Kiva Lagos was in the middle of receiving some perfectly serviceable oral when her tablet pinged. She glanced over and saw it was Bunton Salaanadon, her executive assistant. Kiva considered not answering it, because she was busy and because she had told Salaanadon not to bother her unless the world was on fire. But then, because there was a possibility the world was on fire, and also because the oral was serviceable rather than full-attention-requiring spectacular, she picked up the tablet and answered it, voice only.
“Is the fucking world on fire?” she asked. From below, her partner looked up, quizzically, and gave Kiva a look that she interpreted as, Should I hold up? Kiva gave a motion with her hand, signaling that the oral should continue. Kiva’s partner got back to it.
“It depends on whether you consider an imperial summons a fire-bearing situation, ma’am,” Salaanadon said.
“What? Explain.”
“The Countess Nohamapetan has asked for, and received, a priority audience from the emperox regarding the disposition of the local activities of the house businesses. Specifically, she is asking you be removed from your position. I assume the emperox thought it only fair that you be allowed to offer your opinion on that, Lady Kiva.”
“When is this audience?”
“Two hours from now, ma’am.”
“Then I’m going to need a ride.”
“I’ve already arranged for a pickup at your apartments and a priority seat on the Xi’an shuttle. Since you explicitly have an imperial summons, you will have priority seating and clearance. An imperial escort will greet you when you arrive, and I’ve already filed the paperwork for expedited passage through security.”
“No firearms when I go, got it.”
“Yes, that would be advisable, ma’am,” Salaanadon said. Kiva was never sure if he ever really knew when she was being sarcastic or not and assumed he just chose the straight man lifestyle as a defensive choice.
“Will it just be the three of us?”
“The audience? I understand the countess will be bringing her lawyer. Ms. Fundapellonan. You met with her the other day, you may recall.”
“We’re acquainted,” Kiva said.
“Should I have one of our lawyers join you for the meeting?”
“I’ve got this,” Kiva said. “Just make sure my ‘receipts’ file has been updated. I may need it.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“When is the car picking me up?”
“It will be at your apartments in fifteen minutes. Unless you would like it to arrive sooner.”
“No, that works,” Kiva said, disconnected and then refocused herself on the perfectly serviceable oral she was getting.
“You should probably check your messages,” Kiva said to her partner, after she came.
“Why is that?” asked Senia Fundapellonan.
“You’ll see.” Kiva went to her bathroom to go stop smelling like sex.
“You could have told me about this when you got the call,” Fundapellonan said when Kiva emerged from the bathroom, no longer having the whiff of being perfectly adequately serviced.
“You were busy.”
Fundapellonan waggled her tablet in her hand at Kiva. “This is slightly more important.”
“That’s a matter of opinion,” Kiva said. “And anyway, you’re not running any later because of it.”
“I have to order a cab to the shuttleport and then catch a shuttle.”
“Just come with me.”
“And you don’t think that looks at all bad, you and I taking a car from your apartment, together.”
Kiva shrugged. “It’s not like the countess doesn’t already know we’re fucking.”
Fundapellonan blinked at this. “What?”
“I assumed she told you I like to fuck around, so you should get with me to see if I would say anything useful while we banged.”
“Is that what you really think is going on here?” Fundapellonan asked.
“Isn’t it?”
“Well, yes,” Fundapellonan admitted. “But you’re not supposed to think it.”
“Just because I like to fuck, doesn’t mean I’m stupid,” Kiva said.
“If you knew this was a setup, then why did you…?”
“Screw your brains out?”
“Yes.”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because it’s totally insincere?”
Kiva squinted at Fundapellonan. “Do you get out much?”
Fundapellonan was flustered at this. “Apparently not?”
“It’s just sex, for fuck’s sake.” Kiva said. “I wasn’t planning to fucking propose. You offered, you’re cute enough—”
“Thanks,” Fundapellonan said, dryly.
“—and I haven’t gotten laid that much since Marce Claremont traded up to the emperox. And it’s not like I was going to say anything to you about my business.”
“You mean, our business.”
“Well, that’s what today’s meeting will be about, anyway,” Kiva said. “My point is, it was a safe enough opportunity to get laid.”
