Kennedy attempted to ignore the wave of lust that crashed over her at the sound of her name falling from Knox’s lips. It had been years since she’d heard that sound in person, but only hours since it had echoed through her dreams.
Though she’d played it cool with Jordan and the rest of the Shields, Marcus especially, there was nothing blasé about her attitude toward the man in front of her now. He was no longer the boy she’d grown up with, his once-smooth skin dotted with facial hair and his barely-there laugh lines now etched into grooves that only came with time and persistent anxiety.
At least she wouldn’t have to pretend to be attracted to him. Because as much as she’d loved the boy he’d been, her body responded instinctively to the man he’d grown into. And if his hard edges turned her on despite the unfortunate reality of how he’d earned them, well, she’d talk to the team’s shrink about that in her next session. For this one night, she had a free pass.
She could experience everything she’d regretted not doing with him before and pretend it was for the greater good instead of her own personal needs. It was a perfect out, if that’s what it took to either persuade him to come back to Shields with her or to distract him so that they could force him to.
Kennedy made her brain replay what he’d just asked so the gap before her response didn’t grow too long and awkward.
“What am I doing here? Same as you, I suppose.” She shrugged as if she hung out in dive bars and took men home for meaningless fucks all the time when in fact she hadn’t been to this shithole or any other since the last time they’d partied there together. “Grabbing a drink and maybe someone to spend the evening with. Maybe I was feeling nostalgic.”
“Really? Holy. Fucking. Shit.” He shook his head as if he couldn’t believe it.
And she didn’t blame him.
Nothing could be further from the truth. No, her nights were usually spent supporting her friends as they ended bad guys, and patching them up when shit went weird. Or hanging out with them at the Shields’ headquarters, planning, plotting, exercising, or lately falling asleep on Marcus’s couch after watching movies with a solid two-cushion-width safety zone between them.
Who would provide medical assistance for her if things didn’t go according to plan today?
Kennedy forced those thoughts from her mind as Knox scrutinized her reaction. He was no idiot, but if he doubted her story, he didn’t call her on it. Instead he leaned against the bar as if he needed it to steady him. Great, exactly how much had he had to drink? James had told her he’d only ordered one, though he could have frontloaded before arriving. Or maybe he was on something else. Something harder.
Kennedy’s stomach cramped.
“You okay?” Knox asked, making her aware that she’d winced and pressed her hand to her middle. Why did he still have the power to turn her insides to mush at the slightest show of affection or concern? He reached out as if to steady her when they both knew he was the one who’d always been on shaky ground.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just kind of a shock to see you again.”
“Still get those nervous poops like before big tests, huh?” Knox barked out a laugh. “You should see a doctor about that.”
“I am a doctor.” She didn’t see any reason to lie about that.
“No shit.” Knox seemed impressed but not entirely surprised. He’d always told her she could be whatever she chose.
“Yeah, what about you?” she asked, although she already knew the answer. He was a bad guy. The kind of person they hunted. One who’d been lured into things he likely would never have considered, never mind done, if it weren’t for the draw of drugs. Except, when she peered into his eyes, she saw a glimmer of the person he’d been and wondered if he could really be trying to find himself as desperately as she once had.
“I’m a loser.” He would have turned away then, but she stopped him with her hand on his shoulder.
“You know I never thought that about you.” An addict, yes. A horrible human being, of course not. Addiction did awful things to a person.
“Well, I always said you were a terrible judge of character,” Knox spit out.
“I guess I still make bad decisions sometimes then.” She forced out an ironic laugh at the end of her deliberately seductive innuendo. It was the truth, he just had no idea how true it was. This whole op was going to give her nightmares for the next ten years to rival the ones she’d lived with for the past decade. But how could she have said no? Maybe she’d been granted one last chance to save him. Them?
Kennedy swallowed hard.
“What the hell does that mean?” Knox’s gaze snapped to hers.
“Want to make one with me? Poor judgment loves company.” She rocked forward so that she whisper-shouted the question a fraction of an inch from his too-familiar lips. Already, she could imagine what they would taste like: sin and crappy whiskey.
“What exactly are you asking?”
“I’m saying, if you’re of sound mind to make these sorts of decisions…”
“I’ve only had one damn drink,” he grumbled. “Should have had another.”
