#7: Man Mode

Man Mode is the state of mind and it is my secret sauce to getting what you want from men. We are going to get deep here, so hang on and bear with me.

“Gregg, is this is a game?”

Heck yeah, it’s a game! Relationships are a game. Love is a game. Life is a game. I’m tired of people thinking love should be a fairy tale and end like a Cinderella story where all is well. It’s a wonderful thought but I wouldn’t be selling 100 books a day if this were true. Love takes work! And a few little games.

If two people are in love, they can control their own fate and longevity by knowing how to communicate.

55% of all marriages end in divorce. Of the other 45% of couples who stay together, I say there is another 10% who stay together because of kids, and another 10% are just friends who sleep in separate beds down the hall from one another.

This means by my math (granted, this is not scientific but I believe it to be true), 25% of couples might make it…and I even think that is high!

Play love my way and by my rules and watch your odds triple! If it makes you feel better, let’s not call it a game, let’s call it an occasional rule change or putting an extra player on the ice.

Or, we can call it Man Mode.

Plain and simple: Man Mode is a state of mind women need to put themselves into, on occasion, to get what they want from a man and to keep the relationship thriving by communicating in a way he understands.

I made up this term and it might sound stupid, but we can re-name it something cooler later…whatever.

This state of mind you are going to learn is very similar to how a man talks to his male friends. It can also be compared to the relationship women have with gay men. Defenses are taken down in both of these scenarios. When defenses are down, communication can really happen.

Doesn’t it blow your mind how easily a guy can talk to a man? It’s almost like they are in love. Actually, they are, but without the sex. Think about it, men touch, they spend tons of time together, and they spill their emotions to each other. They show their soft underbellies. These are all of the things you want but instead, a wall gets put up because you represent a threat to his manhood.

A tough, bad-ass guy who rides a Harley can be emotional with his buddies before his girlfriend…what gives?

Men think like this:

Sounds sad, huh? The funny thing is men want you to take some of our friends away. They want to just have sex with one awesome girl—you. And they want to provide and spend our money on you.

But men are stupid and need you to show them the way, otherwise, their shallow extended college lives will remain intact.

If you communicate with a man and keep his masculinity in check, you will become his prize and get what you want!

Women are very jealous of this guy/guy relationship and don’t know how to deal with it, so you react the way you know best—you get emotional. Statements like “Why do you always want to spend more time with your friends than with me?” come out. This is poison to the relationship.

What if you could be the girlfriend/wife/lover and have the same capability to get him to drop his defenses, just like he does with his close male friends?

Hmmm? Go on.

This would be done without him even knowing what is going on. Man Mode is just a slight shift in your persona. That’s all it is. Basically, you are going to re-direct your emotional energy into energy a man understands, through a series of everyday occurrences, just a like the man-man relationship.

Sounds simple, right? It is!

I am talking about relationships right now but this applies across the board. Once you understand and can execute Man Mode. For now, let’s assume you are dating a guy/have a boyfriend or are married, and this guy is starting to go rogue.

A guy is defined as going rogue when he starts taking you for granted. You are starting to lose him. This is explained in detail in my book: Who Holds the Cards Now?

“Okay, how do I execute Man Mode?”

It starts with a list of things you are going to do and, just as importantly, a list of things you are not going to do in this relationship scenario. Remember, this tactic only gets used on occasion.

There are three things to remember:

Here again are the main threats women pose to men:

This is your new way to deal with these three threats:

You will take our friends away.

Don’t take his friends away—let him take himself away from his friends. He wants to do this, but give him a good reason by making yourself so attractive and interesting he would rather be with you. In fact, encourage him to be with his friends - then you go spend time with yours. He will be left thinking, “Hmm, I want to spend more time with her.” (and therefore, less time with his friends!)

If you have passions to pursue, you become attractive to a man. Suddenly, nachos and Xbox seem a little immature and he will call you.

Of course, the irony is many women who follow my advice leave the Xbox man eating nachos, and start dating a quality man they meet while pursuing their interests!!!

You will force us to have sex with only you.

Again, don’t tell him you want to be exclusive—make him want to be exclusive with you. Lead him there. Mature quality men don’t need more “notches on their belt.” They want a woman to fall in love with. By bringing confidence, you become a woman of value to a man. Having your own goals in life, and taking time away from men to pursue those goals, makes you attractive to men.

A man realizes he is not your hobby and your time is valuable. This, in turn, makes him try harder. Now, other women can’t compare and all our resources and drive are concentrated on you.

You will take our money.

Don’t ask him to buy you things—make him want to provide for you and he will buy you things. Do this by paying your way or at least always offering. Men are extremely cognizant of gold diggers and when you prove you want him for his personality, he will give up his money willingly.

More Man Mode points to know:

Arguing

When you start to argue, you are going to say less and withdraw just like he does, but you are going to do it first. Leave the house and go meet your friends, but don’t show anger.

