“Do you want something for the pain?” Kennedy hesitated before asking as she checked Knox over for at least the seventh time since they’d made it back to Shields headquarters and started the debrief process.
“It’s better if I don’t.” Knox waved off the thought of even legal drugs despite aching in most every part of his body.
“I checked with resources at the hospital and they said that inadequate pain management is also a risk factor for relapse. So if you change your mind before the end of your debrief, have someone come get me. I can also text Gavyn or Roman and ask them to visit if you need them.”
“I’m fine, Kennedy.” Knox wouldn’t have believed himself either, not given his current toasted marshmallow aesthetic. He wondered how long it would take his eyebrows to grow back.
“You two are done.” Jordan spoke firmly though kindly to Marcus and Kennedy. “Go on. Get cleaned up, find something to eat, and relax. I’ll send your guy up when I’m done with him.”
Knox doubted that was going to be how this played out, but he wasn’t dumb enough to contradict the head of the Shields. Kennedy glanced back at Knox one last time before Marcus took her elbow and ushered her from the room. Even now, he was still looking out for them like it was some sort of gentlemanly instinct he couldn’t turn off.
“Marcus saved my life. I hope he gets a bonus for that,” Knox said to Jordan when the door closed behind them.
“Good idea.” Jordan turned to James, who was taking notes of the wrap-up interviews. “Take care of that, huh?”
“I’m going to be extra generous if you don’t tell me otherwise.” James grinned.
From the corner, Ruby chuckled as she clicked away on one of the three laptops perched on her main computer desk. “He can afford it.”
“Did you just hack his bank account?” Knox gaped.
“Can’t help myself.” Ruby cracked her knuckles.
“Have at it, James.” Jordan waved away the details, knowing their manager would handle it. Jordan treated his agents like peers, not peons.
Ruby flipped back to one of her other screens, the one with security cameras. “Uh-oh.”
“No. No more uh-ohs today.” James spun in his chair to stare at her.
Ruby pointed at the feed for Marcus and Kennedy’s floor, where Kennedy was disappearing inside her own apartment and Marcus hung his head for a moment, defeated, before entering his own place across the hall. Oh, shit.
“Maybe she just needs some time to decompress. Take a shower. Whatever.” Ruby didn’t even sound like she believed her own statement.
“Send Sola to check on her in a bit,” Jordan ordered, then focused on Knox. “And you? What are you going to do now? Where are you going to go?”
Knox shrugged. He hadn’t thought that far ahead.
“The Vipers are in disarray. Scattered without a clear leader and no one to supply them given their very poor reputation.” Jordan nodded. “You did really well back there. Especially by not looking at that formula and making sure it never got on camera. There’s no way it survived and not even anyone on our team knows the full thing.”
“I didn’t trust myself.” Knox hated to admit it.
“Well, I do,” Jordan was quick to respond. “That’s why I’m offering you a job on our team. And a place to stay if you don’t end up moving in with Marcus and Kennedy.”
“What?” Knox blinked a few times, wondering if the blast had wrecked his hearing.
“I’ll kick your ass myself if you ever try to hide something this crucial from me again. However, I get why you felt you had to handle it yourself, and obviously I agreed with you that it was better for the rest of the team not to know in advance so there was no risk of blowing your cover or one of your lovers interfering to protect you. Overall, you’ve proven yourself to me.” Jordan shrugged. “We could use you.”
“Oh. Wow. Thanks.” Knox would have loved to have finally had a chance to do the work he’d thought he was signing up for all those years ago, when the cops had fucked him over. “But I’m not sure everyone else will be so welcoming.”
“For the record…” James adjusted the thick-framed glasses Knox was pretty sure were purely for style and not improving his eyesight. “Do you believe that because you almost got the entire team killed or because you think things are going to be heavy with Marcus and Kennedy?”
Knox winced. “All of the above. How could any of them trust me? I heard Kennedy’s reaction when she thought I was double-crossing you all. She believed it. Immediately.”
“Only because she’s still wounded from the last time she thought she was wrong about you,” Jordan replied.
James hummed before he scrunched his nose. “In my case, I just thought you were a fuckface, sorry. I shouldn’t have doubted Jordan. Or you.”
“How did you know Vex had contacted me about flipping on the Shields?” Knox narrowed his eyes at Ruby, who finger waved.
“Yeah, she knows everything that comes in and out of the building, communication-wise.” Jordan shrugged. “Besides, you gave her your phone the day you told us about your history with the Vipers. Fair warning, she’ll probably perv over any dick pics you send Kennedy or Marcus with that thing too.”
“Hey! Don’t ruin my fun.” Ruby threw her hands up.
