16

I don’t remember those things because they didn’t happen. They are what I imagine my mother thought was happening. This is what did.

Aiden lay in a hospital bed. He was reading a book and there were three or four pillows behind his back, keeping him propped up. Hearing the door open, he turned his head and did a double-take when he saw me.

‘Ashleigh! What are you doing here?’

The dog twisted and squirmed in my arms and I had to put him on the floor. There was no choice; he was so excited to see Aiden that there was no holding him. As soon as his paws hit the ground, he scrambled across and jumped on the bed. Aiden laughed and put out his arms, but the dog launched into his face, licking frantically wherever he could find flesh. The dog’s whole body was charged with joy. It took Aiden a moment to settle him down, by which time I’d sat on a chair by the side of the bed.

‘We don’t have much time, Aiden,’ I said. ‘You must listen closely and do exactly what I say. Do you understand?’

He laughed. ‘Not exactly the hug I was expecting under the circumstances, Ash —’

‘Aiden, listen.’ I took his hand in mine. ‘Keep quiet and listen. You will die unless you do exactly what I say. This is not a joke. This is not an exaggeration. You will die.’

He shook his head.

‘Remember the camp, Aiden,’ I said. ‘I didn’t really know what was happening, but you saved me. Now you don’t know what is happening and it’s my turn to save you. Do you trust me, Aiden?’

‘Yeah, of course, but …’

‘We are going to swap clothes and I am going to get into that bed and pretend to be you. You will take the dog and you will open that door. Keep your head right down. Pretend to be upset, if you can, but whatever you do, don’t stop. Mum and Dad are out there in the corridor. Do not speak to them, no matter what happens. Run as quickly as you can to the outside door. The car will be waiting for you. Get in. It will start to take you home.’ Aiden’s face was full of confusion and questions, but I ignored it. ‘This next bit is very important. I don’t know how long I will be able to pretend to be you, but sooner or later, they’ll know you’re gone. So as soon as possible, use the emergency override stop button in the car, get out and run. Do not go home. Find Xena. Your tablet is in the pocket of my dress. I will call you as soon as I can.’

‘But this is crazy, Ashleigh. You can’t expect me to do all this without any explanation.’

I was already pulling my dress off over my head. I threw the headband onto the bed and kicked off my sandals.

‘You’ll get an explanation. But now, I need you to get out of bed and change clothes with me.’

‘You’re serious.’

‘Deadly. Now hurry up.’

‘But …’

I wanted to shout, but that was impossible. So I grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him.

‘Do it, Aiden,’ I hissed. ‘Do it now.’

And he did. I helped arrange his new clothes and I put the headband on him, sweeping the hair from his face. Then I stepped back and looked him up and down. Obviously, it helped that we are identical twins. What looked back at me was exactly what had looked back at me from the mirror at home. I knew that the way he walked would be different, but no one would be able to pick that up quickly, especially as he would be running. I tugged down on one side of the dress and nodded. Aiden’s eyes were still confused, but there was fear in them also. I didn’t know whether that was because he genuinely believed his life was in danger or whether he thought his sister had gone mad.

‘I haven’t gone loopy yet, Aiden,’ I said, and hugged him close. ‘That’s just the rest of the world.’ I pulled away but held on to his hand. ‘Stay safe, brother. Promise me.’

‘I promise,’ he said.

‘Your face is a promise,’ I said and he laughed but it cracked a little.

I pulled back the bedclothes and got in. They smelled of Aiden. Z gave my hand a nuzzle and then looked from me to my brother and back again. If ever a dog was confused …

‘Take Z,’ I said. ‘Then go quickly. Remember, head down, run and don’t stop for anyone. Get to the park and wait for my call.’

Aiden took the dog, cradled him in his arms. I thought for a moment he was going to say something, maybe come over and give me a hug.

‘Go now,’ I said.

And Aiden turned, opened the door and was gone. As soon as he left I twisted onto my side, facing away from the door, and pulled the covers over me. I hadn’t rescued Aiden yet. If Mum discovered the swap soon, she would reprogram the car to stop before it got out of the clinic’s grounds. I had to buy Aiden time – at least five minutes, more if I could manage it. Every second counted. And that meant I mustn’t say anything when my parents came into the room. It’s possible they would think I was Aiden just by appearance – we are identical – but my voice would definitely give the game away.

