Everybody Wants to Go to Heaven

“Renee, chile, you worked him! That was an awesome idea to buy the casket direct. I saw an exposé on Dateline on how funeral homes rip people off, capitalizing on people’s grief. We saved more than five thousand dollars because you were so consumer savvy.” Estelle was pacing.

“That was pretty cool how you handled that, big sis. I gotta give you your props. I don’t want to scrimp, but I don’t want to blow money to the wind either,” I said, looking at Collette.

“Well, I buy for a living, so I’m always shopping with someone else’s money. What keeps them coming back is that I spend it like it’s my own. I’d seen the same show Estelle did on funeral homes, so I was ready for him. Now that we’ve got Mr. Brown out of the way, we need to get back to the pallbearers. We never finished our conversation, and we really are spending too much energy arguing.”

“Dat what I been tryin’ ta tell y’all. All dem wasted words. What y’all should be talkin’ ’bout is what a good black man yo’ daddy was!”

“He was the best, wasn’t he?” I said. “You remember when Dawn told him she was pregnant? We were all so scared. Y’all were leaning against the door listening because we knew he was going to kill her.” I began the tale.

“Y’all were leaning against the door?” Dawn continued the story. “When I opened Daddy’s door, you fell into the room! I knew I was dead, too. But you know he always told us to never think a problem was so big he couldn’t handle it. He said that as long as we kept a problem from him, it was our problem. The minute we told him, it became his problem.

“He listened to me intently. Never even raised an eyebrow. Asked me who the baby’s daddy was and if I wanted to keep it. Fear truly gripped my heart when I told him it was Dexter Hollis, the captain of the football team. I just knew he was going to kill him and Edmondson wouldn’t make it to the playoffs. He just rubbed his chin, thought for what seemed like an eternity, then slowly said, ‘We need to get you in to see a doctor. Can’t have anything wrong with my grandchild. Give me that Hollis boy’s phone number. I need to talk to his daddy.’ ”

“Gurl, do you remember when Renee said she wanted to get married? Oh my God, you would have thought Derrick had kidnapped her.” I smiled as I thought about the good ole days.

“He was throwing stuff and saying how I had to go to college and Derrick didn’t have a pot to piss in. He must have asked me a hundred times if I was pregnant. Then told me if I was I didn’t have to marry him. He never believed I was still a virgin. Said Derrick didn’t make enough money to support one person, how was he going to support two? Then I told him we were in love and if he didn’t give me permission, I’d elope and he’d never see me again. He pouted for about a week. Then told me to come take a ride with him. He took me to a bridal shop to pick out my dress. They sure broke the mold when they made him.” Renee had a distant look in her eyes. “After we had been married about ten years he started telling Derrick how he had to talk me into marrying him.”

“But that wasn’t shit! When Collette eloped on prom night, oh my God! He woke up the whole house at four in the morning because you weren’t home,” I said. “He was pacing and at six he called the police. He knew you were somewhere dead.”

“Gurl, I was so scared to call him. That fool got me drunk and drove to Delaware. I’m standing in front of the justice of the peace not even hearing him because I knew Edward Naylor was going to whip my ass.”

“By noon he had the state police involved,” Renee said, “and then here y’all come. I’ve never seen him that mad. When he knocked Kenneth unconscious, we all thought he was dead. If it hadn’t been for Derrick, I think Daddy would have killed him.” Renee laughed as she recounted.

“Then I ran to my room and slammed the door like I was grown. Gurl, that man came in that room with his belt in his hand and whipped me until he got tired. He was crying as hard as I was. Monday morning we were at the courthouse filing for an annulment. Kenneth brought his stupid ass around talking about how I was his wife and he didn’t want a divorce. Daddy told him death would work just as well.” Collette’s tears were the product of her laughter.

“I think you’re right, Collette wins for making Daddy the maddest.” Dawn and I high-fived.

“Can I get anyone a cup of coffee?” Estelle seemed to feel out of place as we shared our memories.

