#15: Is He the One?
You are now dating multiple men, you have sifted out the losers and one or two are starting to get your heart throbbing. But you have been here before and your heart has been broken! How can you be sure?
His Actions!
A man will do anything for sex. He will lie, buy you things, move in with you and even buy you a ring. He will advance the relationship just enough to keep you happy, and keep himself happy, while using you for sex.
I know a girl who can’t get her man to marry her, even though they are engaged and been living together for seven years.
There is only one thing that counts:
How he treats you.
Forget the great looks, the fast car and the chiseled body. Go see a Chippendales show for that. If you want a real man you can fall in love with, it’s all about how he treats you.
Am I saying date ugly? No! Go after tall, dark and handsome if you want, but don’t fall for him unless he treats you the way you want, and deserve, to be treated.
Stop now! Take some time to write down how you want to be treated. Start with this sentence: I need a man who will… Write down at least 10 sentences explaining exactly how you need to be treated. Here are some examples. I need a man who will:
- Show up when he says he will.
- Never cheat on me.
- Be chivalrous and respectful of me.
- Treat my kids and family like they are his own.
- Show me off to his friends and family.
- Put me before his friends.
- Not get addicted to drugs, porn or gambling.
- Honor my career.
- Be romantic—often.
- Communicate his feelings instead of hiding them.
- Lick me from head to toe with his massive tongue.
Now, obviously, it would be impossible to find those all in one man, but pick 3-5 and make these non-negotiable.
Tell yourself you will not fall for a man until he proves he has these 3-5 traits with his actions.
If you don’t do this, you will let your emotions take over and they will make the decision for you. Do not let this happen or you will get hurt! Don’t let your emotions make decisions for you. Find the balance in a high value man.
How long could it possibly last with Mr. Chippendale? One month? Two maybe? This is why you need to know how you want to be treated and stick to it—without exceptions. Vocalize it to your dates, your friends and your family. Men will believe you and either step up or step aside—saving you valuable time and pain.
How long will this take? I’ve seen women find a great man in one month! Realistically? This could take you three months to a year to find a keeper. It all depends on how picky you are and how many guys you can date per month.
Do you see you are in control now? You can design dates to test each man. Put him in different situations and see how he reacts. It’s kind of like test driving a car, only you get to do it without the idiot salesman next to you. It’s fun! Make it fun and enjoy how empowering it feels to be the chooser and not the chosen.
Cast your net and fill your bucket with men, throw back the losers and keep a few in your koi pond. Date them, test them, and see if they make the cut. If one flaps his dorsal fin and treats you the way you want to be treated, he is your keeper! I don’t even fish, but work with me.
Five Dates to Test Him
1) Damsel in distress
Let’s say this guy has made it into your koi pond. You have dated him a few times. One of the things on your non-negotiable list is finding a man who will be there for you when you need him. This is one thing you hated about your last lazy boyfriend.
Do this:
Tell him you need a ride somewhere because your roommate borrowed your car, tell him you have a leak under your sink, or come up with something fitting. Now, wait and see how he reacts. Does he step up to the plate, or does your text go to Mars? A good man will naturally want to fix the situation, if he likes you. This is a pass-fail exercise. Excuses are a failing grade. Use your intuition, and be very careful if he fails two in a row.
Throw him out. Next.
2) The jealousy test
Pull out another fish. This time you want a man that doesn't get jealous all the time.
Do this:
When you’re on a date, pretend to take a text from your ex. Tell him you can’t get rid of this guy and see how he reacts. He should want to help you fix the situation. Observe how he attempts to solve your problem. Alternatively, go to a sports bar and try the same test. Wear something hot and men will be staring at you, making comments. Your date should have a thick skin and accept this, if he has self-worth. He should be flattered to see other guys so attracted to you, but, if a guy gets out of line, he should be there for your defense.
3) The family/friend test
Accidently run into your family or show up at his family’s house. Observe how he interacts with them. Ask your family later what they thought. If you can bump into his family, accidently of course, you can learn if he is a momma’s boy and how much, if at all, his family respects him. The same thing can be applied to your friends, or his. Much can be learned from these interactions. They will give you the green light forward or the red light to exit.
4) The daytime or morning date
No guy wants a daytime, morning or mid-week date. Why? There is no way to get into your pants! Yes, I said it and it’s the truth. Only if he is worthy of you will he follow through with this type of date. You can bet men are pushing to do a swan dive into your pants on a Friday or Saturday night, when the lights are dim and you are drunk. Look for it and test him!
5) The “join my passion” date
This is a great date because it tests his willingness to go outside his comfort zone. It tests his confidence.
Asking him to go horseback riding with you is the bomb. You can remain very comfortable while he potentially squirms. If he agrees and follows through, wow! I might date him.
No More Crying Over Men
If you follow my advice, you will never be sad over a man again. Think about it! You have made the decision to never fall in love with another man until he meets your criteria for treating you properly. He must prove this through his actions.
You will never be lied to, cheated on, used for sex or put second to other women or men again. Wow! Wouldn’t that be nice? It’s magical, simple, and it works!