Being of Sound Mind

My thoughts were interrupted by shrill sounds from the den. What in the world? Dawn, Uncle Thomas, and I quickly made our way toward the awful noise.

“What in the world is wrong with you?” Dawn asked Collette, from whom the horrendous noise was escaping.

“Daddy has included Estelle in the will and made her an insurance beneficiary!” Renee answered for Collette.

“Why is that so strange? He was going to marry the woman.” I didn’t know what I felt at that very moment.

“Y’all, let’s gather all da papers and go sit back at da dinin’ room table to figure all dis out. We needs to call Estelle now fo’ sho’.” Uncle Thomas was almost smiling.

“Why do we need to call her? She still has no say-so. And we may contest this anyway.” Collette was relentless.

“Get a clue, Lette,” I said. “We can’t contest Daddy’s will or insurance policies. He was very much in his right mind. Get it through your head, he loves, or I guess I should say loved, Estelle. Now you can accept it, cherish our wonderful memories, and help the rest of us get through this grievous experience, or you can try to do whatever you can to bring us down to your subterranean level.”

Collette took steps toward me, which made everyone believe she was going to hit me. Uncle Thomas stepped between us. “Come on, babies, don’t start fightin’. Let’s go sit in the dinin’ room ‘n’ read all of dis ovah. We’ll call Estelle lata.”

Uncle Thomas took both of us by the elbow, but Collette snatched hers away. My immediate thought was, Oh Daddy is going to get in her stuff. Then I realized he couldn’t do that anymore. I started to cry again. Dawn and Renee came to my side.

“Uncle Thomas is right, we shouldn’t be fighting. Let’s just take all of these papers and sit down to figure all this out.” Renee was finally making sense.

As we were about halfway back to the dining room, the doorbell chimed. Before any of us could get to the door it flew open, and Roberta, Renee’s lifelong friend, came barreling into the house, screaming and crying.

“I just got your message and I rushed right over. My daddy is gone, my daddy is gone!”

Her daddy? Who was this foolish woman? Of course I knew who she was, but how dare she intrude on us at this moment talking about her daddy!

We stood in the short hallway, the walls lined with African-American artwork. “Roberta,” I said, “thank you for coming by to pay your respects. We’re just going over some family business so we can make the arrangements. Would you like some coffee and maybe have a seat in the den until we’re done?” I was as polite as I knew to be in this situation.

“Oh then, I’m just in time. That man treated me like his daughter, and I know he’d want me to be a part of this. Am I right, Renee?” Roberta looked to her best friend for affirmation.

“He did love you, Roberta, but we just need a little time to sort some things out. You need to deal with your grief for a while first anyway. We’ve had several hours to comprehend what’s taken place.” Renee was looking at us as if to say, What do you want me to do here?, as she dropped her head and moved toward the dining room.

“Oh I know he loved me, too. That’s why I should be included in making the arrangements, and my name should go in the obituary.” It was as if Roberta heard nothing Renee said. And what in the hell did she mean her name should go in the obituary?

Roberta pulled an armchair away from the eight-foot mahogany dining room table.

“I’ll just get myself together right here. I can listen and drink my coffee.” It was obvious she was not going to be left out unless we got outright cruel.

“Very well then, have a seat, Bert. We were just about to go over the will and insurance policies.” I couldn’t believe Renee invited this nonfamily member to be a part of the most intimate discussion ever to take place in our family. Yet she didn’t want the woman Daddy was going to marry to be a part of this? Oh! Now we’d just stepped into the Twilight Zone.

“I just want to go on record as saying only those named in the will and/or insurance policies should be present. And furthermore, I think we should call Estelle over here.” Anger had been my constant companion all day.

“Just sit your lawyer ass down and shut up. Ain’t nobody calling Estelle, and Bert can stay. She is family. She has been my friend since high school. Daddy loved her like she was one of his own. We haven’t looked at the entire will. She is probably mentioned somewhere.”

