The next month is hectic. I enrol for prenatal yoga classes and sign us up to attend birthing classes too. Nicholas dragged his heels on making a decision about what night we should go, but after much discussion and a lot of pouting on my behalf we decide on Tuesday evenings. I’m positive he thought if he ignored the idea for long enough I’d forget. Heavy breathing in public isn’t really his thing, so I’m over the moon he’s agreed. It’s another milestone in our journey as a couple. We’re doing what other people do. There’s no sneaking about or furtive handholding. We’re practically normal— well, if you discount the fact that Joel’s bedroom door remains resolutely open and his stuff where he left it. Nicholas is holding onto the hope that he’s going to stroll through the front door at any minute and sink onto the couch with a beer. He’s not though. He doesn’t text, he doesn’t answer my emails. The one person who’s had word is Jill. Joel contacted her to give directions about certain parts of the Iris project which made Nicholas super pissed off, so pissed off in fact he threw a vase at the wall. I want to tell Joel that. I want to tell him that in his haste to give us space he may actually have ruined the one real thing in our lives. It’s astounding to me that he’d behave this way, that he’d have the will power to stay away from his company and his friends for so long, but I suppose we do what we have to do.
On Wednesday morning, Nicholas calls from the office and invites me to have lunch with him. I jump at the chance because I feel like haven’t seen him in days, he’s been so busy.
“I thought we might have a picnic in my office,” he says. “I don’t have time to go out but I’ve got time to sit for half an hour with my girl and eat a sandwich.”
“Do you want me to supply the sandwich?” I ask. “I can pack us a lunch and bring it with me.”
The phone fills with laughter. My attempts at cooking have improved vastly since we’ve been living together but I’m not up to gourmet picnic standard yet. Not if my boobs are the size of Nigella’s now. “Nope,” he replies. “It’s organised. The cafe on the corner is doing a hamper. Laura’s picking it up at one.”
“Will there be dessert?” My appetite for sweet things is insatiable since I’ve been pregnant.
“Depends on what you class as dessert.”
“Are you trying to be dirty with me, Nicholas Lawson?”
“I’d like nothing better. Maybe we can roll around on the picnic rug for a bit? I haven’t seen you in days. I miss your body.”
“So you thought you’d take me for an office tumble under the guise of a picnic? That’s a bit sneaky.”
He chuckles. “I didn’t think that at all. It came to me then.”
“And you thought you might like to come some more, is that it?”
“Well, yeah.”
“You’re so rude.”
“Thanks. I’ll see you at one.”
I can hardly wait.
*****
The picnic is delicious— tiny sandwiches filled with chicken and homemade mayonnaise, wraps with some sort of roasted vegetables, bottles of sparkling water. And the cake. Oh. My. God. I could have an orgasm over the chocolate layer cake alone. The filling is dark and creamy and if I didn’t have Nicholas I’d marry it, for sure.
Nicholas and I are sitting on the floor of his office, leaning back against the sofa. We’re stuffed to the gills. My hands are on my belly because I think it might be about to burst. The baby has enjoyed his lunch, too. He’s doing a little dance beneath my fingers. Nicholas’ arms are stretched along the length of the couch behind me. His fingers are playing with a lock of my hair, twisting it. His eyes are closed like he’s sated from sex. It’s the food, though. He loves food nearly as much as he loves me.
“That was awesome,” I say. “I don’t think I’ll need to eat for at least two days, I’m so full.”
A smile bends his lips. “Me either.”
“Thank you for inviting me for lunch. I’ve missed you these past few days. Having you collapse into bed beside me and be gone before I’m awake isn’t my idea of a relationship.” I’m not harping, I know it’s because he’s been busy. I need him to understand how I feel. I’m lonely without him.
“I know. I’m sorry, baby. Things have been so damn hectic here. But it should slow down for a while now. I’ve asked Caleb to stand in as site foreman until Joel comes back, so I won’t have to be there every second of the day. It was doing my head in trying to be two people.” There’s a glint of annoyance in Nicholas’ eyes.
“Still no word?”
“Not to me. I don’t know what wonder boy thinks he’s playing at but I’m this close to punching his fucking lights out when he gets back. He seems to have forgotten we’re partners in this firm, that he has responsibilities. He seems to have forgotten about the firm altogether.”
I move my hand to rest on Nicholas’ thigh. The muscles tense beneath my fingers. “Is there anything I can do? I’m more than happy to help if I can. I don’t want to be a kept woman. I need to be productive, at least until the baby’s born.”
