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That Thursday morning, Nicole jumped into her car to go pick up Heather at the airport. Heather appeared on the stretch of cement outside of the teensy Bar Harbor airport with shopping bags flailing in all directions. Her skin was porcelain and bright as a doll’s, a result of a facial she and the girls had gotten in a little spa just off of Central Park. With the trunk filled with her new belongings and her older suitcase, Heather jumped into the front seat, scrubbed her hands with lotion, and suggested she take over some of the responsibilities for the day ahead.
“Are you sure? You’ve traveled all morning,” Nicole asked as she eased the car away from the pick-up, drop-off area.
“Yes, I’m sure. Abby just opened up to you and it’s your only day off,” Heather told her. “Why don’t you girls take a day together?”
Nicole swam with doubt. On what planet would Abby agree to spend the entire day with her? When Heather and Nicole marched into the foyer and found Abby and Casey at the front desk, however, Heather suggested it, putting Abby on the spot.
“You’ve worked so hard since you got here,” Heather said. “And I’ve just been on vacation. We’re all Harvey girls here. We have to hold one another up once in a while.” She then pointed toward Nicole, her eyebrows high. “Although honestly, Nic I really think we ought to hire someone else around here. No reason we should pull our hair out all winter long.”
“I’ll get around to it,” Nicole told her.
Abby’s face was difficult to read. She jotted down several notes to Heather and Casey regarding her plans for the day, removed her name tag, then sauntered around the side of the front desk. Heather’s “You girls have fun!” didn’t do much for Nicole’s cause. Once the two of them were out on the wrap-around porch of the old colonial, bundled up in coats, wrapping their scarves around their necks, however, Nicole lived in the possibility of this beautiful day.
A mother-daughter day. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had it.
“What did you have in mind?” Abby asked as she lifted her chin.
Nicole pointed toward the national park, which swept up as a vibrant patchwork of greens, oranges, and browns, toward a stony overlook, up above Frenchman Bay. “I thought maybe we could go for a chilly hike.”
“Exercise? I haven’t done exercise since gym class,” Abby said, offering a rare joke.
Nicole laughed outright, surprised. “Don’t think of it as exercise. Think of it as an exploration of your surroundings.”
“Have you hiked it yet?”
Nicole nodded. The memory shadowed her heart. “My Uncle Joe took me up there about a year ago.”
“Right. When you were still pretending that you didn’t know the Keating family,” Abby said.
“Your Aunt Casey told you everything about that, I guess.”
“You know Aunt Casey,” Abby replied as she took the first step toward the trailhead just beyond the grounds. “She gossips just about as hard as she loves. She wasn’t too pleased about your foray into Bar Harbor. But now, she considers herself one of the proudest workers at the Keating Inn. People change.”
Nicole and Abby held the silence as they marched toward the trailhead, their hands pushed deep in their pockets. The wind caught the leaves of the trees and rustled them wildly against one another. It felt sinister, like a poem of warning. The blue sky above belled up and around, overly bright and achy with nostalgia. Nicole wanted to remind Abby of all those long-lost afternoons when she and Michael had raked up leaves and let Abby and Nate jump into them. “Easy, cheap fun,” Michael had called it. While Nicole had jumped in along with them, Michael had refused. This had resulted in Abby and Nate deciding, very soon, that it was too lame for them, too.
Maybe that wasn’t a good memory to bring up, after all.
Abby slipped up ahead of Nicole; her feet gripped easily against the stones as she charged forward. It looked as though she ran from something. Years ago, when Nicole had been especially frustrated with Michael, she’d gone running in a similar way. If she ran fast enough, maybe she could outrun her problems.
“Hey! Wait up, speedy,” Nicole called out.
Abby whipped around. Her eyes looked strange, as though her thoughts had taken her somewhere far away. “Sorry,” she admitted. “I just got carried away.”
Nicole gasped for breath and leaned against a tree. “Don’t worry.” She studied her daughter’s face as she struggled to draw up a smile. “I think I’ve spent too much time sampling recipes in the kitchen. Not enough time in the great outdoors.”
Abby slowed to an easier pace, which allowed them to walk side-by-side for a while. Nicole told Abby a bit more about the previous month, about her Aunt Heather and Luke’s friendship, and about how she’d just spoken to Nate on the phone.
“I haven’t talked to Nate much, either,” Abby admitted. “I see his social media posts. He seems happy at college. Happier than I was, at least.”
Nicole’s throat tightened. “What do you mean?”
Abby shrugged. “I don’t know. I wasn’t exactly myself during those years. The divorce wasn’t easy.”
Nicole stiffened but kept up her pace. How could she say what she wanted to say? That she’d wanted to be there for Abby through all of it, but Abby had pushed her away?
“And then Dad was suddenly far away and I just felt totally at a loss,” Abby continued.
Nicole drew a strand of hair behind her ear. She had to keep it cool.
“Nate and I hadn’t been close for a few years anyway,” Abby offered with a shrug.
“You two were like two peas in a pod when you were little,” Nicole said softly.
“Yeah, but we weren’t really adults yet, you know? We just liked to play Legos and run around.”
