Kennedy hovered over Marcus’s bed, counting the steady breaths Knox took for several minutes. They were still shallow but not scarily slow anymore.
“You told me he’s going to be okay.” Marcus frowned. “Were you only saying that to make me feel better?”
“No.” She turned and buried her face against his chest, loving how his arms automatically went around her, sheltering her. “His vitals are perfect. He’s just sleeping it off now.”
“So stop worrying.” Marcus ran his fingers through her hair from her temple to her ribs, tucking it behind her ear to get it off her face.
“There’s a lot left to be scared of.” Kennedy thought about where they would go from here, individually and possibly together.
“Come on, let’s sit with the guys. Maybe talking to them will help.”
Kennedy bit her lip, then nodded, letting Marcus guide her into his living room where Gavyn, the owner of the Hot Rides motorcycle shop, was sprawled in a leather recliner cattycorner from Roman, who had one booted ankle resting on his opposite knee. Both men wore black jeans, faded T-shirts, and possessed an assortment of chains and tattoos between them.
“Same?” Roman asked.
Kennedy rubbed her scalp, trying to erase her headache. “Yeah.”
Marcus sank onto the couch then gathered her into his lap, her back facing his chest, and dusted her hands aside to take over massaging for her. His fingers felt incredible easing the tension from her bit by bit.
“You might have to be prepared to give him some space.” Roman winced. “When I OD’d and woke up in the hospital, it was both the best and worst sight to see Carver right there at my bedside.”
“How so?” She would have figured having the man he later married by his side would have been a relief.
“Because although he’d never say so, I knew I’d let him down.” Roman closed his eyes briefly.
“Yeah. I don’t even remember the morning they dragged me out of the pond at Bare Natural after my bender on the Powertools’ wedding night, but I’ll never forget how much it hurt Amber.” Gavyn groaned. “Even after all this time, it doesn’t get easier and there’s nothing we can do about that.”
“Except give ourselves some grace, which in itself is a tough lesson.” Roman shot Kennedy a sympathetic stare. “It’s going to take time.”
She nodded.
“How are you two feeling about what happened?” Gavyn wondered.
“I hate that I couldn’t stop it. And that I stood by and watched him do it instead of me.” Marcus’s hands trembled on Kennedy’s skin, so she angled toward him and kissed him gently, trying to soothe his regrets. It still felt new but entirely right to be able to do that.
“In his shoes, there’s no way I would have let you touch it.” Roman looked at Marcus like he was nuts.
“Me either.” Gavyn shook his head. “It’s better that you never know what it’s like.”
“I’m afraid that this is going to set him back and make it harder for him to change in the ways he was hoping to.” Kennedy rested her head on Marcus’s shoulder and tried not to rub up against him when he caressed her back.
“You can tell me to shut the fuck up if I’m prying, but I’m assuming that what James told us about the three of you spending some quality time together wasn’t about having a fling that day?” Roman was direct but not unkind. Everyone knew he had a dominant streak a mile wide.
“Let’s be honest.” Kennedy peered up at Marcus, who was smiling at her. This wasn’t news to him. “I never got over Knox in the first place. And I’ve been stupid to let that impact my relationship with Marcus. If Knox is brave enough to admit when he’s fucked up, I should be too. Yeah, I want them both and I plan to do whatever I can to make it work.”
Gavyn and Roman both grinned as if they’d pulled off a grand prank by getting her to admit what seemed obvious to anyone who knew them well. When she canted her head to one side, Roman jerked his chin toward the bedroom doorway, where Knox stood in the shadows, clutching the door frame as he gaped at her.
“Even now. Seriously? How can that be?” Knox sounded like he’d swallowed a handful of the gravel Marcus had kicked up when he peeled out of that shitty parking lot earlier.
Kennedy sprang to her feet and rushed toward him. She only slowed, stopping prior to flinging herself at him and smothering him in kisses when she remembered what Gavyn and Roman had recently cautioned. Knox might not believe her when she told him the truth, though maybe having heard it from her when she had been unaware he was listening might help move things along. “Because I have faith in you. It was a horrible situation. Let me get you some water. How do you feel?”
“Like shit.” His eyes were barely open, as if the lights were stabbing into his brain. Marcus dimmed them, the darkness outside becoming more apparent.
“How long was I out?” Instead of sitting beside them, Knox wandered to the floor to ceiling windows, surveying Middletown laid out before them.
“About five hours. It’s almost dawn,” Kennedy told him.
