#12: Shock Some Confidence into Yourself

“Do one thing every day that scares you.”
—Eleanor Roosevelt

My Secret Tip

Sometimes we have to put the self-help books down, shut off Doctor Phil and solve our problems like a man, or, in your case, like a woman.

I have a challenge for you! My real life example is a guy named Artie, but this applies to women too.

My friend Artie participates in girl-perusing antics quite often. He makes great money and is an above-average looking man. He listens to me and he practices what I preach in my male books. But, he is still having a tough time. His confidence is like a roller coaster. He allows external forces to influence him. For example, he feels great when we go out and he gets a phone number or engages with women, but lousy when he gets rejected.

I felt Artie needed something different than a book.

Some people can’t, or just don’t respond to affirmations and goal-setting. A self-help book simply won’t help them. Maybe it’s just a lack of concentration or ADD, but Artie was not where he wanted to be, both in his personal life and with women.

I found this frustrating. If I couldn’t help a close friend gain confidence, then how could I justify helping others? For my own good, I needed to fix him.

Some people will not respond to mental exercises or self-help books. They need an outside force to change. This change can be an activity which is outside their comfort zone.

Artie is conservative guy. I find this a common trait among people with low self-esteem. He does not take chances. His day is very organized and scripted. His weekends don’t get much better. I wanted Artie to take a risk…a huge risk! I wanted him to go totally outside his comfort zone. I devised a plan which did not involve any mental exercises.

I set up a day of skydiving. I knew he would never go so I had to lie to him about my plan. He thought we were going to Six Flags Amusement Park. When he realized he was being redirected, things got a bit hairy. I really gave him no choice, and kudos to him for not backing out. This was only accomplished by telling him how much this was costing me and that this was a 2-day deal. Day 1 we train, day 2 we jump. Artie felt he had a way out. He didn’t.

Day 1 we train and jump!

Amazingly, the influence and confidence of our instructors, and the fact that they’d been in this position before with hesitant men and women who did not want to jump, somehow convinced Artie he was not going to die. Combine this with the fact that he would have to live with the reality that he wimped out on me, put his back against the wall. He jumped!

Truth be told, I almost crapped a brick myself. I am afraid of heights, but because my friend was worse off, I could deal with it. The result was a truly amazing experience!

This jump changed his mindset. He started to challenge himself. If I had a parachute for every time he said, “Sh*t, I f**king jumped out of a plane, I sure as hell can do (fill in the blank)”, well, I would have a lot of parachutes!

Artie took a risk that day. One could argue he took the biggest risk of his life. He stepped out of his comfort zone. Granted I had to lie to him and manipulate him, but it worked.

On a side note, I helped myself. I stepped out of my comfort zone too. I felt more invigorated toward life and charged up for days afterward. I also helped a friend, which increased my commitment to being a man of value.

I can’t say this one challenge gave Artie all the confidence he ever needed. He still has his days of very low self-esteem…we all do. But short of a near death experience, Artie has made vast improvements. His days are no longer mundane. He is much more socially aggressive.

Of course, skydiving is an extreme example. Find your challenge – your risk. It should be 5 times more extreme than your personality would allow. The activity should stir some fear and some emotion. Think dangerous fun.

Step out of your zone, take a risk and feel the euphoria of confidence.

I think we all should skydive. It’s scary and there is the possibility of dying (at least in our minds) and the human brain reacts positively to this. I never wish a near-death experience on anyone, but I feel those who have had one are better for it. You can gain confidence by realizing how precious and short life is. Talk to someone who has survived cancer or a car crash. What happens? They start living! They say, “I cheated death so I am going to live every day as if it is my last!”

Living life with this fresh perspective will allow you to experience more things you would never do. With more experiences comes more learning, growing and confidence.

My advice to you is this - do one thing every day which scares you then watch how self-esteem pours into your mind and body.

The BEST way to your build confidence is to fire up your endorphins and use that adrenaline!