Nicu flicks my ear and I scream out,
try to give him a dead leg
and we bust our arses laughing
until a shadow appears over us.
‘Jess?’
It’s Liam.
He’s got a bit of a goatee,
brown with flecks of ginger,
but he looks good.
As usual.
‘You all right?’ he says.
I feel Nicu watching,
wondering who this bloke is,
this mad-good-looking bloke
who can get any girl he wants.
‘I heard you got nicked,’ Liam says.
‘It was ages ago, Liam.’
‘Yeah.’
He pulls out a packet of fags and offers me one.
I take it
and we walk away,
Nicu’s eyes burning into my back.
I feel them,
and I wish he wouldn’t do it –
look at me like that all the time –
like I’m
Someone.
‘Where the hell have you been?’ I ask Liam.
‘It’s been over a year for fuck’s sake.
You didn’t even tell me you were going
and now
it’s a nightmare at home.
You have to come back.’
Liam shakes his head,
flicks ash at some flowers.
‘Terry still around?’
I nod.
‘Still knocking Mum about?’
I nod again.
‘Way worse than ever.
You’ve gotta come home, Liam.
He’ll kill her
if you don’t come back.’
Liam looks up at the sun.
Right into it.
‘I got my own problems, Jess.
Leila’s pregnant.’
Leila,
the girl on the estate
who did drug runs for everyone?
That Leila?
‘I’m living with her over in Tottenham now.
You could visit,
if you want.
Sometime.
That’s what I wanted to say.
I wanna see you more.
I mean,
I wanna see you again.
I feel like a total dick for leaving,
but I couldn’t stay.
Someone would have ended up dead.’
‘OK.’
‘Council gave us a flat.’
I look up at the sky myself
but the sun’s gone –
heavy clouds hang low overhead.
He roots around in his pocket and pulls out a tenner,
stuffs it into my hand.
‘I’ll see you around, yeah.
I’ll call you,’ he says.
But I know he won’t call.
‘Who was heart throb?’ Nicu asks
when I walk back.
‘Mind your business, Nicu,’ I say,
and punch him in the arm,
when what I really want
is for him
to give me hug.