“Nothing else?”
He shook his head, grimacing, and she felt comfortable he was sober enough to give his consent.
“Then let’s get out of here and go somewhere we can actually hear each other when we talk. Catch up. Or just pick up where we left off and skip all that other bullshit, huh?” Kennedy ignored the incredulous stare Knox shot her as she slapped a twenty on the bar and jerked her chin toward Liam, the “bartender,” who nodded, confirming the team had finished their part while she chatted with her mark. Aarav had helped Marcus and Sola wire Knox’s bunk with all sorts of surveillance devices she didn’t want to think about.
Because the truth was, she might play it off like she was taking one for the team by hooking up with Knox—while the rest of the Shields watched and listened in both for her safety and for leverage—but the truth was she would be living out one of her fantasies, to have one more chance to be close to her puppy love and pray that he might make a different decision at this juncture in their lives.
Now that was stupid. This was only going to end one way—with him hating her as much as she had pretended to despise him while nursing her broken heart.
“I’ve got a cabin out back.” Knox tipped his head as he squinted at her, as if trying to evaluate if she was really serious. She didn’t blame him. The old her never would have been this bold. Hell, today her wouldn’t have been without the Shields’ directive either.
Kennedy channeled Sola, wishing she was as brazen as her friend, then curled her finger with the fresh polish the other woman had applied for her, and strutted toward the door, pretending to be a lot more confident than she felt.
Only the vibration of Knox’s heavy booted steps behind her, and James’s intel—whispered into the earpiece he’d assured her was invisible to the naked eye—calmed her doubts and fears. “He’s on your ass like Nolan’s truck was on the bumper of my poor little car.”
“I told you, it’s too small to see.” Nolan had apologized a million times already.
“No one’s ever complained about my size before,” James huffed.
Kennedy knew they were being lighthearted during the op for her benefit. Usually it was radio silence and precision, but they needed her to act natural, relaxed, or Knox would never fall into her trap. She wasn’t a superspy like Marcus or Jordan or Sola. She was a doctor, damn it.
But just this once, the team needed her. And she wasn’t going to let them down.
Hell, maybe even she had to win some closure for herself.
On the way out, she spotted Nolan leaning up against one of the porch posts on the rickety deck. He appeared to be far more interested in the woman he was chatting up than her, but she knew he was reading the situation from Sola’s expression as easily as a reflection of her and Knox when they passed by.
Kennedy wasn’t alone with Knox. That was both a relief and horrific.
Because Marcus was somewhere out there in the woods. And he could hear every damn word they said. Could he also catch the way her breathing had grown shallow and fast just knowing Knox was right there, within arms’ reach, and that what they were about to do next…maybe…hopefully…was going to be a hell of a lot more intimate than rehashing bad memories.
Knox caught up to her pretty damn quick, his longer strides making it easy for him to rest his fingers on her elbow as if he had every right to guide her deeper into the pretty green trees dripping moss. As the music faded, and the sound of rustling branches and birds or other small animals sprinting away from them in the underbrush on either side of the path became more prevalent, the pounding of her heart threatened to drown out her thoughts.
Thankfully, neither of them broke the temporary serenity until he slid a key from the pocket of his ripped jeans, unlocked the door, and ushered her inside.
James alerted the rest of the team to shift to their secondary positions. “Places, Shields. They’re in.”
And now it was entirely up to her. Could she get Knox to come peacefully? Anything else carried a threat, however minor, to the health and safety of her team, to Knox, and to herself.
She wasn’t sure how to broach the subject. Thankfully, he was a man of action.
If his vanishing act ten years ago had made her doubt the attraction she’d thought arced between them, he at least erased any doubt from her mind when he pinned her up against the wall barely inside the door, pushed his knee between hers and leaned in so that she felt every inch of him, from his shoulders to his thigh against her pussy, and his hard cock in between.
Unbidden, a sigh escaped her parted lips. His eyes dilated and he closed any remaining gap between them, laying his lips over hers and kissing the shit out of her.
A barely audible growl echoed across the otherwise silent comms. The fact that she knew it was Marcus’s and that he might be a tiny bit jealous didn’t make what Knox was doing to her feel any worse. She was probably going to go to hell for this, but at least she was sure she was going to enjoy it first.