For reasons unknown to me then or even now, I just sat in silence, staring at my reflection in the mirror at the back of the beautiful china cabinet that matched the table around which we’d shared meals for the past fifteen years. This house had never known such discord.

As we looked through the small mound of paperwork, it appeared that, if all policies were current, my daddy had $1.8 million in life insurance. There were seven policies worth a quarter of a million dollars each. Each policy bore the name of a different beneficiary. We recognized all of the names except one: Nina Blackford.

There was one policy worth fifty thousand dollars with six beneficiaries. The name Nina Blackford was missing from the smaller policy. My daddy was a very astute man. He knew what it would be like making his funeral arrangements, so he made his wishes perfectly clear. We were all to have equal say. It was very apparent, however, Ms. Roberta Maxwell was not named anywhere in the insurance papers.

“Who the hell is Nina Blackford?” Renee and I said in unison.

We all looked at Uncle Thomas. He only shrugged his shoulders and lifted his hands, as if to say he didn’t know either. But I wasn’t entirely sure I believed him.

“I can’t believe Daddy got each of us an insurance policy!” Collette said. I may have been wrong, but I thought I saw glittering dollar signs in her eyes as she spoke.

“This policy for Nina Blackford was taken out ten years ago, when all the others, except Estelle’s, were written. Uncle Thomas, are you sure you don’t know anything about this Nina Blackford person?” Dawn eyed our uncle suspiciously.

“But she isn’t named on the fifty-thousand-dollar policy with the rest of us.” Collette was thumbing through the smaller of the policies. “This is so bizarre!”

“That is pretty incredible. But please note that there’s a policy here for Estelle. Like I said before, she should be here in all of this decision making.” I was getting up to dial Estelle’s number.

“I don’t care how many insurance policies name her. She will not make any decisions to bury my daddy! Who do you think you’re calling?” Renee was following me to the kitchen, where the old-style beige phone with the rotary dial had hung on the wall near the back door since I was a little girl. Daddy never changed the old phone when he remodeled the kitchen. The rich cherry-wood cabinets with gray Formica countertops made the phone look even more outdated.

“I’m calling Estelle, and you can’t stop me!” I spoke with such authority Renee actually cowered back.

I realized after I picked up the telephone I couldn’t remember Estelle’s number. What was happening to me? I knew Estelle’s number as well as I knew my own. I gently replaced the receiver and stared at Renee. I saw her face soften as she stared into my eyes. Why were we acting so ugly?

“Come on, Sissy. We can call her together later. I promise,” Renee said softly.

Uncle Thomas met us in the doorway. “Ima makes some fresh coffee. Y’all need to go sit down ‘n’ collec’ yo’ nerves.”

As we entered the dining room Dawn had already started reading through the will. All eyes were intent on her. “Daddy has left very specific instructions for his funeral: how much is to be spent, what funeral home. Everything is written out. He’s purchased two plots—one for him and one for Estelle. He also said that the fifty-thousand-dollar policy is to cover his burial expenses and the balance is to be split between all of us to compensate for any out-of-pocket money we may have spent, missing work, etc. There’s one more policy that he has at work, which is equivalent to two years’ wages. He wants each of the supervisors to receive ten thousand dollars, along with Roberta and Rico. The balance is to be donated to the boys’ and girls’ club in his name.”

“Did Daddy know he was dying and not tell us? This is all so detailed.” I was surprised Daddy had gone into every conceivable element based on the one conversation we’d had.

“Well, he contacted dat dere lawyer afta he talk ta you, Sissy. Da lawyer tol’ him ta write down all his requests ‘n’ he’d make him a will. Dat way when he died dere could be no confusion ovah what he wanted.” Uncle Thomas blew on his steaming cup of coffee.

“What does it say about the house and its contents?” Collette’s mind was working like a Texas Instruments calculator.

