Understanding

‘Come on, Jess,’

Nicu says,

dragging me down the

    stairwell

    so fast I think I might fall.

But even when we’re halfway

down the street I can still hear Terry howling,

shouting over the balcony

every last bit of abuse

he can fit into his mouth and

hurl at us.

‘We must to run quicker,’

Nicu says,

    tugging at my arm.

I make him

    stop

at the zebra crossing.

‘Why did you hurt Terry?’ I shout,

and then I punch his shoulder

again and again and again,

hoping it’ll hurt him –

hoping it’ll knock some sense into his head.

He looks like he might cry again

and it only makes me angrier.

I shove him hard,

almost

into an oncoming car.

We squat between two white vans

to get our breaths.

‘He want to destroying us, Jess.’

‘But, my mum,’ I explain.

‘She’ll be the one who

gets it. Don’t you understand?

Isn’t there anything you understand?’

He holds my fists, so I won’t hit him again

and presses his face up close to mine.

‘I understand we have to run now.

I understand Terry is total bastard.

I understand I making your life

more terrible than before.

Tell me what I not understanding?’

Now I feel my own tears come.

And I hate it.

I hate crying

because that’s not me

and that’s not what we need right now.

We need to go,

get to Liam’s

and figure out what we’re going to do.

But we don’t move.

I just stare at Nicu.

‘No one ever stood up for me before,’ I tell him.

He nods. ‘You preferring I didn’t do?’

‘No,’ I tell him.

‘What you want us doing now, Jess?’

I take his chin between my fingers.

We come together.