Telling Secrets

I woke from a troubled sleep to the sound of muffled voices. The green digital display on the alarm clock told me it was four thirty-seven. Who in the world was visiting at this hour? Curled in the fetal position, snoring lightly next to me, was Dawn. Renee and Collette decided, after much debate, that they’d spend the night in their own homes and prepare to stay together the night after the funeral.

The funeral. My God. There was going to be a funeral. We had an appointment this morning at nine to see Daddy’s body. The funeral director would pick us up and take us to give final approval before others were allowed to see him. How could I give my approval that the man I loved since my conception looked okay to be on display for all to file past him? Some would be crying softly. Others would be shaking their heads in disbelief. And, of course, at least one person would try to climb into his coffin. There was always one somebody who was determined to be more grief-stricken than anyone else. Someone who couldn’t go on in life without the dearly departed. My money was on Roberta.

No matter how well dressed he was, no matter how nice the coffin, no matter how many beautiful flowers arrived, I would never give my approval. If I refused to give my approval, did that mean none of this would be true? It would be so much easier to spend the day in bed. I’d simply refuse to go to the funeral home. The laughter coming from the kitchen interrupted my thoughts and made me more than a little curious.

Swinging my feet onto the floor took major effort. As I sat on the side of the bed I was reminded of the painting Monday Morning Blues. Fatigue and heaviness enveloped me. But I was drawn to the sound of voices. As I stood, my joints ached and my head felt light. I couldn’t understand these physical manifestations associated with emotional strain. Dawn stirred but didn’t wake.

Pulling on my robe, I headed for the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. A shower would have to wait until I found out who was holding court at this hour. Trepidation took hold of my soul. I couldn’t explain my apprehension, but it made the hair on the back of my neck stand. I picked up my water glass and headed to the kitchen.

The den, hallway, and kitchen lights burned brightly. The voices were more distinctive now, and one belong to Uncle Thomas. Another male voice offered condolences, explaining they had made really good time over Interstate 70. They’d come as soon as they’d heard. Uncle Thomas offered coffee and breakfast. I sighed a breath of relief when I realized the man must be a friend of Daddy’s from out of town.

Stepping into the kitchen, I knew nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. Sitting at my daddy’s table was the spitting image of my sister Collette. An older, plumper version with short red hair, but without a doubt she could have been Collette’s twin.

Seeing this woman caused me to drop the glass, still partly filled with water. The sound of shattering glass startled the trio. My eyes locked onto the eyes of the familiar stranger. My mouth moved to speak, but my jaw was locked. I felt as if I was moving in slow motion as the tall male stranger began to speak. His lips formed words, but the noise that emerged sounded like a record being played at the wrong speed.

Uncle Thomas’s shout broke the spell. “Sissy, chile, ya gonna cut yo’ feet on dat glass.”

“Let me help you.” The male stranger led me around the broken glass.

I stared from the man to Uncle Thomas to the woman I knew shared my bloodline.

“Sissy, baby, ya need to come sit ovah here. Dese people got somethin’ to tell you.” Uncle Thomas took my other arm.

“Who are these people?” My eyes pleaded for information.

“My name is Nina Blackford.” The woman touched my arm.

I looked at Uncle Thomas for confirmation that this woman spoke the truth. My mouth opened three times before words escaped. “Who are you? You look exactly like my sister Collette.”

She looked at the man before speaking softly. “That’s because I’m your sister Nina.”

The sound of blood rushing through my head and my heart pounding in my chest deafened me. My knees betrayed me, and I fell into the waiting chair.

“Sissy, baby. Say somethin’.” Uncle Thomas was patting my cheek.

“What in the hell do you mean you’re my sister? You’re too old to be my sister. According to the insurance papers, you’re older than Renee. And who are you? My brother?” I pointed in the direction of the male stranger.

“My name is Victor. Victor Blackford. I’m Nina’s husband.”

“Wait just a got-damn minute! How’re you going to waltz in here claiming you’re my sister? How do we know this is not some kind of scam?”