Flipping through the pages, Dawn whistled through her teeth. “Daddy was loaded! He has a huge stock portfolio and a fair amount of cash in the bank. It’s all to be divided among us equally. The catch is that the ‘equally’ includes each of the grandchildren.”

“So are you saying that Renee gets a five share and you get a two share? Well, that ain’t right. Why should Renee get so much of the money just because she got a house full of children?”

“Collette, for God’s sake lighten up. You’re going to begrudge your own nieces and nephews a part of Daddy’s money?” This woman never ceased to amaze me.

“I just don’t think it’s fair that Renee gets to manage so much more of the money than the rest of us.” Collette wasn’t even embarrassed by her own selfishness.

“You mean than you, don’t you? You don’t give a cat’s fur ball about the rest of us!” Dawn was livid.

“So how many ways do we have to split the assets?” Collette didn’t know when to quit.

“We’re all named, the grandchildren, Estelle, Uncle Thomas, and this mysterious Nina Blackford. Uncle Thomas, Daddy told you everything. Are you sitting there trying to tell us you don’t know who this person is? She was made beneficiary ten years ago on an insurance policy and now in a will written six months ago.” Dawn eyed Uncle Thomas over her reading glasses.

“How do we find out who the hell this Nina person is?” Collette asked.

“Maybe the lawyer knows. This is only a copy of the will. The lawyer probably has the original. Maybe he’ll know who she is and how to get in touch with her. How could she be someone important enough for Daddy to leave her an equal share of insurance money and we not even know who she is?” Dawn said, as she stared at the documents.

“See, I told you he loved me and would name me in the will.” Roberta was wiping her crocodile tears.

“I know he loved you, Bert.” Renee was trying to comfort her friend, but avoided eye contact with us.

“I think I should ride in the limo with y’all.” Roberta spoke with indignation.

“Who in the hell do you think you are? You’re not riding in the limo. You’re not sitting in the front pew. You’ll sit where all the other friends sit. Is that clear?” Collette didn’t give Renee a chance to intervene on her friend’s behalf.

“We can discuss this later,” Renee said, looking at Roberta.

“I just know that Papa Eddie would want me to be treated like y’all. I’m like your sister.”

“But you’re not our sister.” I couldn’t believe the icy tone in my voice.

Roberta started to cry, actually started to wail!

“Look, y’all, we’ll work all of this out. Let’s call the funeral home and tell them they need to pick up his body. We’ll deal with all of this when we’re less emotional.” Dawn was the incessant peacekeeper.

“And when do you think that will be, Miss Dawn?” Collette asked sarcastically.

“Who’s going to make the call to the funeral home?” I said. I knew that a brawl was in the making.

“I think Renee should do it, since she is the oldest,” Dawn whispered.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Pure dread showed on Renee’s face.

Uncle Thomas spoke up. “I’ll make da call.”

“I know the call I’m going to make is to this lawyer. We need to know who in the hell this Nina Blackford is!” Collette added.

“Well, I have to admit I’m more than a little curious. But Renee promised we could call Estelle. I think we should do that first.” I wasn’t letting my oldest sister off the hook.

“Okay, okay, let’s call her. I guess there are no real decisions to make. Daddy did it all himself. I wonder if Estelle knows who Nina Blackford is?” Renee had acquiesced, but I was sure it was to get to the bottom of the Nina mystery, not to show some concern for Estelle, our almost stepmother.

Estelle seemed pleased that I’d called her, and she promised to be right over. She’d baked chicken and made mashed potatoes. She was thawing green beans and would be over within the hour. We told her we’d found Daddy’s will and insurance papers and we had some questions for her. She didn’t seem at all ill at ease. I didn’t know what to make of it. Perhaps Daddy had shared all of this with his soon-to-be wife. She may have known who the mysterious Nina was and what she had meant to our father.

Uncle Thomas made the second call to the funeral home and instructed them to contact the city coroner’s office for a release date and time. The funeral director on duty at Brown’s Funeral Home was dispatching a representative to our home to make the arrangements.Uncle Thomas made an appointment for nine o’clock the next morning.