“Okay, fine, but how did you know I was lying to Vex and not to you guys when I said I’d come back if he cut me in on a bigger percentage of the profits and gave me more turf?” Knox felt like he might be sick repeating that load of bullshit, though Vex had obviously believed it. The man had never understood there were more valuable things in life than drugs, clout, and cash.
“Sometimes you have to trust your gut.” Jordan reclined in the chair, tipping it back as he rocked gently. “I see the way you look at Kennedy, and now Marcus too. There was no way in hell you were going to stab them in the back.”
“Do you think there’s any way they could believe that after everything that’s happened? And could they ever get over all that I’ve put them through? I don’t want to hang around if I’m just going to fuck things up for them,” Knox blurted, unsure if he was asking them as colleagues or…as friends.
Ruby raised her hand. “I’ve got this. Hold, please.”
With a few keystrokes, she’d projected a clip onto the giant screen. Based on the angle, it was probably from Marcus’s body cam. Knox cringed when he saw himself drop the lighter from the balcony, reliving the moment he was sure he’d signed his own death certificate. But what he hadn’t experienced without his comms and as he’d tumbled off the walkway—which had ultimately saved him as it put him right next to the backdoor and the slab of reinforced steel that had protected him from the bulk of the blast—was Kennedy’s gut-wrenching wails.
She’d thought he was gone.
When Marcus’s feed ended, Ruby swapped it for Aarav’s. Kennedy’s grief was palpable as seen from the sniper’s body cam. It caused Knox to double over and clutch his gut.
“Enough.” Jordan flicked his hand at Ruby, who shut the video off.
“That’s not the reaction of a woman who hates you,” James said quietly. “And Marcus risked his life to go back and look for you when none of us had a speck of hope.”
“He hauled me out from under the door and some other shit, which had flipped on top of me. I don’t know how it didn’t crush me, but I wouldn’t have gotten free on my own. The flames were coming and then Marcus was there. I don’t remember much after that.” Nor did he want to. Knox shuddered.
“They love you, Knox.” James tried again. “It might take them a minute to learn to trust you without a doubt. To let those old injuries scab over and to have absolute faith, but the foundation is there. Don’t leave and set your relationship back even further.”
Knox was more confused than ever. “I see what you’re showing me. I do.”
In fact, he might never get Kennedy’s screams out of his mind.
“It’s still tough for me to comprehend, though. Why would two people as fucking decent as them want me?” He stared at Jordan, looking for the slightest twitch in the man’s demeanor. “Can you really sit there with a straight face and tell me you didn’t assign Marcus to befriend me in order to get as much dirt as possible for this job?”
Jordan grimaced. “Of course that was part of his assignment.”
Spy shit was a giant mind fuck. Knox sighed.
“And we all know Kennedy fucked me for the same reason.” He shook his head ruefully. “Not that I’m complaining. I’ll take what I can get. But now that this is over, maybe we’ll find they’re not that into me anymore.”
“You’re so dumb.” Ruby let her skull crash into the headrest of her chair as she rolled her eyes dramatically. “Almost as bad as Aarav, I swear.”
“He’s not stupid, he’s lost.” James tapped the eraser of his pencil on his planner. “Until you believe that you’re worthy of anyone’s devotion and desire, nothing we say is going to convince you of how serious Marcus and Kennedy are about you. I just hope you figure it out before it’s too late.”
“I can’t say I’m never going to fuck up again.” Knox thought about Gavyn and Roman’s numbers in his phone and how he was going to call them the instant he got out of this damn meeting. He could still smell the liquor that had been in the glass he’d smashed on Vex’s skull. “Maybe it would be better if I left Marcus and Kennedy alone so they can have something real, something that I don’t fuck up.”
“I have a better idea,” James said. “Take Jordan up on his offer, become one of us. And do something to show your lovers you’re committed to them. Not just for a minute, but forever.”
“Sure, sounds simple.” Knox pinched the bridge of his nose. “How the fuck am I going to do that?”
“I know exactly how.” James beamed.
After James explained, and called one of their friends who had the unique skills to make it happen, Knox started to believe too. “Okay. I like it.”
“So is that a yes?” Jordan raised a brow and smirked.
“Hell yes.” Knox knuckled the corner of his eye as everything that had happened and might yet overwhelmed him. This time, in a positive way.
Jordan stood and circled around to Knox. He stuck out his hand and Knox shook it, hoping the other man couldn’t feel him trembling. “Welcome to the Shields.”
“Thank you. Honestly, all of you saved my life.”
“I’m sure you’ll have plenty of opportunities to return the favor around here.” Jordan patted Knox on the back, saluted James and Ruby, then strolled from the room, whistling. His own husband and wife—Kason and Wren—were probably upstairs, waiting to lift the weight of the stress he bore as the head of their operation from his shoulders.