| |
Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.
– Hamilton Wright Mabie
Jordyn led Blackjack around in a circle to work off his energy. She’d had this horse since he was a foal, and he was now...she did the math in her head—twenty-two. But if the way he was prancing around was any indication, he wasn’t going to act his age when she settled on his back. She hoped that her theory about riding a bike was right. Maybe she should follow Chad’s advice and grab a saddle.
“Here, I brought you a saddle.”
The sound of Chad’s voice right behind her caused every hair on her neck to stand on end as she turned to see the saddle he offered. His tone was softer now, but still carried an edge of irritation. The fact that he’d read her mind and anticipated her unexpected doubts about riding bareback was unsettling.
“Thanks.” She reached for the offering, but he handed her the reins to his horse instead, sidestepped her, and lifted the massive Western saddle over his head. “I’ll do it. It’s too heavy for you and you probably don’t remember how.”
Jordyn just shrugged and walked to the off-side of the black horse as the saddle settled on his back. She grabbed the cinch and leaned down to pass it under Blackjack’s belly for Chad to grab, then made her way back around to watch his steady hands pull the leather through the buckles with practiced ease. Standing this close, Jordyn noticed how much Chad dwarfed her in height and breadth—and obviously strength. The disparity hit her fully as he tugged on the strap to tighten it, causing Blackjack to lay his ears flat on his head.
“Well, I couldn’t do it that fast or that tight, but I think I could have done it.”
Chad ignored the comment. “Let me give you a leg up. Blackjack is still too big for you.”
Before Jordyn could respond, she was being launched into the saddle by strong arms, just like when she was a teenager. Memories and emotions surged through her at the feel of his powerful touch, but she didn’t have time to relax and reminisce. As soon as her seat hit the leather, Blackjack began prancing right and left. Chad held firmly onto the reins until her boots were in the stirrups.
“You good? You should make him walk a little bit, so he knows he can’t get away doing whatever he wants...like he used to do.” His tone was not harsh, but the expression he wore was one of pained tolerance and impatience. If he felt the same tug of attraction that she did, he certainly wasn’t letting on.
“Good idea.” Jordyn leaned the reins against his neck to steer him in a tight circle as a way to slow him down while Chad mounted. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him ease his weight into the saddle and settle without making a sound. His horse did not move until he gave a barely noticeable squeeze with his legs.
“Nice horse,” Jordyn commented as they both turned their mounts toward the rising sun.
“Yeah. Real nice,” he said with strained politeness. “Mrs. Dunaway is letting me use him.”
Jordyn smiled to herself. Her mother thought of Chad as a son, yet after all these years, he still called her Mrs. Dunaway.
“So he’s ranch stock?”
“One of your father’s last purchases...” He stopped and took a deep breath. “I’m really sorry about your dad...I didn’t even find out about it until after the funeral...”
“Thanks.” Jordyn spoke while staring straight ahead. “I only made it back in enough time to attend the service, and had to leave again.”
“So I heard.”
Jordyn wondered at the coldness of the tone but chose to ignore it...until he spoke again under his breath.
“Taking pictures for a living is pretty important stuff, I guess.”
The hint of sarcasm wasn’t subtle—and it wasn’t justified. Disappointment throbbed through Jordyn, followed by a stab of anger. She turned in her saddle to face him. “I beg your pardon?”
He shrugged, his eyes icy and unresponsive. “Nothing. Never mind.”
Jordyn concentrated with all her might on breathing, on feeling her beloved horse beneath her, and on the beautiful scenery that was now cast in the soft rosy glow of dawn. Yet his words shook her more than she cared to admit. You can’t tell him anything so just let it go. Let it go. Let it go.
But she’d been just letting it go for the past ten years, and it hurt. Her family, her friends, and even Chad, thought she was a big-time photographer who flew all over the world to exotic places and got paid big bucks to snap photos. What they didn’t know was that the places she traveled to were mostly war zones, and that being an internationally known photographer was just a cover for her real job.
