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YOU MAY NOT KNOW IT, but every time you do something nice for someone else, you feel good about it. You also need to understand that people are a mixed bag and that the reactions you get from people don’t really matter or come into the picture. It’s how you feel about yourself that counts. I am going to show you ways that you can give and feel good about yourself because these helped dig me out of the depths of self-esteem issues and began to make me see that I was every bit as useful as anyone else is.
The first rule of giving must always be borne in mind. When you give to others on a volunteer basis, you should expect nothing in return. If you do expect something – be it gratitude or some kind of reward – you actually side step the real reward. The real reward is in the giving – not the approval of other people. If you give a gift with strings attached, then you are not really giving. Let me give you an example. You bake a cake for a neighbor and you expect the neighbor to be brimming over with enthusiasm. The fact is that they take the cake and close the door on you. If you give with an expectation of action from another human being, you take your self-esteem levels and put them firmly into the hands of others. In the above case scenario, you would feel slighted. You would feel worse. However, look at the truth of the situation and you may not see the whole picture. Supposing the neighbor has just learned that her son died. Supposing there are circumstances beyond your control that you know nothing about. Thus, if you give with no expectation of reward, you actually gain the reward from the giving itself and don’t need the approval of others.
Bake a cake for a neighbor and simply give it to the neighbor and don’t expect praise. If it is an elderly neighbor, stop by and talk with him/her for a while because this is true giving. That person may not get very many visitors and may be very happy to see you. You don’t need their gratitude, but when you see the smiles on people’s faces and you know you had a part it in, it feels good. Even if they didn’t smile, you can pat yourself on the back for being a giving person. That’s all there is to it. It isn’t about what you get back from it. It’s about giving something freely and with no strings attached and with no expectations of return. When you can do that, you make yourself feel better about life and you up your self-confidence levels.
Now try volunteering. Many people do this through their local church or in a shelter for the homeless or even for pets and animals and whatever you choose to be part of, just go into it with a giving heart. There are many people all over the world that depend upon volunteerism and you may be wondering how this helps your self-esteem and confidence levels. It helps them in many ways:
● You get more accustomed to being with strangers
● You are in a strong position because you are supplying them with their needs
● You are reinforcing your own worth in the world
What you are not doing is:
● Feeling sorry for yourself and basking in your fear
● Staying at home and doing nothing
● Feeling worse about who you are
If you weigh these up, then it’s obvious to anyone that volunteerism in itself is a positive step in the right direction. It is an establishment of the fact that you have a use in life. You are also establishing that you are kind of generous and that you are doing it because the need is there, rather than expecting anything in return. I used to use a catchphrase and it’s still very relevant now:
“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”
When you give – expect nothing. That’s vital. If you expect nothing, the things that follow can be very positive in reinforcing your value. However, if you expect thankfulness from everyone that you work with as a volunteer, then you are not really volunteering. You are simply doing things in exchange for praise and that’s not what volunteering is all about. It’s about enjoying being a giving person. When you work out that difference, it’s amazing what it does to your life. You begin to see a side to your character that has worth. It’s not the heart of the child that expects Santa to bring everything he wants. It’s the side of your character that is grateful for the fact that Santa even bothered to stop by!