Nicholas switches to his side, leaning against his hip. His hand lifts the lock of hair he was playing with and he tickles my neck with it. “Maybe I need to release some tension.”
“Would you like me to massage your neck and shoulders?”
Of course, I know full well this is not what he wants but, hey, it’s fun to string him along a little. I’m not a half wit. I saw him lock the office door when I arrived. I heard him tell Laura that under no circumstances were we to be interrupted for the next hour. He put his phone on silent. I could delude myself into thinking he wants to eat lunch but I know exactly what he wants. I want it, too.
“No, but I’d like to massage the inside of you with my dick.”
“Nicholas!”
“What? It’s been days.” His fingers release my hair and it falls onto my shoulder. He sweeps it behind me and lowers his lips to my skin. The ripple of desire is instant, turning me to quivering jelly.
He looks into my eyes, his own filled with a deep longing I rarely see in him. “I want to fuck you right here on the floor. I need to fuck you. I’ve been thinking about it all morning.”
Hmmm. Sounds like an offer too good to refuse.
“You’re not going to be all loud when you come, are you? I don’t want people thinking we’re in here having sex.” I’m teasing him, prolonging the buildup to what we both know is inevitable.
“I locked the fucking door. I think they all know what we’re doing, Sadie.”
“Eating lunch?”
“Among other things.” His hands stray to my shirt and he begins to undo the buttons. His fingers move swiftly, and before long I am bared to him, my white lacy bra on full show, my ever expanding chest rising and falling in anticipation.
He eyes my breasts lasciviously. “New underwear, Miss Cooper?”
“Not purposely. I’ve gone up another cup size.”
He licks his lips. “So you didn’t wear that with the intention of seducing me?”
“I absolutely wore this with the intention of seducing you.”
Nicholas’ eyebrows tilt ever so slightly and his grin turns to that dirty sort of smirk. “Best we get to it, then.”
He straddles me, not resting on my body but kneeling upright. Intent, his hands glide over the fabric of my bra. They massage my breasts, as he bends his head to suckle me through the sheerness. My nipples harden and I arch myself towards him.
“I love your new tits,” he whispers, as he reaches behind me undoing the clasp and freeing me from the confines of my bra. “They’re fucking awesome.”
“I sort of figured you did.” I giggle and he silences me with a kiss. Then, he slides my shirt and bra from my shoulders. He returns his fingers to their torturous fondling and follows it with his lips. He sucks on each nipple in turn and it’s all I can do to bite on my lip to keep from crying out. I’m more sensitive than I was before. I love this more. My head falls back against the seat of the sofa as he continues to fondle and suck. Then I feel his hands slide down my stomach, stopping at the tender swell of the baby. I open my eyes.
“Tell me if I’m hurting you and I’ll stop,” he says, sliding my leggings down and helping me wriggle out of them. His fingers tickle at the edge of my new knickers before he hooks them under the elastic and slides them away too. I am naked before him.
Nicholas leans over. He kisses me. A long wet kiss that leaves me breathless and ragged. His eyes linger on mine as he pulls away.
“You could never hurt me,” I whisper back. “You are the most perfect man I know.”
“Damn straight.”
“Modest too.”
Ignoring me, he positions his arms on either side of my body. He’s still fully clothed and he holds himself over me, eyeing me for the longest moment. “You’re so beautiful. I can’t believe you’re mine. I can’t believe you chose me, that you’re having my baby.”
Then he slides his hands under my bum and lifts me onto the leather couch. “Spread your legs.”
I do as he asks.
“Wider.”
He bends his head, diving into me. He licks and nips at the skin near the top of my thighs. He blows against my skin. He takes me into his mouth and sucks. I hold onto his hair and bite my lip again. It’s good, so good.
“Keep going,” I beg him. “Fuck, don’t stop.”
I feel his tongue flick against me and his fingers slide into me. They thrust slowly in and out, in and out. It’s good but it’s not enough. The heat is building.
“Nicholas.” I breathe his name.
He pauses and looks up.
“Do it now.” I can hardly speak but I feel him move away.
I watch as Nicholas undoes his zipper, and slides his trousers and underwear down in one swift move. He slides my butt closer to the edge of the seat and repositions himself between my legs. His erection is big and hard and I want it in me. The tip is pushing against me but he isn’t moving.
“Hold it,” he says. “Guide me into you.”
I take him in my hands and rub him against me. I feel him grow harder as I do.
If that’s possible.
‘Cause he was damn hard before that.
