Devin stood knee deep in the nearby stream, a spear in her hand, scanning the shadows under the overhanging ferns. It was peaceful out here, quieter than the main river and away from the tense atmosphere Jahmin had left behind. A blue kōtare perched motionless on a drooping branch, its tiny black eyes also scanning the water. It launched into a dive and emerged with a wriggling silver minnow held tightly in its beak. Back on its branch, it threw back its head and swallowed the minnow in one gulp before flying away.
Devin turned her attention back to the stream, breathed in the scent of woody damp permeating the air. She glimpsed a spotted shadow lazily moving upstream, its tail undulating in the current. She stepped slowly and carefully, spear raised and …
‘Hey, are you okay?’
Devin stumbled and the trout vanished. She looked with resentment at Eva standing on the bank, spear in hand. Of course she had to look gorgeous, thought Devin with an irrational flash of jealousy. Even though Eva was just as worn out and grubby as the rest of them, she managed to look like she’d planned to have mussed hair and interesting shadows under her eyes. Even her shorts fitted as though they were made for her and not for one of the skinnier guys in the class who was now almost certainly dead. A little pulse began beating against her temple, and she raised her hand automatically to massage it away. If Eva wasn’t here, everything would be fine, she thought. Peaceful, just like the stream.
‘No, you’re not.’
Eva kicked off her sneakers and climbed down the bank. She stepped into the water, exclaiming at the cold. ‘You don’t have to go fishing. We’ve got food.’
‘Not enough.’
Eva waded to Devin’s side. ‘Okay. I’ll help.’
‘You don’t have to.’
‘I want to.’
The stream eddied around their knees. The silence was uncomfortable. Devin didn’t know what to say, so she just stood, her spear growing heavy in her hand, her eyes scanning the water without seeing. There were no more fish. There was no more anything.
‘I’m sorry,’ Eva said finally, and the little words floated off downstream and disappeared. For a moment, Devin wasn’t sure they’d even been there at all.
‘I didn’t mean anything about Jahmin,’ Devin replied, still staring at the water. ‘I don’t have a problem with his … condition.’
‘Condition?’ A crack of laughter. ‘That’s one way of putting it.’
Devin gave Eva a small smile, and the ache in her head disappeared. ‘I hope he’s going to be all right.’
‘Me too.’
Eva idly stabbed her spear in the water and drew it back, stabbed it again.
‘I haven’t really thought about everyone. I know in my head they’re all dead, but I feel like they’re still alive. I haven’t grieved for any of them. Even Mandy. I miss her so much, but I can’t face it yet. I’ve cried, but not enough. Not yet.’
She stabbed her spear in the water again. Devin wanted to tell her to stop doing that, to be quiet, that she’d frighten the fish away. But she knew that if Eva didn’t voice the tangle of ideas and impressions and emotions inside her, they would take her over, just like they had directly after the crash. And they already had enough to deal with without Eva’s helpless hopelessness dragging them down.
‘I get it,’ Devin said carefully. ‘I haven’t grieved either.’ Not that she really had anyone to grieve for. In fact, truth be told, she was glad some of them were no longer on this earth, and how terrible did that make her? ‘But we haven’t had time. We’ve been focused on surviving. Once we’re out of here, grieving will come.’
‘I know. And that’s why I’ve shut it off. If I think about them, I’m going to lose it. But with Jahmin … if we lost him now, it would be worse than if he’d died on the bus. It would.’
‘And yet,’ interjected Rocky, climbing down the bank, ‘he was dead already. We just didn’t know it.’
Eva shot him a look of loathing. ‘Oh, shut up,’ she said bitterly.
Rocky crouched and dabbled his hands in the water. ‘Just saying.’
‘I’m not going to argue with you any more.’ Eva hefted her spear, her knuckles whitening on the shaft. ‘Because we’re the only ones left, and we need to work together. Not because I don’t disagree with every word that comes out of your mouth. And not because I don’t think you’re an arrogant little toe-rag. Okay?’
‘Sweet as. Right back at you.’
‘So shut up about Jahmin. Or I’m going to smash your face in.’
‘Sure. Whatever.’
Silence fell. Devin glanced warily at each of them. ‘Was that a truce?’
‘If you say so,’ said Rocky.
‘Fine by me,’ said Eva.
Devin sighed. It was better than nothing, she supposed.
