Dear Diary,

I’m still full of confusion and stress.

I try to relax, but it seems I won’t have the chance. It feels as if there are so many things piling up on me, I can’t let go of one problem without gaining another.

These are the kind of times I worry about. These are the moments, when I was struggling this much, I would snap under pressure and return to cutting for comfort and control. I desperately want to stay strong. I don’t want to do it.

And I hope I don’t.

I think I have done amazingly so far with what I have faced. No one else would have blamed me if I caved, but I would have. I would have cried for the loss of what I’d gained. For these reasons I push myself through the stress.

Now prom is coming up, and because of all the crap, I don’t even want to go.

I’m still hurting. I’m still embarrassed. I still hate what happened. I know I probably will end up going to the dance regardless, but right now it’s causing me stress. I’m sure my friends will drag me along. And that’s okay, I guess, but I just hope I will have at least a little fun. I need that. I could use a good time right now. The fun and support of my friends will probably benefit me. I know everyone is here for me, but they are having a hard time making me feel better. I know they mean well, and it helps somewhat.

But sometimes it is hard to let the pain and worry go. Sometimes it is hard to drop everything just to feel better. It seems like a lot of work. Sometimes it probably just comes down to stubbornness.

I hope I start to let the stress of my mistakes go soon.

I have overcome too much to let the problems win.

I deserve better than that.