Life always moves forward, so leave the past in the rearview
She sat across from a new friend at lunch. They had met through a mutual acquaintance, and they’d hit it off immediately. So when Alana asked to hang out, it wasn’t hard for Meagan to say yes.
But she had forgotten how the first time without the safety net of more company could feel like a first date. It was laughable. There were so many get-to-know-you questions it was like an interview. Meagan was nervous, and she kept coming up with new topics in her head for when there was any break in the conversation.
But eventually the tension eased, and it felt more organic. The two ladies ordered dessert, and Meagan didn’t feel like rushing away for alone time at all anymore. As the bill came, they decided to walk to the museum for an extended outing.
Meagan loved making new friends. It felt wonderful to connect with someone. She had spent so much time alone, or wanting to be alone when she was younger, that company was almost always welcomed now. And Alana was fun. She had a quirky personality that had Meagan laughing a lot. It was nice to laugh so much.
When inside the museum the conversation continued to flow easily.
“So what’s your darkest secret?” Alana asked, as they passed from painting to painting, taking in the beauty created through other’s creativity.
She had been joking, but the question was like a splash of cold water to the face for Meagan. Alana’s jokes had been so refreshing up until now that this misstep jarred her.
Meagan had plenty of secrets, and a lot of them were dark. Her mind raced for an acceptable answer that wouldn’t send Alana running away.
“I’m actually a vampire. What’s yours?”
She made a joke and passed the buck. It was easier.
“What a coincidence I’m a werewolf. We were meant to be friends.”
They made their way between different rooms that housed entirely different eras of artwork. The conversation was kept light. Soon Meagan eased back into a comfortable place and almost forgot about her jolt. She had just been too sensitive anyway. But when Alana dropped her map of the museum, they both bent to pick it up, and the unease came crashing back. Meagan knew exactly what Alana was looking at before she opened her mouth to ask.
“What’s that?”
She was pointing to Meagan’s faint reminder on her wrist. The room seemed to freeze, while Meagan’s mind raced. And when she didn’t answer, Alana continued.
“How did you get it? Did it hurt? I have a big one on my thigh from a car accident.”
Alana didn’t mean to pry; Meagan could tell. But she hadn’t been ready to volunteer such personal and deep information this early. So she didn’t.
“Were you driving when it happened?”
Meagan could kick herself. Even with two opportunities, she had walked around perfect places to divulge. She hadn't lied, but she hadn’t needed to brush it off either. She could have just answered. Her cop outs were especially disappointing with the idea of sharing her story still rolling around. How would she ever come around to being more comfortable if she never tried? She could have used this as an opportunity, but now the moment had passed, and she felt like a fool.
“No, I was a kid. A drunk driver hit my dad’s car on my side. I don’t remember much of it. But I do remember having an awesome birthday party the next week to make up for the fact I had to use crutches.”
Alana was fine with sharing. Why couldn’t Meagan be? She was so mad at herself. But maybe it wasn’t too late. She took a breath and spoke before she could second guess or stop herself.
“Mine doesn’t have as good of a story.”
“Vampire?”
“Not quite.”
Meagan’s nerves calmed as she started talking. Somehow it was easier to reveal parts of herself, parts of this specific chunk of past, the more she did it.
“I used to be so depressed, and I handled it poorly.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No please don’t be. I wouldn’t be me without what I’ve been through.”
“You’re a pretty awesome person to have made it past all that, and be willing to talk about it with a nobody like me.”
“You aren’t a nobody. Besides it’s seems to get easier the more times I tell it.”
Alana slung her arm through Meagan’s as they continued sharing while they walked ahead.