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EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, we are scared to speak up. Things happen within the course of a lifetime that leave us afraid of making mistakes. You need to look at this very logically. You may have low self-esteem but you also need to understand why this is. The way that we see ourselves largely depends upon the feedback that we get from others. Thoughtless comments during childhood can leave their mark for a very long time. If you are perpetually told that you are wrong or that you are useless, you begin to act useless because you believe that’s what you are. Unfortunately, you haven’t seen the wider picture and the inferiority that you feel is because you have learned to fall out of love with who you are.
Fears come from not knowing how to react in any given circumstance, but if you look far enough back into your past, you will find that at one stage you were fearless. You did things that were astounding. How do I know? Because all human beings do. When they are babies, they look at the world and they imitate what they see. They start to move their faces in ways that are recognized by people. They get to know the difference between a smile and crying. They know that smiles mean happiness and tears mean unhappiness. They also learn a lot of new stuff that no one actually shows them how to do. Yes, an encouraging parent may be there to guide them, but a baby begins a toddler and starts to discover the freedom of standing on two feet instead of moving themselves around a room in crawling style. These are amazing activities and you learned them without much difficulty at all.
You probably went through the same feeling that all kids do of being afraid on going to school for the first time and that’s pretty natural. Take someone out of an environment that they know and dump them at a strange place with strange faces and it’s natural that a child will feel afraid. Unfortunately, after school and perhaps even because of it, you went into adulthood with all these expectations of what life should be like. You measured yourself by other people’s standards. Teens always do that. Perhaps they measure size, perhaps personality – but believe me when I say that all human beings go on this search to find out who they are. Some naturally fit the mold that society has made for them while others don’t hit the mark and begin to feel inferior.
Then comes the fear. It may have started in early teens or even before that because of interactions with other people. You may have been made to feel that you don’t measure up in some way or you may have formed that conclusion yourself. Well, I have news for you. There is no measure. There is no right and wrong. All that you have taught yourself about not measuring up is the beginning of your losing confidence in yourself and this can be caused by all kinds of things. It makes you fear life and this fear can take many guises:
● You may be nervous when in a crowd
● You may not be able to cope well with interviews
● You may fear that you don’t measure up
● You may fear new places and new people
The way forward has to come from inside of you, so the first thing that you need to do is face those fears. That doesn’t mean jumping in with both feet to situations that make you feel uncomfortable. It means recognizing what your fears are so that you can work on them one by one and improve them to such a degree that you are able to become confident about who you are.
I would suggest that you need a journal in which to note things down as this helps you to see your fears in black and white and then you can work toward finding solutions with this book, improving your image of yourself and gaining confidence as you go along. Fears are only perceptions. They are very important while they are happening, but in the flicker of an eye, that moment can be over and done with and the fear put back where it belongs. The thing we need to do is find out what those fears are and work toward improving them. If you insist on living with those fears, they are going to hold you back. They are going to make your life a misery – if they are not already doing so – and that’s what we are here to help you get beyond. Next to each of the entries that you make in your journal about things you are afraid of, try and work out the reason why and write this down too.
I fear family criticism – My family always see me as inferior.
I fear getting into trouble at work – People at work are not pleasant to me.
The only way to get to the bottom of fears is to acknowledge that you have them. That’s the first step. Knowing what caused them also helps because the people that made you feel like you were inferior in some way may just be sending all the wrong messages. The problem is that you believed them and they now affect your life to such an extent that you are seeking solutions. This is the start of a long journey, but it is one that you can get to grips with and once you do, you will learn to let go of all of those fears.