He squinted as he stared down into the parking lot. “Am I still seeing things or is that Liam, Sola, Legend, and Tavish carrying bundles suspiciously shaped like those delivery motherfuckers out to a black truck?”
“Let’s not discuss that in front of our company.” Marcus hit the switch for the automatic shades, which obscured the obsidian sky and the darker deeds going on down below.
“Trust me, I already know not to mess with the Shields.” Roman grinned.
Kennedy crossed to Knox and laid her hand on his shoulder, pressing lightly until he turned. He accepted the glass of water she offered and downed it in a few gulps. She set it aside then paused, wondering if she should hug him. He stepped back, bumping into the window covering.
Score a point for the mechanics.
“Come sit. I’m sure you’re exhausted. Your body has been through a lot.” She tried not to think too much of the readings she’d taken when Marcus had first delivered Knox to her. If they hadn’t at least taken the edge off with the Narcan she’d administered, she didn’t want to think about what might have happened.
“Honestly, I’m not tired.” Knox took the hand she offered and let her tug him toward the couch where he sat between her and Marcus, perched on the edge. “I feel…”
“Like you want to run, right? But there’s nowhere to go.” Gavyn suggested.
Knox nodded then winced. “How did you know?”
Gavyn waved. “Because I’m a recovering addict. My name is Gavyn. I’m also the brother of one of James’s Powertools ladies, Kayla, and married to one of the Hot Rods wives’ sisters.”
“I really hope you don’t expect me to remember all that.” Knox hung his head.
Roman snorted and said, “I’ll keep it simple then. I’m Roman, one of the Hot Rods. Gavyn and I met in rehab.”
“At least you were smart enough to never have to go back after that.” Gavyn winced. “I needed another trip through the system to get it right.”
“How long have you two been sober?” Knox wondered.
“Ten years for me. Nine for him.” Roman leaned forward, planting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands. “It’s possible to beat this. Only if you stand and fight, though. Running from help and resources won’t change it and it won’t fix it either.”
Knox looked away and swallowed hard. “Right this instant, I can honestly say I have no desire to ever put that junk in my body ever again. I just don’t know how I’m going to feel tomorrow or the next time I land in a situation like the one earlier tonight.”
“That’s never going to happen again.” Marcus stared over Kennedy’s head, his gaze locking with Knox’s. “I’m sorry I didn’t get you out of it somehow.”
“There wasn’t any other way.” Knox did reach out then, smothering Kennedy as he encircled both her and Marcus in a giant, if shaky, hug. “I’m so sorry I let you both down.”
“You didn’t. I swear.” Kennedy clung to him, finally having faith things might be okay like Gavyn and Roman had been promising them it would be. “The only way I’d be disappointed is if you let this setback divert you from the path you were already on.”
“You’re surrounded by people who want nothing more than for you to succeed and believe that you can,” Gavyn told Knox. “Try to make it through tonight. Then tomorrow. Don’t think further ahead than that.”
“Eventually, you’ll look back and think…damn, that’s a lot of days. If I’ve come this far, I can keep going.” Roman nodded his agreement.
Kennedy hoped Knox took as much solace in their advice as she did. Some of the dread and fear chilling her to the core began to seep from her, replaced by hope.
“Thanks, guys. I appreciate that and I’ll keep it in mind.” The lines around Knox’s mouth eased a bit and he stopped picking at his ravaged cuticles. “Do you think we could have some privacy now?”
“Of course,” Gavyn said as he and Roman stood. They exchanged fist bumps with Knox and Marcus before giving Kennedy hugs and kissing her cheek. It made her grateful, all over again, that she’d found the Shields and a home in Middletown where her mind had been opened to what it truly meant to be a good person and all the different ways people could discover happiness.
As the guys shuffled toward the door, Knox called after them, “Make sure you lock me in and never ever tell me where Jordan put that stash, okay? Just in case.”
“Don’t worry. It’s already out of the building or he wouldn’t have invited us in.” Roman shrugged. “They look out for us too—the Shields, Powertools, Hot Rods, and Hot Rides gangs. Every last one of them. Just like they will for you. Your guy and girl have our numbers. Put them in your phone. Call us any time, day or night, and we’ll be there to talk or hang out or whatever it takes to get you through it. You have help. You’re not fighting this on your own.”
“Thank you.” Knox blinked a few times as if he couldn’t even process having that kind of unconditional support. What if someone had given him that when he was a kid—family or even her? Things could have turned out so differently.
Kennedy might have beat herself up about it, but she hadn’t been grown then either.
All she could do was fix right now.