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WE ALL CRITICIZE OURSELVES. It’s part of human nature, though if you have problems with self-esteem and confidence, then the chances are that you give yourself more than your fair share of criticism, and you are your own worst enemy. You can’t blame others for the way that you feel because what you are doing each day is emphasizing how bad you are. You should begin to feel a little better about yourself if you have an achievement list of the little jobs that you have done and if you get into grooming yourself properly. However, remember there are years and years of self-criticism at the base of your lack of confidence. Coupled with this, you may also have criticism from others. Your mother may have told you that you are not reliable. Your friends may have said that you are a joke, and people around you may influence how you feel, but the problem is that at the end of the day, you let them get under your skin and that’s where you went wrong. You have to get to like yourself and you also have to know that what other people say about you is unjustified.
Let’s take the kind of things that people say that may sabotage your mind with thoughts of not being adequate:
● You are a waste of space
● You are not as pretty as others
● You don’t have anything to give to a friendship
● You’re a useless person
If you tell yourself things such as this based on your interactions with other people, it’s not the other people who are feeling that lack of self-confidence. It’s you. The way that you receive all of these insults is what makes you lack confidence. If someone told me, for example that I am a useless cook, I won’t start to shed tears. I will simply admit and know that I am good at other things. I don’t have to be a good cook. In fact, if everyone was the same, this would be a very boring life. If someone told me that I am a waste of space, I would look at the good things that I do in life and assure myself that this may be their opinion but that I know differently. The problem with people who have no confidence is that they don’t see things in the same way. If someone criticizes, they don’t see that they have anything positive to lean back on, but of course they do.
The first thing that you need to understand is that your confidence comes from how happy you are with who you are. Start to see yourself in a different light. You need to like who you are and build on all the positive aspects of your life so that you don’t just see negative things. In the next chapter, I will show you how to do this, but for the time being, keep on doing those small productive tasks on your list and feel good about yourself when you have achieved one of them. Also, keep being aware of yourself and try to improve your self-image. You already did that in the last chapter, but you need to carry on doing it. It’s not a one off exercise. It’s an everyday thing. Show the world the kind of person you have the potential to be and feel more positive about who you are.
Getting to know yourself
Listen to your inner self. What kind of music do you like? That doesn’t mean what kind of music have you been influenced to listen to. What kind do you like? Indulge and enjoy it because this is another positive aspect to your life. Don’t be afraid if your taste isn’t the same as other people. I personally love opera and not many of my friends do, but I reinforce the value of opera in my life by listening to it when I am alone and knowing that it is my individual choice.
Do you like creative things? Do you like cooking? Look at the things you like and list them and try to incorporate them into your everyday program. If you like a certain TV show, watch it. You need to indulge yourself and know that you have as much right as anyone else to have individual choice. Each boost of yourself that you indulge in is helping you to see that you have that right to choice and is feeding all of your senses so that you feel better about who you are. Just because you don’t conform to other people’s ideas doesn’t make yours wrong. You need to find out what you enjoy and grab hold of it. If you wanted to take pottery classes, go for it. Introduce the elements that YOU want to be part of your life and start to like who you are. It is when you know yourself that you gain the confidence to hold your own against the world. When someone criticizes your choice, it also gives you the strength to know that the criticism isn’t personal. It’s just a matter of people having different choices and you are as entitled as they are to make your own choices.
At one stage in my life, my self-sabotage was so bad that I wouldn’t even get up in the mornings. I dreaded life. I feared interaction with others because they simply confirmed that I wasn’t a worthy person. However, what I didn’t understand at that time was that my self-sabotage was what was holding me back. I believed people, when in fact, I should have known myself better and should have stood my ground. It took me years to find out and like who I am and in the next chapter, we are going to explore ways to make sure that you have positive actions in your life to help you to take away self-loathing and begin to see how much good you have within your heart. You need to see it and be reminded of it regularly because when you are, you begin to see your own worth.