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly as a single tear rolled down her cheek. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep up with this lie...especially not here. And especially not with him.
No one—not even her parents—knew she’d been recruited by a government agency after only one year of community college. As far as her family and friends knew, she’d left her home at the age of nineteen to take pictures for a living.
Don’t they know I would have never have left this place if it were as simple as that?
Jordyn pushed the negative thoughts from her mind, along with the images of the things she’d witnessed over the past decade. She needed this place. And she needed to enjoy every minute, every second while she was here. If things hadn’t gone so badly between her and Chad that last night together, maybe things would be different now. But that was all in the past. She had to keep up the farce, even with him.
Yet already she was reminded why she’d made so few visits home. It was just too hard to live this lie. She didn’t have the courage to smile and pretend it didn’t hurt when people wondered aloud why she would leave her mother and father to run this place—when everyone assumed she’d stay and take over the family business.
Jordyn worked hard to suppress a gulp of grief. Saying goodbye to the man riding in silence beside her had been the hardest part of all. And now, after all this time, she had to face the fact that her feelings for him hadn’t diminished. She’d pushed him and everything from her past out of her mind so she could do her job, but that didn’t mean she’d forgotten him—and it didn’t mean she’d gotten over him. He’d been her best friend. Her confidant. Her soulmate. When he was gone from her life, he’d left a void no one else could fill. She’d had a few relationships over the years, but nothing like she’d had with Chad. It was like living with a part of her missing.
His words replayed in her mind and stung even harder upon reflection, causing disappointment and anger to collide within her. This isn’t how it was supposed to turn out. In her dreams, Jordyn had told Chad everything. And in those dreams, he’d forgiven her and understood. Fantasy and wishful thinking had made her think that someday they could go back to the way it used to be—best friends. But she was living with reality now, and the notion of any reconciliation with him dissolved in her mind like chimney smoke being whipped away by the wind.
For all I know he’s married. Maybe that’s why Kristy seemed so upset.
Jordyn tried to mask her inner turmoil with deceptive calmness, but Chad’s unexpected appearance and unemotional attitude left her confused and reeling. Unable to think, she gave Blackjack a hard squeeze with her legs and all the rein he wanted. The horse accepted the prompt and took off at a full gallop, giving Jordyn exactly what she wanted: Crisp morning air that sucked the breath from her lungs and a speed that lashed the moisture from her eyes. She wanted to ride as far and as fast as possible...to leave the memories behind.
But instead of leaving them behind, the flash of recollections appeared before her more vivid than ever. She could see Chad holding her hand as they climbed up Bear Mountain; hear his strong laughter as they sat together in front of a roaring campfire or laid on a blanket staring at the vast canopy of stars. Knowing that special moments like those were gone forever caused a surge of fresh pain.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the thundering hooves of Chad’s horse right behind her and then right beside her. Before she could figure out what was happening, Chad had moved ahead and turned his horse sideways, blocking her path. Jordyn hurriedly used the reins to turn her horse hard to the left to avoid a collision, and then slowed him down to a trot.
She was still trying to figure out what was happening when Chad rode close enough for her to see his angry—and frightened—eyes. “The ravine!” He pointed and yelled. “What are you doing?”
Jordyn hauled on the reins again to bring Blackjack to a complete stop. She could see the edge of the forty-foot drop now, lying about twenty-five yards ahead. She’d been riding straight toward it. Glancing over her shoulder, she tried to figure out how she’d covered that much distance so fast. Time had seemed to stop—or perhaps her memory of the distance was confused. She didn’t think they’d ridden that far.
“What are you doing?” Chad asked again, glaring at her with cold fury. “Blackjack isn’t used to running like that. He could have tripped and thrown you.” She wasn’t sure if he was furious or just shaken, but his next statement suggested the former. “I don’t have time to be a babysitter. Why don’t you go back to wherever it is you came from?”
Those words created such a surge of anguish and irritation in Jordyn that she hurled a reply without thought. “You know what? That sounds like a great idea.”