“That’ll give us a little time ta git some rest and git owah nerves t’getha befo’ we have ta talk ta ’em,” Uncle Thomas said, holding his head in his hand.

“Give me the phone so I can call this lawyer. He has to be able to shed some light on all of this madness, this strange woman in Daddy’s will and insurance papers.” Collette took the cordless phone from Uncle Thomas.

“Lette, you know the lawyer’s office is closed this time of night.” Roberta didn’t have the good sense to be seen and not heard.

“I’ll leave an urgent message, and he can call us back. I really need to get to the bottom of this. You know, Bert, it would be nice if we could be alone for a while. We’ve all been up all night, and my sister has flown across country.” For once Collette mirrored my own sentiments.

“I don’t think I should leave. It was apparent that Papa Eddie thought of me as one of his own, and Renee is my sister as much as she is yours. I want to stay.” Roberta was starting with the waterfall tears again.

“If I speak now, I’m going to say way too many things I know I’ll regret. But Renee, you betta deal with your friend. You see, when I was born Renee was my sister and when I die, she’ll still be my sister.” I got up to make more coffee.

Renee hugged Roberta and whispered something to her that seemed to soothe her. Why is it that when someone dies everyone wants to be related to them? I would have gladly given Roberta my spot as the daughter of a dead man. This wasn’t a prize on The Price Is Right. This was the worst pain I could ever imagine. Why would someone want to volunteer for this tour of duty?

Just the thought of “tour of duty” caused me to miss my Anthony so much. I needed to feel his strong arms around me to tell me I would survive these tumultuous times. I needed to fall asleep to the sweet sound of his baritone voice. He’d asked me to marry him twice, but I decided I needed to pass the bar before I made any other major commitments. Anthony never understood what one had to do with the other. He promised that he wouldn’t ask a third time. If we were ever to be married, I’d be the one to do the asking. If I’d been able to speak to him tonight, not only would I ask him, I’d marry him on the spot. My longing for Anthony suddenly made me tired. The heaviness from earlier in the day had returned. I needed to lie down in Daddy’s bed. I was sure that desire was going to be further cause for discussion among my sisters.

“I really need to lie down. I’m going to lie across Daddy’s bed.” I braced myself for the assault of expletives.

“Gurl, you gonna sleep in that room? Are you sure?” Collette asked with a curious look in her eyes. Not the anger I’d expected.

“You’re better than me. I love Daddy and all, but if he forgot something, he may need to come back! You know what I’m sayin’?” Dawn was making light of the situation and drew a laugh from all, including Uncle Thomas.

“I think I should stay with you all tonight. After all, I’m like one of his daughters,” Roberta said as she slipped off her shoes.

“Oh no, she didn’t go there!” Collette whispered loud enough for all to hear.

“Roberta, perhaps you should go home, get some rest, check on the kids, and come back in the morning.” Renee’s eyes pleaded with us to be patient with her friend.

“I thinks dat’d be a real good idear, Bert.” Uncle Thomas wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep Collette, Dawn, and me off Roberta’s behind.

“Well, I do need to get the kids settled for the rest of the week since I’ll be with y’all from tomorrow on.” She was clueless.

“Roberta, I don’t want to appear rude or insensitive,” Dawn said, “but Edward Zachary Naylor was not your daddy. He was our father, and nothing you can make up in your little mind is going to change that. He loved you, true enough, but a friendly love doesn’t make you his child, or Renee’s sister. We’re under enough stress, and we don’t need outsiders adding to it.” Dawn was so kind and thoughtful of others’ feelings, and I had to admit she definitely mimicked what I felt.