Thirty seconds went past and then I heard the door close, footsteps approaching the bed. I couldn’t pretend to be asleep. No one would believe that within seconds of my sibling leaving, I’d drop off. The only option I could think of was to fake being upset. So I made my shoulders heave a little, as if I was sobbing but trying to keep it under control.

‘Aiden?’ Mum’s voice. I didn’t respond. She put a hand on my shoulder, but I jerked away from it. If it seemed I was angry and upset with her, it would explain why I wasn’t speaking. But I could only do this for so long. I checked my mental clock. Just under a minute. Aiden would probably be leaving the building about now, looking around for the car.

‘Aiden. What’s the matter?’

I brought my right arm out from under the bedclothes and waved it at her – a ‘go away’ gesture. I really wanted to turn to check if Dad was with her. Maybe my instructions had been ignored. Maybe Dad had followed his apparently distraught daughter to the car to offer comfort. That would mean disaster.

‘What’s the problem, son?’ Dad’s voice. I breathed a little easier. Just over a minute. He should be in the car by now. Another minute and he’d be through the gates. I didn’t say anything, just drew the clothes tighter around me and moved towards the edge of the bed as if trying to get further away from their voices.

‘Has Ashleigh been talking to you?’

I risked it this time. I turned and dipped the bedsheet to just below my nose. I guessed my eyes must be red, but I screwed them up anyway. I nodded and then turned away again.

‘What has she told you? Aiden, what did she say?’

I made my sobbing louder and more violent. There was silence and then I heard Mum and Dad whispering. They’d obviously moved away from the bed and were discussing possibilities. That was good. I hoped they’d discuss them at length. A minute and a half. He’d still be in the grounds.

‘Did she tell you what you are, Aiden? Is that why you’re so upset?’

This time I howled. I figured howling or hysteria would be kind of gender neutral. We all look pretty much the same when we’re emotionally out of control.

‘Listen to me, Aiden.’ Mum’s voice, almost shouting. ‘I need to explain some things to you.’

But I howled louder. My throat was hurting, but that didn’t matter. Two minutes, maybe slightly under. I imagined Aiden in the back seat of the car, hugging Z to him, the gates sliding open as the car approached. A few metres, a few seconds from freedom.

Dad came round the other side of the bed. Now I had them on both sides, so I buried my face beneath the blanket. I could feel his hands on my shoulders and I squirmed. But he didn’t loosen his grip.

‘Aiden!’ he shouted. ‘Whatever your sister told you, it’s not true, all right? It’s not true. Everything’s fine. It’s all going to be okay.’

That almost took my breath away. Right there, right at the end, they were going to lie to him. Pretend everything was going to be wonderful. I think that was the moment when the last part of my childhood slipped away forever. However this turned out, I would never forgive my parents. It was possible I would understand them, maybe even sympathise with them from time to time. But I would never truly forgive them. The realisation tasted bitter.

Mum suddenly pulled back the bedclothes and Dad increased his grip on me, tried to sit me up, get me out of bed. I think they’d decided I was hysterical and were trying to force me to pay attention. Maybe they were just going to shut me down there and then. But if they were thinking hysteria, I’d show them. I’d show them proper hysteria.

I twisted out of Dad’s grasp and it was surprisingly easy. I think I was in the grip of a huge adrenaline rush and I felt strong. I felt so strong. I butted him in the stomach and I heard the wind rush out of his lungs. He doubled over and I ran for the door, turned the handle and nearly got away, but Mum grabbed me from behind and dragged me a little way back into the room. I screamed and jabbed my elbow back, making contact with some part of her body. I heard her gasp and then I was free. This time I ran as fast as I could. Behind me I heard a shout of ‘Get him. Don’t let him get away.’

I ran down a number of corridors, taking turns at random. Once I turned a corner and a middle-aged man in a white coat was a metre ahead of me. I caught him a glancing blow and then I was in clear space once more. I ran and ran, checking my internal clock. Three and a half minutes. Maybe. Aiden should have pressed the emergency override by now. He couldn’t do it right outside the gate, because that would make his recapture easier when Mum called the security guards to search the area. Had I told him that? I didn’t think I had. Hopefully, he’d worked that out for himself. So, if everything had gone well, he’d be a minute and a half away from the lab, the car door would be open and he’d run into the rain and the wind, and the darkness would give him shelter. Maybe.

