It’s funny that nobody appears to be upset about the demise of my relationship with Mason. As soon as Emily figured out why I was bawling my eyes out — again — she declared she’d always known Mason was a gutless wonder and that the split was the best thing that could have happened. Then she bought home a bottle of champagne and we proceeded to get royally pissed to celebrate.
Joel has been acting oddly too. He hasn’t been calling or anything but every few hours I get these sweet little texts checking to see that I’m okay. He’s started making jokes about Mason and about sex but he hasn’t over stepped the line we agreed on. He’s keeping it in his pants. Even the posy of flowers that turned up on my doorstep didn’t seem like a come on. It was a thoughtful friend thing. There are so many nuances to Joel that he hides from the world. He’s nothing like the playboy he appears to be.
And Nicholas? I’m not sure he even knows about Mason, he’s so wrapped up in the new project. My second week at Hardwick & Lawson has started and I haven’t seen him at all, except for the thirty seconds he took to poke his head in earlier, saying he wants a catch up. He wants to see the progress I’ve made on my final assignment — perfectly understandable given his firm is the main topic of the paper. I’m crapping myself. Not about my work, I know that’s good. But we’ll be alone. I can’t be alone with Nicholas. It’s dangerous being alone. I want to kiss him then. And without Mason as a buffer I’m unprotected. If Nicholas wants more, I have no reason to object other than professionalism.
As I approach his office, I notice a streak of light filtering under the door. I clutch the sheath of assignment papers against my chest and knock, waiting for permission to enter. I wonder if he knows about Mason, if Joel told him about the other night? I wonder if what he said at the theatre was what he wanted — to simply hold my hand. Because it can never be that. The three of us left that on the beach six months back and though I’ve tried to put that time from my mind, I haven’t been able to forget.
“Come in, Sadie,” I hear Nicholas call.
I enter and shut the door.
He looks up from his work. He’s tired; there are deep circles under his eyes. And his hair is more mussed than I’m used to now. He’s been working hard. I approach his desk. I want to comfort him, to rub his shoulders and ease the tension I can see. He gives me a brief smile as I stand, like a fool, waiting for another crumb to take and add to my collection of images to be reviewed at a later time. He’s silent. Silent and brooding. God, I want that.
“Here’s what I’ve got so far,” I say, putting the papers on the desk. I place my phone on top of them.
“Great. Thanks.” He concentrates on the screen for a second longer, ignoring me.
I wait expectantly. Should I sit? Is he going to talk to me or keep staring at his computer? Maybe the signals I got in the past week were not what I thought. He wants to be my boss. No. A boss doesn’t hold your hand and kiss your cheek.
Nicholas sits straighter and stretches his long arms over his head, locking his fingers. He rubs his hands over the back of his neck, stretching the sinews from side to side. I can almost feel his hands on me, skittering over my body. Why is he ignoring me?
“Is there anything else, Nicholas? If not, I might head home. It’s well past six.”
Nicholas glances at his watch. He stands up from the desk and in three strides has rounded it to stop in front of me. His ,eyes lock on mine. It’s like he doesn’t know how to act with a woman anymore. Like he’s thirteen and awkward. “I think we need to talk.”
“Have I done something wrong?”
“Not about your work. You know your work is perfect, meticulous in fact. I want to talk about us. Joel told me about the weasel boyfriend.”
I smile a little at the way he says it.
“And?”
“I’ve tried. Joel’s tried. And I know you’ve given this professional relationship your best shot but you have to admit we can’t go on like this. I can’t stop thinking about you. I dream about you Sadie. It’s like torture being so close every day and not being able to touch you.”
I know. I know. “Are you asking me to leave? Is that what you want?”
“Yes.”
He’s sending me away? Now?
“I mean, no.” He shakes his head and pushes his hand through his hair in frustration.
Oh, to ease that angst, to make him feel good again.
“Is there something I can do?”
He gestures to the swathe of paper spread on the desk. “I’m tired and it needs fresh eyes. I’d like your opinion. You did a good job with the plans for the indoor garden at Iris.”
So we’re talking about work now. I can handle that.
“Okay. I’ll have a look.”
If that’s what you want me to do.
I walk around the desk, my hip grazing the side of the wood to avoid his body. I spread my hands on either side, flattening the documents in front of me. Nicholas moves to stand behind me. He bends his head over my shoulder and I’m reminded of the day on his boat last year. I wanted him to kiss me so badly. It seems his effect on me is as powerful as ever. The heat from his body is sending me into a spin. The quiet sound of his breathing makes me weak at the knees. He has no idea how much I want him, what I would do to have him again, how consuming the need has become over the past week. Actually, I don’t think I even did until this minute.
“Are… are… this the ones you mean?” I stammer, trying to ignore the way his hip is leaning against my bottom. He appears to have forgotten that we are keeping this professional. I’m meant to be getting feedback.
“No, the other.”
He reaches further forward and shuffles through the papers, revealing a second set of plans. “Compare the two. If you were the client, which would you go for?”
“I think the first.”
