I arrived at his house with my bag packed. I’d told my mom I was spending the night at Thembi’s house, but here I was, standing by his front door, and although no words had been said, although we’d never spoken about the thing out loud, we both knew it was going to happen. Tonight. It had to. I was leaving in a few days and there had been something building between us. Getting stronger and stronger—this kind of unspoken thing that we were slowly moving toward that we could both feel. Vicki and I had spoken about it too. We’d spoken about the idea that sexuality was nothing to be afraid of or to run away from. That, when you’re ready, it can be a very important and beautiful way of expressing love.
“Hi.” He smiled. It was coy and cute, and I swear, he blushed.
“Hey.” Equally coy and blushy and fluttery. He pulled my overnight bag from my shoulder, like a real gentleman, and we walked to his bedroom.
“Wow. It’s tidy,” I said, looking around.
He shrugged, clearly trying to be casual about the whole thing, but it was anything but casual. Tidying his room was big. Tidying his room meant he’d done it for me, because he knew I was staying in his room. In his bed.
The sun was just starting to set by the time I’d arrived, and I caught the last of it through his bedroom window as it took its final bright, orange bow at the horizon and then totally disappeared. Jake came and stood next to me as I watched the sky turn a kaleidoscope of colors. He didn’t say a word; instead he wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my shoulder. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Taking in his smell. Soapy with hints of hair gel and a woody-smelling cologne. It was the best smell ever. It had, over the few months, become my favorite smell in the entire universe. I found it hard to imagine anything smelling this damn good. He planted a small kiss on my neck and I giggled.
“Ticklish,” I said, flinching.
“That’s so damn cute.” He kissed me again and I laughed even louder, trying to pull away.
“Stop!” I put my hands over both sides of my neck as he came toward it with puckered lips. I squealed as he managed to pull my hand away and plant another kiss on my neck.
“Noooo.” I raced to the other side of the room, Jake hot on my heels, but when he caught up to me, he didn’t kiss my neck again.
“Come with me.” He extended his hand and I looked down at it suspiciously.
“Are you just trying to get me to take your hand so I remove it from my neck?”
“No more neck kisses, I swear,” he said seriously. I let my neck go and slipped my hand through his. I’d done this a million times before, but I still couldn’t get over how perfectly they fit together. They seemed to have been designed for each other. Like a long-lost key to a treasure chest. What were we going to find inside? Or had we already found it? Jake and I were the treasure. The most rare and precious and beautiful thing in the world. The thing that everyone wanted, that shone so brightly it was blinding. We walked through the house onto the deck outside, and that was when I saw what he’d done. A million glowing candles. Orange and flickery and beautiful, laid around the pool and some even floating in it.
“What is this?” I asked, my voice a soft whisper.
“When those assholes pushed you in the pool all those years ago, they deprived you of something. They deprived you of that feeling of slipping into cool water on a hot day. The feeling of weightlessness when you float on your back, that feeling of cutting through the water like a fish, and I want to give that back to you before you go.” He took a step toward the pool. I looked at the water, panic rising inside me again.
“We’ll take it slow.” He held his hand out once more.
I looked into his eyes. They were the sky and the sea and tanzanite and topaz.
“I didn’t bring a bathing suit.”
And then another kind of smile swept across his face. One I hadn’t seen before. Sexy. Naughty. “Who says you need a bathing suit?” And with that, he peeled his clothes off, dropping them onto the deck until he was standing there in nothing but his underwear. My eyes swept over him and I almost forgot my panic for a moment as I looked at his ridiculous perfection. He looked at me in a way that urged me to do the same. To take my clothes off.
I took a deep breath. I’d learned some things about myself over the last few months, and it wasn’t because I’d worn a pretty dress, or gone to Vicki, or because I was dating the hottest guy at school. I’d learned these things because I’d finally learned to shut up the bullies in my head (most of the time). I’d learned these things because I’d put in the work and had spent hours in front of the mirror with my red lip liner, exploring every part of myself. It was because I’d found my voice and my strength, and now knew that my worth was far greater than a number on the scale.
I am a work of art. My body is a masterpiece. It is a kaleidoscope of pictures and shapes that tells its own unique story. It has carried me all these years—carried me to great heights, carried me out of the lows, carried me to this moment in time, right here, right now. My body is not perfect. My body has lines and dents and wobbly bits and bits that bulge, but it’s mine. I own it. It is the only one of its kind, and tonight, it is dressed in sexy, red, lacy things that make my boobs look awesome AF!
I closed my eyes, pulled my dress over my head, and dropped it to the ground. A silence followed. I swear the whole world, and everyone and everything in it, stopped. I kept my eyes closed tightly for a few moments . . . I am a work of art. And then I opened them and looked at Jake.
“Wow.” His voice was deep and gravelly. I’d never heard it like that before. “You’re gorgeous,” he said softly as he looked at me. His eyes swept over my body, and I felt completely and utterly naked, even though I wasn’t. He smiled that naughty smile again and then started walking backward into the pool.
“You ready?” he asked.
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I said, stepping down onto the first step. The water came up just above my ankles. Jake took another step in and I followed him. This time the water came to my knees. Another step. The water lapped at my thighs now and I inhaled sharply. This was the deepest I’d been in years.
“You’re okay,” he said reassuringly and took another step.
I walked off the last step, and, shocked by how deep it had suddenly gotten, lost my footing. I slipped. I slipped and . . . suddenly I was underwater again. Instant panic. I looked up, waiting for a hand to push me back down as I came up for air, but it didn’t. Instead, two hands cupped my face. Lips on my lips and then Jake was kissing me. I grabbed him as he kissed me underwater and then air filled my lungs. I could breathe. Jake was air, and with him, I could do the impossible. I could breathe underwater. We floated up to the surface together. He looked so good like this. Wet hair, water trickling down his face, lit by the soft, warm light from the candles. He pulled me closer. I felt weightless, as light as a feather, and I wrapped my legs around him. He walked deeper into the water with me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and laughed as he jumped us up and down, the water splashing around us. I felt like we were jumping on an invisible trampoline in space. No gravity. Nothing to hold us down. Nothing to keep us from flying and floating together right up into the stars and beyond.
And then he stopped. He looked me in the eye like he’d never looked at me before. He looked at me as if I were everything. As if I were the only thing that existed on this planet. Maybe even the entire universe. And when he kissed me again, we didn’t stop until we climbed out and make our way to his bedroom.