And on the Third Day …

The phone started ringing nonstop before we were able to finish breakfast. Many were calls from friends expressing their condolences and offering to do whatever they could to help. Soon Renee arrived in her usual chaotic fashion.

We’d failed to decide on the floral arrangements. That became the first order of business after we’d stored the leftovers, made a fresh pot of coffee for lacing, and moved to the den.

“We’d talked about gardenias yesterday. I think that would make a lovely casket spray,” Dawn commented, starting the discussion.

“What about white orchids? That’s what I remember most about Ron Brown’s funeral,” Renee said, pouring Baileys in her cup.

“Oh, you mean the secretary of commerce who was killed in the plane crash?” I said, thinking back. “Those flowers were beautiful. All of his flowers were white. Very nice touch. Very, very nice.” I really liked the idea of all white flowers.

“What do you think, Collette?” Renee asked.

“I’m sure it doesn’t matter what I think. Sounds like you three have made up your minds.”

“Please, Lette, let’s not argue about this, too. It’s such a simple thing. Tell us what you want.” Trying to appease Collette was making me sick to my stomach.

“White flowers are fine. But why do we have to pick the most expensive ones?” Collette looked at each of us in turn. “We could do a combination of white flowers that would be more cost-effective: gladiolus, carnations, a few roses. What you’re proposing will cost at least five hundred dollars. This is a funeral, not a wedding.”

Somebody needed to lay hands on this woman and have a word of prayer. She actually thought we would entertain her suggestion without incident. “May I remind you,” I said, “that Daddy paid for not only a wedding but a divorce for you? And how much were the flowers for the marriage that didn’t last as long as the car payments on a Hyundai?” I did nothing to hide my annoyance.

“What does that have to do with anything, Glynda? Why’re you bringing up my marriages?”

“Not your marriages. Your wedding, a social event to be rivaled by the Kennedys. Daddy never hesitated to give you what you wanted. I know you had five thousand dollars in flowers. So if your only concern about our choices in flowers is the cost, don’t worry your parsimonious ass one little minute about it because you have no say-so in the amount we spend. I told you two days ago not to mention money again, and nothing has changed.”

“I see how this is. When Renee said we were spending too much for a casket, she was a hero. But every time I mention money, I’m some kind of heavy.”

“It’s not that.” Dawn touched her arm trying to calm her.

“Then what the hell is it?” Collette pulled away. “I always knew you and Glynda took sides against me, but Renee, I’m really shocked at you!”

“No one’s taking sides against you. You need to stop being so sensitive. The difference here is I knew we could get the desired casket for less money. You always want to compromise to save money. There’s a big difference.” Renee got up from the couch and moved to the window seat overlooking the backyard.

“How’s that different? We both want to save money. We’ll spend five hundred dollars for flowers that will last for two days, then be thrown away.”

“Do you even realize why people send flowers for funerals?” Now I was starting to feel sorry for her because she was either so self-absorbed that she couldn’t comprehend our stance or she was just plain stupid. Either way it was a very sad state of affairs.

“I’m about sick and tired of your attitude toward me, Glynda. You’ve done nothing but accuse me of being cheap since you got here.”

“Hit dog will holler!” I was mad, again.

“This is getting us nowhere. We’ve done so well so far this morning. We should buy whatever flowers the majority agrees upon. Let’s just put this to a vote and stop arguing.” Renee was aggravated.

“Like I said in the beginning, you didn’t care what I wanted anyway. So y’all pick your five-hundred-dollar arrangements and five-thousand-dollar caskets. Acting like we the Trumps. That is just too much money to put into the ground.”

“Collette, let it go. This is not our money. Daddy left it here for us to spend on his funeral, and as I said before, anyone who has put as much money into their body as you have needs to just sit back, shut up, and agree with whatever we decide.” All gloves were off.

“Yes, but whatever we don’t spend comes to us. I just think it is irresponsible to spend money needlessly.”

“All in favor of white casket spray with orchids and gardenias, raise your hand.” Two of my three sisters voted with me.

“Next floral arrangement is from the grandchildren,” Renee volunteered.

“I hope that you’re taking it out of their share of the estate money since y’all get more than the rest of us,” Collette said.

The rest of us acted as though Collette were invisible.

“Are we going with the white theme throughout all of the family arrangements?” Dawn asked.

“I think Collette’s suggestion of carnations, gladiolus, and roses would be a nice arrangement from the grandchildren. What do you all think?” Renee was trying to make peace.

“I like that idea and it won’t cost that much, though we should make it really big.” I didn’t give a damn about Collette’s feelings.

“That works for me,” Dawn was quick to agree.

“Good, two down. We just need to speak with Estelle and Uncle Thomas,” Renee added.

“Has Uncle Thomas heard from Thomas junior and Michael?” Dawn asked.

“Oh wow. I haven’t asked him since Monday night. He said he’d left a message with Michael’s wife. I forgot to ask him if he’d called back. He doesn’t even know how to get in touch with June Bug.” I was embarrassed by my selfishness.