She turned Blackjack back toward the ranch and dug her heels into his side. She was so angry she was shaking. Angry at Chad. Angry at the world...and mostly, angry with herself at having done something so stupid and risky.
Blackjack turned on a dime, but his next step came with a marked dipping of his head. Jordyn thought at first he’d just taken a bad step, but the next stride was worse than the first. She pulled him to a halt, just as Chad said, “Great. He’s dead lame.”
“I can see that.” Jordyn threw her leg over the back of the saddle to dismount. “I’ll walk him back, and check out the cabins later. You can go ahead. I know you don’t want to be late.”
“Hold on.” Chad’s voice was strong and authoritative. He dismounted and picked up the horse’s leg, placing it between his knees, then pulled a knife out of his pocket and began to dig. “He picked up a stone is all.”
“You got it out?”
“Yeah. He’s still going to be sore from the bruise, but at least it won’t be jabbing him on the way back.”
Jordyn led him a few feet. He was still a little lame, but it wasn’t as noticeable as before.
Chad remounted without another word and then held out his hand. “Hop on.”
She glanced at him sitting tall and straight like a towering spruce, and swallowed her pride. “That’s okay. I’ll walk.”
“Get on.” The tone, and the way his eyes flashed a gentle but firm warning, caused Jordyn to comply.
Placing her foot in the stirrup he offered, she grasped the extended hand and was lifted unceremoniously onto the broad back of the black and white Appaloosa.
As they rode slowly back to the ranch with Blackjack in tow, Jordyn smiled as they passed different landmarks on the ranch. Every single one of them sparked a special memory—and, ironically, all of them involved Chad. Suddenly, the happiness the memories aroused was replaced with a sense of loss and sorrow. Jordyn finally just closed her eyes to blot out the images, but that only increased her awareness of his strong back moving back and forth with the gait of the horse just inches from her face.
Why is he here, God? Why can’t you just let me forget him? Or better yet, why can’t things be right between us?”
Despite all the time and distance that had kept them apart, Jordyn felt comfortable with him—as if they’d only been separated for a short period, not an interval of ten years. Yet conflicting emotions assaulted her now. Part of her wanted to wrap her arms around him and never let go...and another part wanted to run away and hide from the memories. She’d never met anyone who had the power to cause such turmoil—and excitement. Even after ten years, the memories were fresh and the feelings were still there.
The rising sun on her shoulders and the smell of clean Montana air were a comfort. She was home. Jordyn tipped her face back toward the sun, and saw Chad glance over his shoulder. “You okay back there?”
His profile was strong and rigid, the shadow of his beard confirming the ruggedly handsome appearance she’d noticed earlier. Chad had always been a strikingly attractive man as far as Jordyn was concerned, but now his chiseled features and piercing eyes held a certain sensuality she found unnerving. She almost felt like a love-stricken teen again, sitting behind a man who still caused her pulse to race and her mind to go blank. What had happened to the level-headed woman of yesterday?
She closed her eyes before answering. “Yes, I’m fine.”
“I’m going to pick up the pace. Hold on if you need to.”
He urged his horse into a canter before she could answer—and before Blackjack had a chance to match the stride. Jordyn wrapped one arm around him to keep from being unseated as her mount lagged behind a moment. When she felt Chad stiffen at the contact, Jordyn adjusted by grasping a handful of his shirt instead.
With the cold air filling her lungs and the sound of the two horses cantering across the open plain, Jordyn’s heart nearly burst. Her father had carved out this little slice of paradise, and now it was where she could hopefully find the peace and answers she sought. But the legacy he’d left behind was more than just picturesque meadows, towering forests, and the sparkling waters of the river. He’d left her a place that was truly a home. Jordyn could hardly believe she’d ever had the strength to leave this heavenly spot.
Her calling to be a part of something bigger than herself had been stronger than the pull to her roots...But that was then.
Would she be strong enough to leave again?