I had no idea where I was, but I turned another corner and the lab entrance was in front of me. I burst through the doors, but nearly didn’t make it. I don’t know where Dad came from, but his hand grabbed the shoulder of Aiden’s nightclothes, so I twisted and felt the fabric rip. Then I was in the storm and I couldn’t see a thing. The rain was so intense that visibility was reduced to no more than two metres. In less than a second I was as drenched as if I’d dived into our pool at home. I had to buy some more time and maybe the storm could be my friend. I ran with no idea where I was going.

The storm wasn’t my friend. I ran straight into a security guard, who caught me in a grip I knew I would never break. This guy was strong. I stopped struggling and went limp instead. He half-dragged, half-carried me back into the lab. Judging by his muttering he wasn’t very pleased that I’d caused him to get soaked. I didn’t care. Over four minutes. He must be away by now.

Mum and Dad had the guard carry me into another room, where a nurse strapped me to a bed. The friendly ‘call-me-Sue’, I assumed. She didn’t seem that friendly to me. Another man came into the room, the one I’d sideswiped in my race around the building. He didn’t appear that friendly either. It occurred to me that at the first sign of a hypodermic needle, I’d have to speak up. It wouldn’t be the best outcome to save Aiden’s life while losing my own. I love my brother, but …

That wasn’t necessary. Mum dried my face with a towel, pushed my wet hair back from my forehead. And then her eyes widened and I knew she knew.

Almost immediately, she took out her tablet and punched in instructions. You didn’t have to be a genius to work out that she was recalling the car. I thought I’d bought Aiden enough time, but I couldn’t be sure. If he hadn’t pressed the emergency stop, he’d presumably do so when the car turned around. Then again, knowing Mum’s expertise, she was probably able to disarm that function remotely.

‘What are you doing, Chrissie?’ asked Dad.

Mum didn’t answer. Instead she stood over me.

‘Where’s he gone, Ashleigh?’

‘Somewhere you’ll never find him,’ I replied. I could see Dad’s face over Mum’s shoulder. Judging by his expression, the penny had dropped with him as well.

‘I wouldn’t be too sure of that,’ Mum replied. She said that with such confidence that instantly I became scared again. I’d been feeling happy, so happy at the thought he’d escaped. Yes, I was waiting to see an empty car return before I really started celebrating, but now I wondered if Mum could track him down. I hadn’t thought that through but it occurred to me that she might well have put a transmitter somewhere into his body. They used to do that to track animals. Mum would always want to know where her creation was. I felt like crying.

‘Unstrap her,’ said Mum to the nurse.

Call-me-Sue also found some dry clothes, so I was able to watch the car drive up to the door. It was empty. Then I did allow myself to celebrate a little. Even if Mum was able to track him, it didn’t mean she could necessarily bring him in. It’s a lawless world out there and Aiden is smart and Aiden is tough.

We went home and Mum said nothing on the drive back. It was obvious she was thinking and that worried me. My mother is the smartest person I have ever known and she wasn’t panicking. She was working through a problem, step by step. It’s what she had done her entire life and she was very good at it. The lifestyle we enjoyed was evidence of that.

I took some bread and cheese from the fridge and shut myself away in my bedroom. No one stopped me. Mum had gone straight to her office. Dad looked lost. I put the chair under the doorhandle again before getting my tablet from under the bed and calling Aiden. I was hoping that in the confusion of the escape, Mum hadn’t thought I might have smuggled in Aiden’s tablet and that we could be in communication. She’d work it out eventually, but I had some time on my side. I hoped.

Aiden answered immediately.

‘What the hell is going on, Ash?’ he said. Under other circumstances I’d have been tempted to cry. His hologram, wearing that yellow dress (a small part of me noticed the headband had gone), was shivering, a tiny Z hugged close.

‘Are you safe?’ I said.

‘No. I’m cold and wet and lost. It’s dark and I’m scared and I want to come home.’

My heart lurched, but I couldn’t let pity be his downfall.

