part? Wine.
I would have liked to have a conversation with Liam over dinner, but the burger monopolized my full attention. Licking my fingers to savor the sauce, I reach for a napkin and clean off my fingers as much as possible before reaching for the stem of my oversized wine glass. Liam really does know just how I like it. Is there anything better than the luxurious feeling of a wine glass that is roughly half the size of your head?
“You destroyed that burger,” Liam comments in awe. “I wasn’t sure whether I had cooked it perfectly...”
“Are you kidding me? You’re like Picasso with a barbeque.”
“Thanks,” Liam says happily as he holds the bottle out to refill my wine. “Would you like to come inside and watch a movie with me? I think I picked one which is perfect for the occasion.”
“What’s the occasion, Boyfriend?”
“Oh, a lot of things. Homecoming, being reunited, your recovery. I could go on and on about all the things we have to celebrate.”
“I like this positive attitude,” I say with a grin, reaching forward to clink my wine glass against his before taking a big drink. “Here’s to all of those things.” Following Liam back inside, I wrap my sweater around my shoulders closer as I move to sit on the couch. Yes, somehow Liam even managed to buy me a few new wardrobe items so that I would have clothes to wear. They are modest and comfortable clothes, with a few funky pieces like denim short shorts. He seems to know just my style. It’s almost creepy how well he knows every detail of my life, when I feel like I am sitting with a complete stranger.
Liam moves to the entertainment center to put on a movie, and I immediately smile at his choice. I have never seen a movie before, although I have listened to many, and I am excited.
“50 First Dates?” I ask teasingly.
“It’s about a girl that has memory issues,” Liam explains. “I thought it was fitting. It also has the kind of crude toilet humor that Owen would approve of. Too bad he can’t be here to watch it with us!”
I didn’t get to chat with Owen very much at the hospital, before he was forced to drive Carmen home so that they could both return to work. He seemed like an interesting fellow, and he did make me smile a lot. It was nice to see that Liam has such a close friend.
There was one strange moment a few days ago when Owen called Liam to ask me what my sister’s favorite flowers were. I supplied the answer curiously, and couldn’t help wondering if there was something going on there. I am not a gossipy person, but I thought my sister was married? And I thought Owen had a long-term girlfriend? So why do they seem to be making love with their eyes when they stand in a room together, and why the roses and romance?
I take a sip from my wine glass with a devious little smile. Maybe they’re both unhappy, and they’re slowly finding their way to each other. That would make a good story. Plus, my sister and Liam’s best friend? That would make for some awesome double dates and couple-y trips. Maybe Liam and I could interfere with the situation, and facilitate their torrid affair...
My thoughts stop drifting when the movie begins and Liam moves to sit on the couch beside me. I make a mental note to mention it to him later, and suggest we shove our noses where they don’t belong and meddle with the Owen-Carmen situation. Owenmen? Carmowen? That’s the one! They shall henceforth be known as Carmowen. It’s a thing. It’s happening.
Taking another giddy sip from my wine glass, I turn my attention to the movie. However, Liam pulls my legs into his lap and begins to massage them. This feels so good, especially after my recent injuries. His touch is both sensual and therapeutic.
I drift into a state of bliss as I sip on my wine and watch the movie, with my feet in my boyfriend’s lap. At some point, Snowball bounces up onto the couch and curls up against my stomach. I switch my wine glass to my other hand so that I can pet her lazily. The movie makes me laugh frequently, but the story is also adorably sweet. The man in the movie is so sensitive and persistent that he reminds me of Liam. Just much less attractive. Glancing over at my boyfriend, I feel a blush heating up my face as my skin becomes warm and flushed from drinking the wine.
The relaxing massage isn’t helping, as Liam’s hands expertly knead first my feet, then my calves, then my thighs. It is hard to stay still and keep from squirming when his fingers begin to caress my sensitive skin. He seems unaffected, like he has touched my legs a thousand times before.
But for me, it is the first time, and it’s driving me wild.
As his fingers approach the hem of my denim short shorts, I find myself tilting my wine glass back and taking several large gulps to calm my nerves. A small metal object enters my mouth, and I am so startled that I nearly swallow it. Catching it on my tongue expertly, like a goalie making a save, I reach up in confusion and find a tiny metal ring. I stare at it in shock for a moment before my relaxed state flies out of the window.
Using my feet to shove Liam away from me, I frown at him as he goes tumbling off the couch. I grab the remote control and pause the movie as I stand up and place a hand on my hip.
“What the hell!” I shout, holding up the ring between my thumb and forefinger. “Did you really decide to do this again? Now?!”
“You said I could ask again later,” he says innocently.