“Don’t close your eyes,” he whispers.
“Why? I can’t help it. It feels so good.”
“Watch me fuck you, baby. Watch me.”
I guide him and he slides himself into me. He’s hard and as he thrusts slowly in and out, deeper and deeper, his length fills me to a point where I’m sure I’ll explode, yet I know I won’t. All I want is to have him in me forever. “Faster, Nicholas.”
“Only if you keep your eyes open. I want to see you come. I want you to see me making you come.”
Is there anything else in this world?
*****
I leave the office an hour later having exacted a promise from Nicholas that he’ll be home in time for dinner tonight. I go to the deli on the way and buy a couple of steaks and some salad. I get the ingredients to make that potato bake I know he loves. I’ve looked it up on my phone and it looks easy, so I think I can manage it. I mean, it’s potato and cheese. It can’t be that hard. I wander the aisles of the deli buying little treats to eat. I tell myself they’re for Nicholas but I know I’m indulging my sweet tooth and we can share, right? I find myself humming in the line to the checkout and I think it’s nice being domesticated. Sure, Nicholas insists on retaining the cleaning woman he had before I moved in and now wants her to up her hours to include cooking and shopping but, hello, I am not totally incompetent. Though I have to admit I like the fact she does the vacuuming and cleans the bathroom. I never thought I’d be one to enjoy hired help but I am. And she comes once a week so I haven’t given up my domestic independence entirely. Not yet.
On my way home, I stop again at the baby shop. I muse for ages and finally pick out two cute little blue outfits. I toss around a few ideas for baby names in my head while I’m waiting for the girl to put the clothes in a carry bag, then I dawdle down the street to catch the four o’clock bus home, pondering how much my life has changed. Eight months ago, I was sharing a flat with Emily. I was dating Mason and stressing about getting a job. Now, I’m living with the man of my dreams. I’m having his baby. My mind turns briefly to Mum. I hope she’d be proud of me. I know I haven’t had the chance to use the degree I worked to hard to get but I haven’t given up on my dream. One day, when the baby is old enough, I’ll find a job and have the career I always wanted. It’s just, right now, things are different. They’re not going in the order I planned, but I’m learning to deal with that. I can still be the mistress of my own destiny. It’s simply the course that’s changed.
While I sit at the bus stop, watching the cars pass by, I think about Emily too. The last time we saw each other, at graduation, I could tell she wanted to be part of my life again, even if Alex was telling her she shouldn’t. I have so much I want to say, to share with her. I’m having a baby, for pete’s sake. Surely, she wants to be a part of that? Deciding to call her, I flip my phone out of my pocket and dial.
“Hello?”
What? Has she blocked me from her phone?
“Hi Em, it’s me. Sadie.”
There’s silence for a second.
“Oh hi. Sorry, I’m in the sun and I didn’t see the name on the screen.”
“Is now a bad time?”
“Um, no. I was about to peg a load of washing out. Hashtag boring.”
That sounds like my old Emily.
“How’s Alex?”
Hashtag awkward pause.
“He’s okay, I guess. He’s gone away on a business thingy for a few days. Some conference in Melbourne.”
“Sounds exciting.”
“I thought so too. I asked if I could tag along. You know, do some shopping, see a show or two while he was conferencing but he wasn’t keen on that idea. I think I get in his way.”
“Did you end up getting any interviews for those jobs you were after?” It’s a fair question. I haven’t spoken to her properly for eight months.
“Alex wasn’t keen. He wants me to stay home and be a full time housewife. He likes to tell everyone how he can afford to ‘keep’ me in the manner I’m accustomed to, whatever that is. It’s boring as hell sitting around here all day. I don’t know how women do it. I love getting my nails and hair done and going to the gym and out for lunches, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like I need a good slap in the head most days to bring me back to consciousness.”
Whoa. Step back a minute.
“Are you getting married?”
“Yeah. September.” She pauses and I can almost hear her brain ticking over. “I really wanted to ask you to be my bridesmaid but Alex wants me to have his sisters. They’re like these gnarly old spinsters who’ve never seen a penis, let alone had sex. Should make for an interesting hen’s night. I can’t imagine there’ll be any strippers or tequila shots.”
Sounds heinous.
“I didn’t expect you to ask me,” I reply. “Not after everything that happened. I can help you organise the hen party though if you want me to. You know how I love to organise.”
“You’d do that for me?”
“Of course I would. I can’t let my best friend have the hen’s night from hell. I think it’s against girl code or something.”