‘Listen to me, Aiden,’ I said. ‘You mustn’t come home. If you do, you’ll die. Please trust me on this. And whatever you do, don’t talk to Mum and Dad. Find Xena and her gang if you can. She said she likes you and I think they may protect you.’

He started crying then and that got me going. He seemed so lost and small and helpless.

‘I don’t understand anything,’ he sobbed.

‘I’ll be at the entrance of Victoria Park at nine in the morning,’ I said, without having the slightest idea how I was going to manage that. ‘Stay hidden and only come out if I’m alone. Do you understand?’

‘Yes, but …’

‘Find shelter, but keep moving. Don’t call me back and don’t stay in the same place for too long. I’ll explain everything tomorrow, Aiden. I swear.’ I hung up. I didn’t want to, but I needed him scared and jumpy. For a while, at least, I thought his survival would depend on it.

I’ll explain everything tomorrow? I’d have to do that. But that didn’t mean I was looking forward to it.

I’m not sure if anyone slept that night. I know I didn’t, and judging by the faces of my parents in the morning, they hadn’t either. It was certain Aiden hadn’t got any rest, but his absence and Mum’s presence was evidence he hadn’t been recaptured. Not conclusive, but …

Mum pretty much confirmed that hope by speaking on her tablet almost continuously. She kept away from me, but I heard the occasional word and I thought she was organising a search. Then she called for the car.

‘We will talk about this, Ashleigh,’ she said as she was walking through the front door. They were the first words she’d said to me since we were in the lab. ‘When this problem is sorted – and it will be sorted – we will be having a full and frank discussion.’

I thought of saying something sharp, but decided silence would serve me better. I watched as the car drove her away.

Just me and Dad.

I looked at him across the kitchen table. He seemed to have aged years in just a few hours. He plucked at his earlobe and there was a twitch under his right eye. He tried to smile at me but that didn’t work.

‘Call the car, Dad,’ I said after five minutes. We had three cars. I have no idea why, since the three hadn’t ever been on the road at the same time.

‘Why? Where are we going, Ash?’

‘To see Aiden,’ I said. That got his full attention. His eyes flicked to one side, where his tablet lay. ‘I can’t stop you ringing Mum,’ I continued, ‘but if you do, you won’t see him and I will never tell you where he is. So you need to make a decision, Dad. For once.’

I think he flinched at that. Our eyes met and neither of us broke contact. I don’t know if it was wishful thinking, but I thought I saw a determination in his eyes – a kind of flintiness – that hadn’t been there before. Then he nodded slowly.

‘Let’s go,’ he said.

I made Dad park the car at the school, which was deserted for the holidays. We were going to walk from there.

He didn’t look comfortable as we headed down an empty street. I wondered when he’d last walked the streets of Sydney. It must have been a long time ago, judging by his nervousness and how he kept spinning around as if expecting to be attacked from every quarter. I was slightly more relaxed. I’d done this twice before, though it was still a bit scary. When we arrived at Victoria Park I pulled out my tablet and called Aiden. He answered immediately.

‘I’m here, Aiden,’ I said. ‘And Dad is with me.’

I could tell Aiden was confused and I could understand why. I’d told him to avoid our parents and now I’d brought one along. This wouldn’t be making any sense to him. But I’d taken a chance with Dad. I’d made him leave his tablet on the kitchen table because I didn’t trust him too much, but I also thought that, away from Mum, he might have his own ideas and opinions. And he couldn’t do much out here. Aiden could outrun most people. He could certainly outrun Dad.

‘I’ll leave Dad at the entrance arch,’ I said. ‘He won’t be coming to talk to you. That’s just me. If he does try to approach you, stay out of his way. Run if you have to. But I don’t think he will, I think he’s got more sense than that.’ I hoped so, but I couldn’t guarantee it. ‘I’ll walk in a couple of hundred metres to where the park is emptiest. Meet me there.’ I wanted plenty of room, so that we could see if anyone or anything approached. ‘You are here, aren’t you, Aiden?’

‘I’m here.’

‘Good. I’m walking now.’

I hung up and turned to Dad. ‘Stay here. Any move and we’ll both be gone. I’m having a conversation with my brother. After that, he may want to talk to you. Then again, he may not. Either way, we’ll respect his wishes.’

