#17: Be His Prize

This chapter is in Who Holds The Cards Now? but it’s important enough to include here as well.

Do you remember going to the fair as a kid, hoping to win the elusive furry prize on the top shelf? You had to have it, but you could never (at least I couldn’t) win the thing!

You need to become his top shelf prize.

You need to make him want you and only you for the rest of his life. How? Ah, I’m so glad you asked! As you may know, I also have a top dating advice site for men. I recently asked my men visitors this very question. A surprising answer rose to the top: Enter his world!

It sounds obvious, right? But, the fact is most women don’t. Sure, you might live with this man, or even be married with kids, but have you really entered into his world?

My relationship flourishes today because my girlfriend and I are a team. She actively participates when I wash the car, fix things around the house or even mow the lawn. Everyday mundane chores are fun. When she goes to the grocery, I’ll often show up with another cart and race her around the store with the goal of never stopping the cart. These things sound silly and stupid but they are the very fabric which keeps a guy in love.

Here’s why:

The couples who beat the odds function as a team because they have chosen to share common interests. When you love someone, you need to love their interests as well as your own, and vice versa. Those couples are the couples who, well, make most of us want to puke because they get along so well. They are inseparable. Much like dropping a toddler off at daycare for the first time, this team misses each other almost instantly. Each always has the other’s back, both in private and in public. A man needs this to fall in love and to feel validated—to feel like he is desirable, unique and very special, compared to all others.

Participating in his passions doesn’t mean you suck up to him or even agree with everything he says or does. It means you need to enter his world on every level. Successful couples complement each other and support each other through life, without ever undermining the other. This means you accept with open arms his hobbies and passions.

Here’s how:

Make an effort to understand what he really likes and why. Is it sports? Hang gliding? Cooking? Does he love the mountains? Can he build things out of wood? Is he into German Shepherds? Ask him to teach you his hobbies and research these passions on your own. Many women go through their relationships without this key ingredient…the intertwining of hobbies with their significant other.

Don’t just go shopping when he is working on his Ford Mustang—take interest and help him!

You might actually enjoy what he does. Just because he makes furniture and you know nothing about it doesn’t mean you wouldn’t love to do it. Try it. Think of what you could gain: more time spent with the man you crave and a new hobby to enlighten your life. What could be better?

Not only will you see results, but he will be impressed to see you care. This is a huge trait which men place into the she could be a keeper bin—a woman who actually wants to participate in something he is totally passionate about. Wow!

You may say, “Why do I need to participate in his activities? He should want to participate in mine too and he doesn’t.”

Be the big grown-up here. A guy has his macho stupid image to keep so cut him some slack with your yoga class. Be the first to cross over and ask him a few questions about the difference between a safety and an extra point. He will get so excited!

My girlfriend was so cute. She had no idea how football was played, but, she made the chili and got involved with my bonehead friends who came over and left the toilet seat up. I took her under my wing and one day with my cat laser toy, I taught her the game. She loved it!

From then on, we enjoyed it together, and guess what? When we watch football together, without my bonehead friends, she gets the toilet seat down!

You get my point. I don’t mean to be sexist. I just want you to make the first move. If you think like a guy, I bet you can even get him to go clothes shopping with you! Just make it a challenge and give him a reward, just like a dog, and he will go!

Watch Him Reciprocate

As a bonus, you may find him asking about, and wanting to participate in, your interests. Look for this, but don’t demand it. If he does, then guess what? You just found yourself a keeper!

A reader recently told me about his girlfriend who was into a conservation program. Once a month she visited all the different streams and tributaries in her area and recorded various plant and animal life. What did he do? Without being asked, he went with her and met some new friends and eventually got very active alongside his girlfriend.

What usually happens? I think you know the answer. You go off doing things with your girlfriends while your guy watches football or works on his motorcycle. Loneliness and maybe contempt start to build within the relationship.

Instead, you could be with him when he is doing what he loves, and guess what? He will equate you with this love. It’s psychology hard at work.

You say you have no interest in football and motorcycles but how could you know? He says he has zero interest in your veterinarian studies or your yoga class but how does he know? Stop the sexist standoff and be the first to enter his world. He has many passions, or he should, so pick one and jump in!

In Summary

Get involved with his day, his mundane chores, his work and hobbies. If he resists, dump him - he’s not worthy of you. If he opens up to you, then jump in. If he reciprocates—great. If he doesn’t, ask him to, but if he refuses, you need to decide if he is still worthy of you!

If he does these two things—you have yourself a keeper and I bow to you! Enter his world and become his prize, then watch the possibilities rise up before you.