“I don’t know how to feel about that,” Fundapellonan said.
“It’s not like you didn’t get anything out of it,” Kiva pointed out.
Fundapellonan smiled at that. “True enough.” She paused. “This is the first time I’ve ever done something like this.”
“Had sex with someone because your client told you to.”
“Yes.”
“How was it for you?”
“Mostly okay?”
“Well, good,” Kiva said, and patted Fundapellonan’s shoulder. “Because you’re about to get fucked by me again, this time in front of the emperox.”
* * *
The Countess Nohamapetan was definitely someone who wanted all the bells and whistles and shiny fucking spangles, so her audience with the emperox was held in the formal receiving room. It was cavernous enough that you could probably land a shuttle in it, although Kiva supposed, given who was both asking for and giving this little farce of an audience, any snippy quips about a shuttlecraft would not be appreciated.
Kiva glanced over at the Countess Nohamapetan and was not impressed. The countess, conspicuously ornate, had overdressed for this particular emperox. Grayland had been overdressed exactly once in her life, at her coronation, and since that event had included a bombing and the murder of Grayland’s best friend, it hadn’t been exactly a sterling moment in fashion history. The countess’s advisors might have told her that Grayland preferred a more understated look. Either they hadn’t, or the countess had ignored them, and now she was looking like a grenade went off in a drawer of metallic ribbons.
Kiva’s own attire was rather more subtle, a formal suit of merchant black and gold with a pendant that showed off the colors of the House of Lagos: red, yellow, light and dark blue. Kiva thought the formal suit made her look like a waiter or a fucking servant, but it wasn’t up to her what to wear to see the emperox, so she just dealt with it.
The emperox herself, as Kiva recalled, preferred a suit rather more like Kiva’s than whatever sad monstrosity it was that the countess was wearing, tailored exquisitely (because it would be, wouldn’t it) and in the dark imperial green that shouldn’t have looked good next to Grayland’s skin tone, but managed to look just fine anyway. Being emperox meant everything looked good on you, maybe. A nice perk of an otherwise thankless fucking job.
Kiva, the countess, and Senia Fundapellonan—who was wearing the same nice, conservative suit that Kiva had peeled her out of earlier in the day—all stood in front of the dais that held the throne Grayland would perch upon. Neither the dais nor the throne were particularly ridiculous, which meant they were out of place in the room, but in keeping with Grayland’s own sensibility.
From well behind the dais, a door opened and Grayland entered the room. She did it without handlers, which Kiva understood to be increasingly her custom. She accepted bows and handshakes from Kiva and Fundapellonan, and a more elaborate curtsey-bow-whatever-the-fuck-it-was from the countess. Then she stepped up the dais, sat herself into the throne, and smiled.
“We are ready to hear you, our dear Countess Nohamapetan,” she said. Kiva noted the use of the royal “we,” which was the first time she had personally heard that from Grayland; when she’d met her before, Grayland was all “I” and “me.” That said, the last time she’d seen Grayland, the emperox was getting over being attacked with spaceships. It was possible she was not entirely herself.
The countess did whatever that fucked-up bow-curtsey thing was again. “Let me begin, Your Majesty, by assuring you of the unending loyalty of the House of Nohamapetan. I am aware—we as a house are aware—that you have recently had ample reason to doubt the sincerity of this loyalty. I understand that the only way to regain that trust is to earn it again, slowly and with difficulty. It will be the mission of my house to do so. And in earnest of that mission, and as the first small step in recompense, I am pledging all Nohamapetan in-system profits this year to the Naffa Dolg Foundation.”
Kiva almost choked on her tongue at this bullshit. To begin, the countess fucking well knew that she couldn’t pledge those in-system revenues to anything; they were under Kiva’s control, and she had the final word to how they could be used. Since Kiva had been in control of Nohamapetan’s local businesses, all revenues had been placed into accounts that Kiva had made accessible to the Ministry of Revenue as a sort of permanent audit. The only way the countess could do anything with the revenues without Kiva’s consent was for the emperox to give back control of local operations. Which was something the countess undoubtedly knew as well as Kiva. So either this was the opening gambit to removing Kiva, or it was an attempt to make Kiva the asshole of the day. Which would also be the opening gambit to removing Kiva.