“Sissy, baby, baby, look at heh. She’s yo’ daddy’s spittin’ image. She looks more like Collette than any of da res’ y’all. We need to jus’ sit down ‘n’ hear what she gotta say.”

“I don’t want to hear shit she has to say. I have three sisters, and Renee is the oldest. My daddy didn’t cheat on my mama. I won’t believe that! I’m going to get Dawn!”

“Wait, Sissy!” Nina reached for me.

I snatched myself away and turned in the same movement. “Don’t you dare call me Sissy! Only my immediate family calls me that!”

“I’m sorry to have to break this news to you now. Poppee had planned to introduce me this year at the family reunion.”

“Daddy? Who are you calling Daddy? Don’t you dare fix your mouth to call Edward Zachary Naylor your daddy!”

“But Glynda, he is, I mean was, my father.” Tears formed in her eyes.

“I don’t believe you!” I broke into uncontrollable sobs as the realization of the truth took possession of my soul.

Uncle Thomas opened his arms, and I gladly flew into them. He held me until my sobs turned into a steady stream from my eyes onto his worn plaid bathrobe. “We’d betta call da othas.”

Victor sat stoically, holding Nina’s hand. She wept quietly. How dare this woman show up here this morning, talking about she’s my sister? On the morning I had to give my approval that Daddy was ready for the world to file past him to pay their last respects. What nerve!

“You wants me ta git Dawn while ya call Collette ‘n’ Renee? Or do you wants me to call them?” Uncle Thomas rubbed my arm.

“Did you know anything about any of this?”

“No, baby. I sho’ ’nuff didn’t. But when I opened dat do’ ’n’ saw Nina standin’ dere, I knowed. I knowed she was Eddie’s chile.

“We needs ta hear what she gots ta say. I’m gonna put on coffee and start some breakfast while we wait for Renee and Lette ta git here. And ya tell dat sista of yours, Renee, to hurry it up.”

“You call them. I don’t want to answer their questions.”

I refused to look at Nina as I made my way back to Daddy’s bedroom. My swift gait turned into a sprint as I grew closer to the door. I rushed inside, slammed the door, and fell against it. The slamming door woke Dawn.

Glancing at the clock, Dawn stretched. “What is wrong with you? Why are you slamming the door at this time of morning? You gonna wake up the whole house.”

“Nina Blackford is in the kitchen!”

“What?” She bolted upright.

“You heard me. She’s in the kitchen, and she says she’s our sister.”

“Stop lyin’!” Dawn came across the bed toward me on her knees. “Where did she come from? When did she get here? How did she get here at this hour? Oh my God.” Dawn stood and started pacing. “Did you call Renee and Collette?”

“Uncle Thomas is doing that now. Apparently they drove from St. Louis. I don’t know how she found out. Dawn, I don’t know shit. She’s supposed to tell us everything when the others get here.”

“You said ‘they.’ Who else is here?”

“Her husband, Victor.”

“Oh my God!” Dawn sat heavily onto the bed.

“Brush your teeth and get your robe so we can go back out there.”

“Why don’t we wait until the others get here?”

“No. If you don’t want to go, I’ll go back without you.”

“I’m scared to face her. Oh my God. My daddy had an affair.”

“Well, there is one thing you need to brace yourself for.”

“Damn, there can’t be more.”

“She looks exactly like Collette. I mean, she’s older and bigger. But she and Collette could be twins.”

“Oh snap! You’re kidding me, right?”

“You know I’d never joke about something this serious. There’s no doubt she’s related to us.”

“Oh my God.”

“Could you please say something else?”

“Damn!”

We both managed a nervous laugh.

I sat on the bed as Dawn handled her business in the bathroom. Again I looked around the room at the pictures. Now everything seemed different. Were there others? I felt as if I was in the middle of a twister. My mind raced wondering what the others’ reaction would be.

Collette was sure to throw a fit and spend most of her time on the porch smoking. Renee wouldn’t be able to listen because she would be crying uncontrollably. Dawn would be consistently trying to make peace. I wanted to see their faces when they took their first gander at Miss Nina Blackford. Had her name been Naylor, too? I had a million questions.

Dawn emerged from the bathroom, grabbing her robe. “You ready?”

