The box was open on Beth’s bed. It shouldn’t make her feel this way, as if her mother had just left. Opening the box was like opening up the past, the forgotten pain. Beth brushed at her eyes and sat down on the bed. Why had her dad waited so long? Had he been afraid she couldn’t handle the memories? Or had he been unable to handle seeing her with these things of her mother’s?
She lifted the ring box from among the contents and lifted the lid. Emotion clogged her throat and tears burned her eyes. Her mother’s wedding ring. The diamond glinted in the overhead light, sparkling in the gold setting.
Beth slid the ring on her finger, the one where she’d worn Chance’s ring for eight years. She’d hocked the ring the day she left him because she’d needed money to run, to hide. Now she smiled, because it was ironic that the ring was the one good thing he’d done for her in their marriage.
She picked up the journal that had been hidden in the box all these years. It was yellowed with age and smelled a little musty. But it was her mother’s story. Five years of battling cancer and having faith. Beth felt a healthy dose of shame. Her mother had never lost faith. Beth had. A few battles and she’d jumped ship and tried to manage life on her own.
It hadn’t worked out so well.
Things were getting better, though. Her faith was getting stronger.
She opened the journal to one of her mother’s shorter notes, a day when she’d felt defeated. And she’d ended the short entry by quoting Psalm 91. He who dwelleth in the secret place of the most high, shall abide in the shadow of the almighty. And I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress. My God. In Him will I trust.
In Him will I trust.
Beth put the journal on her nightstand and placed the lid on the box. A light knock on her door, tentative and cautious. She wiped at her eyes and took a deep breath.
“Come in.”
The door eased open. Her dad peeked in. “I have that new gelding down at the stable. Do you want to try him out?”
His gaze slid to the box and to the journal. He inhaled sharply and glanced away.
“Dad, she would have wanted you to move on, to…”
“No.” He shook his head, gray hair thinning and weathered lines creasing his face. “Beth, we all deal with things in a different way. I’ve dealt with this nearly your entire life.”
“I know.” Because they’d found the cancer soon after Beth’s birth. Had he ever blamed her?
“How’s Lorna?”
Her dad didn’t smile. And then he did. “I guess she’s doing fine. Come on down and see if you think this gelding will suit you.”
“I’ll be down in a few minutes.”
She picked up the note she’d gotten from the historical society that day. They hadn’t found a real reason to register Back Street Church as an historical building. She folded the piece of paper and shoved it into the pocket of her jeans.
When she got to the barn the horse was already saddled. It was a good-looking roan, brown and sprinkled with gray and hints of chestnut. The horse turned, ears twitching at Beth’s arrival.
Beth’s dad walked out of an empty stall. She smiled because his step was lighter these days. She’d come home. He said that had made things a lot easier for him. But Lorna was the one responsible for the lighter step, the easier smile.
“Want to try him in the arena?” Her dad unclipped the lead rope from the hook on the wall.
“Sure.” She took the reins and led the horse out the door and to the arena. The white boards of the arena needed painting. She’d have her dad pick up the paint and she’d do that next week, when things settled down a little.
Her dad opened the gate to the arena and she led the gelding through. He side-stepped a little and she pulled him close, brushing a hand down his neck. Probably a good idea to lunge him a bit before riding him, but she hadn’t brought a rope out with her. She glanced back, sometimes there was a long line wrapped and hanging on the corner post. Not this time.
She led him once around the arena instead and then she slipped her foot into the stirrup and swung her right leg over the horse’s back. As she settled into the saddle a truck pulled up the drive. She reined the horse around and watched Jeremy get out of the big Ford. He was dressed in a polo and jeans. He’d left his hat at home. Did that mean he was going out, or was he leaving? Did he know about the historical society decision?
He was a little overdressed for a neighborly visit.
No sense dwelling on what might happen. Or might not. She loosened the reins and nudged the horse forward. The gelding broke into an easy trot. She moved her hand and gave him another light nudge with her heels. He moved into an easy lope around the arena. She neck reined him to the left, leaning the reins lightly against the right side of his neck. He took the lead and circled in a tight circle. Nice.
She tightened her legs and he slowed to a walk, just the lightest pressure on the reins. Her dream horse. She smiled as she rode back to her dad. He was standing next to Jeremy.
