16
Heavy Metal Moves

Because they shape how others will act and react

Lawyers at an American Bar Association Dispute Resolution Conference “had to look twice when they saw rock stars from the band KISS.”

It turned out they were the conference faculty.

Why KISS? “To make a serious point”: When resolving conflict, sometimes you’ll need “skills from the dark side”. Skills known as “Heavy Metal”. The faculty discussed “taboo subjects such as manipulation, intimidation.”1

Here are three pass-on-from-generation-unto-generation truths:

Truth #1: Escalating the conflict only prolongs the conflict.

Truth #2: Conflict follows a path. Emotional responses gradually regress from a mature to an immature level.

Truth #3: As conflict escalates, people take a stand rather than trying to understand.

Add it up: Truth 1 + Truth 2 + Truth 3 = Winning may depend on busting through now—not later.

Heavy Metal Moves throw the other guy off balance by creating feelings of self-doubt, negatively charging expectations, creating mental fatigue, and gnawing away at how he perceives his power. When he’s physically or psychologically uncomfortable, a concession or two is a small price to pay to cut discussions short and be on his way.

Heavy Metal Moves aren’t about being a bad-ass or a hard-ass. But “sometimes you need to be a bully to get what deserve,” noted AARP magazine.2

No one move is so universal that it’ll work in every situation. Be intuitive. Pick and choose. Don’t overkill. Too many is too much.

Most Heavy Metal Moves are no stronger than your own credibility. The ability to win increases when you substantiate critical facts and the source of those facts.

Heavy Metal Moves can’t appear calculating or manipulative. They have to come across as unplanned and spontaneous.

Technique is the art of application. The same paint can be applied with a fine brush or an industrial roller. It depends on when and what you want to accomplish. A “fine brush” is about finessing your desired outcome. An “industrial roller” is about laying it on thick—going Heavy Metal. Same paint. Two application styles. Discriminate wisely.

Tactic #1: Convert molehills into mountains.

The Department of Defense is notorious for overpaying for basic supplies. But somehow it doesn’t seem like overpaying when the Department’s manual converted molehills into mountains by referring to a steel nut as a “hexiform rotatable surface compression unit,” and a tent as a “frame-supported tension structure.”

Create bogus issues. Claim what’s secretly unimportant is of great importance. If you’re pressed for an explanation say, “for a lot of reasons,” or “it’s personal,” or “it’s just something that I can’t concede.” The key is not to get into specifics that can be argued.

Inflate the value of your throwaway points. Everything has a price. An exchange value: “Maybe if my arm is twisted, I’d consider giving in on that point. But only under the right circumstances.” What are those circumstances? “Well, I might agree if you’re willing to….”

Because of a kitchen fire, the Jones family needs new kitchen cabinets in time for the Smith family annual Thanksgiving dinner. Jones asks you, a kitchen contractor, if the work could be completed in two weeks. Business is slow and that’s something you can easily and gladly do. No problem would normally be your answer. But that would be tossing out a throwaway point. A point that you can inflate to primary point status: “If you want the cabinets in just two weeks, there’ll have to be a 15% rush fee.” The tactic is to create added exchange value. For the Jones’s contractor, the new value offered is acceleration of the delivery date. Arguing has an underlying bargaining component (bargaining itself is a form of argument) and this is a bargaining tactic. You converted a molehill to a mountain and made 15 percent more in the process.

Sometimes price has the power build to a mountain out of a molehill….

The Journal of the American Medical Association reported “that researchers found that people given identical pills got greater pain relief from they one they were told cost $2.50 than from the one supposedly costing ten cents.”3

We believe that a pair of $200 designer jeans will fit better and be made better than a pair from Wal-Mart. Why do we believe it? Because they cost $200. So what if a world away, they’re made in the same factory by the same factory workers?

Tactic #2: Be a power sapper.

Feeling that you have power is power. By managing how the other guy feels about himself, by sapping his feeling of power, you manage how effectively he’ll argue against you.

Power is sapped, expectations are manipulated, and nerves are rattled when the other person keeps rescheduling your appointment. And when you do finally show up, she keeps you waiting in the reception room. Nobody offers you a cup of coffee. Outdated reception room magazines go better with a cup of coffee. She finally meets with you. Or, as they say at the Vatican, “grants you an audience.”

Staff members continuously pop in and out of her office with messages. And all the while, “Her Majesty” makes nitpicky comments about your company and its services. And as far as your proposal? You’re not sure. But it sure seems as if she couldn’t care less.

None too soon for you, she stands up at her desk, a sign your meeting is over. And yes, she’ll look your proposal over. The last thing you hear as you’re escorted to the door are some very nice words about your competition.