“The question is, are you ready?”

“I guess. Let’s do this thang!” She took my hand and led me back toward the kitchen.

Even though I’d prepared her for Nina’s striking resemblance to Collette, Dawn hit an invisible wall with the force of a locomotive. She began backing up until the doorjamb stopped her. With nowhere to escape, she began shrinking to the floor. She just whispered “Oh my God” repeatedly.

Victor and Uncle Thomas rushed to her side. Each took an arm and helped her to her feet. Victor led her to the chair that had been my only shield from the gray linoleum.

“You must be Dawn,” Nina said, leaning forward.

“How do you know my name?”

“I know everything about all of you. My daddy has always told me about you all.”

“Then why didn’t he tell us about you?” I didn’t know what to believe.

“Poppee was tormented with this secret for so many years. He was so stressed about telling you all at the family reunion, it may be what killed him.”

It still unnerved me to hear this strange woman refer to Edward Naylor as Daddy.

Headlights filled the kitchen window, announcing the arrival of another of the Naylor girls. The room fell quiet. It was like watching a disaster unfold before our eyes. We knew something needed to be done, but we were helpless to stop the devastation.

Within seconds the front door flew open, and Collette and Renee seemed to reach the kitchen in two steps. They both stopped short in the doorway, first looking at each other and then at Dawn and me.Collette opened and closed her mouth repeatedly, gazing from one person to the next. Question marks seemed to dance in the air around her.

“Who the hell are you?” Renee barked.

There could be little doubt in anyone’s mind that this woman was related to us. The four of us stared at this stranger, then at one another.

“Ain’t no need ta be rude. Come on in here ‘n’ grab a seat. Looks like we gots some thangs ta discuss.” Uncle Thomas was pulling chairs to the table.

“Who is this woman?” Collette finally managed.

“This is Nina Blackford and her husband, Victor,” I said. “I think I’ll let her tell you the rest.” I sat down opposite Nina.

“Well, well, well,” Collette said. “So you’re the mystery woman. Where did you come from? Why are you here? And what are you to our father?” Collette was ignoring the obvious.

“I’m your sister. Or, I guess I should say, your half sister.” Nina looked at each of us in turn.

“That’s some bullshit!” Renee screamed.

“I know how you must be feeling, but trust me, I am your sister. Poppee’s been with me my whole life.”

“Who’s Poppee?” Collette asked weakly.

“Our daddy.” Nina motioned to all of us with her hands.

“We’re trying to be really patient with all of this, Nina, but I think it’s time you explained,” I said nervously.

“I’m the oldest.” Nina stared at Renee.

“The oldest what?” Renee was livid.

Dropping her head as she spoke, Nina replied, “I’m your oldest sister. Edward Naylor is my father, too.”

“Oh hell, no!” Collette was on her feet. “There ain’t no way Daddy had another child and none of us knew. Uncle Thomas?”

“Dis here is news ta me, too. I think we need to jus’ listen ta what she gotta say. Go on, baby.”

“I don’t want to hear shit she’s got to say. Comin’ up in here on the day of my daddy’s wake, starting some stupid mess like this.” Collette’s arms flailed wildly.

“Collette, sit your ass down. Look at her. She’s your twin! We at least need to hear her out.” Dawn pulled Collette into the empty chair next to her.

Nina raised her head to speak. Her voice faltered. Despite myself, my heart went out to her. “My name is Nina Lynette Naylor Blackford.”

“Oh my God. You have his name?” Dawn gasped.

“Yes.”

“Holy shit!” I said. “I think you need to start at the beginning! Before you do that, how did you find out about Daddy’s death? I left messages, but you never called back.”

“When I got your first message from Edwina, I panicked. I called here pretending to be a telemarketer, and when I asked for Poppee, someone told me he’d died. I then called the lawyer to get all the details. He told me Poppee had died suddenly and that you all had called, asking for information concerning me.”

“Poppee?” Renee asked sarcastically.

“That’s what I called him when I was little. I called my stepfather Daddy. It was just easier that way.”

