#13: Maybe He is Just an Asshole: Dump his Ass!

Sometimes people just get themselves into bad relationships. It happens. Some men simply suck. They don’t know what they want, they don’t know how to communicate, they can’t get out of their college years, they have no self-esteem, they’re liars, cheaters or they go MIA for no reason at all.

Women often blame themselves for the behavior of this type of guy, and may even lower themselves to pathetic levels just to try to keep the relationship alive.

What does this toxic relationship end up doing to you? It wastes precious weeks, months and even years of your life, beats up your self-esteem, causes you major heartache, and makes you bitter for the rest of your life.

When you understand men, you are able to recognize this type of man and regain your power. It’s time to learn about the different types of wet kittens, many of whom you will probably recognize, and make sure you avoid them. Remember, you are strong now and you don’t need these losers!

It’s time to introduce a new way of thinking: If a guy doesn’t treat you the way you want to be treated, it’s time to blame him and not you.

He might just be an asshole.

Throughout this book, you have been learning how to become a woman of value, raise your expectations and set boundaries. When you do this, you approach dating from a position of power and not from a place of weakness. Amazing things begin to happen, including, attracting only quality, confident men.

Use Your Intuition

As you build up your self-esteem, your best friend will be back to join you. Do you remember her? Her name is Intuition. She has always been there for you, but you haven’t always trusted her.

Trust your best friend!

I’m a man and I have some degree of intuition. But you? Oh MY! I can’t believe how accurate your intuition can be. I speak from experience. Regrettably, I once was the wet kitten (asshole) during my twenties. I was always amazed at how women were smack on correct about me when I wasn’t being up front with them.

I could usually convince them I did love them and I was going to call them. The reality was I didn’t love them and I had no plans at all to call them. They were correct—I was an asshole—but, they didn’t trust their intuition.

You, on the other hand, can trust your intuition now. You will never settle on a man who doesn’t deliver on the basics. This is only the starting point of a good man.

Make Sure He Delivers on the Basics!

And now, the basics.

Basic 101: Prompt contact—He goes MIA

Assholes do this all the time. They go incognito because they’re lazy and they’re – well they’re assholes. If a guy can’t give you the decency of a prompt call back or text, then lose him. Your best friend, Miss Intuition, knows he is lazy, selfish and not into you. This also applies to the early stages of the relationship, where days may go by without contact and him telling you he is out-of-town or something.

A text takes five seconds and can happen from all over the world—no excuses.

You can politely present the issue to him and say, “Yo! Boyfriend! What’s up with the disappearing act? The guy for me needs to respond a little more or I will find someone else who will!” You are strong and there is nothing wrong with having this conversation. If he continues, he is the problem, not you—he is an asshole—dump him!

Basic 102: He’s got a decent job or he’s well on his way to one

Come on, girls, do you really want a man you need to pay for all the time? A guy who needs to mooch off his friends all the time or is still living with his parents at age 30 is not worth your time! Where will this relationship really go? I don’t care about the hot sex, lizard tongue or chiseled chin!

Remember the conveyer belt to manhood? A guy needs a sense of self-worth which is defined by who he is, what he does and if he can provide. This means he needs money. If he doesn’t have it, then he cannot love because he won’t love himself. He is a wet kitten because he has no career.

When Daddy gives him his inheritance, everything will be good, right? Nope, he will dump you, never pay you back, and upgrade to some pole dancer who used to be a man. I digress.

He doesn’t need to be rich. He just needs a sound career he is happy with. I will let you determine how much money he needs to earn in order for you to date him. If you want to travel all over the world, you probably need a self-employed, wealthy man. He needs a career he is happy about and this gives him his self-worth. If he doesn’t have said career, what does Miss Intuition say? Yes, she says—dump his ass.

Basic 103: Date happy. Never date a depressed man

This is a big one! You didn’t sign up to be his shrink, caretaker or Mom. Relationships are tough enough to handle, do you really want to date a depressed, negative soul? Do you want to be constantly trying to build up a man who always feels sorry for himself, feels he is the victim, and is an attention-seeker who will always need something from you but who will rarely reciprocate?

You may feel sorry for him, but I call this man an asshole! Most of these men know exactly what they are doing and they prey on women who feel sorry for them. Say boohoo to this man and dump his ass.

It’s different if you’re in a long, committed relationship and something happens along the way to bring him down—I get it. Taking on a man who has lost his way, simply because he is attractive and you think you can fix him is ridiculous! Going down that road is going down the Highway to Hell and you do not want to turn off there!

Instead, these basics tell you to date an upbeat, positive man. A man who thinks the glass is half full is a much better choice. He will lead you to a life of happiness instead of bringing you into his life of misery. This type of guy will also be able to pull himself up by his bootstraps when life does throw him, or you, a curve ball.

Save your nurturing instincts for kids. With the right man, not a depressed man. What does Miss Intuition say? Yes. She says he is an asshole—dump his ass.

Basic 104: Limited baggage

As we’ve previously discussed, everyone has baggage, but let’s give you a fighting chance to survive the relationship. You don’t need to choose this type of man anymore because you have followed my advice and you have become a woman of value. Because of this, quality men are now attracted to you. Now, you have an abundance of men who don’t carry unnecessary baggage like what is described below to choose from.

What is too much to handle?

Am I being overly critical? You might think I am. If you do, you need to re-think what it is you want out of a man and how you want to be treated. I’m here to tell you to raise your standards. Any one of the issues above can lead to disaster. Some may seem harmless—a total momma’s boy, for example. I might say the same if I hadn’t witnessed the carnage of marriages falling apart because a man chose Mom every time over his wife!

You might think, what’s a little porn? Porn has become a major addiction today and is rarely addressed. Porn is such an easy escape and many men have replaced real sex and intimacy for virtual sex and intimacy. Beware! What does Miss Intuition say? She says—dump his ass!!!!

In Summary

Relationships are a compromise, but don’t compromise on the basics. Compromise on movie choices, politics, tidiness and the fact that one partner may be an extrovert while the other is an introvert. These are fun compromises which help us grow and love. Understand this difference and save yourself from the emotional, and maybe physical, torture guaranteed to come your way from a man with issues on the list above. You will waste precious time and get a chunk of your self-esteem taken away.

Raise your standards!

Every time you meet a new man, have this list ready to go! If you are asking the right questions and taking him on revealing dates, you should know in two dates what type of guy you are dealing with. Remember, you have choices and an abundance of men in your life now. You don’t need to pick off the loser list. Your new list comes from meeting men who share or admire your new hobbies, remember?