He doesn’t do anything for a few minutes. Just keeps rereading the text from Deanne. He’s got other texts, too, but he can’t stomach any of it. He starts to go to the Fox News website and then stops. That’s not where Deanne would be looking. Goes to the New York Times.
It’s the top story. There’s a photo of him standing next to Brandon Rogers, embedded video. Brandon is identified by name—“prominent white nationalist Brandon Rogers”—but Jessup isn’t. He reads the story, watches the video of Brandon going down and taking Jessup with him, a short clip, thirty seconds long, pandemonium. It makes him feel sick
He goes to CNN’s website, MSNBC’s. The news sites aren’t interested in him—the story is Brandon Rogers and the violence—but he’s afraid to look anywhere else. Already knows what will happen if he looks at people he’s connected to from school, his friends, doesn’t want to see himself tagged over and over again, indelibly linked to what happened today.
There’s no running from it. No pretending that people who know him aren’t going to think he’s at the center of this story.
That doesn’t stop him from texting her.
please. can I just talk to you?
don’t bother
please
please
Deanne, please
please
just give me a chance
please
please, Deanne. I love you
don’t, Jessup. please don’t