#5: Why Did He Leave Me? The Five Mistakes

In this chapter I am going to run through a typical scenario millions of women have experienced.

I put this here for a reason. I want you to understand how a man reacts in conjunction with what you do. Later, I will take these five mistakes and show you EXACTLY how to counter your mistakes when we get to Your New Game Plan.

Have you ever been in a relationship so intense that you said, “This is the man I am going to marry”?

You know what I’m talking about. Your heart raced every time the text came in and you saw his name. Butterflies flew around in your stomach two hours before your date.

When you’re together, your knees go weak. He is great-looking and romantic. He opens doors for you and protects you. Your friends admire him and you talk to your Mom about this great guy.

You start thinking about your future together. The house, the kids and the two golden retrievers. You envision holidays together and trips to Disney.

And why not? He said all the right things. He said he loves you and he loves kids. He whispers into your ear, telling you how sexy you are and how he can’t wait to get you under the sheets. He talks about taking you to Saint Bart’s for an exotic vacation.

Then, out of nowhere, he’s gone!

The texts stop coming. The plans are broken. The excuses start piling up. At first, you give him the benefit of the doubt. His job is crazy or he has family issues. Crickets.

You make a few futile attempts to contact him, you know, to see if everything is okay. He might respond with, “I’ll contact you in a couple of days.”

But you know he won’t…and he doesn’t.

Then, you start asking, “What did I do wrong?” You begin running through the scenarios over and over again until you become obsessed with the situation. All this leads to you elevating this man to an even higher status. By the time you contact me, this guy is Zeus!

He exited your life in one of two ways: the drip-drip method or the sudden cut-off method. Either way, the result is the same – he is gone!

Your friends tell you to move on. They try to soothe you with stuff which doesn’t work. You go out on a date and all you do is compare this loser to Zeus…the poor bastard.

“No one compares to my Zeus.”

The real bummer is your confidence has taken another hit. You build contempt for men, and I don’t blame you, but be aware, this has a very negative impact moving forward. The next guy will be another wet kitten, but this time an even wetter kitten! The pendulum swings and you get hurt again.

The funny thing is, you know you are smart and sexy. You know you are strong and you know you are a catch, but you just don’t understand the puzzle that is the male mind. If only you did!

The bottom line? There is no course in life on this subject. Just feel-good women’s magazines telling you false crap about finding and keeping a man with the latest in make-up and lipo.

Stop obsessing about your past and start understanding men!

This is why he left you:

Mistake #1: You were not a challenge

You have money, good looks, you treated him like gold and you are extremely intelligent. That’s great, but it is secondary.

You were not a challenge! You were all in and he knew it. You got a checkmark next to your name because he conquered you and then he moved on to the next woman. You did what came naturally to you. I understand, and I am not blaming you, but what you need and what he needs are two very different things.

The conveyer belt to manhood teaches men competition and challenge, remember? Provide this to a man and he will never leave you.

Mistake #2: Too much pursuit, too soon

Men need to take control. They ask girls out. They decide where to go. They control sex (they actually don’t, but more on this later.) They propose. They solve problems!

Reverse this and men’s brains short out and smoke pours out of their ears!

This is not to be confused with asking him out in the beginning of your relationship. I’m not saying you can’t take control sometimes. No. But, there is a way to do this which keeps him in control. Sometimes, a man just thinks he is in control when really, you fooled him, but it’s okay…just learn how to fool him!

I feel like I’m repeating myself, but this again goes back to men’s roots—the conveyer belt to manhood. Nowhere are men taught to be controlled by a woman other than Mom. I am not being a chauvinist here, I am telling you how we are wired. You can fight me and listen to your girlfriends or you can embrace this concept and solve the man puzzle from the ground up.

Here are some examples of over-pursuit:

I understand doing these things comes naturally to you. Your conveyer belt builds you into a nurturing and loving woman. Everything you do toward men makes sense to you. What you need to do, however, is save this nurturing for your kids and use it sparingly towards your man, especially in the early stages of a relationship.

A guy needs to pursue and you are pursing him instead. You, in his eyes, are acting clingy and needy. Step back, phase in and out of being aloof and let him do his thing.

If you keep pushing a man toward his future with you in the form of planning dates and seeing where we are headed, he will head out the door. Pursue a little bit, but then back off.

Mistake #3: You hold him in contempt

This is an interesting one and it needs to be discussed. Many women have been burned so many times they are just plain bitter toward the men they meet.

They break out the checklist:

If a man passes these first tests, he is subjected to more torture. The next checklist, about kids and our future together, gets inserted before the second date. You are thinking you won’t waste your time on an emotionally unavailable guy again, so let’s just get to the point so you don’t waste your time. The problem is you don’t give men the time to express themselves about what they want and need.

Men will pick up on this contempt vibe you are sending out and it is not attractive. Men have feelers too, and they know almost immediately you are bitter towards men. This tells a man you have been rejected and he will start wondering why, and what is wrong with you.

Men don’t necessarily want to hurt you. They are like you, trying to figure out love and what makes them happy. Often, both your past relationships and his get in the way.

I have the solution to your contempt problem. I have the right checklist so you won’t waste your time, but he will not be aware of it. Hint: By pushing him toward scheduling a day date with you, you lose a lot of the PUA’s out there. More on that later.

Mistake #4: You made him your hobby

This applies to a lot of women who are in a relationship. Women tend to drop all their ambitions and their friends and instead concentrate all their energy on a man.

No, no and no! Challenge dies, pursuit increases and contempt builds. The good news is this is so easy to fix! Never make a man your hobby. Instead, join in his hobbies, pursue your own and always keep a social network outside of his!

This is one of the most common and most preventable mistakes I see. This kills the challenge and forces men into places you don’t intend. Men don’t know how to discuss this with you, “Honey, will you go find some friends or hobbies to do without me?” Yeah, that will go over well! Your conveyer belt says love and nurture but you must fight this with a man.

Mistake #5: You gave him sex too soon

Encyclopedias are written on this subject. “Get it over with.” “Thirty-day rule.” “Sixty-day rule.” “Ninety-day f*%king rule.”

As a woman, you have powers.

Use the power of the pussy!

Here is your rule:

Define what you must have in a man. Decide how you must be treated by a man. Once this man proves to you, through multiple actions, he is treating you the way you want to be treated, then, and only then, do you have sex with him.

Actions, not words. Not, “I love you.” Anyone can say these words, but few can follow through. Don’t tell me you are worried about losing him if you delay sex. Are you kidding me? If you lose him because you didn’t have sex, then he just wanted you for sex!! That is such a pitiful statement. You are a woman of worth, not a sex toy. Don’t let a guy prey on your emotions.

Time is not the deciding factor when it comes to sex. Proof by actions is. I highly doubt he can prove himself in two weeks. In fact, I will just tell you - he can’t. You may be into the thirty- to ninety-day category. Take time and be sure.

Men will do anything to get you in the sack. They will lie, buy you stuff, meet Mom and go to extremes to conquer you. You need to use your intuition, family and friends to determine if this guy is full of it or not.

I am not saying give up all your inbred female emotions just to please him. I am saying balance your emotions and be aware of these five mistakes so he will never leave you. If you sense he is getting bored, read over the five mistakes, realize which one you are making and take action!

Become a Man Whisperer with this one-of-a-kind program designed specifically to help you understand men and manage your relationships with them. You get dozens of videos with me! The Man Whisperer Program