“Urgh!” I grunt in frustration, and Snowball looks at me quizzically. “Your daddy is being a jerk,” I explain to her. “Will you bite him for me? Go bite him, girl! Get him!”
Snowball leaps into action, and while she does not exactly bite Liam, she begins barking at him ferociously. This is her best attempt at being a fearsome beast, but sadly, she is just a small and fuzzy creature whose barks amount to adorable squeaks.
“Hey, hey!” Liam says, putting his hands up in a gesture of surrender. “I apologize, my lady. Please don’t have me mauled alive by your vicious attack dog. I made a mistake, but no one deserves to die like this.”
Snowball can tell that he is making fun of her, and she begins to nibble at his pants as a low growl rumbles in her little body.
“Strike Two, Boyfriend,” I say, waving the ring at him before placing it down on the coffee table. “That was not cool. I said ‘someday.’ I said you could ask me again sometime soon...”
“This is sometime soon,” he informs me, glancing at his watch. “Now seems like a great time to get engaged!”
“No. It isn’t,” I say softly. “We haven’t even had a chance to have a freaking conversation yet! Not since we got home.”
“But we talked so much in the hospital. I thought we were having a good time tonight! Weren’t you enjoying yourself? We had a good meal, and we were halfway through a funny movie. We’re relaxed and comfortable together. Don’t you want more of this?”
“Of course!” I nearly shout at him. “But this isn’t everything! There’s so much more I need to know. Will you give me a break? I just met you. Try to understand that! I. Just. Met. You!”
“Shhh,” he says, moving over to me and cupping my face in his hands. “I’m sorry, Helen. I know that things are really strange for you right now. I’m sorry for bringing this up so much when it makes you uncomfortable. I just can’t help myself.” Sliding his hands back over my jaw and ears, Liam tangles his fingers up in my hair. “I love you, and I nearly lost you. I haven’t told you this, but we actually had a really bad fight right before the accident.”
“We did?” I ask softly.
“Yes. And it’s my fault. I’m the one who made you upset. I’m the one who made you decide to drive out here at all. I’m the one who made you cry. That was the first and only fight we’ve ever really had, Helen, and it was an explosion. I’m just trying to make things right.”
I stare into his sincere eyes with fear. “What was the fight about?” I ask.
“It was...” He lowers his gaze. “It’s really difficult for me to bring it up.”
“See, this is the kind of important thing I need to know!” I say in exasperation, grabbing a small pillow from the couch and tossing it at him. “How do you expect me to marry someone without having any idea what kind of topics we disagree on? What subjects make us both so angry that we get into huge fights? What is it? Religion? Politics? Philosophy? What is it, Boyfriend? What the hell happened?”
“It was my birthday,” he begins softly, turning away from me and taking a few steps. He moves to crouch down before the fireplace, and grabs a hot poker to begin stirring the flames. “You came to my work to bring me a telescope...”
“A telescope?”
“It’s something I wanted since I was a kid,” he says quietly. “I told you the story once, when I took you to see your first star. You must have remembered.”
“So what happened?” I demand. “Why did we fight?”
“I don’t know,” he whispers. “It all happened so fast and got out of control.”
“What kind of an answer is that? Something must have happened. Did I walk in on you sleeping with your secretary?”
“No, no,” Liam says somberly. “Nothing like that. I was on the phone... with your father. I had just asked him for permission to marry you. And he...” Liam trails off into silence as he stares into the flames.
“What happened?” I ask him, moving closer. I crouch at his side and place a hand on his arm. “I need to know. We can’t move forward and get back to being us unless I know everything.”
I see the Adam’s apple in his neck move as he swallows. The firelight is reflecting hurt and shame in his eyes. My mind races with imagining all the horrible things we could have fought about. Was it something I did? Oh my god. Did I hurt him? But how could anything break a strong man down like this?
“I can’t do this,” Liam says, rising to his feet and walking away. “I’m sorry.”
I stare after his retreating form in disappointment. Sitting alone on the soft rug before the fire, I hug my knees against my chest. Snowball yips softly and moves to my side to curl up against me.
What happened that day? Why did I crash my car?
What if Liam never tells me? Could we still carry on, or would my pride refuse to let me be with him? I didn’t know this about myself before this moment, but honesty and openness are the things I value most in a relationship.
Liam is a real charmer, and I can tell he’s used to getting what he wants. But if he doesn’t come clean with me and be completely, brutally honest, then I don’t think I can marry him. I don’t think I can even keep calling him my boyfriend. Mom would disapprove. I’d rather be alone than be with a man who keeps things from me. Or would I? In the short time that I have known him, he has brought such joy into my world.
But it sounds like he has also brought some heartache.
I wonder if I will ever learn the secrets that are locked inside my past.