You can chalk it all up to her having a really bad day. Or you can chalk it up to having been skillfully manipulated by a pro. If you weren’t ready to make concessions before, you are now.

Tactic #3: Manipulate expectations.

People are guided by their expectations. Expectations influence how we process information and how we make decisions.

At MIT there was an experiment with MBA students. Thinking they were part of a school cafeteria survey, the students sampled free coffee. They were then asked questions about the coffee. How much did you like the brew? What’s the top price you’d pay for a cup of that brew?

Some students tried the coffee when it was poured from beautiful containers sitting on attractive trays. Container labels were nicely printed. Small silver spoons sat on the tray.

For others, the coffee was served in Styrofoam cups cut shorter by hand. The label on those cups was printed with a felt-tip pen.

The experiment revealed that when the coffee service was upscale, the coffee tasted upscale. The service ambience impacted expectations.

An accountant I met at a dinner party told me about his “sure fire” marketing plan. He was going to raise his hourly rates by 30 percent. He wanted potential clients to believe he was more tax-planning-savvy than his less expensive competitors.

Tactic# 4: Be a pile driver.

“IF YOU HAVE AN IMPORTANT POINT TO MAKE, DON’T TRY TO BE SUBTLE OR CLEVER.
USE A PILE DRIVER. HIT THE POINT ONCE. THEN COME BACK AND HIT IT AGAIN.
THEN A THIRD TIME—A TREMENDOUS WHACK.”
—WINSTON CHURCHILL

A pile driver is one who hits or attacks something powerfully. A pile driver voice and attitude can be effectively intimidating. Heads up: Do you have a good solid argument? If so, amplification that goes beyond pile driving will detract from the points you want to get across. There’s the force of logic. And then there’s the logic of force. Consider how you’ll best play the pile driver game.

Tactic #5: Go theatrical.

Be mad. Be Angry. Be righteously indignant. If need be, throw a temper tantrum into the mix. Theatrics may well prompt concessions, an apology, an act of appeasement. Will the other side pretend they don’t care that you’ve gone ballistic? Or will they concede just to be done with your off-the-wall theatrics?

Tip: If you expect the other person is going to be theatrical and loud, then meet at a quiet restaurant. No one wants to embarrass themselves in a room filled with diners.

Tactic #6: Make ’em feel desperate.

It’s a tactic that insurance adjusters and tax collectors put into play.

The claims adjuster with whom I’d been negotiating with for several weeks told me, “Our negotiations have been going on way too long.” His department manager has advised him that “a senior adjuster will be taking over the claim file.” He then warned me in a whispered voice, “That senior adjuster has a reputation for being very, very, very difficult.”

I was on notice: Unless I accepted the adjuster’s previously rejected settlement offer, I’d be forced to deal with Mr. Super Difficult. I was at risk of losing the ground I had gained. Defensive tip: Don’t become desperate just because you are being told to become desperate.

Tactic #7: Make them invest in you.

Make the other guy invest time, energy, or money in you, maybe by gathering relevant information as to your needs, preparing a proposal, drafting bid plans, or spending time explaining options and alternatives. The greater his investment in you, the greater his propensity to grant concessions. It makes good business sense. Granting concessions and resolving differences is better than losing his investment altogether.

Tactic #8: Auction action.

On cruises, I enjoy watching art auctioneers skillfully agitate bidders into a competitive frenzy. Passengers with no intent of buying are entertained by these at-sea reality shows. When the hammer falls, the price paid may be far more than what would’ve been paid for the same item in a hometown gallery.

When you’re working (or appear to be working) with several competitors at the same time, you create an auction climate. The other fellow’s need to win the race may be fueled more by his emotion than by logic. When emotions are summoned into play, he’ll grant irrational concessions. Concessions are the price he pays to beat the competition.

Tactic #9: Bluff.

You’re in an argument. The other fellow has a full-of-himself attitude, acting as if he were the authority. Now is the time to level the playing field by asking questions that can’t be answered: “Wasn’t there a CNN program that was very critical of that position? Knowing you like to be informed, I doubt you would’ve missed it.”

Okay, you were just bluffing. But then, you’ll find bluffing at the heart of virtually every competitive activity.

Tactic #10: Build a wall-of-flesh.

Why argue one-on-one when you can argue three- or four-on-one? Surround an adversary with a wall-of-flesh. If you’re going to meet to discuss potentially contentions issues, power up your position by having supportive people there with you. For example, experts from your engineering, sales, and programming divisions. It’s a psychological truth: An outflanked adversary may be so overwhelmed that he’ll make on-the-spot concessions.

Defensive tip: If the other person shows up with a team of pinstripe commandos, grab one other person from your camp for emotional support. Two can take on 10, providing they have the necessary facts and knowledge.