To continue, Naffa Dolg, the emperox’s childhood best friend and first chief of staff, was fucking murdered on the emperox’s coronation day by a bomb that was almost certainly but not yet provably planted by some asshole working for the Nohamapetan siblings, the asshole children of this asshole countess. Whether the countess herself knew about the attempt at the time or not, she certainly knew about it now. Just like she knew the bomb was meant to kill Grayland.
So basically the Countess Nohamapetan was currently saying to the emperox, “I’m proving my loyalty by offering money I don’t have to the charity named for your friend, who my kids accidentally slaughtered when they tried to fucking assassinate you.”
Which struck Kiva as an interesting way to try to win favor with the emperox.
Either the countess was laughably oblivious to the insult she was offering to Grayland, or she was daring the emperox to make something of it. Kiva, remembering both Nadashe and Ghreni Nohamapetan from her college days, doubted that the countess was that oblivious. She might currently look like a glittered chicken, but she wasn’t stupid.
So this had to be a test of some sort or another, one that the countess thought she was administering to the emperox. To see if Grayland was oblivious, perhaps. Or to see how the emperox would react to what amounted to a bald-faced slap against her and her beloved friend. Or maybe the countess just wanted to see what she could get away with, and what the emperox was willing to take from her. Or maybe she just thought Grayland was a fucking idiot.
Kiva glanced over to Fundapellonan, whose face was pleasantly blank. Kiva wondered briefly whether her recent lover might have suggested this particular course of action to her countess. She doubted it. Fundapellonan didn’t seem to have the sufficient level of gutstabbery in her soul to pull a stunt like this. Kiva’s eyes went back to Grayland, who took this all in and processed it.
Go on, Kiva thought. Fucking ask me about this.
“Your pledge moves us, Countess,” Grayland said. “It is a reflection of the quality of your soul, and we are glad to know it.”
And then, after that absolute fucking masterpiece of saying, Oh, I see you, bitch, and making it sound like a compliment, the emperox turned her attention to Kiva. “We wonder what Lady Kiva, as the countess’s in-system director, has to say regarding this remarkable offer.”
Watch this, Kiva thought, and began. “No doubt the countess has the best of intentions, Your Majesty, but I regret to say that this year our in-system profits will be close to zero.”
Grayland blinked at this. “And why is that, Lady Kiva?”
“Widespread graft, ma’am. I instituted an audit when you asked me to supervise the in-system businesses of the Nohamapetans, and we have uncovered substantial business discrepancies, all of which will affect revenues and profits. We are still uncovering them. It will take months to get a full account, and meanwhile we are in a position of having to deal with make-goods with our customers, as well as fines and penalties which will be assessed by your own Ministry of Revenue.”
“This is unhappy news,” Grayland said.
“I can have a full report sent to you, if you would like,” Kiva said, helpfully. “It has already been sent to the Ministry of Revenue.”
“Thank you, Lady Kiva. We would like that very much.”
“And if I may,” Kiva continued, “I can offer you a solution to this unfortunate problem.”
“We are listening.”
“No doubt the countess had no intention of offering you nothing when she offered you this year’s in-system profits, Your Majesty. Her own accountants were misled and deceived, and as she is newly arrived in-system, I have not had an opportunity to get her or her people up to speed on the financial affairs of the local business. This is almost certainly an innocent mistake. And truth be told, if the graft were not as endemic and widespread as it is, the House of Nohamapetan would be having a banner year, profit-wise.”
“What do you suggest, Lady Kiva?” Grayland asked.
“Simple, Your Majesty. I will have my accountants provide you an amount that represents the sum of local profits for the last twelve months, without the graft and penalties. The countess may then present to the Naffa Dolg Foundation a donation of that sum, from the House of Nohamapetan general coffers. Everyone wins.”
Grayland nodded and turned back to the Countess Nohamapetan. “If the countess will accept this small emendation to her generous offer, as we are sure she will, then we will be delighted to accept her gracious gesture.”