Texting

Text like you tweet. One short sentence—short and to the point. No emotion and always let him text last. Just like a man.

My number one best seller, Power Texting Men, covers this in much more detail.

Sex

If you are having sex, try to reverse roles here too. Be aggressive. Don’t communicate afterwards and either go home or go to sleep. If you are always pushing for an orgasm, forget about it. Get him off and leave it at that. Remember, I am saying do these things occasionally, particularly when he goes rogue.

Don’t complain and whine.

Men don’t react to this behavior in any positive way. They stop communicating and withdraw. I am not telling you to suppress your emotions, just take them to your girlfriends. Think like a man here. Our guy friends don’t complain and whine, they confront or withdraw. You need to do the same once in a while.

Tell him like it is.

This is how men communicate. If a man has bad breath, his friend says, “Dude your breath smells like crap. Chew some gum will you?” This is innate to men. Men don’t sugarcoat anything, so contempt can never build and the problem is fixed. Women, on the other hand, talk behind one another’s backs and nothing gets solved.

You are going to change right in front of him and act like his best guy friend. I explain in more detail in my best seller, Who Holds the Cards Now? He will smile and laugh, and he will be perplexed. Perplexed is good. This shows acceptance and will get him to drop his defenses just like he does with his guy friends. Do this enough and he starts to associate you as a non-threatening friend as well as his lover.

The beauty is, the more emotional you have been in the past, the better Man Mode works. If you can pull it off—you must cut out the emotion!

You will find he will start to take more interest in you. You have become interesting and mysterious to him again, just like in the early days. You are communicating to him in a way he understands now. No longer does he get scolded for his actions. Instead, you confront him and walk out the door. He is left standing alone wanting to communicate. Wow!

When the power starts to shift, you go into catch me if you can mode. If he gets horny, you say, “Not tonight. I’m heading out with my friends. Maybe tomorrow.”

**Now this is important to remember: Man Mode only has to happen on occasion. And it doesn’t have to happen only when your needs aren’t getting met. Just show him that you have it in you. Of course, he doesn’t even know what is happening in real life.

He walks in the room wearing a crappy shirt, you say with a smile, “Where did you get that shirt? The Salvation Army?” Normally, you would let him wear it and keep it to yourself (or tell your girlfriend).

The smile is important. Otherwise, you are just being mean. This is what guys do and it works. He might not change his shirt—that’s not important—he will respect the confrontation from you – that is important. You are standing up to him, which represents power, boundaries and respect—just like his male friends.

Guys confront one other. This is how they communicate and build respect with each other. You need to do the same.

Confront your man at times. Not with anger, but with point-blank accuracy on what he is doing wrong. Tell him exactly what you feel without getting all lovey, hacked off or emotional. Don’t change who you are—just have this confrontational quality in your toolbox. When in doubt, do it, just like his friends.

Let’s use me as an example:

My girlfriend confronts me sometimes and she gets away with it. Why? Because I get out of line on occasion. All men do. Men like to test people. This is their competitive nature. Other times they are just stupid and overlook you.

I used to get out of the car and walk ten steps ahead of her. (This is one of my bad quirks.) She didn’t put up with it and she didn’t get upset. Instead, she cupped her hands together and yelled, “Hey boyfriend, do you want to walk with me or should I find a guy who will?”

Perfect! She just treated me like a guy, and I listened. She smiled through the whole thing and I was never scolded. There was no residual anger or anything…just like a guy…easy and magical.

Guess what? It didn’t happen again because she communicated in a way I understood and will remember. This is Man Mode. She called me on it and I got back in line. She doesn’t wear the boots, but she can when she needs to and that’s the difference.

When she does decide to wear the boots? She rules me! I hate to admit it.

Other women I have dated have tried to wear the boots and would tell me all the time how it’s going to be. In the example above, I would get yelled at, for real, and she would be angry throughout the night. She would bring it up in the future too. She would last about a day with me.

This is not Man Mode.

Other women would set no boundaries and let me do whatever I wanted to just to keep me happy. In my previous example, my girlfriend would go ahead and let me walk 10 paces in front of her. I would (finally) realize it after a while and wonder why she didn’t say anything. She would be the type to let me get away with anything and she would probably make me her hobby. She would last about a week.

Are you getting my point here?

Yes, I know, guys are assholes!

Man Mode is a balancing act. You’re like an inside domestic cat who is pleasant to be around, cuddling and purring. Then, you are let outside (your man goes rogue) and all hell breaks loose.

You don’t get mad. That is important. Think about how a guy treats a guy. They say what they have to say and move on! Two guys give each other crap one minute, and the next minute, all is forgotten—problem solved.

Never, never say something like, “We need to talk.” This instantly triggers his defensive mode and you will not solve the problem. Contempt will build. Remember to think like a guy. No guy ever tells his buddy, “We need to talk.”

Well, maybe as a joke to make fun of women. :)