This may sound weird coming from someone with my past, but I lead a charmed life. Whatever bad fortune befell me in childhood has been more than made up for ever since through amazing opportunities, wonderful people, and an overabundance of laughter and love.
I started out life wanting to be a writer. But because of abuse-related symptoms, I was unable to pursue my dream. Instead, I was forced to focus on overcoming trauma. In doing so, I developed a passion for psychology and discovered that my true calling in life is helping others heal.
With the publishing of this book, everything has come full circle. What a miraculous journey life can be! I have been given the opportunity to educate others about trauma psychology and inspire them to heal—all while fulfilling my original childhood dream.
This dream was made possible, first and foremost, by my literary agent, Steve Ross. Steve heard about my story through a mutual friend and asked for a book proposal. Having no idea what that was, I proceeded to send him the worst proposal in history. Despite this, Steve took the time to learn more about my story and mentor me. (Who does that?) Since the day I met him, he has provided unwavering support, enthusiasm, protection, and guidance. He is one of the kindest and most generous, intelligent, funny, wise people I have ever met. I am blessed and honored to call him my friend.
I would never have met Steve without the generous help of Nell Scovell, my friend for twenty years. Nell, a masterly writer in every medium, was the first to suggest that my story might make a good book. She not only pitched me to an agent but offered continuous support and guidance as I learned about the publishing process.
I must admit that the whole idea of publishing a book about my life scared me at first. While I wanted to use my story to educate and inspire others who struggle, I worried that an editor might press me to produce a product that was overly sensationalized. My fears were assuaged as soon as I met Kerri Kolen. In my wildest dreams, I could not conceive of a finer editor. From the very beginning Kerri encouraged me to write my story exactly as I saw fit. She has championed and protected my cause and my voice every step of the way. She is an insightful and judicious editor, and this book is a thousand times better because of her.
The entire process of putting this book together has felt like a fairy tale. If Kerri is my fairy godmother, then everyone else at Putnam is a magical helper who has somehow managed to make me feel like the belle of the ball. Since our very first meeting, I have been in love with the staff at Putnam. I am particularly grateful to Ashley Hewlett, Sally Kim, Alexis Welby, Carrie Swetonic, Ashley McClay, and Anabel Pasarow. I owe you ladies, and everyone else at Putnam, a round of cosmos.
If I’m buying drinks, I need to send some over to Kathleen Zrelak and Lynn Goldberg of Goldberg McDuffie Communications, who have become my knights in shining PRmor.
I am deeply indebted to all the angels who have championed this book, including Carol Brooks, Curt King, Wendy Luckenbill, Bela Bajaria, and Terry Wood. I thank Timea Nagy for reminding me what a great honor and privilege it is to be given a voice, Ramey Warren for teaching me how to use that voice most effectively, and Martha Westman and Sari Lietzman for helping me look pretty in the process.
I’m grateful to Saybrook University and all of the professors who encouraged me to research this topic, especially Robert McAndrews, Steve Pritzker, Tom Greening, and Patrick Faggianelli.
I would not be a writer today without the early support and encouragement I received from Gary Garrison and D. B. Gilles at NYU, Nancy Bennett at Delaware Township Schools, Stephen Sondheim, and the late Marvin Hamlisch.
I am profoundly blessed to work in a profession through which I am able to meet extraordinary people and share in their journeys. I am grateful to all of the clients and students I have known over the years who have allowed me to be a part of their lives. I am also indebted to my supervisor, Dr. Sheryn Scott.
Of course, I could never have become a psychologist—and probably wouldn’t be alive today—if not for the tireless efforts of Dr. Leah Matson. For two decades, my exceptionally dedicated therapist has never failed to return my calls or offer appointments when I needed them. Working with a suicidal client who has DID can be extremely taxing and scary. God knows I put Leah through the wringer! Despite the constant crises I created in her life, Leah never, ever made me feel like I was a bother. I know I can never pay her back for all she has done for me, but I am humbly trying to pay it forward.
For three decades, Steve Ansell has also been talking me off ledges. But unlike Leah, the foolish guy does it for free! Steve is the world’s most even-tempered person—the Ethel to my Lucy. I count on him to keep me steady and sane. Since Steve is a gifted film editor, he was the first person I entrusted with this manuscript. His notes on early drafts proved invaluable.
I could write a book about all the ways that my wife, Chris, has helped me. Oh, wait, I did! I wish every person in the world could enjoy the kind of selfless love I receive from Chris. She has always supported my dreams no matter how long they took, how much they cost, or how crazy they seemed. In addition, my wife is always right about everything (although I will never admit this to her). I don’t know what I did to deserve such an exceptional partner, but I sure am glad that she’s mine, mine, mine.
Finally, I must thank the young man who changed everything for me—my kind, loving, generous, beautiful son, Mikey. No one has ever brought me more joy than this funny guy, and I thank God every day that I get to be his mom. For his entire life, Mikey has been forced to sacrifice time with me while I worked on this book and the dissertation that came before it. He’s endured the sound of my typing during piano lessons, ski races, and karate practice without complaint. I am blessed to have such a loving and supportive son who lets me know he’s proud of me. I’m proud of him too.
I don’t know why I’m so lucky, but I am overwhelmed every day by the beautiful life I am blessed to live. I pray that everyone gets a chance to experience this kind of happiness.