CHAPTER 5
Oop–Oop!
Before we could take cover, the bird screeched to a halt, landing on the back of Lady Satiah’s empty gilded chair.
“Impressive, huh?” Flicking back his topknot of multicolored feathers, he beamed down at us. “Did I scare you? Oop-oop! I bet I did.”
As the bird puffed up his peach-colored chest, Khepri yipped in distress. “It’s a hoopoe bird!” Scrambling off my head, he slid down to my belly fur.
“Hey, watch out,” the hoopoe told me. “Your snack is getting away.”
“He’s not my snack,” I said indignantly. “He’s my buddy.”
“Sorry! My mistake.” The hoopoe fluttered his topknot at me. “Oop-oop! Or maybe yours. They’re good eating, dung beetles. I love that stinky smell when you crack them open.”
Khepri whimpered and dug himself deeper into my belly fur. It tickled a bit, but I didn’t blame him. I lowered my middle toward the floor, the better to hide him.
“Well, this beetle is off the menu,” I told the hoopoe. “His name is Khepri, and he’s under royal protection.”
“Royal, huh?” The hoopoe looked us over. “Like the Lady Satiah?”
“Like Pharaoh,” I said. “I’m Pharaoh’s Cat.”
The bird goggled at me. “Oop-oop! Guess I can’t arrest you then!”
“You certainly can’t,” Miu told him. “In fact, who gave you the right to arrest anyone? You’re just a hoopoe.”
The hoopoe looked annoyed. “Is she with you, too?” he asked me.
“Yes,” I said. “And if you want to keep Pharaoh happy, you’ll show us around.”
“That is, if you know where you’re going,” Miu put in.
“Know where I’m going? Oop-oop!” The hoopoe cackled at Miu. “Sister, I was born in the walls here. I know this place like I know my own eggs. And the name’s Hoop. Oop-oop!”
“Well, I hope you’ll help us out, Hoop-oop-oop,” I said.
His head feathers rose in annoyance. “No, it’s Hoop. Oop-oop!”
“That’s what I said,” I told him, a little annoyed myself. “Hoop-oop-oop.”
“Ra, I think he’s saying his name is Hoop,” Miu murmured. “With no oop-oop.”
“Then why didn’t he say so?” I wanted to know.
“Ra, can we please get going?” Khepri mumbled from under my belly.
Hoop overheard him. “Sure thing, beetle-o!” Bobbing his long beak in my direction, he added, “So where do you want to go?”
The tantalizing smell of spiced beef reached my nose. “How about the banqueting hall?” I suggested.
“We were following Lady Satiah,” Miu reminded me.
“And that’s where she was headed,” I reminded her. “Besides, I’m hungry. I haven’t had a thing since that oxtail.”
Hoop shot up, spreading his black-and-white wings wide. “Oop-oop! Follow me.”
It turned out I was right, of course. Lady Satiah was already in the banqueting hall, along with her brother and the children. Scenting that fabulous spiced beef again, I scampered out to join them, only to stop in my tracks.
The floor was covered in crocodiles.
Painted crocodiles, I mean—but they startled me. More scaly portraits shimmered on the walls and curled around the doorways. It was almost enough to put me off my appetite…though not quite. The place smelled too good for that.
Ignoring the dubious décor, I surveyed the table. Where was my plate? I couldn’t spot it anywhere, even when I jumped onto a high ledge for a better view.
Miu came with me. “What a feast!” she said, judging the table with her kitchen cat’s eye. “The cooks must have been busy since dawn. It’s a meal fit for a pharaoh.”
“Probably because that’s who Lady Satiah was planning it for.” Khepri peered out from my belly fur. “No wonder she looks so annoyed. Half the food will go uneaten.”
“Not if I have anything to do with it,” I muttered.
I arranged myself in my finest Bastet pose, ready for a servant to bring me my share. I waited, and I waited. But to my horror, no one came.
“Royal or not, it looks like you’re going to go hungry, oop-oop!” Hoop chuckled from an alcove above. “Better take another look at that beetle you’re carrying. He could be just the nibble you need.”
“Knock it off,” I said. “I told you. He’s my friend.”
“Right,” Hoop said. “I forgot. Oop-oop!”
Khepri ducked down into my fur again. As he did, my stomach growled. I needed food now. It was undignified for Pharaoh’s Cat to have to beg for his supper, but I was desperate. I nuzzled up to Kiya and meowed.
“Oh, poor Ra-baby! Didn’t they bring you any food?” Kiya picked up a cube of spiced beef from her plate. “Here, you can have this.”
Before I could take it, Lady Satiah shooed me away. “There are fish scraps at the zoo for your cats,” she said coldly to Kiya.
Fish scraps! For Pharaoh’s Cat! I almost retched.
Kiya looked sick, too. “Ra can’t eat fish, Lady Satiah. They’re unclean. Everyone in Pharaoh’s court knows that.”
“He’s not a member of the royal family. He’s a cat.” Lady Satiah said cat as if it were dung. “If he’s hungry enough, he’ll eat anything.”
What an insult! I retreated to the ledge where Miu sat.
“Outrageous!” I whispered. “I’m a royal, born and bred. And we don’t eat fish.”
“Well, kitchen cats aren’t fussy,” Miu said. “And I’m getting hungry. I wouldn’t mind eating some fish at the zoo.”
“I need a snack, too,” Khepri put in. “And the zoo works for me.”
“We should wait a bit,” Miu said to Khepri. “I don’t want to leave the children alone with Ra.”
“What are you talking about?” I said. “I’m their guardian. It’s Lady Satiah you should be worrying about. And maybe that brother of hers.”
“I’m just saying that you aren’t as vigilant as you could be,” Miu said to me. “Like today on the boat.”
“One tiny nap,” I said indignantly, “and you—”
“Tiny!” Miu repeated. “Ra, it was hours.”
“And even a tiny nap could be a problem,” Khepri told me. “Miu’s right. You never know when something is going to happen, so you need to—”
“A lion!” Hoop screamed, feathers aflutter. “Oop-oop! Prepare to be eaten alive!”