“But the sisters will chuck a mental.”
“And that’s going to stop you from having fun? It’s your night. You should have everything you ever dreamed of. All that tacky shit we can look back and laugh about, if that’s what you want.”
Emily’s voice is more excited now. “You’re right. It’s my hen’s night and if they don’t like it they can stay at home. You and I can go on a girls night alone. Besides, I’ve got months to talk their boney arses around. I’ll simply tell them you’re doing it. They’ll probably be relieved.”
“Are they really that bad?”
“The worst. If I so much as mention the word sex they get all het up. They tried to tell me my wardrobe’s provocative.”
“Are you kidding me?” I’d hardly call Emily’s all black ensembles provocative. Sultry and a little sexy sometimes but never slutty or provocative.
“I know, right. Those wicked sisters need a serious reality check. It almost makes me want to dress slutty to show them but that would upset Alex and I wouldn’t do that to him.”
I can’t help but smile. It’s so nice to hear Emily sounding sort of like her old self and nicer that she’s talking to me again. I was convinced our friendship was over. It doesn’t sound like Emily’s getting rid of Alex the control freak anytime soon though. Funny how a man that seemed so gorgeous in the beginning could turn the way he has. I don’t know if it will last but clearly Alex means more to her than any other boyfriend if she’s marrying him. Or maybe the promise of finally getting her house and babies is the draw card?
“Speaking of sex,” Emily continues. “Are you still banging the two hotties from heaven?”
I didn’t know we were speaking of sex.
“No, I’m not actually.”
“I knew you couldn’t sustain that level of intensity. You were so out of your league honey bubble. But I guess it was fun while it lasted, yeah?”
“It was. And if it weren’t for the fact that I’m pregnant it would never have ended.”
“Are you telling me those arseholes knocked you up and dumped you?” I can hear the anger in her voice. It’s good to know she still cares even if she pretends she doesn’t.
“No! No. It’s nothing like that. The three of us were in love, Em. I don’t expect you to understand that because I don’t understand it and I was living it. Anyway, long story, but I got pregnant with Nicholas’ baby and Joel decided that it’d be best if he backed out of the relationship to let us try to work things out. He went away somewhere. I haven’t heard from him in a couple of months. I miss him a lot but I still have Nicholas.”
“Heavy.”
“Majorly.”
“So you’re having a bubba?”
“It’s a boy. We found out earlier this week. I’m so excited. And Nicholas is being all cute and trying to look after me and stuff.”
“Awww. He always was a sweetie.”
“Hey Em?”
“Yup?”
“Do you reckon we could get together for a coffee before Alex comes home? I mean, I know he doesn’t want you hanging with me but you don’t have to tell him. I’ve missed you. I want you back. And we have so much to catch up on and so much to look forward to.”
“A baby and a wedding.”
“Exactly.”
“You know what?” she says.
“What?”
“I’m tired of him telling me what to do and when to do it. I love Alex but he’s not my freakin’ master. This is not some dirty movie where he gets to tie me up and lord it over me with his big long dick.”
Okay. Too much information there.
“So meet me next week. Say Tuesday?”
“The cafe in the park?”
“Fab. And Emily?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad we’re friends again.”
“Yeah, well you need me. Who’s gonna babysit for you if you don’t have cool Aunty Em?”
“Exactly.”
*****
I arrive home feeling buoyant from my conversation with Emily. I fling open the front door and head straight for Nicholas’ wireless music system. I’ve hooked my Spotify account up to it, much to his disgust, which means that at anytime of the day or night my phone is able to become the controller of music. I feel soooo in the mood for Beyoncé or Destiny’s Child so I download one of my saved playlists and happily dance and sing along that my body’s too bootylicious as I head toward the room that will become the nursery.
An unusual sight stops me dead in the doorway. It’s so unusual, in fact, it sucks the breath right out of me and I blink, blink, blink unable to believe my eyes. The painting of the room, a lovely shade of periwinkle blue and mint green, has been completed while I was out for the day. I expected that so I’m not surprised. I’m also not surprised by the antique dresser Nicholas and I bought the other weekend. It’s been sprayed white to match other furniture I intend to buy and there’s cute blue china knobs where the manky pine ones used to be. It looks adorable. What does astound me though, is the fact that the room is now filled with every other thing I could possibly imagine a baby would need— a gorgeous white wicker basinet (one we saw at the antique shop), a large armoire also in white, a cot already made with the most exquisite linen a baby would want (not that a baby would know) and a mobile in the shape of a merry-go-round hanging above it. It’s all the things I chose, all the snippets I stuck into my notebook for the baby. The curtains and blind I chose with the blue and green bunting have been hung at the window. And in the corner is the most gorgeous antique rocker. But the most amazing thing is the ceiling, filled with heart-shaped helium balloons in baby blue. It looks like the sky has exploded in our house. When did this happen? How did this happen?