“I would love some, but I want a little sumin’ sumin’ in mine. I need to settle my nerves,” Collette said with a sly grin.

“Gurl, you betta not let Sister Greene hear you say that. She would be rebuking you.” Dawn then added, “But you can put a little, no make that a lot, in mine, too.”

“We all caught hell when Sissy told him she wasn’t coming back to Baltimore when she graduated. Oh man, none of us wanted to call him. He would sound so sad. He couldn’t understand why you wanted to live so far from him,” Dawn said, blowing on her hot coffee to cool it.

“See, y’all don’t remember when she said she wanted to go away to school, period. I was already married by then, and I thought he was going to have a nervous breakdown. He never let you know though, Sissy. He didn’t want to step on your dreams. He would say, ‘Who’s going to take care of my child way out there in California? She is too young to be that far away from me.’ ”

“My Eddie was a wonderful man and an even better father. After you all were grown and gone he started working with the boys’ and girls’ club. He made a real difference in so many of those children’s lives. He got so many black men to start volunteering that they gave him an award. Someone should call the director down there and let her know he …” Estelle’s words trailed off.

“Yeah, mah brotha was one of a kind. One of a kind.”

“We still need to pick the rest of the pallbearers. Let me see, Uncle Thomas, Derrick senior, Mister Willie, foine-ass John, who else?”

“What about Deacon Kemp? They been friends since Daddy joined the church back in the sixties.” Renee tapped the pencil on the table.

“He’s kinda feeble. I’m not sure if he’s strong enough to carry the casket. Eddie wasn’t a small man.” A smile found its way to Estelle’s grief-stricken face.

“Yeah, the foine scale definitely tipped in Edward Naylor’s favor. That brotha wore that six-foot-six, two hundred fifty pounds with such style. And when he put his clothes on. Man! Shoot, when Daddy came to my law school graduation, a couple of the grads wanted to push up on a brotha. But I was not having it! When I told them he was sixty-two, they told me I had to be lying. They were just gold diggers because he was looking so sharp.”

“Pallbearahs!” Uncle Thomas chuckled.

“What about Derrick junior? He’s the only grandchild old enough. Do you think he would want to do it?” Collette was fixing another cup of laced coffee.

“I know he would.” Renee smiled. “Estelle, what about Mr. Lopez from the plant? He loved Daddy so much. I remember when he came to work at the plant, Daddy worked with him so hard. He had me tutor him with reading and English because he couldn’t be promoted until his English was fluent.”

“Oh, Renee, he would be so honored. Juan wasn’t the only one, though. Your father is the cause of so many success stories at Bethlehem Steel. But I’ll call now and ask him.”

“That makes six. We can do the honorary thing later. I just know my Anthony has to be one of them. This is wearing me out. Oh, Bishop called this morning and will be by after his office hours this afternoon,” I said, suddenly remembering the call I’d taken earlier. “He’s real broken up. He has known Daddy since he was in high school. Daddy taught him in Sunday school.”

“What else do we need to decide right now?” Collette said as she fiddled with a cigarette.

“We’ve taken care of the funeral home, the pallbearers, the casket. That leaves flowers, what we will wear, who will ride in the limos, and the actual service program.” I was starting to feel heavy again.

“What about the obituary?” Estelle asked.

“Oh yeah! This should be interesting,” Collette said, staring at Estelle.

“Why do you say it will be interesting?” I was immediately defensive. We’d had such a good time reminiscing. I hated to start arguing again. But I knew it was inevitable.

“Just trust me on this one. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.”

“And just what are you implying?” Now Renee was defensive.

“Everybody wants their name in the obituary, sit in the front pew, ride in the family car. But nobody wants it to be his or her father, or brother. I’m not trying to argue, but you know I’m telling you the truth. But before we start to consider all of the nonfamily members, if we include one, we have to include them all.”

“As much as I hate to admit it, Collette is right.” Dawn was starting to get tipsy from our special coffee. “The one thing I do know for sure is that Estelle and her children will be in the obituary. Estelle will be riding in the family car. That isn’t even open for discussion.”