Suck on that, you duplicitous crab, Kiva thought. The countess thought she was testing Grayland, and it turned out she was the one who got schooled. The emperox had turned her slap of a gift around and shoved her face right into it.
The Countess Nohamapetan allowed herself roughly a second and a half to blink in surprise. And then, “Of course, Your Majesty. It will be exactly so.”
“Wonderful.” Grayland turned to Kiva. “When may we expect that number?”
“I can have it to you tomorrow, Your Majesty.”
“We will expect it then.” Over to the countess again. “And the Naffa Dolg Foundation may expect your contribution quickly after? Within the week?”
“Of course,” the countess said.
Grayland nodded. “You are very lucky to have Lady Kiva as your director, Countess Nohamapetan,” she said. “Aside from her clever solution to this minor problem, her uncovering of the widespread graft and corruption within your organization must be a great relief to you.”
“Yes, quite,” the countess answered, not looking at Kiva at all.
“It would have been unfortunate if such practices had leapfrogged from the in-system organization to the Nohamapetan organization at large,” Grayland continued. “Then the Ministry of Revenue and the Ministry of Justice would be obliged to step in.” She glanced over to Kiva. “But you do not believe that such a thing is the case?”
“Not yet, Your Majesty,” Lady Kiva said. “But of course our investigation is not yet over.”
“How long do you think it will take, Lady Kiva?”
“Given the complexity of the House of Nohamapetan income streams and books, and the sophistication of the skimming from each, several more months, I think.”
“Several more months,” Grayland said, with a very slight emphasis on the word “months.”
“At least, yes,” Kiva amended.
Grayland returned her attention to the Countess Nohamapetan. “We have no doubt you are extending your director here every courtesy and cooperation while she sounds the extent of your local organization’s issues, Countess.”
“Yes, Your Majesty, but—”
“Yes, Countess?”
“—while Lady Kiva has shown great ingenuity—”
“The countess is too kind with her praise,” Kiva interjected, knocking the countess off-balance. “I must admit, however, that there was almost no ingenuity on my part here. To discover these lapses, all it took were fresh eyes.”
“Someone from the outside, you would say, Lady Kiva?” Grayland asked.
“Perhaps that’s all that was needed, yes,” Kiva replied.
Grayland slapped the arms of her throne, lightly. “In that case, we believe it’s best to have those outside eyes continue to look into the issues with the in-system Nohamapetan business, and to help this branch of a great house return to form. And of course, in your continuing role as director, Lady Kiva, you will remain in contact with the countess directly, to keep her informed on what you find, as you will keep us informed, to the same extent.”
“Of course, Your Majesty,” Kiva said.
“The House of Nohamapetan is of great interest to us, Lady Kiva,” Grayland said. “You have a great responsibility, both to it, and to us.”
“I understand,” Kiva intoned. She glanced over at the countess, who it must be said was holding her outrage in admirably.
“Now, Countess, let us discuss your daughter,” Grayland said.
“Ma’am?” the Countess Nohamapetan said, thrown entirely off track by this.
“Our understanding was that this was the reason for your visit,” Grayland said.
“In fact, ma’am, we came to discuss the matter of Lady Kiva—”
“Well, we’ve settled that, have we not?” Grayland asked. “And on the matter of your daughter, we have an interest to speak to you. If you wish to hear it.”
Kiva saw the countess momentarily and almost imperceptibly weigh her desire to revisit the matter of extracting Kiva from her business against the possibility of irritating this emperox who was currently in the process of railroading her sorry ass all around the room. She took the cowardly way out. “I am happy to speak of my daughter, ma’am.”
“Your daughter is accused of some of the most grievous crimes, Countess. Murder. Attempted assassination. Treason. These crimes, if she is found guilty of them, come with the penalty of death.”
The countess paled a bit at this. “Yes, ma’am.”
“It grieves me that she finds herself in this position, Countess Nohamapetan. At one point, we thought she might be our sister, married to our brother Rennered, who was to be emperox. Things would be very different now, had he lived to succeed our father.”
“Yes, they would,” the countess said. “They would indeed.”
