As one door closes, a new one opens
Dear Diary,
Time has gotten away from me yet again, and again I have gotten older. Sometimes I feel like years pass quicker than they should. I look around and see my friends getting engaged, married, pregnant, and having children.
I get jealous.
Of course I am happy for them. I will always be happy when something good happens to someone I love. However, I want these things for myself too. I am still single, going into my third year of college.
Wow, has it been that long since I have written in your pages?
I am okay with everything I have. I don’t love the single life, but I’m okay with it. I know I will find my someone someday. Eventually it will happen. Fate has a funny way of working itself out. I do realize the second I stop looking, stop hoping for it to happen, he will come along. My eventually will show up sooner or later.
Looking back, I realize I have learned a lot. I have learned how to cope with harsh emotions and horrible feelings. I have learned how to be healthy in most respects. I have learned how to love fully, and how to wait for the right person to come along who will love me fully back. I have learned how to hold onto my own through good times and bad. I have learned how to be myself and not care what anyone else thinks. I have learned how to help myself be happy.
I have learned how to be whole. I am a solid and complete person. I am not half of a whole. I am whole on my own. When I do find that someone who makes me want to be better, I will be a new kind of complete. Together we will make a new whole, but it won’t take away from who I am on my own.
I also know the things that happened to me, and the things I did to myself, were not in vain. Everything I have done, everything that has been done to me, was for a specific reason. Even if I didn’t realize it at the time I do now.
I learned many lessons. I grew. I am better now. And I will be able to be a better partner when I am in a worthwhile relationship. I will be able to understand things I never could have before, and I will be able to love better because of everything. I would not be who I am today without every piece of my past, so I am grateful for it. My eventually will come along, and when he does I will be accepted for the exact person I am.
In those truths I find immense comfort.