Oh Nicholas.
I begin to cry. Tears slide down my cheeks and I try to blink them away but they’re too big, too fast. My eyes sting with the weight of them.
“Don’t you like it?” Behind me, a hand caresses my bottom. I pull it away and wrap it around me. Nicholas puts his chin on my shoulder. He kisses my tears and tilts my face to kiss my lips. “I was worried you’d go psycho. I know you wanted to do it all yourself.”
“Oh Nicholas.” I hug him tight and tighter.
“So I’m not in the bad books?”
“No! I… I love it but when did you have time to do this? How did you know what I wanted? It’s beyond my wildest dreams.”
“I have my ways.”
I eye him suspiciously. “You found my book, didn’t you?”
“I did and I couldn’t help myself. I love to see you happy, Sadie. And I haven’t done everything you wanted. I’ve left the accessories and wall art for you. And I didn’t bring home a pram or a carry seat for the car because I knew you’d go mental with the superstition stuff. I haven’t bought any clothes either.”
“Let me guess, because you know I have better fashion sense than you?”
He swivels me to face him and drops a kiss on my nose. “Don’t be a minx. Just tell me you like it and that I’m not a bastard for ruining your fun.”
“I love it… and you’re not a bastard but you did sort of ruin my fun. I’m not mad, though. I’m happy you want to do this for our baby.”
“I liked the booty dance by the way. Very sexy.” He gives me a wicked grin and I blush. My Beyoncé moves are not normally for general consumption. “I think you might be right.”
“About what?”
“You’re body is too bootylicious for me. You drive me wild, my little pregnant witch.”
I giggle. I can’t help it. He makes me. “You’re an idiot.”
“I know. But I’m you’re idiot.”
I gesture towards the room. “Thank you for making my dreams come true.”
“All of them?”
“Mostly. The rest are dreams only I can make happen.”
“It’s all I want to do Sadie… to make your dreams come true.” He disengages himself from my grasp and reaches into his trouser pocket. Suddenly, his face has gone over all serious like. That might be a crinkle of a frown between his perfect eyebrows. He raises his clenched fist toward my face and gazes at me.
Shit. Is Nicholas going to cry? What on earth is going on?
“Go on,” he says.
Slowly, I peel his fingers away. My heart is pounding like I’m about to have a heart attack. I hope this is good. “It can’t be the key to the front door.” I joke, because the tension is threatening to kill me. “You gave me one of those a while back.”
Nicholas’ fingers unravel. In his palm is a platinum ring with the most massive motherfucker of a diamond. I think my jaw is going to fall off my face. He holds it up between two fingers. “It’s the key to my heart.”
I swallow. This cannot be happening. It can’t. I’m dreaming. I know I am.
“Sadie Amelia Cooper. You are the air I breathe. You are my life, my everything. From the moment I saw you I felt a tugging in my chest where you took hold of my heart and ran away with it. I want to be your partner for life. Until death do us part. I want to give you your heart’s desire, if you’ll have me. Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”
Holy shitty, shit, shit. I am being proposed to by the most eligible bachelor in the city, possibly the country. This is insane. I’m so happy to be living with Nicholas and having his baby, I never considered he might want to make it official, but I guess he’s that kind of guy.
Lucky, I’m that kind of girl.
I take the ring from him and slide it on my finger. Somehow, amongst everything else he has managed to make it a perfect fit. “I’d like nothing more than to be your wife, Nicholas Clayton Lawson. Just don’t go springing any more of these surprises on me. You know I’m pregnant. I could go into early labour and we don’t want that happening.”
“Deal.” He pauses for a beat, his dark blue eyes gazing into mine with more intensity than I believed possible. “So you’ll marry me, spend the rest of our lives together?”
“Yes, yes, yes!” I laugh. I can’t stop laughing. I’m laughing so much I begin to cry again as Nicholas sweeps me into his arms and carries me to the sofa where he sits cuddling me to him.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“Fine. But you’re not the lightweight you used to be.”
I hit him with a cushion. “Nicholas! Way to spoil a moment.”
“Let me make it up to you.”
So he does.