I stood in my room before a full length mirror. Fuck Cora. I wasn’t moving Nick’s body anywhere. How could I have even mentioned that? What was I thinking? She’d latched onto it and I knew she wasn’t going to let it rest. My only hope was that I could wrap things up here quickly and get out before she started making funeral arrangements. I could only imagine who might attend this ceremony. Me, Cora, Ginny and her brother, Dr. Cooper? Four of us standing around in black in her family plot while Cora exercised her last bit of control over Nick’s life. She’d have to kill me first. I brushed my hair and pulled it back. I hadn’t seen Dylan since the day I wore his girlfriend’s shirt. Maybe he wanted it back for old time’s sake. And I felt like talking.
He opened the door, dressed in shorts and a gray T-shirt. He looked tired. “Bad timing?” I asked. I looked at my watch. It was almost nine at night. “Sorry, I didn’t realize it was so late.”
He motioned me in. “It’s been a long day, I was on my way to bed. I have an early meeting in the morning and then court at nine. What’s up?”
“Just wanted to bring your shirt back and to talk for a little bit, but I forget people have lives and I’ve interrupted yours. Here.” I handed him the shirt. “It’s not clean, you see Sunday is laundry day and I could’ve waited but I kind of wanted your company.”
He smiled at me. A weary smile. “You can sit down.”
I sat on the edge of the sofa a little uneasily. “You don’t look too good.”
He sat next to me. “Naaa. It’s just that my dad’s not the easiest person to work with, just dumped a case in my lap and..ah” he waved his hand, “Not important.”
“And what?”
He looked down. His trademark for not wanting to talk about something. “Meghan called.”
“Oh. Was she looking for her shirt? I can have it cleaned.” He continued to focus on the edge of the coffee table, saying nothing. “Sorry. I was trying to make a joke. What’d she want?”
“To talk.”
“I’m not going to be pushy and rude and ask nosey questions because I don’t have four glasses of wine in me.” I touched the sleeve of his shirt. “If you do decide you want to talk, you can always duck through the little gate and find me.” I was about to get up and leave.
“I just don’t understand women. I never will. You know, she was the one who ended it. I was willing to travel to Sacramento. I would’ve at least tried to make it work. That’s what I wanted. She was there and I would’ve killed to pack my shit up and move with her. Do you know what it’s like to be with someone who’s three thousand miles away? But I couldn’t go because of my family, putting pressure on me. Like I haven’t done enough.”
This was the first time I’d seen him angry. Everything was tight. His jaw was clenched, every muscle was rigid. “She was only out there maybe three months and I kind of had this feeling that things weren’t the same between us. I kept asking her and she kept saying things were fine. But it was in my gut, and it made me crazy.” He ran his hand through his hair.
“Then I can finally go out there, what does she say?” I shook my head. “She says, Maybe there’s a reason things worked out the way they did. Maybe you belong in Philadelphia and I belong here.” He was using a falsetto voice to imitate her. “And when I questioned her about exactly what that meant, she finally told me she met someone else. No, how did she put it? That she was starting to date someone else because she thought it was for the best. But it took an hour of conversation to get to that. If I hadn’t pushed the issue she would’ve given me some lame ass crap and let me go on thinking things were fine. And we were engaged. We had a date set and everything until she got that job offer.” I didn’t want to interrupt his story to interject anything, so I sat without saying a word.
“I figured she at least owed me an explanation.” I could see veins standing out in his neck. “So, I came back here and I just forced myself to get up and go to work everyday. All day, just to keep my mind occupied. I worked my ass off. ” His fists were clenched. “And you know what?”
“What?”
“After a few months it wasn’t so hard. It bothered me sometimes when I thought about it, but I was keeping busy, things were good at work, I was going out. I was seeing other people. And now she calls.”
“To say what?”
“Maybe we need to talk. Maybe we can work things out. Why don’t you come out for the weekend and we’ll go to San Francisco.”
I felt a little ball in my stomach that was twisting as he talked. “Is that what you want?”
“I don’t know.” He looked so stressed, like he was going to pop.
“Hey, take a walk with me? It’s nice out. Not too cold. Just put on jeans or something.”
“No, I think I’m going to go to bed.”