“Gurl, it makes no sense for them boys to act like that toward their daddy. They’re gonna be so sorry when he’s gone. Their mother let her bad feelings toward Uncle Thomas ruin any chance of a father-son relationship for them. That’s why Uncle Thomas was always so close to us.” Renee stared mindlessly out of the bay window into the yard.

“Well, when a man cheats on a woman, he has to accept whatever fate comes his way.” Collette spoke for the first time since we’d shut her down about the flowers.

“But he didn’t do anything to June Bug and Michael,” I said. “He wanted so bad to be near them. But she refused to give up any information on where they were. Then, when they got old enough to do it on their own, they looked at him as the one who never reached out to them. What a mess. Now their uncle is dead and they may not even come to his funeral because of some dumb shit from the past.” I couldn’t help pleading Uncle Thomas’s case.

“How long has it been since we saw them?” Renee asked.

“At least twenty years. So I don’t hold out much hope of them coming to the funeral of a man they hardly knew.” I wondered where Uncle Thomas had disappeared to.

“Well, I just understand about a cheating man. Uncle or no uncle, if you’re wrong, you’re wrong.” Collette pulled a cigarette from her pocket and headed toward the back door.

“Collette, you know, unless you let go of some of your hatred, you’ll always be unhappy,” Dawn said.

I don’t know why Dawn always walked into the lion’s den wearing a pork-chop jacket.

“Well, thank you, Dr. Grace Cornish! I’ll take your advice into consideration. All of us can’t be happy in bad relationships with losers the way you can. But when you have a bastard child, I guess you have to accept whatever you can get.”

“That’s quite enough, Collette!” Renee said, raising her voice. “You have gone too got-damn far this time, calling Devin a bastard. And with your choices in men, I don’t think you have any room to talk. Why are you always so mean-spirited? You never have a kind or supportive thing to say about anyone. Dawn was just trying to help. You’re never happy about anything but your investment portfolio. I have a news flash for you, and you can ask Daddy about his if you don’t believe me. You can’t take it with you! I don’t care how much money and things you acquire in this life, it’s all going to stay right here.” Renee was pacing.

“She started it, indicating there’s something wrong with me because I don’t love and kiss everybody’s ass the way she does. I could care less what people think of me, including y’all.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, Lette. I just hate to see you so unhappy all the time.”

“Who said I’m unhappy?”

“That’s evident by how you always find reasons to argue and dislike others,” Dawn said. “You’re always doing something to alter the way you look naturally. And don’t think we don’t know you’ve had liposuction. Do you know how many women have died as a result of that procedure?” Dawn had opened a very sensitive wound.

“I haven’t had …” Collette knew it was futile to deny her surgery. She dropped her head, then looked from one to the other of us to see if we were shocked by this revelation. “You all know?”

“We’ve known from the beginning, Lette,” I said softly. “But we don’t care. We love you with all of your strengths and weaknesses. You’re grown. Do what you want to do, but you need to lighten up on other folks. You need to stop saying mean and hateful things to and about people. You betta apologize to Dawn and Devin, and if I evah hear you say something like that again, I’ll personally slap you so hard your taste buds will be doing salsa on the floor.”

“Y’all are always the ones picking on me. I’m just defending myself. If you think I’m so mean-spirited, why haven’t you said something before now? Why did you have to wait until we’re all going through the worst period of our lives to psychoanalyze me?”

“You’re such a drama queen.” Renee started laughing as she continued. “We tell your ass all the time. You just never listen. Now go on outside, get your smoke on, and don’t bring your ass back up in here until you’re ready to apologize for saying such a mean thing to Dawn.”

“She doesn’t have to apologize to me. But she sure as hell needs to apologize to my baby. You are a heartless, selfish bitch who’ll die lonely and shriveled up. Hatred destroys the hater,” Dawn spoke through clenched teeth, her bloodshot eyes firing daggers at Collette.

I agreed with Dawn and added, “I just know you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself. We love you, but your ugly ways are another story.”

“Let it go, Glynda! We’ve made our point.” Renee thought she was my mama again. “When Estelle gets here, we’re going to have to sit down to do the obituary. Promise me we’re not going to start World War Three over this.”

“Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies. I just know we’re not putting seventy-five percent of the free world down as relatives and friends,” yelled Collette from the back door.

Before I could respond, the phone rang. I picked up. “Hello, Glynda Naylor speaking.”

“Just the diva I wanted to speak to.” Rico always had perfect timing.

“Oh Rico, I’m so happy to hear from you. You guys get any rest since you got in?”

“Jonathan is still sleeping. But I’m having a hard time resting worrying about you. How’s everything going?”

“Well, aside from the constant pain in our chests, we seem to be doing okay. What time will you be over?”

“That’s why I’m calling, to see if you need me to do anything. I got your suit and shoes. Do you or your sisters need to go shopping for anything? We want to order flowers, too. Have you ordered yours yet?”