Tactic #11: Fait accompli.

Act as if a point has been agreed on, a concession given, or an issue decided, even though no such understanding has been reached. By acting as if a matter is a fait accompli, it becomes a fait accompli. Your implied message: “Leave me alone. I’m done!”

Go ahead—sign the papers. Just cross out what you don’t like. Add what you want. Sign as indicated, and return the agreement. Heads up: Too many changes won’t work. You’re then transitioning from a fait accompli move to a potentially fatal “renegotiating the understanding move.”

Defensive tip: Don’t accept the other person’s terms just because he’s acting as if it were a “done deal.”

Tactic #12: Call in the Missing Man.

As soon as you walk into the car dealership you spot a shiny black coupe that makes your heart flutter. After almost an hour of negotiating, your salesperson, Mr. Nice Guy, tells you, “It looks like we may have a deal.” It’s been a trying experience. You’re glad its over.

As a formality, Mr. Nice Guy excuses himself to get management approval. He tells you to worry not. “It’s just routine.” When he returns, he sheepishly tells you “We have a glitch.” News that’s accompanied by a “frankly, I’m surprised” explanation.

Because of the big discount you were quoted for the shiny coupe, the manager said he had to adjust your trade-in allowance down by $550. “Your old model uses too much gas and doesn’t sell all that well on our used car lot.”

It’s too late. Mr. Nice Guy has masterfully played out a “gotcha.” Being emotionally committed, you’re reluctantly willing to concede to the “price adjustment” and pay $550 more.

It’s part of the language of the “Gotcha People.” A price adjustment, rather than a price increase, conveys a false sense of “we’re only correcting a mistake.” To say “there is a problem” would make us feel uptight. But “glitches” are only potholes along the road to success.

The culprit? Higher authority: the missing man. Sometimes the missing man is nothing more than an illusion. Mr. Nice Guy may have been in the backroom sipping coffee with other salespeople supposedly seeking management approval.

Defensive tip: When you reach an agreement that is subject to approval by someone else’s management, partner, spouse, department head, committee, board, or whatever, you may be negotiating against yourself.

To seal the other person’s limited-authority escape hatch shut, ask at the very outset, “Do you have full authority?” If not, who does? Do you have authority over price? Terms? Delivery? If he does, then you’re dealing with the right person.

Tactic #13: It’s our policy.

“Sorry, I can’t. It’s our strict policy.” That’s the simplest argument you can make. After all, policy is a word that creates an aura of legitimacy by implying “The die is cast and please don’t bother me with your requests.” Create policies on an as-you-need-them basis. The other person won’t know whether they’re freshly minted, or well-established, or consistently applied.

Tactic #14: Do an about-face.

Here’s what I recently told a young lawyer:

“We agreed to accept a $120,000 settlement. You never mentioned terms. When you don’t talk terms, that means lumpsum cash. Later we agreed that your client would instead pay $20,000 a month for six months with 10 percent interest on the unpaid balance.

“Now you want payment to be spread over a year and no interest. I’m no longer willing to accept any payment over time. It’s cash now or no deal.”

You probably know how our negotiations ended. The other lawyer, who probably told his client about how well the negotiations were going, needed to save face. He was desperate to go back to the six-monthly payments with interest.

Usually, you keep bargaining to get something better than what you already have. My about-face maneuver was causing the six-month concession to disappear altogether.

Reversing course and taking concessions back is an unexpected move that will throw the other guy off stride every time.

Tactic #15: Turbocharge.

Recall how you raced through an argument because you had to be somewhere else for an important meeting. One that you couldn’t be late for. In your anxiety to “finish up,” did you make concessions that you wouldn’t have otherwise made?

Deadlines create a sense of immediacy. A sense of immediacy creates pressure. Pressure causes action to be taken. Often, that action will be in the form of concessions given to meet the deadline.

Deadlines can be personal or external.

You’re using a personal deadline when you say, “I’m flying off to my mountain retreat the day after tomorrow. I’ll then be out of touch for two weeks. I’d have to drive 15 miles of unpaved mountain road to get an e-mail or fax.” Okay, you may not have a mountain retreat, but you get the idea: You’ll be out of touch. So it’s now or never if the conflict is to be resolved.

When you say you must finish discussions by year-end for tax purposes, you’re tying your cutoff date to an external deadline set by the IRS.

The closer and more specific the deadline, the greater the motivation for the other person to take action: “Negotiations must be complete by Friday at noon or there is no deal.”

Tactic #16: Make an evaporating offer.