Dad just nodded. He looked worried and scared and defeated all at the same time. That suited me. That’s exactly how I wanted him to be. I turned and headed into the park.

The sun was already intense and the humidity was off the scale, a consequence of last night’s storm, which was severe even by Sydney standards. I wiped sweat from my forehead and scanned the park. I didn’t see Aiden until I’d stopped in the very middle of a clearing, the nearest tree maybe sixty or seventy metres away. He stepped out from behind one of them and started walking towards me. I was expecting to see the yellow dress, but he had different clothes on. Maybe he’d stolen some … but then I saw Xena and a couple of her gang appear from behind neighbouring trees. She held Zorro in her arms and watched as my brother approached me. He’d found them. They’d given him clothing and shelter. I felt one worry melt away. Trouble was, there were so many others and they were solid and enduring.

Aiden stopped a metre away. He glanced over my shoulder, checking out Dad, I guessed. He seemed in much better shape this morning. When I’d rung last night he’d been tearful, on the verge of a breakdown. Now he was … cool. Thinking. Analysing. It was better this way.

I pointed over his shoulder. ‘You should tell Xena and the others that they need to find another activity. Standing around looking threatening is getting a bit old.’

Aiden didn’t smile.

‘I thought all this might have been some elaborate sibling joke, Ash,’ he said. ‘But Dad is behind you, so I guess he puts paid to that idea.’

‘I wish it was a joke. It isn’t.’

‘So tell me.’

And I did. I told him as simply and as clearly as I could. He deserved that. He deserved a whole lot more, but the only thing I could give him now was the plain truth, plainly told. My voice didn’t break and when I was done I was surprised to find tears running down my cheeks. I couldn’t remember when I’d started crying.

Aiden didn’t flinch and his expression didn’t change. He listened until all my words had dried up. Then he reached out a hand and brushed away a tear from my cheek.

‘Wait here for me, Ash,’ he said. ‘Please.’

And he walked away. Not towards Xena and the others but towards a rotting bench on the edge of the clearing. In the Sydney of old, people would’ve sat there, enjoying the day, enjoying the trees and the way sunshine filtered through leaves. Now Aiden sat, back straight, head not moving, as if carved from the same wood.

I waited. I waited for an hour. My legs were trembling but I didn’t want to sit on the grass, and not just because it was still wet from the storm. I wanted to be solid for Aiden. Unmoving. There. Never flinching.

Finally, he stood and walked back. I still couldn’t read anything in his expression.

‘Call Dad over,’ he said. ‘I want to talk to him.’

I turned. Dad was sitting against the entrance wall, almost exactly where Xena had sat all that time ago. I waved and he stood. He walked slowly towards us, like someone approaching the unknown. Careful. Scared. Dad stopped a couple of steps away. His mouth opened and then it closed. I imagine he’d searched his brain for a suitable greeting but had come up with nothing. I was glad.

Aiden reached into his pocket, pulled out his tablet and unfolded it. He punched in a command and then handed it to Dad.

‘I need to talk to both of you,’ he said.

Mum’s face appeared on the screen. Dad held it so we could see. In fact he held it so his face and Mum’s were pretty much side by side. Maybe he was relieved that Mum was there. She was always better with words. Now he didn’t have to bother. I took a step to stand next to my brother. If Mum was surprised by what she saw, she didn’t give anything away.

‘Hello, Aiden,’ she said.

‘Hello, Mum.’

‘Ashleigh has told you, I assume?’

Aiden nodded.

‘Okay, Aiden. I want you to listen very carefully to what I’m about to say.’ Mum’s voice. Patient. Reasonable. ‘You have always been very logical, so I want you to think through all the implications of the situation we find ourselves in. I did not want this to happen. I imagined us all growing old together as a family. You wouldn’t have been able to have children, obviously. But Ashleigh could. I had a vision of us all, three generations, looking out for each other. Protecting each other. It was really that simple.’

‘Not so simple now,’ said Aiden.

Mum nodded. ‘Not simple at all. And I confess that’s my fault. I didn’t take enough care. I had a vision. Passing on our wealth to you, Ashleigh and maybe her future partner and child. I did it all for love.’

‘Did you love me, Mamma?’ Aiden’s voice, still calm. ‘Am I alive and did you love me?’

