“So, where’re we going?” We’d been driving in Jake’s car for thirty minutes already.
“Can’t tell you. It’ll ruin the surprise.” He flashed me a grin. “Want to listen to music?”
“Sure. What do you have?”
“Here.” He passed me his phone, a self-satisfied look glinting in his eye.
I eyed him suspiciously and then opened his music. “You downloaded her!”
He nodded. “Yup!”
I chuckled as I scrolled through all the recently downloaded songs by Grimes.
“Which one is your favorite?” he asked.
“Depends what I’m doing?”
“Which one is your favorite for driving?”
“Good question.” I continued scrolling until I saw it. “How about this.” I pressed Play and the song “Violence,” with its strange, whispery, inaudible vocals, burst through the speakers. I waited for the beat to kick in; that dreamlike, eerie combination of synth sounds that was so addictive. We listened in silence for a while and then he turned his head to me.
“It’s cool. I don’t understand a word she’s saying, but it’s cool.”
“I think that’s the point.” I smiled at him and the flutter in my stomach was back. “So, you went and downloaded Grimes after I told you about her?” I asked, feeling a strange combination of being flattered and flustered at the same time.
“I also got some XOV, but couldn’t find those knives,” he said, and I laughed.
“The Knife. Singular.”
Jake smiled. That smile. That smile that felt like it held all the power of a million exploding nuclear weapons. I quickly looked out the window. It was no longer safe to look directly at him, or else I might be incinerated.
We drove for a few more songs and then he slowed down. We made a turn onto a small street that wound down toward the sea, and soon, we’d parked by the beach. He looked out over the sea and then shook his head. “Crap. Don’t tell me it’s not here tonight.”
“What is?”
We climbed out of the car. “Do you mind walking?” He bent down and started unlacing his sneakers.
I regarded the beach. I wasn’t a massive fan of walking on it. When you’re fat, walking on soft sand usually just feels like walking on a hamster wheel—you don’t go very far. And also, you have to think about things like chafing, a pain no thin girl would ever know. But I agreed and took my shoes off. We ambled onto the beach—the sand was soft and cool, and the feel of it slipping between my toes was nicer than I’d expected. We walked in silence for a while; the only sounds were the waves crashing against the shore and then racing up onto the sand only to disappear into it. The beach was so much nicer at night, and I wondered why going to the beach at night wasn’t a thing. If it was, I might even go. There was something peaceful and beautiful, almost mystical about the sea and the beach at night. The water was a deep, rich gray color and in patches it was turned brilliant silver from the moonlight reflecting off it. And the sky was so black. Sure, there were stars, but between those stars was a blackness so intense that it felt like the sky had been painted Vantablack, the darkest color known to man.
“What are we looking for?” I asked, finally breaking the silence between us.
“Let’s walk around that corner.” He pointed at a large group of rocks. “And if it’s not there, then you win and city trumps sea.”
We walked up to the rocks and I noticed that if I was to go around them, I would have to wade through ankle-deep water. I looked down at the cold, dark water and took a deep breath. Did you know you can drown in an inch of water? I closed my eyes and took my first step. The cold water hit me like sharp blades around my ankle and I inhaled sharply and flicked my eyes open. Panicky terror welled up inside me, but I tried to push it down. This was the most water I’d been in since the incident; I only showered now. I made it around the corner and when I saw what was there, my mouth fell open and a loud gasp escaped it.