“You’ve just been going over this in your mind for hours haven’t you? You’re not going to sleep, you’re all wound up. So get dressed and we’ll go for long walk. I could use it too.”
He finally agreed and changed his clothes. We left the house and walked toward town. “So what are you going to do?” I asked.
“I’m going to ignore her for now. I need to cool off for a little while. But I have a feeling she’ll keep calling. That’s the way she is. She likes to get her way.”
“Don’t we all? You’re either going to have to go out there and see if you want to get back together or tell her to stop calling you. You know, she’s kind of presumptuous. She just assumes that you’re not seeing anyone. That would kind of piss me off.” He looked over at me with a funny expression on his face. “What? It would piss me off. Does she think you’re just sitting here, broken hearted waiting for her to change her mind?”
“I didn’t even think about it like that.”
“So how’d you end it on the phone?”
“I said I couldn’t talk about it. I was going to start screaming, and you can’t do that to Meghan.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “You know the more I think about it the madder it makes me.”
“And why can’t you scream at her? I mean if you have a legitimate reason?”
“That’s not allowed. She kind of has a way about her, contained. You just wouldn’t dare. That would be the end of the relationship.”
“S’probably why she’s not dating this new guy anymore. How can you go out with someone and not be able to tell them how you feel?”
“Oh, you can tell her, but it has to be calm and in what she calls a non-blaming manner.”
“Oh, please. And you managed to do this for how long?” We were ambling slowly going nowhere in particular. The air was cool and felt good on my face.
“Five years.”
‘And you didn’t put your fist through the wall a few times?”
He laughed, “No, that wasn’t allowed either.”
“Next time she calls, tell her, in a calm, non-blaming manner, of course, to leave you alone. I’m just saying that’s what I’d do.”
We were in the center of town and found a bench. I sat down and closed my eyes. Neither of us said anything for the longest time. But it was a comfortable silence.
“At least you can talk to her,” I said finally. “I’m so mad at Nick and it’s pointless. I have no outlet. But I know that when I die, if I see him, I’m going to punch him in the face. And it’s not going to be non-blaming.” Dylan laughed. “It’s not funny. Oh, and guess what?” I grabbed the sleeve of his jacket with my hand. “Cora wants to exhume his body and have him buried in her family plot. Have another ceremony.”
Dylan turned to me with an incredulous look on his face. “What?”
“Yeah, well, it was my own fault. I threw it out there, thinking that maybe he belongs next to his father and she ran with it. Saying that Nick is a Monroe and belongs in her family plot, not next to his father.”
“How’s she figure he’s more a Monroe than a Whitfield?”
I shrugged. “Who knows, all I know is that the idea got her so excited that she touched me with those cold lizard hands of hers. And then she starts talking about this ceremony. She’s not going to let it go. She’s probably making arrangements as we speak.”
“She can’t do anything without your approval.”
“I know. And I have no intention of giving it. And get this,” I hit his arm again. “In the middle of all this she refused to let my friend Samantha stay with her. She’s flying down from Portland next week. I thought she could stay in my room with me. But Cora said no.”
“Did you offer to trade Nick’s body for a room at her house?” He was laughing.
“No, and that’s disgusting. She’d probably dress him in those old clothes she’s been keeping and prop him up in bed.” It was such a terrible thought that I had to laugh. We stood and started walking again.
“Your friend can stay with me if you want,” he offered.
Something rumbled deep inside my head. “No. She can stay in a hotel.”
“I don’t mind. Maybe she can answer the phone when Meghan calls again, and it’ll solve everything.”
I ran it through my mind. “You wouldn’t mind the intrusion?”
“Intrusion? You’re at my door all the time as it is, how much more of an intrusion could it possibly be?”
“Ha ha.”
“At least this time you weren’t covered in dirt, leaves, gravel, briars or trying to climb fences. Or forcing me into that crummy car.” We’d walked all the way back to his house. I looked at my watch. We’d been gone almost an hour.
“Yeah, well. Next time maybe.”
“Is your friend anything like you?”
It was like he’d taken an arrow and hit me in the gut. “No. Nothing like me.”
“Because I can’t imagine two of you.”
“Let me get going. Go to bed.” I backed up. He watched me for a few minutes without saying anything. We were facing each other. He looked like he was going say or do something. “What?”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
He shrugged and walked back to his house.