We stay in the same position as we discuss the plans, Nicholas settled against my back, his strong arms enveloping me, cocooning me. I feel the tension leave his body, the confident, in-control Nicholas return. His voice is quiet when he speaks again. “I don’t want to lose you, Sadie. The last six months have been hell.”
“But we hardly knew each other.”
“Yeah. God, knows what’s up with that.”
“It was the same for me,” I reply. “I feel that way about you and Joel. That was why I had to go. You know that. I don’t want either of you to get hurt.”
“And you still feel this way?”
Unfortunately, yes.
I nod, raising my hand to caress his cheek.
“I want you with me, Sadie. I can’t be without you again.” His lips press into my palm and I know he’s telling the truth because I feel it, too.
There’s another knock at the door and Joel sticks his head in. His hand is on the jamb and he eyes us up and down before speaking. “You coming down to the bar for a drink, Nick?”
Nicholas doesn’t flinch. “Nah. I’ve got some stuff to finish up here.”
“What about you, Sadie?” Joel questions.
“No thanks. I’m off home in a minute. I’m shagged.”
Joel gives me a strange look and I realise what I’ve said. He steps further into the room, closing the door. His gaze is intense as he assesses the situation. I can’t escape it. The heat rises on my cheeks and I lick my lips nervously. “So it looks like professionalism might be going to take a nosedive?” he states.
“No. Not yet.”
“Would you like it to?”
“Are you offering?”
“You know the answer to that already.” Joel looks to Nicholas. “What about you Nick?”
“I’ve tried but she makes it hard,” he jokes.
“You got that in one buddy.” Joel snips the lock on the door and flicks off the light. Walking to the desk, he picks up my stuff and tosses it on the couch. “We won’t be needing that. Or these.”
He moves around the other side of the desk swiping the surface clean. Pens and rulers clatter to the floor. A photo frame lands beside them and is covered by the papers I gave Nicholas earlier. The plans fall on top of them.
I look from one man to the other.
Clearly we are going to hell, starting now.
I have no defence for this. I never did. Despite not wanting to hurt either of them, I find myself back in this situation. There’s nothing I can do. It’s not in me to say no again. I simply don’t want to. This is Nicholas. And Joel. And me. We are puppeteers and puppets in the same show, just none of us knows which of us is pulling the strings.
“What do you want?” I ask, looking from one man to the other.
“You,” Nicholas replies. “Only you.” His breath is in my ear. His left hand has slid from the desk to my hip. He’s trying to make it appear as if we’re still looking at the plans but the message he’s sending, with his hand slowly circling my hip and bottom, is clear. I try to concentrate but I can’t. Nicholas’s voice is in my ear. His erection is pressing into the crack of my bum through our clothing, but it feels as if we’re naked. “You’re very distracting, Sadie. The way you swish around the office in that tight skirt, your hips swinging.”
Not as distracting as his stance when he stands, staring out the window, looking for inspiration. The way the muscles tighten in his back at those moments are enough to send me over the edge. The other day I almost stapled my finger to a book, I got so side tracked.
I feel my breathing quicken as Nicholas raises his hand from my hip and slides it along my neck and over my shoulder. He flicks my hair around to reveal my skin. I feel his warm lips come to rest in the place he caressed a second before.
“I’ve tried to ignore it but I can’t. I keep seeing you naked. On my desk.”
“I don’t do it on purpose.” My voice catches as I say it.
“I think you know exactly what you’re doing. You’re making me want to fuck you because you think I won’t act on the desire.”
“I am? I do?”
“Yes.”
“What? Right now?”
“And every day since you’ve been here.”
Suddenly, I feel wanton. I’m no longer embarrassed by what’s happening, right here in the office. I want Nicholas too. I want him inside me. I’ve wanted it since the night I ran from his bed. I’ve dreamed of it and the things he did or Joel did or whichever one of them it was.
“And how exactly do you propose to do that? This is the office. There are security men and cleaners. We’re not alone.”
“Which will make it all the more fun. Don’t you agree? Don’t you remember the lighthouse?”
Slowly, I turn to face him. My hands go to his chest and I feel the muscles tense beneath my fingers. My gaze falls to his lips, the lips I’ve fantasised about for the last six months.
Nicholas towers over me, pushing me into the edge of the desk. Those lips, so pink for a man, come closer to mine. My mouth is open and I release a sigh as our lips dance around each other’s, almost touching but not quite. Teasing. Then he kisses me. His mouth comes down on mine, his lips part and his tongue is chasing mine. I can’t breathe. My body feels so hot I want to rip my clothes off and let him have me any way he likes. I don’t care about where we are. I don’t care about being professional. I want to fuck Nicholas into next week.
He releases my mouth and I watch as he reaches down to hitch my skirt above my hips. It’s tight and I shimmy to help him, watching the smile form on his face as he sees my underwear. They’re white cotton boylegs but they’re new and pristine and smooth against my skin. His fingers run the line of fabric between my navel and my crotch. His hands move to my bottom and he slides them under, lifting me onto the desk. Then he spreads my legs with his thighs. I see him glance at Joel as he teases me through the fabric of my knickers. Joel is watching, sucking slowly on his lip. Watching turns him on. I can see it.
