Many of you are already familiar with various spiritual words and concepts. You are familiar with the many spiritual philosophies, the spiritual lifestyles, and the traditions they may arise from. But do you know the truth? This is the most difficult question of a lifetime. The difficulty arises from the mind’s ability to corrupt everything that points to the truth in order to justify living a lie, and we’ve all lived lies to different degrees. Certainly, if you look at our human ancestry, you see these lies lived to horrible degrees.
At some point in a human lifetime, the mysterious grace of actually wanting to know the truth will appear. One is no longer satisfied with another spiritual philosophy or another sophisticated grouping of spiritual words. Even spiritually blissful feelings, as satisfying as all those might seem, are eventually recognized as not enough—you have to know the truth.
Then, of course, you are drawn to people who speak the truth, and naturally their particular way of expressing the truth gets taken in. Maybe they use new words, and maybe they use words you’ve heard before, but the words themselves are still not the truth, and you are left with a hunger.
You have heard me speak of self-inquiry and the questions “Who am I?” “Who dies?” These questions are essential and profound. In an instant, they can lead to the recognition that you are not separate from limitless consciousness. Yet even self-inquiry can be easily corrupted by the mind to become a way of avoiding the lie of one’s life. It can become just another spiritual overlay on a life lived in betrayal to truth. The mind is expert at this kind of subterfuge, and so, of course, confusion and suffering continue to arise.
You have to be willing to tell the hard truth about the power of the mind to corrupt the most pure and sublime recognition of truth. Yet this truth-telling also cannot be done through the mind because, as you know, the mind gets very busy with the usual damage control of justifications, excuse making, projections, and blame.
There is another question, however, that you can ask yourself—a question that gives you the opportunity to deeply examine and ruthlessly, often painfully, tell the truth about. That question is, What does my life stand for?
So I ask you, what does your life stand for? What has it stood for? What is the deepest call of your life? Look very carefully, ruthlessly, and honestly. You will know if you are speaking words of truth yet still living a lie. You will see it. It can be a painful seeing, and in that pain, the mind will immediately attempt to make the lie into some form of truth.
Answering this question is rigorous truth-telling. What must be examined is often profoundly uncomfortable because in truth there is no separation between ourselves and all that exists. Alive within each of us is the rapist, the murderer, the child molester, the fascist, the abuser of power, the false teacher. If we are willing to face this truth and actually meet it, at whatever level it is being reflected in this lifetime, then there is a possibility of what the Christians have termed “redemption.”
True redemption is found in bearing the pain that we as human beings have caused in the name of truth, in the name of love, in the name of service. However long it takes, whether an instant, an hour, a week, a year, or a lifetime, the pain and suffering we have inflicted upon ourselves and each other must be met without indulging it and without repressing it. Only then can the space be revealed for real self-inquiry. Otherwise, inquiry becomes just another way of escaping, another way of feeling good.
You all know these good feelings. You know the nectar of them and the addiction to them. Yet there is a deeper call within you to know the absolute truth or you wouldn’t be here, because you know that I am truly not teaching you anything. I am only inviting you to examine, at the deepest level, who you really are. I am inviting you to look where all must look, not, of course, excluding myself.
This examination must begin at the most superficial level, because the willingness to see the most superficial lends the strength and the capacity to see much deeper. Eventually, you are faced with the undeniable recognition that who you truly are is nothing at all. This is horrifying to the mind, because the mind’s job is to make you something.
As I continue to remind you, this “nothing at all” is not a “something.” It is not an enlightened something or an awake something or a happy something. Who you are is truly, unimaginably, nothing at all. Paradoxically, that “nothing” is filled with the most profound bliss, fulfillment, and satisfaction. This is true self-recognition.
Usually, even in the midst of this recognition, the mind will arise and attempt to make claim to being “nothing at all,” and this is the “razor’s edge” that Papaji often spoke of.
When you recognize the certain possibility that the mind will arise to co-opt whatever true experience appears, then you can tell the deeper truths— What does my life stand for? What does my life reflect? Where is my allegiance?
I am not speaking of yet another whip of the superego, such as “you should never speak rudely or have a negative thought.” I’m speaking of something much deeper, much closer to the bone. Examining this question is a standing up against the whole tsunami of human conditioning. The resultant pain or bliss is secondary. It is a willingness to stand up for the absolute truth of oneself, whatever the outcome, whether you are shot, burned, hated, abandoned, adored, or worshipped.