“Dad, he’s great.”
“He’s off a little,” Jeremy answered. He opened the gate and walked in.
“No, he isn’t.” She eased the horse back and he tucked his head against the pressure and backed up. She released and he stepped forward and stopped.
“Yeah, he is.” Her dad rested his arms on the top of the gate. “Right leg, Jeremy.”
“Yes, sir.” Jeremy ran his hand down the horse’s neck. He touched the horse’s rear leg and eased his hand down. “Pretty warm, Beth.”
“Well, that’s just wrong.” She slid off the horse and walked around to the side where Jeremy was lifting the horse’s rear leg. The gelding pulled a little but Jeremy leaned into his side and held the leg up.
“He might have pulled a tendon in the ride up from Oklahoma City. Or maybe he hit it against the trailer.” Her dad walked through the gate and closed it behind him.
“It’s a little swollen.” Jeremy released the leg. “Doesn’t look like anything serious, but I’d call Joe.”
“Yeah, I will.” Her dad shook his head. “He’s a nice animal.”
“I’ll take him in and put him in a stall.” Beth took the reins from Jeremy. “What are you all dressed up for?”
Jeremy looked down, as if he hadn’t noticed the jeans, or the unscuffed boots he was dragging through the dusty arena.
“I’m on my way to Heather’s birthday party.”
He said it like he went to birthday parties at the Coopers’ every day of the week. But Beth wondered. She glanced back as she walked toward the gate with the gelding. He smiled, a tight smile, a little tense.
“It’ll be fun.” She led the gelding through the gate. The men followed.
“Let me take him. We’ll wrap that leg up and call the vet.” Her dad took the reins.
“Would you like to go with me?” Jeremy rubbed the back of his neck and shifted a nervous look at Buck. Jeremy was thirty and afraid of her dad.
“Sounds like a good idea.” Her dad stopped and the horse stopped next to him. The big roan hung his head, looking for all the world as if he thought he’d let them down. Beth ran a hand over the horse’s soft, sleek neck.
“Go with you to the Coopers’? I don’t know, that might be a little awkward.”
“Tim said to bring a date.”
Beth smiled then. “A date, huh?”
“Well, yeah.”
A date. She looked down at her own faded jeans and the T-shirt she’d put on earlier, after cleaning house. “I would have to get ready.”
Jeremy glanced at his watch. “We don’t have to be there for thirty minutes. I’ll unsaddle the horse and help your dad get him settled.”
“I’ll hurry.”
Jeremy held the gelding while Beth’s dad wrapped the animal’s leg. He’d already called the vet and so now it was down to putting the horse in a stall and waiting.
“She’s been through a lot.”
Jeremy had been stroking the gray flecked neck of the horse and he looked down, meeting the serious gaze of Buck Bradshaw.
“Yes, sir, I know she has.”
This had to be one of those conversations when the father was asking about intentions toward his daughter. Jeremy didn’t have an answer. He couldn’t tell Buck that he’d come here with a definite plan, part revenge and part business. He’d known day by day what to do and how to go about doing it. But now, his life was minute by minute and things just kept changing.
Beth was one of the unknowns in his plan. He remembered something in science about unknown properties. Yeah, Beth had definitely changed the equation and he had a feeling she might change the outcome.
Buck Bradshaw stood and patted the horse on the rump. He was a big guy, burly. Maybe he was getting older, but he was still solid. He could probably still hurt a guy.
“So?” Buck pushed his hat back and looked Jeremy square in the face.
“I’m thinking she’s a wonderful person and I’m glad she’s a friend.”
Buck’s chin dropped and inch and he stared. “She went through a lot with Chance.”
“I know she did.”
Jeremy wanted to remind Buck that Chance was back in town, staying at his parents’ place. He was being investigated for damage to Beth’s truck. Jeremy wasn’t going to hurt Beth. And he’d sure make sure no one else did.
But he didn’t know what that meant about his plans.
“Keep her safe.” Buck stepped out of the stall and closed the door.
“I intend on doing just that.” Jeremy walked out of the barn with Buck. The sun was low on the horizon and a few hazy clouds turned the sky pink and lavender.
