The Harder They Fall

I thought my heart would beat out of my chest as my feet tripped over each other trying to get to the bathroom to see what was happening to Uncle Thomas. Uncle Thomas’s body weight against the door precluded my entry.

“Uncle Thomas, what’s wrong? Uncle Thomas, let me in!”

I could only hear his sobs. Anguish like I’d never heard before. Moaning and wailing so deep and pain-filled. I could only imagine this was the sound that reverberated through hell.

“Uncle Thomas, please let me in.”

“Go ‘way, Sissy. Ya can’t see me like dis. My buddy done gone. My buddy done left me to fen’ fo’ mahsef.”

“Uncle Thomas, please, please let me in!” I pushed harder against the door, and it finally gave way to my weight.

As he moved away from the door, I stumbled into the room, almost falling onto him. He knelt over the closed toilet with his face buried in his hands. Tears spilled onto the gray toilet-seat cover. His futile attempts to silence the horrific sounds brought tears to my eyes. I could only kneel next to him in the small room and place my arms around his shoulders. Shoulders so broad were now slumped. A back so strong was now bent in misery. Several minutes passed before I finally sat on the gray marble tile floor and leaned against the paisley-covered wall opposite the toilet. I pulled Uncle Thomas into my arms and rocked back and forth until his sobs turned to silent tears. His tears matched my own.

“Sissy, I sho’ ’nuff is sorry I broke down like dis here. When I came in dis room, I ’membered how we’d fussed when we built it. He tol’ me I didn’t know a thang ’bout construction. And he’d go git a Mexican off da street to hep him if I didn’t hush up. Pain shot thu my chest at da thought ’n’ fo’ da firs’ time since yo’ sistahs showed up on mah do’step, I knowed he’ll nevah fuss at me again. He’ll nevah whomp on me at dominos, tell me how much betta his barbecue is than mine. Fo’ mah whole life dat man has been da worl’ ta me. When I was in da jungles of Vietnam, Eddie was right dere wit’ me. His voice kep’ me goin’. I’d hear him say, ‘Be a man, Thomas, make me proud.’ When I was shot, I wasn’t so scured ’cause I knowed Eddie was wit’ me.”

“Where is I gonna find da strength ta be dat brave agin, Sissy? He sho’ ’nuff wouldn’t like me in here on mah knees cryin’. He’d say, ‘Look at chu, Thomas. You pitiful!’ ”

“He wouldn’t call you pitiful. If the fates had taken you instead of Daddy, this would be him on his knees.”

“Did I evah tell ya da story ’bout when the white man at da sto’ where we delivered groceries afta school called me Tommy?”

“No. What happened?”

“I think I was ele’em or twelve. Eddie was workin’ at dat ole sto’ for ’bout six months when he tol’ me dey needed mo’ hep. I went down dere and Mista Stein was his name, tol’ me if Eddie reccamend me, I had da job. He slapped me on da back and said, ‘Tommy, git da broom and sweep up.’ Eddie looked Mista Stein square in his eyes and tol’ dat white man, ‘My brotha don’t like to be called Tommy. His name is Thomas.’ Dat white man turn da color of da red stripes in da ’merican flag, but he called me Thomas. He would pretend to forget, but when he would call me Tom or Tommy, Eddie dared me ta answer.

“Dat’s the kinda strength yo’ daddy had when he was twelve. He was a man evah since I could ’member.”

“Uncle Thomas, did you know Daddy was taking sexual performance drugs?”

“You mean dem Viagra pills?” Uncle Thomas laughed knowingly.

“So you did know?”

“Sissy, dere are some thangs ya might not undastan’ ’bout bein’ a man. No matter what a woman says, she needs good lovin’. Yo’ daddy loved him some Estelle. Back in da days when she was married to dat man who treated heh so bad, yo’ daddy was lovin’ heh even den. He would tell me all the time dat if she evah got smart ’nuff to know she deserved betta, he was gonna be heh betta.

“When a man gits older, thangs don’t work quite like dey did back in da day. Yo’ Daddy was just tryin’ to hold on to dat which is mos’ precious to us menfolk.”

“Uncle Thomas, true love can withstand anything. Even impotence. When you truly love someone, being with them should be enough.”

“Sissy, baby, ‘member when you first went out dere to L.A., ya tol’ yo’ daddy how bad ya needed a car. No real good buses runnin’. Ya tol’ him ya couldn’t catch no cab. No subway. When he tol’ chu he thought L.A. was such a perfec’ place, you tol’ him dat it was almost perfect, but havin’ a car would be all you needed. Well, chile, dat what love wit’out sex is to a man. It is like livin’ in L.A. without a car. Sure you can survive without it, but it sho’ ’nuff be a whole lot betta wit’ it.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his analogy. “I guess I see what you mean. I can’t imagine life without a car in Los Angeles. But there are so many other things you can do besides …” I was too embarrassed to finish the statement.

“It’d be like takin’ da bus. Like takin’ a bus!”

“Okay, okay, I get your point. How long had he been taking the pills?”

“I don’t even thank he’d took one of dem. He was saving them for the honeymoon. Estelle tried ta talk him out of gettin’ ’em. She tol’ him she knowed she’d be plenty satisfied and dat he was gonna kill her wit dem pills. But yo’ daddy knowed betta.”

“Estelle tried to talk him out of even getting them?”

“Yessah, she did! She even call me ta talk some sense inta him.”

“I got angry at her tonight when I found the prescription. I blamed her for taking my daddy from me.”

“Sissy, Edward Naylor was his own man! Plain ‘n’ simple. Estelle couldn’t say a thang dat would have changed his mind. In his mind he needed to perform as a husband in all ways. Chile, let’s get up off dis here floor.” Uncle Thomas helped me up and we moved into the den.

“I knows ya tired, but would ya mind sittin’ in here wit’ yo’ ol’ Uncle Thomas fo’ a spell? Ya can even lay on mah lap da way ya use ta when ya was upset wit’ Eddie cuz he tol’ ya ya couldn’t do dis or do dat.”

“Oh, I’m too old for that!”

“Chile, I was just layin’ in yo’ arms like I was a newborn baby. Come on ovah here and lay on yo’ uncle. I needs ta feel useful.”

I grabbed the afghan from off the back of the couch and nestled under the arm of the man who would now have to substitute for my Eddie Naylor.