Nicole remembered all the nights they’d fallen asleep on top of one another on the couch— her perfect angels. She’d tucked them beneath the covers as they had wailed that they missed one another in opposite rooms. She’d told Michael how lucky they were to have children who actually liked one another.
“Maybe if he came here...” Nicole suggested.
“Maybe.” Abby’s footfall was sloppy, and she kicked a stone with her toe then grumbled inwardly.
“I wish you would have told me college was so difficult for you, Abs,” Nicole said.
Abby shrugged. “There wasn’t anything anyone could do. I just had to get through it. And back then, well, I had Robbie.”
Robbie. The name rang a bell, even though Abby had kept most of her personal matters to herself over the years. If Nicole remembered correctly, Abby had had a roommate named Robbie during her junior and senior years. Nicole hadn’t exactly approved of Abby living with a guy; then again, she hadn’t had the power to dispute it.
“Robbie?”
Abby rolled her eyes again, which nearly tore Nicole in two.
“Yeah, my college boyfriend,” Abby said finally.
“Oh, of course.” How could Nicole have been so naive? She’d known Abby had had a boyfriend; but she hadn’t known it was that serious. She’d simply assumed her daughter was still a girl, still a teenager, and not ready for such large grown-up decisions. Assumptions were so often wrong.
Abby stopped walking abruptly and lifted her eyes toward the huge blue sky overhead. Her chin quivered as though she struggled to hold back tears.
“I really thought he was there for me, you know?”
Nicole wanted to throw her arms around her daughter and hold her tightly against her. She wanted to take all this pain away. But Abby still gave off the air of not wanting to be touched.
“He moved to Providence with me for a while. We talked about marriage. We had a ring all picked out,” Abby continued. “Dad even came to town once and met him. They got along so well, laughing and joking over beers. I was euphoric.
“But Robbie became distant soon after that. I couldn’t reach him all the time even though we were living together. He kept odd hours. Sometimes, he’d come home after midnight, smelling of cigarettes and beer. I thought maybe he’d just met some rougher party friends. I tried to be cool about it. I mean, we’re in our twenties. That’s what you’re supposed to do, right?
“A girl called me one day out of the blue while I was at work. I let it go to voicemail because I didn’t recognize the number. The message asked me to call her back. She said she had information about Robbie that I would like to know. I didn’t want to at first. But the pressure of it built up and I ran out of the building and called her. She said she’d been dating Robbie for a few months. That she’d just learned she was pregnant. That she knew about me and knew Robbie didn’t have the guts to break it off with me.”
“Oh, honey.” Nicole’s arms felt so heavy, hanging there on either side of her body, so useless.
Abby’s cheeks twitched. “I didn’t know what to do, but Robbie soon decided for me. He moved out, despite my best efforts to convince him to stay. I think that’s maybe the worst part of it. That despite the fact that he’d cheated, I still wanted him to stay.”
Nicole could understand this much more than she wanted to admit. Hadn’t she had a similar conversation or ten about this with Michael before he’d left them?
“My work began to suffer. I came to the office late and left early. I couldn’t bring myself to care about some stupid blog. And now, I have nothing, Mom. I don’t have my job. I don’t have my boyfriend. I feel like such a failure.”
They were near a collection of flat, sand-colored rocks, which offered a sterling view of Bar Harbor beyond. Abby walked off the trail and collapsed on the edge of one of them with her face in her hands. Nicole wanted to tell her that it was better Robbie had done this now rather than later— but again, she knew words were never enough.
Nicole positioned herself on the rock alongside her daughter. Abby placed her head gingerly on Nicole’s shoulder. Together, they gazed out across the little pointed houses, colored light greens, blues and yellows.
“I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” Abby whispered.
“You’re not, sweetie.” Nicole used her spare arm to rustle through her purse for a tissue. She passed it over to Abby, who wiped her cheek and nose gently.
“I just feel so guilty for how I treated you after Dad left,” Abby whispered. “I’m so sorry. I somehow blamed you for what he did. It wasn’t fair.”
Stones seemed to pile up in Nicole’s belly. She closed her eyes and tried to keep this moment safe in her heart forever.
“I’m worried that everyone is a little like Dad,” Abby admitted then. “Or maybe that I attract men like him?”
Nicole squeezed her eyes shut. “There are good people in the world, Abby. You have to know that.”
Abby’s laugh was cynical and strange. “Have you found any of them?”
Nicole considered this for a long time. She couldn’t lie to her daughter; she’d been delivered a new chance. She couldn’t mess it up.
“Our family... Casey. Heather. Your cousins. We have to rely on them right now,” Nicole whispered.
“Does that mean I should just give up on love?” Abby asked.
Nicole shook her head vehemently. “No. Never. It’s one of the greatest things life has to offer.”
“Do you think you’ll try to find it again?”
Nicole couldn’t very well say no, as she’d just told Abby to keep going. Overhead, a seagull balked and flapped his wings wildly en route back to the shore beyond. Too much silence had passed now.
But when Nicole opened her lips to speak, Abby wrapped her arms around her mother as tightly as she could and burst into another wave of tears. Finally, this was the hug Nicole had wanted to give her daughter. There was no time for conversation, no time for apologies, no time for anything but this. Just this.