Beth walked across the yard, her dark hair loose. She had changed into jeans that were rolled up above her ankles, and a button-down shirt. The boots she’d worn had been replaced by glitzy little sandals. Gloss shimmered on her lips, drawing his gaze when she smiled.
“Ready?” He cleared his throat and tried again. “Ready to go?”
“I’m ready. I hope this isn’t a dressy event.”
“It’s taking place in Tim and Angie’s backyard.”
“Right.” She looked down and shrugged.
“Beth, you look fine.” He wanted to comment about the distressed jeans with the tiny holes above the knees and the bright red of her toenails.
He nodded a quick goodbye to her father and led her to his truck. He didn’t hold her hand. She didn’t reach for his. He opened the door and she climbed in, smiling as she clicked her seat belt in place and he closed the door.
It was a five-minute drive to the Coopers’. He’d never been one to get too worked up, but this case of nerves rolled around inside him. Beth glanced his way and smiled. He was focused on the road when her hand touched his arm.
“They’re the same people you’ve known all your life.” Her words were spoken softly as they turned up the driveway that led to the big Georgian-style home.
“Right. But growing up they were the family I always wished I’d had.”
They were the family he hadn’t had. It made bitter a real easy pill to swallow.
“I guess we have to let go of the past and all of the regret, the things we wish we’d had or wish we’d done differently.”
He smiled at Beth and after shifting he reached for her tiny hand. It slid into his, fingers interlaced. She knew about regret. She knew about loss.
“Thanks for coming with me.”
“Because you couldn’t have done it without me?” She smiled and gave his hand a light squeeze before letting go and slipping her hand from his.
“I think that’s probably what I would have said.”
He parked and stepped out of the truck. Beth was out before he could reach her side. They walked up to the house together, her fingers brushing his as they walked side by side. He didn’t reach for her hand. That would have connected them and they didn’t need connections right now.
The front door opened as they walked up the steps. Angie Cooper wore an apron over her jeans and T-shirt. She smiled and waved them inside.
“I’m so glad you’re here.” She hugged Jeremy and then Beth. “Tim is manning the grill out back. I hope you’re hungry.”
“Starving,” Beth said.
She eased her hand into his and smiled up at him, in a way that set him on his heels because it reached deep inside and forced him to be someone different, someone a lot stronger than he’d ever been before. Maybe someone a lot more forgiving.
He stopped in the two-story entryway. Angie had continued down the hall expecting them to follow her, probably to the kitchen and out to the patio. Jeremy rubbed the back of his neck where tension had settled in the muscles.
“Jeremy?” Beth slid a finger through his belt loop and pulled him close. “Relax. This is your family.”
“You two coming?” Angie had reappeared. She stood in the hall and beckoned for them to follow.
Jeremy took a deep breath. “Yeah, we’re coming.”
Beth exhaled, as if she hadn’t been sure. That made two of them.
The patio ran the entire length of the house. A covered outdoor kitchen at the far end, complete with a grill, sink and fire pit, seemed to be the popular meeting place. Jeremy glanced around, noticing that the visitors were all family. Of course with the Cooper clan, that meant a couple of dozen people, give or take.
Reese, Jackson, Travis, Jesse, even Blake was there. They were sitting around the pool, iced tea in hand. Maggie Cooper Jones was trying to corral her three kids. Lucky was sitting with his wife. Their daughter was in her early teens and she’d just dived into the pool.
Heather was at a patio table with Mia. There were a couple of kids missing.
He was a member of this family. As a kid he would have jumped in without thinking. Today he stood back and watched because as an adult he questioned how they felt about him being there, in the middle of their family. If it had been him, he might have been a little angry.
But they were all long past being teenagers. They’d been dealing with this for the last twelve years, same as him. They just hadn’t dealt with it together. That’s where Jeremy had made the choice, one he couldn’t undo.
Jackson nodded in his direction and stood up. That started a migration.
“Everyone, look who’s joining us, Jeremy and Beth.” Angie touched his arm and smiled.
She knew how to take in kids, even the grown and angry kind. He had his past, she’d had her own to deal with. She’d had to deal with finding out about him. That made her one of the strongest women he knew.
