June 28, 1944
The strains of “Swinging on a Star” filtered through the parachute room. Anna had stopped counting how many chutes the Army could cram into the room at a time, but in the late-June heat, the room felt stifling. She wiped a trail of sweat off her forehead with one hand while keeping a firm grip with the other on the lines she’d untangled.
News continued to trickle from the front in Europe. Each shipment of fresh B-17s matched with their crews from Kearney had lost the air of celebration. These men would fly straight into Europe and the fight.
She wavered between reminders that Brent had disappeared, likely presumed dead, and the thought that, while she couldn’t help him, she could help these men. She stifled a yawn. She’d slept fitfully this week. The smell of food turned her stomach. All she wanted to do was curl up in a corner and hide from the world. Instead, she plugged on, because that’s what Goodmans do, or did, until her father decided to distance himself from life.
Chin up, Anna. Goodmans always face their troubles head-on.
How many times had he said those words when it looked like they’d lose the farm? Then the war started and things looked up until Brent enlisted. Then Mama died. Now Brent had gone missing.
Dottie walked to her and stood like a shield between Anna and the rest of the room. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. Why?”
“You might want to wipe the tears off your cheeks, then.”
Anna touched her face, surprised to find wetness on her cheeks that wasn’t sweat. “I didn’t realize I’d started crying.”
“I know. Finish that parachute, and let’s take a break.”
As Dottie and Anna walked back from their coffee break, Anna’s gaze landed on the chapel. Something about the simple white structure drew her.
“I’m going to stop in there.”
“Take your time. I’ll cover for you.” Dottie squeezed Anna’s hand, then continued toward the repair hangar.
Anna stood looking at the chapel. She’d passed the building numerous times in the past, yet never felt this urge to walk inside. “Just for a minute.” The stacks of tangled parachutes called to her, but maybe she could give her full attention to the job after spending a few moments soaking in the quiet of this place.
She pulled open the door and slipped into the foyer. It took her eyes a moment to adjust to the dim interior. Anna hesitated. Now that she stood in the building, she didn’t know what to do. No sense of peace enveloped her. No presence whispered hope to her soul. Instead, she felt just as empty here as she did anywhere else. The questions, the sense of abandonment that followed her through the days and nights, still lingered. Trailing her hand along the back of the pews, Anna walked to the front and sank onto one. The windows in this chapel were modest, without stained glass to delight the eyes.
“What do You want from me, God?” The question bounced off the wooden floors and carved pews. “Haven’t You taken enough?”
She pounded toward the altar. “You’ve taken Mama, Brent. Might as well have taken Papa. The land’s left, but there’s no money to keep it. Nobody to run it.”
Is that true?
The question whispered in her soul, generating even more questions.
Different images filtered through Anna’s mind like snapshots, many of them filled with people. Chasing Brent around the barn during morning chores years ago. The Wisdoms and the warm way they had opened their home and hearts to her. Dottie and her solid friendship through the ups and downs. German prisoners laboring their hardest in the fields. Gus and Teddy laughing with her papa at the table. The pastor standing in front of the church, expounding on Sunday mornings. Sid watching over her and the farm.
She took a deep breath. Okay, maybe she hadn’t been abandoned. Then, why did she feel, so … empty … isolated … drained.
Words from Sunday’s sermon filtered through her mind. Pastor Reynolds had examined Deuteronomy 31 and the principle that God would not fail nor forsake His people. He’d set a specific job in front of the Israelites but promised to go with them. And because of that, the Israelites were to walk in courage and strength.
What was the job God had for her? At the moment, she wasn’t doing anything well. So many things pulled on her for time and attention. And she couldn’t pretend to handle it all.
Good.
Good? How could it be good that she couldn’t manage everything in front of her?
Rest in Me. I’ll provide as I did for the Israelites.
The thoughts soaked in to her heart. Maybe she didn’t have to carry the burden alone. God could provide everything she needed. She certainly hadn’t done a good job on her own.
Anna tipped her head toward heaven and lifted her hands. “Okay, Father. I don’t even know if I can do this, but help me turn my fears and anxiety to You. Here’s Brent. Take care of him if he’s still alive. Help him find his way back to us.” She shuddered and covered her face with her hands. She had to do this. “And here’s Papa. Help me, Lord. I don’t understand everything that’s going on in him. But I know my life is meaningless without You.”
The sound of footsteps reached her, and Anna lowered her hands and turned to find a man approaching her.
“Can I help you?” Though hooded with fatigue, his eyes crinkled at the edges. Peace radiated from his gaze.
“Is it okay that I came in?”
“It’s why I leave the doors unlocked. Come any time.” He settled next to her on the pew and stared at the cross behind the pulpit. “I’ve been thinking about the evening service.”
Anna tried to look interested. Where was he headed?
“I spend much of my time talking to different soldiers and airmen. Do you know what their biggest concern is?”
She shook her head as a long list filled her mind. Fear of the unknown? Concern for those they left behind? Apprehension about doing their jobs well? The questions seemed endless.
“For those who have faith, they want to know that God will go with them into battle. For others, it’s fear of death. What wonderful assurance that God promises to never leave us even when He sends us into battle.” He leaned against the pew. “That’s an amazing promise. Now if we could learn how to live like we believed it.” He studied her closely. “That’s the challenge I have. To present that truth in such a way that it transforms lives.”
The bell on top of the chapel tolled out the new hour. Anna eased from the pew. Time to get back to work. Time to see if she could live. Time to see if she’d relinquished her fears like that promise was hers. She needed God to go with her in order to survive the battles with her father. An uneasiness filled her that Papa would take out all his pent-up rage against the prisoners someday. Having them at the farm brought out the worst in him. She needed to talk to Sid about that before something happened.
“Good luck with your sermon.”
The chaplain smiled at her. “Remember, the door is always unlocked.”
“Thank you.” She returned his smile, then walked down the aisle and out of the chapel.
Anna wound back to the repair hangar. She took her time since she’d already missed an hour. For the first time in awhile, she noticed the base around her. Outside one administrative building, someone had taken the time to plant a flowerbed. Purple coneflowers mixed with pure-white daisies. Honeybees buzzed between the plants, collecting the precious nectar.
Soldiers and civilians raced past her, but for once she didn’t join them. A bomber crew walked by. One of the group wolf whistled, and she nodded in acknowledgement but didn’t stop. He must be desperate if he thought her attractive in her work garb.
She and God had a few issues to work through. Then, maybe she’d be ready to consider a relationship with someone. But it wouldn’t be with someone who whistled indiscriminately.
No, it would be with someone who made her feel sheltered and protected.
Someone like Sid.