Collette rolled her eyes and sucked her teeth, but she remained silent.

“We may need to save space for Nina Blackford,” Estelle said with great pain.

“Oh hell, naw. Whoever she is, she is not family,” Renee said with disdain.

“Don’t y’all be jumpin’ to no conclusions.”

“Uncle Thomas is right. We just need to wait to hear what the lawyer has to say.”

“Renee, why did you make your children attend school today?” Dawn said, deciding to change the subject.

“ ’cause I’m their mama and I can!”

“See you just too smart at the mouth!” Dawn laughed.

“I just didn’t want them underfoot today while we worked out all of these details. I’ll keep them out the rest of the week. I sent notes with them today.”

“Let’s talk about something less heavy than the obituary. What should we wear? I was thinking maybe burgundy and gray?” I fixed myself another cup of laced coffee. It was amazing how much better the coffee tasted.

“Burgundy and gray? What the hell kinda mourning colors are those?” Collette was hanging out of the kitchen door, smoking.

“Those were Daddy’s favorite colors, and I just think if we are matching him, it would be really nice.”

“Well, I’m traditional and think we should wear black. What are people going to think if we wear red?” Dawn’s Laura Ashley–loving ass spoke up.

“Who said anything about red? Burgundy is not red. You can be such a drama queen, and besides, what do we care what people think? Black for funerals is so passé.” I lashed out at my only true ally.

“Since when is respect passé? I guess wearing red to a funeral is an L.A. thing?” Collette’s eyes were going to get stuck in her forehead.

“If we choose to wear fire engine red with Roaring Twenties feather hats, it’s nobody’s business! Daddy always taught us not to follow the norm.” I wasn’t giving in strictly on principle. I’d rather have my bikini line waxed than disrespect my daddy in such a blatant manner. But they didn’t have to know that.

“See, now you’ve really lost your mind. I dare you to step up in a church where Eddie Naylor is laid out, wearing red. He would get up and whip all of you. The one wearing red and the other three for letting her do it.” Estelle had neutralized the situation with laughter. Even Collette had to laugh.

“You know she has a point—no matter how passé black may be, we better seriously consider wearing it. Gray suits with burgundy accessories would look nice. What do you all think?” I guess I wanted to make peace, again.

“That sounds good to me. But a burgundy suit would look good, too. I have a gray satin blouse Daddy gave me for no reason at all. You know how he was. Called me on the phone and said, ‘Dawn, I was shopping today and I know you have a tough time with that boy in private school. I bought you some uniforms for work. Why don’t you come on over here and see your old daddy and pick them up?’ When I got here, he had three beautiful silk and satin blouses for me.”

“Dey broke da mol’ when dey made mah big brother. I thank he’d sho’ ’nuff like it if we wore his favorite colors. I’ll wear mah gray suit ‘n’ burgundy tie he gave me.”

“I bet if we think back, we’ll each have a piece that is either burgundy or gray that Eddie gave us. It would be a great tribute to him if we each wore it,” Estelle said softly.

“So you plan to wear what the family wears?” Collette said, sneering.

Lawdhamurcy, I thought we had prayed some temperament into Collette’s tongue. “Why don’t you just stop it!” I had lost all patience with her and was not afraid to show the ghetto girl that Daddy had always forbidden in his house. “Collette, she is family. Case closed.”

“She may be—” The doorbell interrupted her.

“I’ll get it,” Devin yelled from the den.

Entering on Devin’s heels was Roberta with grocery bags in both hands. Devin pulled a carry-on bag. My initial thought was, Oh, she’s leaving town.

“Whew, I don’t think I’ve forgotten anything. I stopped to get plenty of breakfast food. We’re going to need our nourishment in the days to come. I brought a couple dresses. What color are we wearing? I brought black and white. Devin, baby, put that bag in the guest room.”

We looked from one to the other. None of us could speak. The focus of our anger had definitely shifted.