I was negotiating for a client. Their settlement demand was $75,000. Our offer was $65,000, which our client felt was fair. When our $65,000 offer was refused, we made an evaporating offer: $65,000 if the offer was accepted within five days. Thereafter, our offer would automatically decrease by $1,000 per day.

Time was marching on. The other side’s opportunity to settle for $65,000 would soon be evaporating on a daily basis.

Sure, they could give the $65,000 offer all the thought and consideration they wanted. But their indecisiveness had a price. They had to ask themselves: Would more be accomplished by continuing to negotiate than would be lost as the settlement offer started to evaporate?

Tactic #17: Drag your feet.

Orchestrate a deadlock….

Does the other person have interests that can be crippled by a standstill? If so, don’t make any moves. Let the deal appear to collapse. Because any deal is better than no deal at all, the other person will negotiate against herself.

Is the other person anxious? Lightly brake and you’ll discover why he seems to be in a rush. Is there a desperate need? A hidden deadline? Another deal pending that is dependent upon an agreement being made with you first? Slowing things down will reveal the relative balance of power.

Light braking is calculated stalling….

“Alex, I would like to continue our negotiations but I just won’t be available for the next few days.”

By slowing, but not stopping the momentum, Alex’s frustrations may well be translated into concessions.

As discussions get closer to a handshake, play on Alex’s eagerness to finish up the negotiations. All of a sudden, the signed agreement that Alex thought was just a breath away is really somewhere up the street.

A foot-dragging finale can follow up light braking….

“By the way, Alex, I forgot to mention that….” “Oh, Sam one small thing that needs to be dealt with….” “Of course, Melinda, I expect to have a draft agreement by….”

Tactic #18: The Uncertainty Effect.

“IS THAT A REAL CLOWN, OR SOMEBODY DRESSED LIKE ONE?”
—A YOUNG BOY ASKING HIS FATHER

Caltech conducted a simple experiment. Players bet on whether the next card drawn from a deck of 20 cards would be red or black. They were told how many of each color were in the deck. The players quickly calculated the probability of the next card being certain color. The risks could be calculated. The players comfortably assumed the risks they were taking.

In the second part of the experiment, the players were told how many cards were in the deck but not the number of each color. The players became hesitant. Less willing to gamble. This is known as the uncertainty effect. The Wall Street Journal notes that “the mere whiff of uncertainty can dramatically skew our decision-making.”4 An uncertainty example: The U.S. federal tax Form 2106 EZ had this “helpful” instruction: “An expense does not have to be required to be considered necessary.”

Uncertainty causes people to be less inclined to take risks. Behavioral reality: Risk-takers are more likely to assert a position rather than trying to finesse a position. By creating uncertainty, there is less chance that your adversary will make heavy-handed assertions that may lead to his face-saving deal meltdown.

Tactic #19: Create scarcity.

“There is an element of appealing to scarcity that always works in every human being,” reports the Los Angeles Times. That’s why Frito-Lay offers “cheesy enchilada” Cheetos with the words “limited time only!” printed on the bag. Why McDonalds in America offers a McRib sandwich as a promotional menu item just a few weeks at a time. Why the Gap sells limited edition jeans.

Create real or artificial scarcity. A cruise ship line told me that for their Greek Islands sailing, balcony cabins were almost sold out. If I wanted assurance of a balcony cabin, I should make an immediate deposit. When we boarded, we discovered there were quite a few balcony cabins that hadn’t been booked. Those cabins were being assigned to other passengers as a complimentary upgrade.

Tactic #20: Threaten away.

A threat is knockout punch, a last-resort tactic that should first be cast as a warning: “If you can’t deliver by Thursday at noon, then I’ll have no choice but to cancel our order.”

Only make a threat if the threat is well-thought-out and if you’re truly prepared to carry it out.

And in the Looking Ridiculous Department: Never use a big threat to further of a small gain. A well-thought-out threat is relative to its purpose and objective.

A threat can’t appear to be off-the-wall. An example: “If you’re not willing to refund my money, I’ll have my lawyer sue you. The emotional distress you’re causing me is going to cost you thousands.” It has to be a natural and logical extension of your demonstrated anger, thwarted expectations, or your previously displayed attitude.

And it can’t appear to be “over the top.” Telling your girlfriend “I don’t care if I ever see you again if you vote for the Democratic Party candidate” may not be what you really mean. Unless of course you’re a dyed-in-the-wool Republican.

Chapter Summary

People are chronically human. When they’re thrown off balance, they’ll grant concessions to extricate themselves from an uncomfortable situation. In granting those concessions, they’ll be guided by their emotions rather than by their sense of reason.

The fact that a Heavy Metal Move produces anxiety, tension, discomfort, stress, or pressure doesn’t mean that it’s an unconscionable tactic. Some moves just aren’t as pretty as others.