The beginning
Dear Diary,
I’m not sure how to describe these feelings I’m having. There seems to be a dark storm cloud that follows me around, raining down on any happiness that tries to break through. I don’t have anyone to talk to. It’s almost like I’m drowning. With each breath I take, I still feel stifled. It’s like I’m underwater, and when I open my mouth to breathe, I take in some of the blackness surrounding me. No oxygen makes it to my lungs, just thick, dark liquid. As I get pulled down deeper so easily, I feel insignificant. I am totally without power.
Does no one around me feel like I do?
I don’t know when everything changed. It certainly wasn’t always this way.
I am smart enough to realize there are so many other people in my school, city, state, country, and the world that it’s impossible for me to be alone. However, it’s what seems to be the truth. And perception is stronger than reality in most cases. What could have changed so drastically from only a few months ago to now? I wish I had the answers. I wish I had a cure for these feelings.
If only I could snap my fingers, make a wish, and have everything go back to how it used to be. But if I could make everything better, and happier, just by wanting it enough, I think I’d already be there. I would sell my soul to pay off any being with the power to fix this. Unfortunately life doesn’t work that way. It’s too bad I’m stuck in a dank cave inside myself, alone with only my vicious thoughts to accompany me.
They don’t seem to treat me well.