“Who’s your mother? Who’s this woman whom he cheated with for all these years?” I asked, not trying to hide my disdain.

“He never cheated on your mother. At least, not with my mother. They met when he was in boot camp. My mother was a waitress at the coffee shop right outside the base, and she had a thing for the soldiers. They dated casually, and obviously they slept together. He told me that this happened before he even met your mother. He said he never loved my mother, but when she told him she was pregnant, he never questioned whether or not I was his baby. By then he’d been transferred to another post, but they kept in touch by mail.”

“Well, if your mama was a military ho, how do we know you are Daddy’s child?”

“Collette! That’s enough! Apologize,” Renee chastised.

“Fuck her!”

“Stop it!” Dawn had tears in her eyes. “It doesn’t take a DNA test to see she is one of us.”

“She may be Daddy’s love child, but she’s not one of us.” Collette was being Collette.

“It’s okay. Poppee knew it would be like this. He planned to introduce me at the next family reunion. He told me the last time we spoke, which I know now is the night he died, that Derrick junior had almost finished the family crest. He was so relieved to at last divulge his secret after all this time. He was so afraid that you all wouldn’t love and respect him because he’d kept the secret for so long.”

“Why ya thank he kept dis here secret all dese years, even from me?”

“He originally was so ashamed to have gotten Mama pregnant in the first place. He was afraid his mother would have been disappointed in him. He loved his mother so much. Even though Grandmother died before I was born, he felt she would somehow know. He, of course, didn’t want Aunt Ida Mae to find out either. Then when he started dating your mother, he didn’t want her to think less of him. It wasn’t like it is today with illegitimate babies everywhere. Then, after she died, he didn’t know how to tell y’all for the same reason. Me and my mother were the only ones who knew the truth.”

“You make it sound like you and your mother were always in touch with him.” I didn’t know what I was feeling.

“We were. I saw him three times a year. He called me every week. He was at all of my graduations, paid for my college, gave me away at my wedding, came when Edwina was born.” Victor rubbed his wife’s back between her shoulder blades as she spoke. “I had the best of both worlds. My mother finally married her a soldier boy when I was three and half, and he, too, is a wonderful man and father. But Poppee always took his responsibility to me very seriously. He sent money every month, bought school clothes, Christmas gifts, everything.”

“When’s the last time you saw him?” I asked, spellbound by the information I was trying to process.

“The weekend after Father’s Day. He came to tell me he was going to marry Estelle and wanted my blessing.”

We all stared from one to the other.

“I have pictures of all of you from the time we all were children. He’d spend hours telling me about each of you. He wanted me to feel like I was a part of this family. Please don’t be mad at Poppee. He did the best he could with the mistake he made. He was so stressed by all of this lately. I’d tell him every time we talked that he didn’t have to do this if he didn’t want to, but he insisted that the truth would set him free.”

“Dayummmmmmmmmm.” As usual, Dawn so eloquently expressed my feelings.

“I sure hope y’all not falling for this line of bullshit. She just came here to get her share of Daddy’s money, and I’d sure appreciate it if you’d stop calling my daddy ‘Poppee.’ ”

“He knew you’d take it hardest, Collette. He always told me how much you looked like me. And I saw a resemblance in the pictures, but we’re mirror images. We even hold our cigarettes the same.”

Collette threw her cigarette onto the table. “I don’t know who told you I look like you. That’s a load of crap. Uncle Thomas, what do you have to say about all of this? If you and Daddy had been any closer, you would have been the same person. You trying to make us believe that he never even told you?”

“I knowed dere was somethin’ deep inside he was holdin’ on to. I knowed it was eating at him even mo’ lately. But I had no idear it was dis here.”

“I assure you, ladies, my wife has no ulterior motive,” Victor said. “We don’t know anything about her share of anything. Poppee told her there was a will and who drew it up, but we don’t know if she inherits one or one million dollars. She told me she had to get here and get here fast. We never even thought twice about it. Your father was a wonderful man who loved all five of his daughters with all his heart. I know this is a lot to comprehend, especially now. But Nina only speaks the truth.”

As he spoke, I noticed how much Victor reminded me of Daddy.