#16: Keep Putting Shiny Pennies in the Jar

Jennifer recently asked me this question:

“Gregg, everything is perfect with my man. How do I keep it this way?”

Wow! It’s rare I get asked a question like this. Most men and women have problems. Either they can’t find someone, or they aren’t happy with someone they are with. This question was quite refreshing—I have to admit.

Think about it, what good is it to follow all my advice, find and date a wonderful man, then lose him because you don’t have a clue how to keep him for the long haul?

Some of this has already been addressed, but let’s talk about long-term now.

First, my answer to Jennifer:

Hi Jenny! It’s a rare that I get an email saying, “Everything is perfect. How do I keep it this way?” The bottom line is you are asking questions which need to be asked. We can’t control everything but you can darn well bet we can increase your odds of surviving to be the elusive elderly couple – still in love after 50 years. This is where I come in.

You are 24, going on much older, and this is a tremendous advantage to you. Jon knows this. You already have many things I teach built into you—you don’t put up with addictions and you don’t make a man your hobby or give up sex quickly...all good.

The key is keeping your powers charged. Jon is going to screw up and you will too, at some point. The question is, can you survive it? The elderly couple survived and they will be the first to tell you it wasn’t easy.

Don’t seek perfection from Jon, or from yourself. Instead, build a portfolio of experiences together that no one can match or take away. The more experiences, the better your chances of winning that furry prize on the top shelf...a loving relationship which survives the test of time.

Think about it. When 2 people travel, sail, or buy a puppy together, they build memories. Memories can keep people together for a lifetime. Even when a couple is apart for some reason, forced by travel or break up, memories can be a driving force which pulls them together again.

Think of the secret to what you seek, the Holy Grail, if you will, as a giant jar of pennies. All couples start out with the same empty jar. Some couples throw shiny pennies (good experiences) into the jar and some throw dull pennies (bad experiences) into the jar. Some throw both.

Your goal is to get as many shiny pennies into the jar as you can while keeping the dull ones out! At some point you hit the point of no return. You can’t break up because there is no girl who can ever replace you.

From what you have told me, you and Jon have lots of shiny copper pennies in your jar—so keep adding!

Don’t get too crazy, Jenny, you are doing great! Keep doing what you are doing and don’t stop. Grow together, but make sure you grow on your own too.

I loved this question. This is why I like to interact directly with readers like you, when I can. I spend so much time dealing with problems, building people’s self-esteem and other very important things. It’s easy to forget about couples who are actually happy right now, and all they want is for it to continue! Isn’t the answer I gave so simple? It really is.

When you go to sleep at night and all your wonderful dreams are about your man, how do you replace that? You don’t want to, and you can’t!

It’s a great way to define love and it’s The Holy Grail, if you ask me.

Load up your jar with shiny pennies and watch your relationship flourish.