As I thought back over the years, memories of Roberta intruding on our special family moments flooded back to me. Five years before we had dressed in our after-five black finery and marched down to the Expressly Portrait, taking the Security Mall by storm as only Naylor divas could do. I’d flown in for a Father’s Day celebration, and a sixteen-by-twenty mounted photograph of the four of us had been our gift of choice. We’d decided to make it an occasion, hired a limousine, made dinner plans at the exclusive Pisces at the top of the Hyatt Hotel overlooking the Inner Harbor, to be followed by dancing under the stars on one of the harbor-cruise-party boats. The limo picked up Dawn and me first. After our stop at Collette’s we arrived at Renee’s right on schedule. You can imagine our absolute astonishment when the driver opened the door and Roberta entered in front of Renee.

As we stared from one to the other, Renee made small talk and finally said that Roberta really wanted to join us for our special outing. Though I resented her presence, I decided not to let anything or anyone ruin our day. Well, when sistahgurl insisted that she be a part of the photo shoot, we all lost it! There was nothing Renee could say that could appease us. After much discussion it was decided that if Roberta insisted on being a part of our family photos, she would have to pay for her own shoot. We would gladly be a part of her pictures.

Now here she was again imposing on our family moment. Somebody needed to put this woman in check. Collette picked up the key ring and jingled it as she would in front of a fussy six-month-old infant. “Roberta, I got my keys because I’m about to open the doors of the library and read your ass! We’ve tried to be nice and let you stay here tonight, though we told you we had business that needed to be discussed. But my sister with the big heart insisted it was okay that you stay. So you were mentioned in Daddy’s will, but so were Rico and this Blackford person. Now we all know I have issues with Rico, but I do know this about the good doctor, she would never intrude on our private moments. She knows her place, and your place is right next to hers. Daddy has loved Rico since the very first moment she stepped through that door. But she’s never tried to meddle where she shouldn’t. You could take a lesson. Of course we want you at the services, we want you to visit with our friends; but you’re not family. You may not have your own family and for that I am sorry, but we are not the ones. You and my sister may be that close, but believe me that’s where it stops.”

“That’s enough, Lette!” Renee was comforting her friend, who could muster up tears at will.

“Well, you don’t have to worry about me anymore. Papa Eddie would not be happy at the way you are treating me. But I can take a hint. I’ll see you at the funeral.”

“Bert, you’re welcome here,” I said. “Collette is just trying to say that we need some time alone. I just got here, and we need some time for us to spend together to make some decisions and to settle some of this unpleasant business.” Though I agreed with Collette, I guess I had enough of Daddy in me to feel compassion.

“We do want you here, Roberta, just give us a little time to settle things.” Dawn was touching her back.

“Y’all gonna be sorry. Watch what I tell you,” Collette mumbled under her breath.

“Are y’all sure? I don’t want to be any bother.” Roberta was sniffling like a three-year-old after an encounter with the strap.

“We need you. There’s so much we’ll need you to take care of once we make all of the arrangements. Since you have a van, do you think you’ll be able to make a few airport runs for us?” Renee said, as she finally stopped staring at Collette with disbelief.

“Oh, of course, I’ll do whatever needs to be done. Just let me know. I’ll take the rest of the week off. I have plenty of vacation time.” Roberta was forcing a smile.

“See, that is my point, we have bereavement leave,” Collette countered.

I spoke up this time. “That is enough, Lette!”

“I’ll get my things and go. I’m sorry if you thought I was intruding. I just wanted to make sure that you all knew I was here for you. I loved Papa Eddie so much. He showed me fatherly love, unlike anyone else. Again, I’m sorry.” The tears started up again.

I wasn’t sure, but I think I felt pity for her. We had only known the love of a good strong black man since our birth. He was absolute perfection to us. We were too pompous and assumed that all little girls had what we had. It was truly to be coveted.

If I was tired before, I was on the verge of collapse now. I just really needed to lay my body down. I hugged Roberta, Uncle Thomas, and then all of my sisters. I excused myself and felt I needed to run into Daddy’s room. Once I was inside the room I closed the door quickly and put my back against it to prevent anyone or anything from disturbing my sanctuary.