“We just decided what kind of flowers we’re ordering a few minutes ago. We are using the florist the funeral home recommended. We’ve decided that all of the flowers from family and close friends will be white.”

“When in the hell did we decide friends’ flowers would be white?” Collette said, returning to the den.

“We have an arrangement we always send. It’s all yellow. I hope that will be okay.” Rico had overheard Collette’s comment, which, of course, had been her intent.

“Yes, an all-yellow arrangement will be fine.” I rolled my eyes at Collette. “Maybe I’ll tell Roberta you’re doing that and she can do the same. So all of the close family friends can do all-yellow arrangements.”

“How’s Roberta handling all of this?”

“It’s been interesting, to say the least.”

“I bet. Well, I’m going to crawl back in bed with my very sexy and handsome husband, and we’ll see you around three. We’re stopping at the grocery store to get food. Is there anything in particular you all would like to eat? Jonathan wants to barbecue. Would that be okay with everyone? He feels like he needs to do something.”

“Oh, that sounds wonderful. You know that man can cook some meat on a grill! We have lots of food, but I guess if you want to bring something in particular, staples like bread, milk, and juice. The children are here, and people don’t seem to think of the things they need and like.”

“Consider it done. I’ll pick up fun food for them, too. How are they handling the loss of their grandpa?”

“Devin seems the most affected. He just seems to be sleeping most of the time. Derrick spent the night with him last night, so he seems a little better this morning. Rico, just get yourself on over here, gurl, I need you!”

“I’ll see you at three. Love you.”

“Back at cha.”

As I hung up the phone, I caught Renee’s and Collette’s gazes. “Why are y’all staring at me?”

“I just wanted to get a clear view of what a hypocrite looks like.” There was no levity in Renee’s tone.

“Now what are you referring to?”

“How you have a double standard for close family friends. While Roberta isn’t as polished as Rico, she loves this family and me with all of her heart, and you have treated her with the same disrespect you have accused Collette of.”

“I have issues with Roberta and how she imposes herself on this family. She always has. Rico knows her place, and that’s as my friend. She only wants to do what she can, to lift our burden in any way she can. Roberta is a burden. But in all fairness, I had a talk with Roberta and I saw her pain, and I’m willing to back off a bit. I just need you and her to understand that she is not Eddie Naylor’s daughter.”

“Why y’all always at each otha’s throats?” Uncle Thomas had returned.

“Where you been, Uncle?” I was thrilled he interrupted the potentially volatile situation.

“I had to git away fo’ a few minutes. I went down ta da boys’ and girls’ club ta talk ta da director. Dey right heartbroken. I wanted ta see if some of dem boys wanted ta say somethin’ at da funeral. Eddie’d really like dat.”

“What an awesome idea. You’re right, Daddy would’ve loved that. We should give time to anyone who wants to speak at the funeral. Limiting their comments to two to three minutes, though.” Renee spoke the words I was thinking.

“We settled on white flowers from all of us and yellow from close friends of the family. Did you want to get a basket arrangement for the foot of the casket?” Dawn asked, walking over to hug him.

“Dat’d be right nice. Den maybe Estelle can git one dat matches it fo’ da other end ta balance it out. Willie wants ta get flowers in the shape of some dominoes. Dat man is a mess fo’ sho’. I tol’ him I needed to check with y’all first.”

“We can’t tell him how to spend his money. But as Daddy’s best friend, you may want to tell him about the yellow-flowers idea. Maybe the dominoes club could do the arrangement shaped like dominoes. Someone called from there last night asking for the details to send flowers,” Dawn said.

“You think that is appropriate for a church funeral?” Collette asked.

“What’s wrong with flowers shaped like dominoes? Daddy played all the time, and I surely don’t think they would’ve kept him out of heaven!” Renee responded quickly.

“I just asked. Forget I brought it up. Whatever y’all want, since I’m outvoted on every issue anyway!”

“I went by Estelle’s house on mah way back from da boys’ and girls’ club. She’ll be ovah in a few minutes. I jus’ wanted ta make sho’ she was doin’ aiight. This thang is weighin’ on heh real heavy. Dis here mystery woman ain’t helpin’ none eitha.”

“Did you see Jamaica?” I really wanted to see my buddy.

“Chile, that boy look mo’ like a woman than any of y’all! He took one look at me ‘n’ started bawlin’. Dat chile loved yo’ daddy!”

“Yes, he did,” I stated. “He and I are in touch all the time by e-mail, and he always talked about how Daddy was so special. Daddy sent him e-mail, too, from time to time, and you would’ve thought he got a check in the mail he was so happy. I hope he agrees to sing at the funeral. He’s so very talented.”

“That would be good if he sings,” Dawn agreed.

“Domino flowers and gay singers. First United will never be the same.” Collette rolled her eyes and sucked her teeth.

“Chile, dat boy’s heart is pure as gol’, and while I know what the Bible says, I wish I knowed a dozen mo’ good people like him.”

Collette only stared at all of us.