Papaji often said, “All the gods and demons of your past will arise to claim you.” He was speaking of the power of the mind. Whatever god realm you may find yourself in, the mind will arise to say, Yes, this is good ... but over there it is sweeter, better, nicer, more comfortable. Whatever your demons are, whether self-doubt, self-hatred, worthlessness, or unlovability, they also will arise to reclaim you.
Self-realization is not for the faint of heart. It can be sweet, yes, but also rough, because what you are really up against is the face of all human conditioning—all human betrayal, human delusion, self-aggrandizement, drama, and abandonment. Self-realization is the willingness to stand as the Buddha, as the Christ, as every great icon we have had throughout time.
These icons have been wonderful examples for us, they have led the way, but if we continue to view them as separate from ourselves, we miss the possibility, as ordinary human beings, living ordinary lives, to stand up in an extraordinary way.
I am happy to meet you in this possibility and to support you in this possibility. I am also happy to be supported by you in this possibility. The truth is, we all need each other. No one stands alone. We are all totally supported in this. As you hear these words, know that they are for you alone, yet at the same time, you are surrounded and supported by all those with the same intent. The same grace is available to all.
In our conversations, you will find yourself with the opportunity to face whatever is present and to discover what holds it all, what bears it all, what recognizes it all. There can be no more excuses. If excuse making begins, which it usually does, it is recognizable in an instant.
I guarantee you will be tested. You are being tested every day, in every relationship, but the possibility is to be conscious of the testing, responsible for your own personal suffering, and at the same time, conscious of the true bliss, radiance, and stillness of your being.
The possibility of awakening, as a regular human being, given this evolved human brain, is very real. You have the capacity to consciously self-reflect, to self-examine, to self-investigate, and to discover an everdeepening ability to tell the truth. You now have the capacity, the time, and the privilege to honestly inquire into the deepest questions: What is my life about, really? What do I stand for, really? Where do I rest and take nourishment, really? Then this human experiment opens to the possibility of something unknowable and unpredictable.
What is possible for us all, everywhere, is no longer limited to the Christ, the Buddha, Ramana, or any of the great saints and sages throughout time. It is available to you now, if you are willing, and it is no small matter. We have each other, all across the planet, in the past, in the future, and in the present.
With that as our intention, let us speak to one another, however that expression emerges. Let us meet one another truly, on whatever level that meeting reveals itself. Always, let us see deeper, broader, higher, with nothing excluded.
Just listening to you, my heart is beating fast, and it feels like I’m on fire. I’m willing and I’m thirsty for the truth.
I have been meeting this truth again and again over the years. For a while, it’s so easy to be with it, and it becomes the total priority in my life. Then I start to go to sleep again.
This is very important for everyone to see. The mind is a great power that can be put to use for this. Just as you can rewind the reel of a movie, you can rewind your mind and actually see the choices that you made.
As I reel the movie back, the first thing I am aware of is a fear for survival. I have a strong belief that I have to work and to make work the priority.
Most of us do need to work to survive. So what?
Is it just my attitude around it that gets in the way?
Yes! Your attitude has been that survival comes first, and that is the betrayal.
But the fear is so compelling.
Somewhere in your consciousness, you believe that to stand up and tell the truth means risking your life. You know this because, through some lifeline or another, you have experienced it. You have been shot and burned for speaking the truth. To some people, telling the absolute truth is heresy. People will either love you for it or hate you for it.
Yes, there are people who will feel threatened by the truth. When you stand up out of the herd, you become a target. Even if you don’t feel thunderbolts of real lightening, you’ll feel them energetically.
The issue of survival is huge. It is the most basic issue. There is nothing wrong with that. Of course our organisms are wired for survival. How could it not be so?
Yes, you must do the work necessary to get the money to feed your body. But you hit it right on the head: your attitude about it is the deeper issue. What you want to be able to track is the moment your attitude shifts to survival being more important than what your life is about.
Can you find that fear right now?
Yes.
Excellent. Fear is not the enemy. It is a vehicle to deeper realization.
Can you let your attention fall into this fear? Can you let yourself be this fear, all the way?
I feel myself groping for something, anything, to hang on to.
Excellent. This is the typical movement away from fear. Because we know that if we make a movement to run, hide, or attack, there is still a possibility for our survival. This is very useful in certain circumstances, and there’s no need to trivialize that capacity, but finally you can recognize that it’s your relationship with fear that shifts your attitude.
You mean my wanting to get away from the fear?
Yes, I’m saying that fear is a natural instinct, but don’t stop there.