“We cannot say what may have led Nadashe to the crimes she is accused of. We cannot stop what must happen. She must be tried. And when tried, if she is found guilty, she must be punished. We must all face the law, and justice. You understand this, Countess Nohamapetan?”
“I do.” The countess looked down at the room’s exquisite mosaic floor.
Grayland nodded. “Nadashe must face the law, and must face justice, and must be punished,” she repeated. “And yet, in earnest of my brother’s love for her, and to honor the loyalty you have pledged your house to, I can offer some mercy.”
The countess looked up. “Your Majesty?”
“Life instead of death,” Grayland said. “If she is found guilty of any of the capital crimes she is accused of, and is sentenced to death, I will commute the sentence to life imprisonment. And she will serve that sentence here on Xi’an, at Silent Water.”
Kiva blinked at this. Silent Water wasn’t so much a penitentiary as it was a vacation camp you couldn’t leave. It was where ministers of parliament went when they were caught taking bribes, or accountants caught embezzling funds. It was the only penal facility on Xi’an, on the basis that one doesn’t want to house hardened criminals in the same habitat as the emperox. To house Nadashe there when she straight-up murdered dozens of people, including her brother, was giving her a huge fucking break. Grayland might as well be giving her an ice cream cone while she was at it.
“Is that acceptable to you, Countess Nohamapetan?” Grayland asked.
Kiva watched the Countess Nohamapetan roll through several sets of emotion on her face, some so quickly that Kiva wasn’t sure she actually saw them. Then the countess looked directly at Grayland again, and gave that fucked-up curtsey-bow-whatever again.
“Of course, Your Majesty,” she said to the emperox. “Thank you.”
Grayland nodded and stood. “We have accomplished much today,” she said. “We are glad of it. And now you must excuse us, as we have another appointment which we will soon be late for. Countess Nohamapetan, Lady Kiva, Ms. Fundapellonan.” Grayland gave a small bow, which the three of them returned and held until the emperox had made it to the door behind the dais from which she had entered.
The door closed.
“What the fuck were you even doing here?” the Countess Nohamapetan lashed at Fundapellonan. Fundapellonan opened her mouth to reply, but the countess stormed off toward the entrance, looking like the world’s most pissed-off peacock.
Kiva watched her go. “I don’t know what she’s so upset about,” she said to Fundapellonan. “I thought that went very well.”
Fundapellonan looked at Kiva with narrowed eyes. “This was a setup,” she said.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Kiva said. “Your boss walks in here with an obvious plan to insult Grayland, and when her ass is handed to her, you whine about a setup?” She nodded in the direction of the departed, furious countess. “This wasn’t a setup. It was a massacre, pure and simple. Your boss made the mistake of assuming the emperox was weak and got stuffed. She got stuffed so hard you never had a chance to make the argument that I should be out of a job.”
“And you didn’t speak to the emperox about this at all.”
“We’re not friends,” Kiva said. “We don’t have fucking sleepovers where we style each other’s hair and giggle about boys. This is the second time I’ve ever met her.”
“Hmmm.”
“Don’t get me wrong,” Kiva said. “The way she crushed your boss just now was fucking spectacular. She didn’t get a chance to object to me. You didn’t get to bring in your sabotage gambit. The emperox made it clear that she was going to watch what happened to me and your local businesses very closely. Then she rubbed the countess’s nose in the fact her daughter was a murderer and a traitor, and made her thank her for telling her that her kid would spend the rest of her life in prison.”
Fundapellonan looked at Kiva strangely. “Is that what you thought just happened?”
“I was here for it, so yes, actually.”
Fundapellonan shook her head. “You don’t understand. When Grayland said that she would commute Nadashe’s death sentence and house her on Xi’an, she wasn’t being gracious. She wasn’t even rubbing the countess’s nose in the fact that Nadashe will be in prison all her life. She was telling the countess that she was making Nadashe a hostage. Right here on Xi’an. Where the emperox can get to her if the countess ever gets out of line again. How could you miss that, Kiva? How could you miss that the emperox made an enemy of the countess today? Countess Nadashe will never forget what Grayland did today. And she will never, ever forgive it.”