Then Joel moves in front of me, too. He leans between Nicholas and I and kisses me. His weight is full against my chest and my arms strain, stretching behind to balance the three of us. He smooths a hand over my hair. He twists it in his fingers and tugs it out of the way so he can bite my neck. He sucks the skin along my collarbone and the veins that are beginning to pump wildly under my jaw. His fingers trace the line of pulse that follows his kisses until he reaches my mouth. Then, he rubs his thumb over my lips and I open my mouth to take his thumb in. His eyes watch the progress, intent.
“You sure, Sadie?” he whispers. “It’s not too late.”
I nod. I’ve never been surer.
Outside, the city lights are turning night into day and Nicholas puts his hands to the buttons on my shirt, flicking each one undone in turn. Joel continues to devour my mouth and neck and I wonder vaguely if someone in one of those buildings out there is watching us. It makes me oddly excited to think we may be putting on a show.
“You’re so beautiful, Sadie,” Nicholas says. He pulls Joel off and kisses me. His tongue thrusts in and out, round and round. His hands tug at my shirt, pulling it free of the waistband of my skirt. It falls completely open, exposing my chest and stomach to him. He runs a finger along the space between my ribs. He sticks his tongue into my mouth harder and moves his hand to squeeze my nipple through my bra. My chest explodes beneath him and I’m milli-seconds from collapsing back on the desk.
Oh the torture. The sheer delicious agony of them.
Nicholas shifts, pulling me back and before I know it, he’s reached around and flicked the clasp of my bra undone. He’s slid my shirt and bra off my shoulders and tossed them to the floor beside his desk. His hands are massaging my breasts, tweaking my nipples and he’s smiling lustfully.
“So beautiful,” he whispers, as he lowers his face.
Nicholas licks one breast, Joel the other. They suck hard, then harder and surges of pleasure race through me. They nip at my skin and I whimper, arching myself towards then, wanting them to do it again.
Joel looks up at me, my nipple still in his mouth. “You like that?” he murmurs.
“Mmmmm.” I can’t speak.
Joel sucks again. His hand slides around the mound of my breast. His tongue flicks back and forth as Nicholas’s lips trail down my torso until he reaches the waistband of my skirt. His tongue plays in and out around my navel. I throw back my head, I can’t take much more and they haven’t even touched me below the waist.
Then they stop.
Joel reaches into his pocket and pulls out the blindfold and I don’t know if I’m angrier that he simply assumed we’d be hooking up or that he wants to use the blindfold again. I mean, it’s not normal to go around with a blindfold in your pocket. This isn’t a porn flick.
But I’m calling the shots this time. I hold up a hand. “If you want me to wear that, I’m leaving. I don’t care. There will be no sex. Ever.”
“But—”
“I said ‘no’. These are the new rules. If we are going to do this, I want to see you. I want the experience. I want to see who’s fucking me. I have to.”
The boys look at each other. Eyebrows lift in question and I know I have them. The blindfold is tossed in the bin.
But I feel a change. We have committed to this thing. We are in it together. It might be for ‘fun’ like Joel has said but that blindfold going in the bin means a whole lot more.
“Fine by me.” Joel plays at the edge of my knickers. He pulls at the elastic and lets it snap against my skin. “Very virginal,” he whispers. “But totally unnecessary.”
He rubs the heel of his palm over me. He bends his head and licks me through my underwear and I’m wet, so wet. I’m panting. He reaches round my hips and pulls at my knickers. I lift my bottom and he slides them from my skin, eases them past my knees, pulls them off my ankles and throws them onto the pile of discarded clothing. I’m breathing so fast, I think I might be hyperventilating.
Eyes locked with mine, Joel puts his fingers on me. He kisses me again as his fingers move in tiny circles that make me want to faint with desire. I don’t move. If I move I’ll come and I want to prolong this ecstasy for as long as I can. I stare at him, watching me get excited as he plays between my legs. I see the small smile of satisfaction on his lips as he makes me gasp with pleasure.
“Good?”
“The best.” I squirm against his hand.
His smile grows broader and he moves two fingers, sliding them into me.
“I don’t think so,” he says. “I think I can do better than that.”
God, I want him to. I, so, want him to.
As Nicholas watches, Joel thrusts his fingers into me. He pulls them out slowly then repeats the process. Over and over.
I try not to move. I watch their faces and enjoy but I don’t move.
“Is that the best you can do?” I tease.
“A challenge, is it?” Joel’s mouth goes to my breast and he sucks so hard I can’t help but cry out, especially when Nicholas has his lips on my other breast and his hand between my legs helping Joel along. Fingers thrust harder but I have no idea who they belong to now. They move inside me, wriggling to find the spot that will tip me over the edge.
Oh God, Joel was right. That definitely wasn’t his best work.
“Lick me,” I say, knowing that I’m begging but not caring. The fingers slide from inside me. Joel grins. God, he’s hot.
“I thought you’d never ask.”