The Coopers didn’t give him long to think about his past or what Angie had been through. They didn’t give him a chance to worry about his reception. As he stood there getting his bearings, the Cooper family stampeded. The girls, his half sister and adopted sisters gave him hugs and they cried.
His brothers slapped him on the back and gave him fisted man-hugs. Tim manned the grill and smiled at his wife and then at Jeremy.
This was the closest thing he’d ever had to a family, a real family. He’d had his church family when he was a kid. He’d had the guys he traveled with when he rode bulls. He’d taken care of his mom and his sister.
“Want a glass of iced tea?” Heather smiled and led him to the stainless steel fridge under the counter that connected to the grill. “Sorry, we can be overwhelming.”
“A little.”
“I’m sorry, you know, that we didn’t get to grow up together.” And then she shrugged. “But in a way, I guess we did. Back Street kept us all connected.”
“Heather, let’s not talk about the church. Not tonight.”
She looked startled and then she nodded. “I didn’t say that as a prelude to a ‘please don’t tear it down’ conversation.”
“You’ll have to forgive me if I say that it sounds like a few of the other conversations I’ve had lately.”
“It probably does and I’m sorry. Let’s forget it and join the party. Beth is talking to Jackson.”
That stirred an emotion a little different than the one he’d just battled, and a lot more confusing.
Tim caught him before he could make it to Beth’s side. He flipped steaks on the grill and offered Jeremy a bottle of water.
“I’m good.”
“I’m glad you came.”
Jeremy looked around, at this family, his family. “Yeah, so am I.”
He’d let the last twelve years of running keep him from being here with them. That was just about the craziest thing he’d ever done. Because in the last week they’d proven over and over again that it might have been nice to have them all involved in his life.
Even if Jackson was on the big side of being a pain. And at that moment he was leading Beth over to the flower gardens.
Tim slapped him on the back and laughed. “You might want to hold on to her. I think Jackson is starting to think about settling down.”
“She’s a free woman.” Jeremy’s words sounded tight to his own hearing.
“Yes, she is. She’s thrown you a curveball on this church situation.”
“That she has.”
“I hope you don’t let that come between the two of you.”
Jeremy shrugged it off because it was better if something did come between them. Might as well be the church.
Tim shook seasoning on the steaks. “These are nearly done. You know, if this becomes a legal battle for you, it might be cheaper to let it go and build elsewhere.”
Yeah, that made sense. But he hated to back down from a fight.
Beth knew that Jackson was messing with Jeremy, even before he whispered that his brother’s brown eyes were starting to turn kind of green. He shouldered against her and laughed. She laughed, because Jackson had always been the flirt, but never the guy she was interested in dating.
“I should go sit with him.” She shot a look in Jeremy’s direction. He’d taken a seat next to Reese and was pretending to drink water and not glare. She reached into her pocket where she’d stuck the note before leaving the house.
She could at least give him this. It might make him frown less.
“If he hurts you, I’ll take care of him.” Jackson walked with her, away from the flower gardens that Angie Cooper tended herself.
“He isn’t going to hurt me.”
Jackson shrugged. “He’s never been much of a settling-down kind of guy.”
“A little like his older brother?”
Jackson laughed at that. “I guess you got me there. But if the right woman came along, I might just give up my single ways.”
“It happens that way, Jackson.”
“Yeah, it does.”
They were at the table where Reese and Jackson were discussing the army and Reese leaving for basic training. Jeremy pushed out the chair next to him. Reese made some kind of crazy excuse why he had to leave.
“Nothing like matchmaking, is there?” Jeremy leaned close to her and she loved that he smelled like the outdoors and clean soap.
“It isn’t my favorite thing in the world.” She pulled the note out of her pocket. Keep it to herself or show it to him?
“What’s that?” Jeremy reached and she handed him the note about the historical society’s ruling.
“You win this battle.” She met his caramel gaze and held it, wanting him to smile. “They voted against the church becoming a historical site.”
He read the note and he didn’t smile. “I don’t want this to be a battle. I never wanted that.”
“I made it a battle, didn’t I?”
He smiled then and leaned to kiss her cheek. “You did. And I’m afraid there won’t be any winners.”
No, there wouldn’t be winners. She thought about telling him he could walk away, but what if he did? What if he gave up and left?