Dear Diary,

The world is always moving. You can’t ever make it stop.

Tanner is so amazing, and the time I spend with him always feels too short. Usually when I have to leave him, it feels like I’ve only been there for a few minutes.

He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.

But… oh man, I hate that there’s a but; Tanner is amazing, but I need to make sure I am always true to myself in this relationship. In the past I’ve let myself be changed by someone, and I don’t want that to happen now, because if it does, we will never last.

Before, if I was dating a guy and our likes or ideas didn’t completely match up, I’d slowly morph myself to better match him. It sounds so stupid when I say it now. But I never even noticed I was doing it at the time. I’d try new things, new behaviors, new interests, and I’d love every single one. So I would start to change. And soon I would lose a little of myself without ever realizing. Then later, when those relationships ended, I’d see the changes afterward.

I don’t want to do that this time.

Tanner and I don’t need to agree on everything. I’ve already started so much better off by knowing that. We both need to have our own opinions, and when they match up, great, but when they don’t, that’s just as good. To make it, we each need to be our own person.

That’s part of why this relationship feels different and so much better than any other. This time, I truly am still me in every way.

It’s hard to think about how I've failed to stray true before, but I try to give myself some slack. Everyone tells me I’m still young, and I think that was part of the problem before. I didn’t always know what I felt about something or who I was in every instance; so instead of finding out, it had been easy to just make myself believe I felt as my boyfriends had. But as I grow and live my life, I find it easier to recognize this behavior and change the old ways. Now I think about how I actually feel, instead of how I think I should.

This gives me a lot of hope for our relationship.

But more than that, it gives me so much pride and hope in myself and any future I will have.