I chattered with Maritza as we made our way into the auditorium at East High School. “How’s my hair?” I asked, while she begged me to straighten her cap and we stood in line listening to the rules for crossing the stage.
I stuck my head outside and checked the auditorium for someone from my family.
I knew they wouldn’t be there, but still I checked.
No one.
“When your name is called, walk to the center of the stage, wait for your graduation partner, then head to the front.”
We were to walk out in pairs. Boy and girl.
As names began to be called, I watched as boys in purple gowns and girls in white met at center stage, faced each other briefly, then turned and walked into the limelight. The audience responded with whoops and hollers, hearty clapping, or a polite dribble of applause.
I watched and waited as names were called, and began to fear that no one would clap for me. My friends were there, I knew, but would they make noise?
I considered slinking away.
“Paula Gerace and Tyrone Germaine.”
Boys and girls walked onto the stage in smiling pairs, until finally the principal reached the Ls.
“Nilsa Lista and Olivier Lightfoot.”
I peeked out again and saw only strange faces.
I knew my name would be next, and steeled myself for the silence I was certain would follow.
“Sonja Livingston and Jonathan Livon.”
I walked onto the stage facing Jonny. He was tall and good-looking, a top-notch scholar and stellar athlete. I remembered him from some of my classes, but he’d never looked so golden before. As I approached center stage, I felt a pang of regret that I had not taken my classes seriously.
I moved in what seemed like slow motion to the center of the stage, where light spilled from the ceiling and Jonny flashed a wide smile as we turned to face the audience.
The crowd erupted in whoops and hollers.
People stood and clapped and cheered.
All that light and noise, it felt as though the earth was breaking open.
It took me a second to realize that the thunder wasn’t for me—they were cheering for Jonny: star student, golden boy, multiple scholarship winner. They were shouting for him, but I let their light and cheer carry me to the front of the stage just the same.
The crowd continued to crack itself open with applause as I accepted the diploma that had only recently begun to mean something.
Looking out into the packed auditorium, I saw people standing and stomping and shouting for Jonny, but noticed some clapping for me. The Girls. My teachers. Friends. I blinked back the bright lights and felt warm as I exited the stage. I headed toward the stairs, and for a few seconds, let myself enjoy the splendor of the moment, no matter its source. I smiled as I stepped off the stage and felt some of that light making its way into me, and I believed, just then, that I would somehow find a way.