For the briefest moment, Mum’s composure cracked and slid. Her mouth twisted and I thought I saw pain and the faintest shimmer of tears in her eyes. Then she shuddered and glanced down, and when she lifted her face to the screen once more she was calm, her eyes dry. I thought I’d seen something buried within, struggling to find the surface, but it might have been my imagination. Her voice didn’t waver when she replied.

‘You’re a machine, Aiden. You were never alive.’

I was desperate to say something, but I bit my tongue. This was between them and I had no right to speak. But I had to hand it to my mother. She wasn’t going to sugarcoat anything, say stuff just to make anyone feel good. Maybe including herself. It was almost admirable. Almost. But she’d avoided one question.

‘So you aren’t going to kill me, is that right?’ said Aiden. ‘Just shut me down. Because you can’t kill something that isn’t alive.’

‘That’s correct.’

‘You didn’t answer my first question. Did you ever love me?’

‘I did.’ I’d almost forgotten Dad was still there. Mum’s face and the intensity of her words had made him fade into the background. It often happened like that. ‘And I still do,’ he continued. ‘I love you, Aiden.’

My brother nodded. Mum stayed silent.

‘Do you know something?’ I said. ‘I look from you, Mum, to my brother and I think I know which one is the machine.’

She didn’t say anything to that. Instead she fixed her eyes on Aiden once more.

‘If you ever loved Ashleigh, Aiden, you will hand yourself over to me. You may not know it, you may not feel it, but you are out of control. Your mind is behaving in ways that were never intended. Left unchecked, you are a danger not just to Ash, but to everyone. I want you to think carefully about this and make the right decision. It’s just logic, Aiden. Put emotions to one side for a moment. Think this through.’

‘I’m thinking,’ said Aiden.

‘I will track you down,’ Mum continued. ‘If you don’t do the right thing, I will have to find you and make you do it. You know me, Aiden. I don’t say I will do something if I can’t. I have resources. You’re on your own.’

‘He’s not on his own,’ I said.

‘No,’ said Mum. ‘You have Ashleigh and my husband on your side, apparently. That’s not going to be enough. I have the means and I will find you.’

‘I believe you,’ said Aiden. ‘You always kept your promises, Mamma. Goodbye.’ And he turned and walked away.

I ran after him.

‘Aiden,’ I said. ‘I’m coming with you. I’ll just get your tablet back and then I’ll come with you.’

‘I don’t want the tablet,’ said Aiden. He stopped walking. ‘It’s not really going to be much use to me.’ He cupped my face in his hands. ‘And you can’t come with me, Ash. She’s right about a few things. I have always protected you and the only way I can do that now is to ask you to go back home with Dad. He needs you and he’ll look after you. Where I’m going, you’ll just be something else I have to worry about.’

I stamped my feet. It was childish, but it felt good.

‘Can everyone stop being so freaking logical?’ I asked. ‘Just for one moment. I am coming with you. You’re my brother.’

He gave a half-smile, examined my face. Then he nodded.

‘One night, Ashleigh. Promise me that tomorrow you’ll go home. If you can’t do that, then I’ll just run away, here and now. You’ll never be able to catch me.’

‘No,’ I replied. ‘I couldn’t. But that wouldn’t stop me trying. And then I’d be all alone in Sydney with no one to protect me. And then you’d have to come back. So admit defeat, Aiden. You were never as smart as me.’

There was that hint of a smile again.

‘One night, Ash. Promise.’

I looked into his eyes and for a moment thought I saw the speed with which his thoughts were turning. I didn’t think he needed me anymore. But I needed him, and I had to take whatever I could.

‘I promise.’

I ran back to Dad.

‘Have the car wait for me here at ten o’clock tomorrow morning,’ I said. He’d shut down Aiden’s tablet. I handed him mine. ‘Just so no one gets in touch,’ I said. Just so no one can track my whereabouts, I thought. ‘I’m spending time with my brother. Your son.’

And Dad just nodded. Smiled and put a hand to my cheek.

‘Take care,’ he said. ‘Both of you.’

‘I’ll tell Mum you couldn’t stop me,’ I said.

‘That’s okay,’ he said. ‘I think it’s time I told her some things of my own.’