It comes so quickly, and I’m running before I know it. I can’t seem to catch it in the moment.
All right, so you are running, and then you notice you are running. Then what?
Then I think, Damn, it’s too late; I’ve started running again.
It is never too late. That is just another moment of choice.
I may notice that I’m running, but then I don’t know how to stop.
The “how” is first to recognize that you are running and that fear is in charge. There are times, of course, when fear is appropriately in charge, such as when you run out of a burning building. You don’t have to think; you just run. But in this instance, you are referring to a psychological fear.
All you need to recognize is that you are running. You don’t need to know how to stop. The fact that fear is running tells you there is something to be met. Something is calling your attention so strongly that it has you running away from standing in what you know to be true.
Fear can take many forms—fear of survival, fear of image, fear of powerlessness, etc. We all experience these fears. But if you are running away from truth, whatever the reason, justification, or sleepiness, somewhere inside, you know it. Fear is calling you to stand in the truth. You may not know how to stop. You may not know how to meet it. You may not know what made it happen. This is the moment of calling out for help. Have you done that? Have you asked for help?
I have at times.
Well, was help present?
Truthfully, yes.
This is simply the nature of prayer. “Help me get away from this fear” is the usual type of prayer. If, however, your prayer is simply, “Help; I need help,” then every aspect of yourself, in every age and every place, is here with you. You truly are not alone. You are supported. But if you spend your time in relationship with the thoughts How did I get here? How do I stop? What did she say? Meet what?, your attention is invested in the wrong direction.
Do you see? All of that is just part of the run.
Yes, it’s like, “Oh no, not this again!”
That’s right. “Not again.” “Why me?” “This must mean I’m not enlightened.” “How did I lose it again?” All of this is a way of avoiding the help that is here.
A true call for help is a prayer. Arrogance is dropped even in speaking the word. No longer is your attitude, “I can do this myself. What was it I’m supposed to do? I know I’ve got to stop. How do I do stop?” Just simply say, “Help.”
Can you say it?
Help?
No, not like that! (laughter) Really ask for help.
Help!
What a beautiful word this is. This word reverberates out into the cosmos. Haven’t you experienced that? Maybe you won’t experience the help immediately, but if you ask for it, you will eventually feel it. Help will come. It may not come in the form you thought, or the outcome you imagined, but help is here. Help is the grace of your being. It is your awakened soul. “Ask and ye shall receive” is the truth. Then see what you will do with what you have received.
Be aware that the mind will be right there, ready to make the help its own, claiming, “Okay, I stopped. I met it. I’m free. I’m awake. I’m in charge. Now let me tell you what to do.”
Personally, I need help every moment. When you lay yourself bare to receive help in every moment, help is here every moment. If you think for one moment that you are doing it yourself, this is hell, right? This is not news. I’m just confirming what you already know, what you’ve already discovered, and now, I am inviting you to a deeper discovery.
Recently, there was a night of really crying out for help. It was an opening up, like a burning.
Yes, absolute vulnerability.
And the next day, I was so vulnerable and raw, and suddenly this man appeared and gave me a big hug. That hug hasn’t ended yet! (laughter)
You met a friend. A friend heard your call, maybe without even knowing he was hearing your call. Now you can really be true friends to each other. Not the normal kind of friendship, but the deepest kind.
You are both very lucky. Now you can support each other in unknowable ways—truly support each other, not just get comfortable and rock each other to sleep.
The full possibility is to tell the deepest truth to each other, and receive the deepest truth from each other, until you recognize without a doubt that your friend is yourself. Your self called out for itself, and what arrived is yourself. Then your lives can be a support for others, an offering of help, whether as individuals or as a couple.
Now, whenever you find yourself running and mentally spinning in some fear-based attitude, you know you can call out for help. This stops you immediately, because to call out for help, you have to stop for a moment. Then all that is needed is the willingness to receive the help.
Just the asking feels good.
Yes. Asking is the opening, and then help is immediately present. Help is always present. It just gets overlooked by the activities of running away from fear or running toward pleasure. Receiving help is not about doing anything. It is the willingness to simply be and to stand in being, as being. Asking for help cuts off all past conditioning of independence, until you finally trust that help is always here. There’s nothing but help here, in whatever form, because there is no end to the possibility of receiving help.
There are disasters in everyone’s life. If they are met in the spirit of asking for help and receiving that help, then disaster is an ally. If it’s run from, denied, or lied about, then your life itself is a disaster, and this species has experienced enough of that.